LordCOVID Monkey

Uh oh, oh no! The Annual Smissmas 2020 LordAIDS Monkey Extravaganza has been CANCELED due to the widespread outbreak of CORVID-19!

Uh oh, oh no! The Annual Smissmas 2020 LordAIDS Monkey Extravaganza has been CANCELED due to the widespread outbreak of CORVID-19!

Uh oh, oh no! The Annual Smissmas 2020 LordAIDS Monkey Extravaganza has been CANCELED due to the widespread outbreak of CORVID-19!

Greetings my SPUFFriends! It’s me, LordCOVID Monkey! I know I’ve been gone for a while, but believe me, I have a good reason. As we all know, there’s been a lot of craziness in the world, what with the pandemic, and I, a responsible citizen, have done my duty of social distancing. As a matter of fact, I socially distanced myself so far that I didn’t have an internet connection. Thankfully, I was able to upgrade to 5G, and now I’m able to come to you today to present an all new TF2 Halloween update idea! Wowie zowie, I sure can’t wait! 
 
A little disclaimer before we begin. I chose to pick the low hanging fruit for this year’s Halloween Update. What I mean, of course, is that we’ll be bringing the pandemic to TF2! Afterall, nothing is scarier than a widespread virus. (other than spiders) So let’s see how everyone’s favorite mercenaries handle the situation in this exciting new content. But as I always say, before the CONtent comes the CONtext!
 

Wowie, this update is going to be... sick!
 
 
Tl;dr version, the mercs all contract a deadly disease from a bunch of sick crows controlled by some plague doctor guy
 
Uh oh! Our favorite mercenaries have all gotten sick! This is a disastrous and most terrifying thing indeed. But it’s ok, because our mercenaries are HEROES and they’re also FIGHTERS, so they’ll be just fine. But their first order of business is to kick this crow guy’s ass. But who is this crow guy? Why, he’s the criminal master mind, Doctor CORVID-19. His evil goal is to use fear to keep everyone at home, so he can go out and about and use his army of crows to steal all the most valuable items in the world, such as diamonds and toilet paper, without any resistance!
 
Our exciting new game-mode takes us to a new map, plr_quarrytine, where our mercs must battle it out against the other team in order to deliver the new vaccine that the Medic has created (the payload cart) to the giant syringe (final capture zone) located on the other side of the map. The team who makes it to the end goal first wins the round and also a Nobel Peace Prize because they cured a whole pandemic.
 
Well, that sounds pretty boring and simple, doesn’t it? You’d be right, if it weren’t for all the wacky Halloweeny things you’d find in this map! The first, most obvious one is that every now and then, Doctor CORVID-19 will spawn, serving as this year’s Halloween boss. He’d have many devastating and deadly attacks that are sure to send the mercs social distancing to another server out of frustration! One such attack would be unleashing a swarm of crows that’ll peck you to death, another would be slapping you with his Infection Stick that’ll cause you to bleed to death unless you receive medical attention! One other attack to note would be throwing highly dangerous, highly explosive, and highly explosive VIRUS BOMBS! When he spawns, the payload carts will be halted and may not be moved again until he is defeated! But just when you think he’s finally be gone, he’ll come back in an even more deadly and infectious second wave! OH NO!
 

"I am about to social distance you mercenaries six feet down under!" -Doctor  CORVID-19
 
He’s a real deadly boss, but even more deadly would be the universal changes we could expect to see in this update. Yes, all these changes I am about to list below will be applied to ALL EXISTING MAPS AND GAMEMODES! These are changes to encourage social distancing within the world of TF2 to encourage people in real life to be safe, because we all know that the mercs are very good influences!

 
 
And with an exciting new update, we can expect exciting new weapons, right? RIGHT! So let’s have a lookie at what we can expect.
 
 
And so, that’ll be it for today’s EXTRA SPOOKY Halloween update! I must apologize for it being later than I had hoped, but this monkey has been a busy-bee, and Halloween has snuck up on me like the mud-man from the scariest swamp! Anyway, that’s all! Have a happy Halloween, and I’ll see ya’ll next time. But until then, this is LordCOVID Monkey, signing out!
 

