Leaderboard

Had a dream that I was in some sort of waiting room and felt something under my eye. It was some sort of hard surface, so I kept scratching it until I managed to get a hold, and when I pulled it out it turned out to be an entire RAM stick that was buried under my eye. There was a lot of blood and when I looked into the mirror, I was blind of the left eye.

No one knows the pain of a poorly chosen username like I do, but they're basically my initials and I've used it forever, so I have stubbornly refused to change it. It's totally excusable that a lot of people giving "kayohgee" a quick glance wouldn't realize that it's just the letters K O and G phonetically spelled out and smashed together, but hearing people try to pronounce it has been my personal hell for as many years as I've used it. You'd think if you saw a consonant followed by "ay" the way you would say it would be consistent with similar English words starting with almost every conceivable consonant in the alphabet, like "day" or "fay" or "gay", "hay" or "jay" or "lay" or "may" or "nay" or "pay", or "ray" or "tay zonday" - but incredibly, the lone exception to this rule is the letter "k". In English, when you proceed the letters "ay" with "k", nine out of ten children on the internet agree that what you get is fucking "kai". You'd think if you saw a commonly used phrase like "oh gee" you would recognize that the "g" is soft, but apparently all you need to do is take a space out and it becomes impossible for approximately half of the human population to parse, leading to "gif" levels of disagreement and confusion about what kind of consonant it is and doubling the number of ways to butcher it. The "y" before "oh" apparently makes it even more incomprehensible because apparently everyone recently decided that you spell "yo" with an "h" on the end, because "yoh" is a thing that makes compete sense and there's no need to look for context clues when you see it in a larger word. I've heard Kah-yogi with both hard and soft "g"s, I've heard "Kai-o-hagee" with both, I've heard people almost get it right but fuck up the "g", and I'm frequently mistaken for a Pokemon because apparently somewhere down the line Nintendo decided that "Kyogre" needed to be a thing that exists. Apparently I'm the one who fucked up here though, because the letters I picked are perfectly selected and organized to confuse the human brain into garbled submission. It's the only explanation.

(Had this happen when I was foolish enough to say something in German at the Munich airport.)

3 quick character head doodles. Magic salesman with bubble top hat and infinite mustache, government man, and some random skank: