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LordCOVID Monkey

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LordCOVID Monkey last won the day on November 3 2020

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About LordCOVID Monkey

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  • Birthday September 8

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  1. Greetings friends! Today I have yet another rankings list that must be shared with all of you! I know I’ve done Touhou rankings before, but at last I have completed an OFFICIAL RANKING FOR EVERY TOOHOO EVER! (Or at least the ones that matter.) Please bear in mind that, like everything I post, this list is FACT! So get cozy in your little chair, because this list is a real doozy!

     

     

     

    The Definitive Touhou Tier List! (Complete Version!!)

    (The Top 10 have wonderful art by me, LordAIDS Monkey!)

    Spoiler

    Dog Shit Tier

    These Toohoos are basically the worst of the worst. If you like any of them, then you need to find some better ones, because they sure ain’t here.

    Spoiler

    120. Evil Eye Sigma

    How the fuck did this Eldritch Abomination get in my Touhou!?

     

    119. Reimu Hakurei

    An absolutely despicable character. She goes around bullying innocent Toohoos, and doesn’t even apologize! She’s also a dirty cheater who rewrites the rules she can win. That’s not cool, Reimu!

     

    118. Yatsuhashi Tsukumo

    I finally figured out that she does, in fact, have a name! I still don’t like her, though.

     

    117. Suika Ibuki

    The pint-sized version of Yuugi. But unlike most pint-size things, Suika just doesn’t manage to be all that cute. I like to consider her the Scrappy Doo to Yuugi’s Scooby Doo.

     

    116. Okina Matara

    A pretty alright Toohoo, if I do say so myself! But then you realize that almost everything about her is a complete RIP-OFF of way cooler ones! Despicable!

     

    115. Hatate Himekaidou

    Basically Aya, but, like, a really lame version of Aya.

     

    114. The Three Mischievous Fairies

    These three can’t even manage to be memorable when they’re together in a group! Though, if I had to rate them individually, then I’d have to say that Sunny > Luna > Star.

     

    Trash Tier

    These Toohoos are pretty bad for a number of reasons, but it’s at least ok to pity them for how lame they are.

    Spoiler

    113. Seija Kijin

    Seija is one of those “love to hate” characters, so she deserves a really low place on this list. If it weren’t for her floppity powers, she’d probably be on top somewhere.

     

    112. Cirno

    I guess she’s kinda cute? I dunno, she’s kinda lackluster. But she sure tans nicely.

     

    111. Iku Nagae

    She’s got ribbons. But her theme song isn’t really all that great. One of the lamest around, I’d say!

     

    110. Chiyuri Kitashirakawa

    Her claim to fame? The dab. How pitiful!

     

    109. Sakuya Izayoi

    Totally a bad Touhou character. She’s awfully mean to Meiling (a far superior choice), and she also has a lame-ass meme relating to her. Get yourself a REAL meme, Sakuya!

     

    108. Kogasa Tatara

    Kogasa is truly a really great Toohoo, definitely one of my personal favorites. But... I put her here by mistake. I'm so sorry, Kogasa.

     

    107. Ringo

    I hate these damn rabbits.

     

    106. Tewi Inaba

    Seriously, I hate them.

     

    105. Seiran

    Why can’t these rabbits just go away?

     

    104. Nazrin

    She’s like Chen, if Chen were a dirty rat.

     

    103. Medicine Melancholy

    Still lives in her mother’s basement and plays with dolls. What a goddamn loser.

     

    102. Alice Margatroid

    Still lives in her mother’s basement and plays with herself. What a goddamn loser.

     

    101. Jo’on Yorigami

    The first time I saw her I thought she had a mole on her face, and I thought it was the most perfect thing. Needless to say, I was disappointed when I found out she didn’t have a mole.

     

    100. Satono Nishida

    I don’t even know what to say about her, that’s how little I care.

     

    99. Ran Yakumo

    If this were a hat tier list, she’d be high tier. But I don’t like cat girls, so she’s low a low tier.

     

    98. Flandre Scarlet

    Her theme isn’t even that great, guys! Plus, her fan-base is a rabid bunch of buffoons!

     

    97. Shizuha Aki

    I like her, I really do. The thing is, nobody else does.

     

    96. Captain Murasa

    Cruel, heartless bastard. Bullies nice Toohoos like Komachi and Futo.

     

    Moldy Bread Tier

    These Toohoos have a bunch of flaws, but unlike the other, lower tiers, they at least each have a redeeming quality or two.

    Spoiler

    95. The Watatsuki Sisters

    Unaffectionately known as the Moonbitches.

     

    94. Shion Yorigami

    Her sister is a billion times better than her. However, Jo’on placed lower because I’m still mad at her for not having a mole on her face.

     

    93. Sumireko Usami

    Well, I really like her theme song, but she doesn’t really stand out outside of that.

     

    92. Keine Kamishirawawa.

    Keine is an awfully frightening Toohoo. She’s supposed to be a were-cow or something, and that’s probably one of the most terrifying thoughts of all time! I guess you could say that she dreads the full moooon! Huhuh!


    91. Seiga Kaku

    Seiga is pretty much a dastardly villain of a Toohoo, and Touhou is no place for dastardly villains!

     

    90. Kisume

    She was cool until Shinmyoumaru came along. She stole her shtick of being a cute girl in a bowly thing, only Shinmyoumaru is waaaaay cooler!

     

    89. Nitori Kawashiro

    Fuck you, Nitori.


    88. Kanako Yasaka

    Not my snake god.

     

    PC-98 Tier

    These poor souls are all forgotten, but fear not, for ol’ AIDS Monkey remembered them!

    Spoiler

    87: Kana Anaberal

    She gives off creepy doll vibes, and I really don’t like creepy dolls. Probably the scariest thing ever next to spiders.

     

    86: Louise

    She looks kind of smug. Smugness is always a good thing to have, especially in the Land of Touhou!

     

    85: Kikuri

    Would have been a way better Toohoo if she was an Abraham Lincoln instead of... Whatever she’s supposed to be.

     

    84. Trump King

    Yikes.

     

    83: Ellen

    She’s kind of cute, I guess. It’s hard to tell because the PC-98 art is so bad. Even worse than the later art.

     

    82: Kotohime

    What a kooky and strange gal! She’s a-ok in my book!

     

    81: Socrates

    I may not like cat girls, but REGULAR cats are just fine!

     

    80: Mimi-Chan

    A rocket penis?! Sign me up!

     

    79: Mai

    What a strange Toohoo!

     

    78: Gengetsu

    A nasty gal.

     

    77: Mugetsu

    Another nasty gal.

     

    76. Konngara

    I don’t really know anything about these PC-98 fellas, but I do know that Konngara is a badass!

     

    75. Orange

    Damn. I wish my name was Orange.

     

    74. Elly

    I feel kind of bad for this little gal. Everyone knows her theme song, but no one stops to appreciate her. Well that’s all about to change, because I love Elly!

     

    73. Genjii

    Holy smokes! A turtle?!? Why did Reimu Bitch get rid of him?

     

    ?: Every other PC-98 Character (Who isn’t on this list)

    I just realized that, while I may have remembered these Toohoos, I don’t actually care about any of them, and neither should you! Therefore, they rest of them shall all trapped in Touhou Tier List Limbo, FOREVER!

     

    Forgettable Tier

    These Toohoos are all just plain forgettable. Also, if by any chance I forgot to put any characters on this list, just assume they fall in here somewhere.

    Spoiler

    72. Daiyousei

    Well, I guess she’s better than Cirno? Maybe?

     

    71. Sagume Kishin

    Of all the characters in this tier, she is by far the most deserving to be here. Other than her stage theme, she really has nothing special going for her!

     

    70. Rin Kaenbyou

    Subterranean Animism, by far the best Toohoo Adventure™  in both characters and music, throws this little curve-ball at us. Rin isn’t bad or anything, just severely outclassed by her peers!

