LordCOVID Monkey

Uh oh, oh no! The Annual Smissmas 2020 LordAIDS Monkey Extravaganza has been CANCELED due to the widespread outbreak of CORVID-19!

4 hours ago, Gyokuyoutama said:

 

 

 

He knows too much!

 

In all serious though, this would be pretty interesting to see on an actual server.  Screwing with the "stay together because you're a team" dynamic this much would at least lead to very different gameplay.  Though I suspect either sniper would become OP or everyone would just go on kamikaze melee runs.

It's fine, pubs would be completely unchanged and competitive would just mod out these changes. All is well with the world.

16 hours ago, TheOnlyGuyEver said:

"Corvid" heheh.

 

Anyways, sounds like it could rival Mannpower as its own mode. In what way? I will leave you to interpret.

Probably because Demoknight becomes fucking OP.

8 hours ago, Raison d'être said:

Mmmm, hand sanitizer dalokohs bar sounds delicious.

No. Soggy Sanitized Sandvich is better.

6 hours ago, hugthebed2 said:

How do you replenish your sanitizing agents?

You have to go to the grocery store and fight a bunch of people for it.

Greetings my SPUFFriends! It’s me, LordCOVID Monkey! I know I’ve been gone for a while, but believe me, I have a good reason. As we all know, there’s been a lot of craziness in the world, what with the pandemic, and I, a responsible citizen, have done my duty of social distancing. As a matter of fact, I socially distanced myself so far that I didn’t have an internet connection. Thankfully, I was able to upgrade to 5G, and now I’m able to come to you today to present an all new TF2 Halloween update idea! Wowie zowie, I sure can’t wait! 

A little disclaimer before we begin. I chose to pick the low hanging fruit for this year’s Halloween Update. What I mean, of course, is that we’ll be bringing the pandemic to TF2! Afterall, nothing is scarier than a widespread virus. (other than spiders) So let’s see how everyone’s favorite mercenaries handle the situation in this exciting new content. But as I always say, before the CONtent comes the CONtext!

^{_{Wowie, this update is going to be... sick!}}

Tl;dr version, the mercs all contract a deadly disease from a bunch of sick crows controlled by some plague doctor guy

Uh oh! Our favorite mercenaries have all gotten sick! This is a disastrous and most terrifying thing indeed. But it’s ok, because our mercenaries are HEROES and they’re also FIGHTERS, so they’ll be just fine. But their first order of business is to kick this crow guy’s ass. But who is this crow guy? Why, he’s the criminal master mind, Doctor CORVID-19. His evil goal is to use fear to keep everyone at home, so he can go out and about and use his army of crows to steal all the most valuable items in the world, such as diamonds and toilet paper, without any resistance!

Our exciting new game-mode takes us to a new map, plr_quarrytine, where our mercs must battle it out against the other team in order to deliver the new vaccine that the Medic has created (the payload cart) to the giant syringe (final capture zone) located on the other side of the map. The team who makes it to the end goal first wins the round and also a Nobel Peace Prize because they cured a whole pandemic.

Well, that sounds pretty boring and simple, doesn’t it? You’d be right, if it weren’t for all the wacky Halloweeny things you’d find in this map! The first, most obvious one is that every now and then, Doctor CORVID-19 will spawn, serving as this year’s Halloween boss. He’d have many devastating and deadly attacks that are sure to send the mercs social distancing to another server out of frustration! One such attack would be unleashing a swarm of crows that’ll peck you to death, another would be slapping you with his Infection Stick that’ll cause you to bleed to death unless you receive medical attention! One other attack to note would be throwing highly dangerous, highly explosive, and highly explosive VIRUS BOMBS! When he spawns, the payload carts will be halted and may not be moved again until he is defeated! But just when you think he’s finally be gone, he’ll come back in an even more deadly and infectious second wave! OH NO!

_{"I am about to social distance you mercenaries six feet down under!" -Doctor  CORVID-19}

He’s a real deadly boss, but even more deadly would be the universal changes we could expect to see in this update. Yes, all these changes I am about to list below will be applied to ALL EXISTING MAPS AND GAMEMODES! These are changes to encourage social distancing within the world of TF2 to encourage people in real life to be safe, because we all know that the mercs are very good influences!

 

And with an exciting new update, we can expect exciting new weapons, right? RIGHT! So let’s have a lookie at what we can expect.

And so, that’ll be it for today’s EXTRA SPOOKY Halloween update! I must apologize for it being later than I had hoped, but this monkey has been a busy-bee, and Halloween has snuck up on me like the mud-man from the scariest swamp! Anyway, that’s all! Have a happy Halloween, and I’ll see ya’ll next time. But until then, this is LordCOVID Monkey, signing out!

_{I couldn't find any pictures of sick crows... so just use your imagination, ok?}

10 hours ago, Gyokuyoutama said:

Let's hear it.

I wish I had something to say, because complaining is always entertaining, but the truth is that I don't really mind Steve in Smash these days! There's no denying how big Minecraft is, so it totally deserves to be represented in some way. The only thing I can really complain about is how I find him to be kind of an ugly character... and more importantly the fact that he isn't Poochy.

But truth be told, I'm looking forward to his inclusion much more than any of the DLC characters we've gotten so far. He looks pretty neat and is like, the only one who I really gave any rat's ass about at all before they were revealed, even if my thoughts on him were overall negative. Not that I don't like any of the other DLC dudes. They're cool too, I guess, and all brought a fun new universe and unique concepts to the table. Except Byleth.

(Also, totally unrelated but the reason I haven't posted in so long is because I forgot my password and was too damn lazy to try to recover it. I'll try and get around to posting more 100% real Smash leaks and soulless tier lists now that I'm back. And hopefully a spooky TF2 update sometime soon.)

Hello there, my beloved SPUFFriends! It’s me, LordLOVE Monkey! I’m just stoppin’ by to tell you all how much I love you! That’s right, love is in the air and I love each and every one of you! But that’s not all I have to say today! As you could probably guess by this post’s title, I’m here to post yet another thrilling TF2 Update Idea! The game may be dead, and as a matter of fact, I haven't played it for months. But that doesn't mean that I don't love TF2 still! So let's begin.

It may come as a surprise to absolutely nobody, but Miss Match the Mischievous Matchmaker was the mastermind behind this whole evil dating website thing! After losing her job in the previous Matchmaking Update, she's decided to start her own business. What an entrepreneur! And after all, it wouldn’t be a proper Valentine’s update without her! 

So now, RED and BLU are pitted to the death in an epic battle, and both teams are as bloodthirsty as ever, both fueled by the motivation of bringing Engie back! The new map would take place in The Matchmaker.com HQ. The new gamemode would basically be team death-match, but with a few twists. The first twist is that every time you kill an enemy, you must go and collect their soul. Once a soul is collected, you must verify it by bringing it to The Matchmaker who resides in her office. But in order to get into the Matchmaker’s office, you must first collect a key, which will appear randomly in one of 72 different hiding spots. (The map is really big, featuring hazards and features many hazards, such as sexy demons that will take all your souls away!)

But don’t worry, Merasmus will announce to the server when the key has appeared or moved, saying. “FooOOooLS! A KEY HAS APPEARED!” or “I AM MERASMUS! THE KING OF HALLOWEEN! THE KEY HAS MOVED!” or “BONUS DUCKS!” What you should worry about is the fact that Merasmus may choose to spawn in randomly, doing what he does best: Interrupting the flow of gameplay! The key cannot be collected when Merasmus is active, so it’s best just to kill him. But be warned: if you die while carrying a key, it will de-spawn and you will have to wait for it to come back after 5 minutes.

Once you open the door to the Matchmaker’s office, you must bring her your soul collection so that it can be verified. Each soul is worth 1 point, except Merasmus’s, which is worth 10. The verification process isn’t easy, however. Before the Matchmaker can verify the souls, you must first find her loupe. The loupe will appear randomly in one of 72 different hiding spots. The loupe will not appear until the Matchmaker’s office has been opened.

_{This stupid looking thing is a loupe, by the way.}

But don’t worry, Merasmus will announce to the server when the loupe has appeared or moved, saying. “MORTALS! THE LOUPE HAS APPEARED! GO AND GET IT!” or “OHH! THAT LOUPE HAS MOVED! FIND IT, OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!” or “BONUS DUCKS!” 

Once you have found the loupe, you can bring it to the Matchmaker. Verifying the soul is a tough task however, and the Matchmaker needs full concentration to do it. Therefore, it is your team’s duty to ensure that the other team does not enter her office. If they do, the Matchmaker will get spooked and drop the soul, and the loupe. Both break, meaning all your collected souls are lost, as is the loupe. Also, she forces your team out of the room and locks the door. This means you will have to find the key again, which will spawn in 1 of 72 hidden spots. But don’t worry, Merasmus still has your back, and will likely stab it if you’re not careful. In the end, whichever team with the most souls collected wins!

You probably realize by now that this gamemode is a bunch of shit. And the mercs realize that too. Therefore, if the game lasts more than 60 minutes, then they decide to stop putting up with the Matchmaker’s bullshit. At this point, they team up and decide that they’re gonna take her down. This initiates phase 2 of the gamemode! At this point, a truce between the two teams begins and the windows to the Matchmaker’s office can be broken. This means you can pop right in to shoot her! But upon shooting her, the Matchmaker becomes hostile, and this initiates phase 3 of the gamemode! A BOSS BATTLE!!?!? How unexpected!

The Matchmaker would have a variety of many dangerous attacks. One particularly devastating attack would be drawing you toward her with an alluring force, where she will then suck your soul out. She would also have many other attacks, including whipping you, stepping on you, and sitting on your face. Another notable attack would be her ability to toss bombs that will blast you to smithereens! She’d have many more attacks that would require team coordination to successfully avoid, such as sucking you off ‘till you explode. She'd have quite a bit of health, but don't worry! In order to take her down faster, a bomb will randomly spawn in 1 of 72 locations within the map! You can collect it and throw it at her to heavily damage her!

"If you wanted a good beating, all you had to do was ask." -The Matchmaker

After the Matchmaker is defeated, the game ends and the Engineer gets his soul back. You are awarded an achievement for your efforts! This achievement would give you a cool loupe you can wear like a monocle. Many more achievements will be available as well, such as winning the round without having to kill the Matchmaker. The prize for that one would be getting a free Unusual hat off your choice. But good luck winning it, because it'd be impossible.

With this update, we could also expect to see some cool new Valentine hats and weapons added, but I’m too lazy to come up with anything. Maybe you can come up with ‘em yourself. Maybe there can be a gun that shoots hearts or something?

And with a name like “The Definitive Matchmaking Update”, we can expect to see some updates to the official Matchmaking system! For instance, we can remove Mannpower from matchmaking, and, more importantly, we can have the ability to queue up with friends on different teams! Hooray!

Anywho, that’s all for today’s update. Happy Valentine’s Day, SPUFFriends! I’ll see you next time. While you bozos are out watching the Sonic the Hedgehog movie, I’ll be sitting in silence, contemplating the next great TF2 update idea! But until then, this is LordLOVE Monkey, signing out!

On 11/12/2018 at 3:58 PM, LordAIDS Monkey said:

 With all these awesome newcomers in the next game, how can Sakurai possibly top them off with something that’s sure to please everybody? The same way he did it in Smash 4, of course! Add another Fire Emblem character!

I just realized this, but this out of context quote totally proves that I'm an authentic leaker. Stay tuned for when I leak DLC 6-11!

They should add Poochy to Fire Emblem so he can get into Smash Bros.

     Ho-ho-howdy my good friends of SPUF! It’s the Smissmas Season, and you know what that means! It’s time for ol’ LordAIDS Monkelf to bring the world an all-new and all-exciting Smissmas Update Idea! This year I have an update that’s sure to be a bit of a downer, which is the opposite of what one might expect during the jolliest season of them all! Just what kind of wacky holiday nonsense will our favorite little mercenaries get themselves into? Let’s take a peek under the tree and find out in this Smissmas Backstory that’s sure to have icicle tears running down your face! 

_{By the time this Smissmas Tale is done, you'll be as sad as this guy here.}

The Year Without a Smissmas Dinosaur

     It was a regular day in the land of TF2. All the mercs were hanging out in the spawn room, discussing their plans for the holidays. “Huhuhu! This year, I don’t have many plans. I’m probably just gonna stay at my mom’s house and play with whatever cool toys the Smissmas Dinosaur gives me!”, declared the Scout.

     Engineer seemed surprised by the Scout’s statement. “Wait just a darn second, Scout you dumb piece of shit. Did you just say, ‘Smissmas Dinosaur’? Didn’t your momma ever tell ya’ that the Smissmas Dinosaur ain’t real?”

     “Huhuhu! Of course the Smissmas Dinosaur is real, pally! Afterall, we’ve met him plenty of times in the past! Remember the time when we helped him save Smissmas?”

     “Scout, that shit never happened. We ain’t never met the Smissmas Dinosaur ‘cause he ain’t real. Dinosaurs went extinct hundreds of years ago. Yup they done went extinct, just like my last bit of respect for you! HEHEHEH! Just kiddin’! I ain’t never respected you, Scout! Everyone hates you!”

     “But, Hardhat! I know he’s real!” Scout referred to the rest of his mercenary friends. “You guys remember, right? Huhuh.”

     None of the mercs knew what the fuck this dumbass was talking about. The Smissmas Dinosaur obviously didn’t exist and Scout was probably just high off of his Bonk!! “C’mon guys, quit messin’ around! It ain’t funny any more! The Smissmas Dinosaur is real and I’ll prove it. Pally’s, we’re going to the North Pole!”

     “You absolute moron, Scout! If it shuts your mouth up, then fine, we’ll go to the North Pole usin’ my Texan Teleportation Techno-Ma-Tron! It’s still a work in progress that could be catastrophic if it fails, but I’m willin’ to use it just this once! It’ll be worth it seein’ you cry like a damn baby when we prove that the Smissmas Dinosaur was just made up!”

     Engineer pulled the Texan Teleportation Techno-Ma-Tron out of his pocket, and typed in the secret coordinates, and the machine engulfed all the mercs in light, transporting them all to the North Pole.

     Scout looked around, and all he could see was snow. Snow and ice and whatever else is at the North Pole. What he didn’t see, however, was any sign of the Smissmas Dinosaur. Scout began to feel very sad, and started to cry. Right in front of all his friends. “Huhuhuwaaaaaah! I’m crying!” Scout was crying, and all the other mercs began to laugh. All the mercs except for Engineer that is!

     “BWAAAHAH! Boys! My Texan Teleportation Techno-Ma-Tron’s malfunctionin’! It ain’t workin’ no more! God dammit, we ain’t never gonna be able to get back home! EVER! THIS IS OUR HOME NOW!”

…

     Hours passed, and the mercs had all had time to let the grim situation settle in. Medic, using his knowledge of medicine and shit, determined that they’d all have about 8 more hours before they freeze to death.

     “Huhuhuhu...” Spoke a very cold and weak Scout, “If only there were some kind of Smissmas miracle that could get us out of this mess… if only… the Smissmas Dinosaur would rescue us…”

8 hours passed and the Smissmas Dinosaur never came to their rescue because he isn’t real. They all died. The End.

----------

     Now that the mercs are all dead and the Smissmas Dinosaur was proven to be NOT REAL, it would seem that there would not be a LordAIDS Monkelf TF2 Update this year! This is sad indeed, but I did warn you before hand so ya’ll can’t be mad at me. But could this be the end? Could it REALLY? Let’s find out in the Alternative Hollywood Ending!

     Scout awoke from a terrible nightmare. “Huhuhu! It was all just a dream! Time to look at some porn on the internet!” Scout got out of his bed and went over to his computer, and to his surprise, it had seemed his favorite game had updated! “Oh boy, I can’t wait to see the patch notes! HUHUHUHUH!” Scout clicked the link and read all about what had happened since he had last logged on. “Fuck me.”

I hope you enjoyed your TF2 Update this year, ‘cause I sure didn’t. But I guess that’s all I have for this year. Disappointing? Definitely. Less disappointing than a Valve Update? Probably not. Merry Smissmas! See you in 2020! But until then, this is LordAIDS Monkelf, signing out!

_{Wnat's this fucker doing here? He isn't real.}

52 minutes ago, TheOnlyGuyEver said:

The Lame Awards 2019

Kermit the Frog for Smash.

22 hours ago, TheOnlyGuyEver said:

Given the status of TF2 updates, I would gladly accept this at this point.

 

Also nice profile picture.

I would accept an update like this, even if TF2 was still in its heyday. 

Greetings, my most cherished SPUFFriends! It’s me, LordAIDS Monpkin! October’s coming to an end, which means that Halloween is creeping up on us like the Mud-Man from the depths of your worst nightmares! Now that we are officially in the Spooky Season, it’s time I bring the annual Halloween TF2 Update Idea that’s sure to make Valve’s update look like a bare-bones addition to our beloved game! 

Now, I’ve posted plenty bone-chillng update ideas in the past, full of things from the creepiest corners of possibility, including vampires, ghosts, snake-people, cursed puppets, and demons from Hell! But with all this scary shit, it becomes difficult to differentiate a thrilling Halloween update from a regular old update idea. (Only three of those five things were Halloween.) Which is why this year, I’ve brought it upon myself to make an update that is unmistakably Halloween-y! So without further adieu, let’s start this spooktakular off with a terrifying backstory!

This year I promise something most frightening... THE DEATH OF SCOUT! Read on!

THE TRICK-OR-TREAT UPDATE!

Quote

 

It was Halloween night, and the mercenaries were all sitting on their couch watching scary movies. The Scout, craving some sweets, stuck his hand into the candy bowl, taking the last bit. Engineer, being the asshole he was, scolded Scout for his insolence. “Scout, you absolute dumbass! Ya’ took the last piece of that there candy! Now we’re all out, and we can’t buy any more neither ‘cuz we don’t got no money! Our Halloween movie night is ruined and it’s all your fault. What’re we gonna do now Scout? Huh? What are we gonna do?”

 

“Huhuhu! Don’t despair, old pally! It’s Halloween night! Getting more candy is as easy as taking candy from a baby! Let’s go Trick-or-Treating! HUHUHUHUHU!”

 

“What in God's name are ya’ talking about? Trick or Treatin’? You stupid piece a shit. You tryin’ to embarrass yerself? Well quit it! You just lost my last bit of respect for you. Go to Hell, Scout!” Spoke Engineer.

 

“Huhuhu! There’s no shame in Trick- or-Treating. Let’s go, everyone! I’ve even got some cool costumes we can all wear!” Scout ran to his closet and pulled out a bunch of his old and crusty fur-suits.

 

The mercs were hesitant to go at first, but eventually were convinced after realizing that Trick-or-Treating was the most effective way to gather candy for the holiday. They all put on some of their old costumes from years past and took off into the night!

 

---

 

The mercs walked from house to house looking for sweets, but were very upset to find that every single house they visited seemed to be completely out of candy!

 

“Huhuhuhey! What gives? We’ve been out here for hours and we haven’t gotten a single piece of candy!” Scout was the most disappointed of all the mercs. Afterall, being a manchild, he was actually looking forward to Trick-or-Treating. The mercs, heads hung low, were all ready to go home for the night and have a candy-less movie night. But as they were walking home, they all took notice of a very peculiar house. One that they had not yet visited. Sniper, who was still a child at heart, was full of hope.

 

“Well look over there, wankahs! My candy-radar is goin’ off the fritz! I can sense a whole bunch’a candy over there in that house! CRIKEY! I sure can’t wait to get my piss-coated hands all over that sweet, sweet candy! C’mon, mates!” Sniper ran ahead to the door of the house, with Scout and the other mercs following suit. Upon reaching the door-step, the mercs realized this was no ordinary house. It gave off some super spooky vibes. But the mercs, desperate for some tricks and treats, ignored their fears and rang the doorbell..!

 

But nobody answered! Scout, feeling a rumbly in his tumbly, desperately rang it over and over. “Huhuhu! Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Open up and gimme some tasty sweets!” Unfortunately for the mercs, nobody seemed to be home. Scout began to cry because he was just so sad! The mercs turned around to head home, but as soon as they turned around, they heard the sound of a door creaking open. No one seemed to be there, however. It was as if the house was HAUNTED!?! (It’s a Halloween story, so of course it’s haunted.) Now, Scout had a great idea!

 

“Huhuh! Let’s break in and steal the candy!” A fantastic idea indeed, the mercs all agreed and entered the house. The house was awfully dark, that is, until a bunch of candles and Jack o' Lanterns within magically lit themselves, illuminating a bunch of candy that was just lying around all over the place! “We hit the candy jack-pot! C’mon pallys! Let’s grab some for the road!” Scout began stuffing his stupid face with chocolate, and ate all the candy before the mercs even had a chance! Scout ate so much, that he was full-to-bursting!

 

^{_{"Huhuh! I love candy!" -The Scout}}

 

At that moment, Medic had a brilliant idea! He ran up the Scout and bit into his fat arm. “Ze Scout… He tastes just like CANDY!” Medic pulled out his bonesaw so that he could cut up Scout and bottle his insides. Scout was swiftly gutted, and the other mercs, starved for the sweet taste of candy, all had a taste. Like cannibals, they all tore into his Scouty flesh. Scout pleaded for them to stop, but of the no one listened 'cause they were all eating him. Medic wasn’t wrong! Hooboy, Scout tasted good! But the mercenaries’ vore fest was cut short when a wicked cackle filled the air!

 

“KYEHEHEKYEH! You snuck into my home, that wasn’t nice! Now you mercs will all pay the price!” All of a sudden, a scary green cloud began swirling above them, accentuated with scary lightning flashes.

 

Engineer shouted in fear! “Watch out pardners! The Smissmas Dinosaur is here! We’re on the Naughty List for sure after eatin’ that damn Scout! WAAAH!”

 

But Engineer was wrong! It wasn’t the Smissmas Dinosaur at all, it was some other dork who speaks in rhyme! Afterall, this isn’t a Smissmas Update! All of a sudden, the green clouds materialized into a hideous green witch!

 

“BWAAAH! Look alive, boys! This vile woman is the one who done killed Scout!” Engineer looked over to the witch. “How could ya’? How could ya go and kill Scout?! We gotta avenge Scout, boys!”

 

“I say zat we hang ze witch!” shouted the Medic.

 

“No, worse! I decree that we shall BURN the witch!!” shouted Pyro.

 

The witch looked fearful, but then began to speak in rhymes once again. “Kill the Scout, I did not! For I had an even more wicked plot!”

 

And so the witch, began to explain her evil plot, as all good villains do. Of course, explaining an entire evil plot through the use of rhyme would be a very difficult thing to do, so I’ll just give you the important details… The witch’s evil plan was quite simple. She had quite the sweet-tooth, so she stole all the Halloween candy in the world! This witch certainly meant business! Of course, killing Scout was not her doing at all. Like all of the world’s greatest witches, she only serves as a scapegoat for people to blame for their own stupid actions!

 

But now that the Scout had eaten all the candy in the world, it seems the witch’s plans had been foiled. Well, being a crafty little witch, she came up with a newer and badder plan!

 

“Candy gone, I’ve nothing to do. Except throw you all in my Witch’s Brew!

My bubbling cauldron will indeed be handy, when I use it to turn you all into candy! KYEHEHEKYEH!”

Uh oh! This wicked and bickering witch bitch wants to turn our beloved mercenaries into Halloween candy? That’s certainly unforgivable! But even more unforgivable is that she totally killed our best friend and the hero of TF2, the Scout! Gee, I told you all this update would be scary, but not even I was expecting something so horrific as the demise of Scout. I suppose with the backstory outta the way, we better get right into the content!

The new map, titled “Witch’s Keep”, will take place in the witch’s haunted house. The map would be decorated with the usual Halloween decorations, such as spiders and Jack o Lanterns. With the map, we would be introduced an all new gamemode called Witch’s Brew! In this gamemode, RED and BLU would compete in order to collect ingredients that appear in various places across the map. But what are these “ingredients” that I speak of? Why, they’re nasty and vile things, such as eyeballs, frogs, and your internet history, that will be used to sabotage the witch’s brew of course!

These ingredients will spawn in a similar way to the way Halloween gifts used to spawn in years’ past. A notification will appear to the server, alerting that ingredients are about to spawn in a particular area of the map, such as in the witch’s kitchen or in her living room. For the next 30 seconds or so, a ghostly version of the ingredient will lay in wait, being unattainable. But after 30 seconds pass, the ingredient will become solid and can be grabbed by either team! Upon being grabbed, the ingredient will be magically transported to the cauldron, and a large sum of points will be given to the team who grabbed it. 

The whole server-wide present system may have been removed due to being unfun, but I’m sure that centering an entire update around it can only bring good things! But if you think I’m wrong, that’s ok because there’s even more to this gamemode than old bad mechanics! I’m also bringing in NEW bad mechanics! As we all know from the backstory, there isn’t any candy left in the whole-wide-world. So that means, there will be no health-kits in the map at all. But even more importantly, critical candy won’t spawn after defeating an enemy anymore! That’s fine though, because I have got an all new mechanic that’s sure to be a crowd pleaser!

_{Pictured: The general theming of the map. Not pictured: Scout's mutilated corpse, that would probably be lying somewhere.}

In this gamemode, whenever you die, no candy will appear. Instead however, you will become a ghoooooost! As a ghost, you will only be visible to team mates and the person who killed you. When you are a ghost, it is your duty to avoid being grabbed by the enemy! If you get captured, a point will be added to the enemy team’s score! After your respawn timer ends, you will respawn as normal, and your ghostly self will disappear. So, points can be earned from collecting ingredients and gathering ghosts. Once a certain point cap is reached, the victory is given to that team! Woohoo!

The most important aspect of this map, however, would be the most exciting boss battle! In this map, the mercenaries must face off against the Bickering Bitch herself! Fed up with the mercs sabotaging her brew, she’s decided to take matters into her own witchy hands and give the mercs a real good ass-whoopin’. She’d spawn in periodically over her cauldron (which happens to be the centerpiece of the map), and fly around from place to place casting a wild assortment of enchanted spells! This would include magical blasts, magical pulses, magical bursts, magical beams, and tossing highly explosive and magical pumpkin bombs that’ll be sure to roast you! She'd also have plenty more tricks (no treats, though) up her sleeve!

But her most dangerous attack of all would be her magical lasers. These lasers will result in an instant KO if you get hit. But not only that, they would turn you into a pile of candy upon death! The candy can be picked up by any player for crits, but they could also be picked up by the Bickering Bitch herself! If she picks up the candy, you’ll be in for a world of trouble! When the witch picks up candy, she’ll add it to her cauldron, which will fill her POWER METER!! Once her power meter reaches full. Her cauldron will burst, killing all players in the map, resulting in an instant loss for everybody in the server!

If and when the witch is defeated, she will burst into flames and points will be awarded to teams based on their respective damage dealt to her. You will also be awarded the all new achievements, “Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead!”, granting you a new witch broom melee weapon! But don’t celebrate too soon! She’ll respawn back into the map, as always, in a matter of minutes!

_{"You meddling mercs call that a fight? I hope you didn't expect to make it through the night!" -Trixie O. Treats, a.k.a., The Bickering Bitch}

Hooboy, with an exciting new map like that, we’d have ourselves a mighty satisfying TF2 Halloween Update! But satisfying isn’t enough in my eyes! We need a full fledged Halloween Spooktacular! So how’s about I bring to you all some terror-iffic cosmetic items!?

TERROR-IFFIC COSMETIC ITEMS!

There’d most definitely be plenty more shitty and spooky items in this update, but Halloween is drawing near, and I really felt the need to get this posted before it was too late! It’s already late as is, because Valve gave us their update first! Anyway, there’s your exciting Halloween Update for this year! I hope it gave you all the chills, and I hope you all have NIGHTMARES tonight about ghoulies and witches and twerking zombie Scouts. WooOOooOOoO scAAaaaAAry! Happy Halloween SPUFFriends! That's all for now, until next time, this is LordAIDS Monpkin, signing out!

30 minutes ago, Gyokuyoutama said:

Scream Fortress started.

 

There's a news entry about it in the game itself, but it doesn't appear anywhere on the TF2 site.

Fuck. Valve beat me to the punch this year.

Lord Valor should have a minion named Write who goes around saying, "The pen is mightier than the sword!" His ability is that he writes lemon fanfiction that makes you lose the will to live, making him impossible to defeat.

http://www.teamfortress.com/post.php?id=53025

A week later, Valve addressed the problem! I think it was handled excellently, but one question remains... I was too poor and lazy to benefit from the glitch, so where's my Halo hat for being a good person? Wah wah.

59 minutes ago, Raison d'être said:

They won't do anything other than make them untradable. Unique effects would make the only people who care (tradefags) even more pissed because they will never have them (and also making a new effect would be work).

But was it not the tradefags who abused this exploit the most? I mean, they're the ones with all the keys and the money to buy the glitched crates.

50 minutes ago, hugthebed2 said:

Personally I'm hoping they just give them a contraband-esque quality with a new unique but subtle unusual effect.

Introducing the new, "Shit-storm" effect!

It seems they pulled the plug on the item server. Fun's over.

1 minute ago, TheOnlyGuyEver said:

Funny how after years of metal hyperinflation we've finally hit the Crate Depression.

Fixed.

4 hours ago, Kraszu said:

RIP sad panda

First Hentai Haven, now this. Hentai is going the way of the dinosaurs. And that's ok with me, because dinosaurs are fucking rad.

4 hours ago, Raison d'être said:

At the moment opening any crate #1-18 or #82, #85, and #61 now will get you an unusual with 100% chance.

The trading community's biggest fear has come true!

Of course, I'm still too poor to take advantage of such a sweet deal. I don't really need the enemy focusing me anyways.

4 minutes ago, TheOnlyGuyEver said:

Some part of the first section were a bit unclear on the first go,

git gud.

And speaking of getting good, I need to git gud. I was only able to beat, like, three of your levels.

6 minutes ago, TheOnlyGuyEver said:

I think you might've made a typo; I can't find the ID.

Yeah, I just re-uploaded it to fix a few issues. I thought I had updated the OP, but I guess not. The real code is 

QSL-0B1-PFG

Here it is, my first and greatest Mario Maker level.

QSL-0B1-PFG

Basically, all you have to do is drive the Koopa Car and commit acts of domestic terrorism on the Koopa Community.

38 minutes ago, Expresate said:

That's really impressive, and I'm excited to see what you do in SMM2, but I have a more pressing question.

 

Why is your channel banner a bountiful harvest of fruits and vegetables? What are you hiding?

Rooty-toot toot, I like me some fruit.

27 minutes ago, TheOnlyGuyEver said:

It's definitely not suited for it, but it's not impossible. I played quite a few good ones in MM1, and with all the new sound effects and objects there's more potential for creepy scary stuff than ever. If you wanna check out my shit, my ID is WFX-PQ5-15G. I make many types of levels.

 

When you do get around to making something, I'd like to check it out! Also that boss fight is amazing and terrifying.

As for now, I don't have a whole lot of plans in mind for SMM2. I've never been great at platforming design, which is why I stuck to boss battles in LBP. But we'll just have to see. I'll probably come up with something dumb eventually.