I couldn't find any pictures of sick crows... so just use your imagination, ok?
 

Greetings my SPUFFriends! It’s me, LordCOVID Monkey! I know I’ve been gone for a while, but believe me, I have a good reason. As we all know, there’s been a lot of craziness in the world, what with the pandemic, and I, a responsible citizen, have done my duty of social distancing. As a matter of fact, I socially distanced myself so far that I didn’t have an internet connection. Thankfully, I was able to upgrade to 5G, and now I’m able to come to you today to present an all new TF2 Halloween update idea! Wowie zowie, I sure can’t wait! 
 
A little disclaimer before we begin. I chose to pick the low hanging fruit for this year’s Halloween Update. What I mean, of course, is that we’ll be bringing the pandemic to TF2! Afterall, nothing is scarier than a widespread virus. (other than spiders) So let’s see how everyone’s favorite mercenaries handle the situation in this exciting new content. But as I always say, before the CONtent comes the CONtext!
 

Wowie, this update is going to be... sick!
 
 
Tl;dr version, the mercs all contract a deadly disease from a bunch of sick crows controlled by some plague doctor guy
 
Uh oh! Our favorite mercenaries have all gotten sick! This is a disastrous and most terrifying thing indeed. But it’s ok, because our mercenaries are HEROES and they’re also FIGHTERS, so they’ll be just fine. But their first order of business is to kick this crow guy’s ass. But who is this crow guy? Why, he’s the criminal master mind, Doctor CORVID-19. His evil goal is to use fear to keep everyone at home, so he can go out and about and use his army of crows to steal all the most valuable items in the world, such as diamonds and toilet paper, without any resistance!
 
Our exciting new game-mode takes us to a new map, plr_quarrytine, where our mercs must battle it out against the other team in order to deliver the new vaccine that the Medic has created (the payload cart) to the giant syringe (final capture zone) located on the other side of the map. The team who makes it to the end goal first wins the round and also a Nobel Peace Prize because they cured a whole pandemic.
 
Well, that sounds pretty boring and simple, doesn’t it? You’d be right, if it weren’t for all the wacky Halloweeny things you’d find in this map! The first, most obvious one is that every now and then, Doctor CORVID-19 will spawn, serving as this year’s Halloween boss. He’d have many devastating and deadly attacks that are sure to send the mercs social distancing to another server out of frustration! One such attack would be unleashing a swarm of crows that’ll peck you to death, another would be slapping you with his Infection Stick that’ll cause you to bleed to death unless you receive medical attention! One other attack to note would be throwing highly dangerous, highly explosive, and highly explosive VIRUS BOMBS! When he spawns, the payload carts will be halted and may not be moved again until he is defeated! But just when you think he’s finally be gone, he’ll come back in an even more deadly and infectious second wave! OH NO!
 

"I am about to social distance you mercenaries six feet down under!" -Doctor  CORVID-19
 
He’s a real deadly boss, but even more deadly would be the universal changes we could expect to see in this update. Yes, all these changes I am about to list below will be applied to ALL EXISTING MAPS AND GAMEMODES! These are changes to encourage social distancing within the world of TF2 to encourage people in real life to be safe, because we all know that the mercs are very good influences!

 
 
And with an exciting new update, we can expect exciting new weapons, right? RIGHT! So let’s have a lookie at what we can expect.
 
 
And so, that’ll be it for today’s EXTRA SPOOKY Halloween update! I must apologize for it being later than I had hoped, but this monkey has been a busy-bee, and Halloween has snuck up on me like the mud-man from the scariest swamp! Anyway, that’s all! Have a happy Halloween, and I’ll see ya’ll next time. But until then, this is LordCOVID Monkey, signing out!
 

I couldn't find any pictures of sick crows... so just use your imagination, ok?
 