     

    69. Mai Teireida

    Forget what I said about Sagume. This bitch is as forgettable as they come.

     

    68. Suwako Moriya

    This one is actually quite interesting. Suwako herself isn’t really a character, but rather an entity controlled by a mind-parasite hat that has plans of conquering Touhou-Land! So, yes, Suwako is forgettable, but her hat isn't so much.

     

    67. Momiji Inubashiri

    I say she’s forgettable, but she truly isn’t because she has a crazy high number of fans for some reason, despite her being some random idiot with no dialogue. So in reality, she should be forgettable.

     

    66. Benben Tsukumo

    I wish I could forget about her.

     

    65. Chen

    She’d be a lot lower if it weren’t for her wacky Chen memes.

     

    64. Soga no Tojiko

    Poor, poor Tojiko. Overshadowed by her way cooler Taoist buddies.

     

    63. Shou Toramaru

    I never understood why she was the Stage 5 boss of UFO, despite being probably the LAMEST of all the Buddhists’ scurvy crew. Also, what’s the point of her being a tiger if she isn’t really a tiger?

     

    62. Kyouko Kasodani

    She’s a better dog than Momiji could ever hope to be.

     

    61. Koakuma

    I don’t like Succubi anymore. Not since the last time I posted about them.

     

    60. Wriggle Nightbug

    One of the many variations of Insect-Girl. The male variant.

     

    59. Renko Usami

    Though she may be forgettable, she’s probably the most relateable Toohoo of all time! Some nerd with no talents or powers chasing some unobtainable fantasy? Sounds a lot like, well, everyone!

     

    Just-Below Acceptable Tier

    These Toohoos just aren’t quite good enough to make the cut for whatever reason. In my professional opinion, it is ok to like these ones as long as they aren’t your favorite.

    Spoiler

    58. Heida no Akyuu

    The most libelous Toohoo of all time. I’d hate her guts if she weren’t so cute.

     

    57. Remilia Scarlet

    While significantly better than her sister, she doesn’t quite hold up to the other Touhou characters!

     

    56. Patchouli Knowledge

    A sick nerd who reads books all day. It sounds lame on paper, but in practice she’s pretty badass!

     

    55. Toyosatomimi no Miko

    Miko used to be a totally awful character, sporting both a lame theme and lame design. But then… Hopeless Masquerade came along and gave her a BADASS remix and an even more BADASS cape. What’s not to love?

     

    54. Maribel Hearn

    Pros: Might be Yukari? Maybe? Cons: Totally a loser.

     

    53. Shinki

    She looks pretty evil, but she’s actually pretty nice, I guess. What a bizarre paradox of a Toohoo!

     

    52. Komachi Onozuka

    More like Komachichis.

     

    51. Narumi Yatadera

    She’s a RACIST STEREOTYPE of a Toohoo.

     

    50. Sanae Kochiya

    Green Reimu is best Reimu.

     

    49. Mamizou Futatsuiwa

    Dammit, Mamizou! You were so close to being acceptable, but your fighting game themes are pretty awful compared to your original theme!

     

    Acceptable Tier

    These Toohoos are nothing special, but now we’re at least finally reaching the Toohoos it’s ok to fawn over (or whatever it is you like to do to your Toohoos!)

    Spoiler

    48. Marisa Kirisame

    Fifty Bajillion times better than Reimu, and she still holds up quite nicely even when compared to other characters.

     

    47. Yuuka Kazami

    Yuuka is just a poor, misunderstood Toohoo. Aside from a few genocide remarks, I’m sure she’s super nice!

     

    46. Tokiko

    She’s cute.

     

    45. Eirin Yagokoro

    You’re not gonna get any mercy from the nursie.

     

    44. Eternity Larva

    I prefer calling her Etanity or Etarnity, because it, surprisingly, sounds less stupid.

     

    43. Reisen Udongein Inaba

    Of the hundreds of rabbit Toohoos, Reisen is the only one who actually amounts to anything. She’s got guns, for goodness sake!

     

    42. Nue Houjuu

    She’s pretty cute for someone who’s supposed to be feared by all!

     

    41. Aya Shameimaru

    Basically just Hatate, but only if Hatate were actually a likable character.

     

    40. Hata no Kokoro

    The mask gimmick is pretty cool, but the REAL reason she’s here is because her ass is a Jack-o’-Lantern!

     

    39. Aunn Komano

    So nice that even Reimu Bitch apologized after beating her up. That must mean that Aunn is a pretty damn awesome Toohoo!

     

    Cool Tier:

    Now we’re talking! All Toohoos beyond this point are all fantastic choices for a favorite!

    Spoiler

    38. Nemuno Sakata

    Nemuno is quite a history-maker of a Toohoo. Did you know that, at least according to my research, she is one of the first Toohoos to have CANON TITS? Gee whiz!

     

    37. Youmu Konpaku

    I like her pet spermy thing.

     

    36. Rinnosuke Morichika

    Some may argue that a man does not belong in Toohoo Land, but I disagree! He’s quite a handsome stud, and I’m sure that if every Toohoo ever wasn’t gay, they’d be all over him!

     

    35. Mystia Lorelei

    Mystia is a crafty little bird who sings songs to make you sick and sells you food promising it’ll cure you. A very wise business tactic indeed!

     

    34. Fujiwara no Mokou

    While Kaguya is miles better, Mokou is not without her strengths! For instance, she fights with FIRE! Which is way cooler than Kaguya’s lame powers.

     

    33. Yuugi Hoshiguma

    Yuugi isn’t all that cute, but she more than makes up for it with her BULGING MUSCLES! She can kick my ass anyday!

     

    32. Alice’s Dolls

    While Alice is busy playing with dolls/herself, these little dudes are actually getting shit done.

     

    31. Minoriko Aki

    While I like Shizuha, I must say that I love Minoriko! And if my calculations are correct, YOU love Minoriko too!

     

    30. Junko

    I don’t really know how Junko placed so high seeing as how she’s pretty mean. But she’s here, so I gotta think of something nice to say about her... I like Junko.

     

    29.Raiko Horikawa

    She was pretty much forgettable when it came to extra bosses, until this little gem came around! This solidified her as pretty much one of the best Toohoos around!

     

    Rumia Tier

    Rumia has special needs. One of which is having her own tier.

    Spoiler

    28. Rumia

    Rumia’s special to me, and she SHOULD be special to you!

     

    27. Yoshika Miyako

    Rumia was lonely in her own tier, so now she has a friend. Yoshika’s pretty cute for a zombie.

     

    26. Lily White

    They needed a tasty snack, too.

     

    Spectacular Tier

    These are the top-of-the-class Toohoos! Give these Toohoos lots of love. They deserve it.

    Spoiler

    25. The Prismriver Sisters

    When they are alone, they’re totally trash tier toohoos. But together, they become an unstoppable force! Their individual rankings are as follows: Merlin > Lunasa > Lyrica.

     

    24. Yamame Kurodani

    Spiders are, without a doubt, the most terrifying thing in existence. But combined with a magical girl, suddenly they become one of the greatest things of all time! (24th greatest, to be exact!)

     

    23. Hecatia Lapislazuli

    She has the dumbest name and design ever but I can’t help but love her for it.

     

    22. Kaguya Houraisan

    Other than being an irredeemable asshole, I don’t think there’s anything bad about Kaguya! She’s miles better than Mokou!

     

    21. Ichirin Kumoi

    She’s only here because of that cloud genie guy. She isn’t all to special without him, even when you consider the fact that she’s a nun.

     

    20. Shinmyoumaru Sukuna

    Shinmyoumaru takes the term “badass adorable” to a new extreme! She’s just so gosh darn cute.