I wish I had something to say, because complaining is always entertaining, but the truth is that I don't really mind Steve in Smash these days! There's no denying how big Minecraft is, so it totally deserves to be represented in some way. The only thing I can really complain about is how I find him to be kind of an ugly character... and more importantly the fact that he isn't Poochy.
 
But truth be told, I'm looking forward to his inclusion much more than any of the DLC characters we've gotten so far. He looks pretty neat and is like, the only one who I really gave any rat's ass about at all before they were revealed, even if my thoughts on him were overall negative. Not that I don't like any of the other DLC dudes. They're cool too, I guess, and all brought a fun new universe and unique concepts to the table. Except Byleth.
 
(Also, totally unrelated but the reason I haven't posted in so long is because I forgot my password and was too damn lazy to try to recover it. I'll try and get around to posting more 100% real Smash leaks and soulless tier lists now that I'm back. And hopefully a spooky TF2 update sometime soon.)

I wish I had something to say, because complaining is always entertaining, but the truth is that I don't really mind Steve in Smash these days! There's no denying how big Minecraft is, so it totally deserves to be represented in some way. The only thing I can really complain about is how I find him to be kind of an ugly character... and more importantly the fact that he isn't Poochy.
 
But truth be told, I'm looking forward to his inclusion much more than any of the DLC characters we've gotten so far. He looks pretty neat and is like, the only one who I really gave any rat's ass about at all before they were revealed, even if my thoughts on him were overall negative. Not that I don't like any of the other DLC dudes. They're cool too, I guess, and all brought a fun new universe and unique concepts to the table. Except Byleth.
 
(Also, totally unrelated but the reason I haven't posted in so long is because I forgot my password and was too damn lazy to try to recover it. I'll try and get around to posting more 100% real Smash leaks and soulless tier lists now that I'm back. And hopefully a spooky TF2 update sometime soon.)

Hello there, my beloved SPUFFriends! It’s me, LordLOVE Monkey! I’m just stoppin’ by to tell you all how much I love you! That’s right, love is in the air and I love each and every one of you! But that’s not all I have to say today! As you could probably guess by this post’s title, I’m here to post yet another thrilling TF2 Update Idea! The game may be dead, and as a matter of fact, I haven't played it for months. But that doesn't mean that I don't love TF2 still! So let's begin.
 
 
It may come as a surprise to absolutely nobody, but Miss Match the Mischievous Matchmaker was the mastermind behind this whole evil dating website thing! After losing her job in the previous Matchmaking Update, she's decided to start her own business. What an entrepreneur! And after all, it wouldn’t be a proper Valentine’s update without her! 
 
So now, RED and BLU are pitted to the death in an epic battle, and both teams are as bloodthirsty as ever, both fueled by the motivation of bringing Engie back! The new map would take place in The Matchmaker.com HQ. The new gamemode would basically be team death-match, but with a few twists. The first twist is that every time you kill an enemy, you must go and collect their soul. Once a soul is collected, you must verify it by bringing it to The Matchmaker who resides in her office. But in order to get into the Matchmaker’s office, you must first collect a key, which will appear randomly in one of 72 different hiding spots. (The map is really big, featuring hazards and features many hazards, such as sexy demons that will take all your souls away!)
 
But don’t worry, Merasmus will announce to the server when the key has appeared or moved, saying. “FooOOooLS! A KEY HAS APPEARED!” or “I AM MERASMUS! THE KING OF HALLOWEEN! THE KEY HAS MOVED!” or “BONUS DUCKS!” What you should worry about is the fact that Merasmus may choose to spawn in randomly, doing what he does best: Interrupting the flow of gameplay! The key cannot be collected when Merasmus is active, so it’s best just to kill him. But be warned: if you die while carrying a key, it will de-spawn and you will have to wait for it to come back after 5 minutes.
 
Once you open the door to the Matchmaker’s office, you must bring her your soul collection so that it can be verified. Each soul is worth 1 point, except Merasmus’s, which is worth 10. The verification process isn’t easy, however. Before the Matchmaker can verify the souls, you must first find her loupe. The loupe will appear randomly in one of 72 different hiding spots. The loupe will not appear until the Matchmaker’s office has been opened.
 

This stupid looking thing is a loupe, by the way.
 
But don’t worry, Merasmus will announce to the server when the loupe has appeared or moved, saying. “MORTALS! THE LOUPE HAS APPEARED! GO AND GET IT!” or “OHH! THAT LOUPE HAS MOVED! FIND IT, OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!” or “BONUS DUCKS!” 
 
Once you have found the loupe, you can bring it to the Matchmaker. Verifying the soul is a tough task however, and the Matchmaker needs full concentration to do it. Therefore, it is your team’s duty to ensure that the other team does not enter her office. If they do, the Matchmaker will get spooked and drop the soul, and the loupe. Both break, meaning all your collected souls are lost, as is the loupe. Also, she forces your team out of the room and locks the door. This means you will have to find the key again, which will spawn in 1 of 72 hidden spots. But don’t worry, Merasmus still has your back, and will likely stab it if you’re not careful. In the end, whichever team with the most souls collected wins!
 
You probably realize by now that this gamemode is a bunch of shit. And the mercs realize that too. Therefore, if the game lasts more than 60 minutes, then they decide to stop putting up with the Matchmaker’s bullshit. At this point, they team up and decide that they’re gonna take her down. This initiates phase 2 of the gamemode! At this point, a truce between the two teams begins and the windows to the Matchmaker’s office can be broken. This means you can pop right in to shoot her! But upon shooting her, the Matchmaker becomes hostile, and this initiates phase 3 of the gamemode! A BOSS BATTLE!!?!? How unexpected!
 
The Matchmaker would have a variety of many dangerous attacks. One particularly devastating attack would be drawing you toward her with an alluring force, where she will then suck your soul out. She would also have many other attacks, including whipping you, stepping on you, and sitting on your face. Another notable attack would be her ability to toss bombs that will blast you to smithereens! She’d have many more attacks that would require team coordination to successfully avoid, such as sucking you off ‘till you explode. She'd have quite a bit of health, but don't worry! In order to take her down faster, a bomb will randomly spawn in 1 of 72 locations within the map! You can collect it and throw it at her to heavily damage her!
 

"If you wanted a good beating, all you had to do was ask." -The Matchmaker
 
After the Matchmaker is defeated, the game ends and the Engineer gets his soul back. You are awarded an achievement for your efforts! This achievement would give you a cool loupe you can wear like a monocle. Many more achievements will be available as well, such as winning the round without having to kill the Matchmaker. The prize for that one would be getting a free Unusual hat off your choice. But good luck winning it, because it'd be impossible.
 
With this update, we could also expect to see some cool new Valentine hats and weapons added, but I’m too lazy to come up with anything. Maybe you can come up with ‘em yourself. Maybe there can be a gun that shoots hearts or something?
 
And with a name like “The Definitive Matchmaking Update”, we can expect to see some updates to the official Matchmaking system! For instance, we can remove Mannpower from matchmaking, and, more importantly, we can have the ability to queue up with friends on different teams! Hooray!
 
Anywho, that’s all for today’s update. Happy Valentine’s Day, SPUFFriends! I’ll see you next time. While you bozos are out watching the Sonic the Hedgehog movie, I’ll be sitting in silence, contemplating the next great TF2 update idea! But until then, this is LordLOVE Monkey, signing out!

I just realized this, but this out of context quote totally proves that I'm an authentic leaker. Stay tuned for when I leak DLC 6-11!

Ho-ho-howdy my good friends of SPUF! It’s the Smissmas Season, and you know what that means! It’s time for ol’ LordAIDS Monkelf to bring the world an all-new and all-exciting Smissmas Update Idea! This year I have an update that’s sure to be a bit of a downer, which is the opposite of what one might expect during the jolliest season of them all! Just what kind of wacky holiday nonsense will our favorite little mercenaries get themselves into? Let’s take a peek under the tree and find out in this Smissmas Backstory that’s sure to have icicle tears running down your face! 
 

By the time this Smissmas Tale is done, you'll be as sad as this guy here.
 
The Year Without a Smissmas Dinosaur
 
     It was a regular day in the land of TF2. All the mercs were hanging out in the spawn room, discussing their plans for the holidays. “Huhuhu! This year, I don’t have many plans. I’m probably just gonna stay at my mom’s house and play with whatever cool toys the Smissmas Dinosaur gives me!”, declared the Scout.
     
     Engineer seemed surprised by the Scout’s statement. “Wait just a darn second, Scout you dumb piece of shit. Did you just say, ‘Smissmas Dinosaur’? Didn’t your momma ever tell ya’ that the Smissmas Dinosaur ain’t real?”
     
     “Huhuhu! Of course the Smissmas Dinosaur is real, pally! Afterall, we’ve met him plenty of times in the past! Remember the time when we helped him save Smissmas?”
 
     “Scout, that shit never happened. We ain’t never met the Smissmas Dinosaur ‘cause he ain’t real. Dinosaurs went extinct hundreds of years ago. Yup they done went extinct, just like my last bit of respect for you! HEHEHEH! Just kiddin’! I ain’t never respected you, Scout! Everyone hates you!”
 
     “But, Hardhat! I know he’s real!” Scout referred to the rest of his mercenary friends. “You guys remember, right? Huhuh.”
     
     None of the mercs knew what the fuck this dumbass was talking about. The Smissmas Dinosaur obviously didn’t exist and Scout was probably just high off of his Bonk!! “C’mon guys, quit messin’ around! It ain’t funny any more! The Smissmas Dinosaur is real and I’ll prove it. Pally’s, we’re going to the North Pole!”
 
     “You absolute moron, Scout! If it shuts your mouth up, then fine, we’ll go to the North Pole usin’ my Texan Teleportation Techno-Ma-Tron! It’s still a work in progress that could be catastrophic if it fails, but I’m willin’ to use it just this once! It’ll be worth it seein’ you cry like a damn baby when we prove that the Smissmas Dinosaur was just made up!”
 
     Engineer pulled the Texan Teleportation Techno-Ma-Tron out of his pocket, and typed in the secret coordinates, and the machine engulfed all the mercs in light, transporting them all to the North Pole.
 
     Scout looked around, and all he could see was snow. Snow and ice and whatever else is at the North Pole. What he didn’t see, however, was any sign of the Smissmas Dinosaur. Scout began to feel very sad, and started to cry. Right in front of all his friends. “Huhuhuwaaaaaah! I’m crying!” Scout was crying, and all the other mercs began to laugh. All the mercs except for Engineer that is!
 
     “BWAAAHAH! Boys! My Texan Teleportation Techno-Ma-Tron’s malfunctionin’! It ain’t workin’ no more! God dammit, we ain’t never gonna be able to get back home! EVER! THIS IS OUR HOME NOW!”
 
…
 
     Hours passed, and the mercs had all had time to let the grim situation settle in. Medic, using his knowledge of medicine and shit, determined that they’d all have about 8 more hours before they freeze to death.
 
     “Huhuhuhu...” Spoke a very cold and weak Scout, “If only there were some kind of Smissmas miracle that could get us out of this mess… if only… the Smissmas Dinosaur would rescue us…”
8 hours passed and the Smissmas Dinosaur never came to their rescue because he isn’t real. They all died. The End.
 
----------
 
     Now that the mercs are all dead and the Smissmas Dinosaur was proven to be NOT REAL, it would seem that there would not be a LordAIDS Monkelf TF2 Update this year! This is sad indeed, but I did warn you before hand so ya’ll can’t be mad at me. But could this be the end? Could it REALLY? Let’s find out in the Alternative Hollywood Ending!
 
     Scout awoke from a terrible nightmare. “Huhuhu! It was all just a dream! Time to look at some porn on the internet!” Scout got out of his bed and went over to his computer, and to his surprise, it had seemed his favorite game had updated! “Oh boy, I can’t wait to see the patch notes! HUHUHUHUH!” Scout clicked the link and read all about what had happened since he had last logged on. “Fuck me.”
 