     

    19. Shikieiki Yamaxanadu

    Shikieiki is the fair judge of Toohoo Land. She gets a lot of flak from fanon, but let me be the first to tell you that she isn’t deserving of any hate whatsoever! In fact, she deserves LOVE!

     

    18. Kagerou Imaizumi

    If Twilight has taught us anything, werewolves are cooler than vampires. Fuck you, Scarlet Sisters…!

     

    17. Sekibanki

    ...But nothing is cooler than a headless horseman…!

     

    16. Wakasagihime

    ...Except maybe a cute mermaid.

     

    15. Satori Komeiji

    She’s pretty cute and all, but I don’t want her to assault my mind with her mind rape powers. Also, her extra eyeball is awfully creepy, especially when it watches you get off to her.

     

    14. Hong Meiling

    Please stop Hong Meiling abuse. She’s just overworked, she isn’t lazy at all!

     

    13. Doremy Sweet

    The master of being cool, hip, and smug. Also doubles as a Santa Claus.

     

    12. Byakuren Hijiri

    Jiggle physics.

     

    11. Clownpiece

    Any character who’s good enough to be Donald Trump’s waifu is good enough to be my waifu.

     

    Supercool Tier

    These characters are so cool, that they all get some sweet artwork by yours truly! Woah!

    Spoiler

    10. Tenshi Hinanawi

    She has ten in her name, so she’s automatically ten. In fact, everything about her just screams "TEN!" Get it? Because she’s a loli now.

     

    9. Mima

    Maybe if she ranks highly she’ll come back some day.

     

    8. Letty Whiterock

    She’s fat, and that’s not a bad thing!

     

    7. Utsuho Reiuji

    She was a total team carry for me in Touhoumon. A real MVP of a Toohoo!

     

    6. Yukari Yakumo

    Yukari is basically the baddest bitch around, and she knows it! Way cooler than her stupid cats!

     

    5. Koishi Komeiji

    As the unofficial Koishi of SPUF, it’d be a shame if I put her any lower than this. But just believe me when I say that I wanted to put her lower than this.

     

    4. Mononobe no Futo

    The most radical Toohoo of them all. Probably likes pizza. Also has a disgusting amount of cute pictures of her on the internet, and I can’t seem to figure out why.

     

    Waifu Tier

    These ones are the best.

    Spoiler

    3. Yuyuko Saigyouji

    This Toohoo is quite a cute example of Ghost-Girl. She’s also not one to be trifled with, as she has the ability to kill you with a single thought! Yikes, I wouldn’t wanna have a run-in with her when she’s in a bad mood! As an added bonus, she has a nice pair of legs!

     

    2. Parsee Mizuhashi

    Guys, I am not kidding when I say that Parsee is the perfect Toohoo. She has two of the best songs in all of Touhou, and she has the silliest little scarf. And in spite of her grouchy attitude, her official art has the happiest face I ever did lay eyes on. She might have even been #1, but then she’d have no one to be jealous of. And being a creature of jealousy, she’d probably die.

     

    1. Hina Kagiyama

    Parsee may be perfect, but Hina is BEYOND perfect! Not only does she look stupid, but she also ACTS stupid with her constant spinning. Not to mention she has the cutest little face.

     

     

     

     

    And that concludes my Toohootacular Tier List! Y’know, I don’t wanna brag or anything, but I think my drawings are so stellar that I could make a couple million bucks in the hentai business! Anywho, if you happen to disagree with my list, you can file a complaint at www.idontgiveashit.com. Well, that’s all for today’s post! Remember to stay wild n’ wacky, my SPUFFY pals! I’ll see you all next time in whatever it is that my mind cooks up. But until then, this is LordAIDS Monkey signing out!

    1. Gyokuyoutama

      Gyokuyoutama

      Lol what a weeb.

    2. LordCOVID Monkey

      LordCOVID Monkey

      While that may be true, I did this list for the good of modern science!

    3. Expresate

      Expresate

      All touhous are shit tier.

       

      fite me

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