I hope you enjoyed your TF2 Update this year, ‘cause I sure didn’t. But I guess that’s all I have for this year. Disappointing? Definitely. Less disappointing than a Valve Update? Probably not. Merry Smissmas! See you in 2020! But until then, this is LordAIDS Monkelf, signing out!
 

Wnat's this fucker doing here? He isn't real.

Alright, I'm at my new house and everything is moved in now, I just have to unpack more stuff tomorrow. But boy, who knew uprooting your whole existence could be so much work? The house itself is nice though and the sun moves in a way across it that I'm really pleased with. This is actually the first time I've lived outside my hometown; this new town is like 30-40 minutes away for there. I also attended my neighbor's funeral earlier in the day before I moved, so I got to say hi and goodbye to all the familiar faces of the area one more time before I moved. This place isn't completely unknown to me cause my aunt and uncle live around here, but I don't exactly know the area. This house is near the historic downtown, and I've been there before, and it's pretty neat, with plenty of stuff to do. The thing I'm most bummed out about though is that hanging out with my brother won't be as easy as "hey wanna come over?" anymore. But, there is apparently a station nearby for the Sunrail, which is one of Florida's only two major public transit railways (I think the other one is around Miami), so maybe that could be useful if we wanted to hang out.

Jeez, and I was mulling over an Planetside conversion hack for Ops and Tactics. 
 
I don't know how you could do it without taking liberties with classes tbh. I do like the idea of Scout being a halfling though, the mental image makes me laugh.

Wasnt it that one really pretentious hipster "rpg" with bizarre and really slow battle system with an obvious self insert of the creator, that actually based the story on that bizarre thing of the woman who killed herself after being followed by something in an elevator?
 
(After checking) Yeah, it was.
 
And for something completely unrelated, a famous local show host suddenly died. He feel from his attic while fixing something and fucking died.
Sudden deaths of known people always surprises me, unlike from old age like Stan Lee or deceases like Hawking.  But nope, alive one minute, dead on the next.
Death really comes to all.

Given the status of TF2 updates, I would gladly accept this at this point.
 
Also nice profile picture.

Greetings, my most cherished SPUFFriends! It’s me, LordAIDS Monpkin! October’s coming to an end, which means that Halloween is creeping up on us like the Mud-Man from the depths of your worst nightmares! Now that we are officially in the Spooky Season, it’s time I bring the annual Halloween TF2 Update Idea that’s sure to make Valve’s update look like a bare-bones addition to our beloved game! 
 
Now, I’ve posted plenty bone-chillng update ideas in the past, full of things from the creepiest corners of possibility, including vampires, ghosts, snake-people, cursed puppets, and demons from Hell! But with all this scary shit, it becomes difficult to differentiate a thrilling Halloween update from a regular old update idea. (Only three of those five things were Halloween.) Which is why this year, I’ve brought it upon myself to make an update that is unmistakably Halloween-y! So without further adieu, let’s start this spooktakular off with a terrifying backstory!
 

This year I promise something most frightening... THE DEATH OF SCOUT! Read on!
 
THE TRICK-OR-TREAT UPDATE!
 
 
Uh oh! This wicked and bickering witch bitch wants to turn our beloved mercenaries into Halloween candy? That’s certainly unforgivable! But even more unforgivable is that she totally killed our best friend and the hero of TF2, the Scout! Gee, I told you all this update would be scary, but not even I was expecting something so horrific as the demise of Scout. I suppose with the backstory outta the way, we better get right into the content!
 
The new map, titled “Witch’s Keep”, will take place in the witch’s haunted house. The map would be decorated with the usual Halloween decorations, such as spiders and Jack o Lanterns. With the map, we would be introduced an all new gamemode called Witch’s Brew! In this gamemode, RED and BLU would compete in order to collect ingredients that appear in various places across the map. But what are these “ingredients” that I speak of? Why, they’re nasty and vile things, such as eyeballs, frogs, and your internet history, that will be used to sabotage the witch’s brew of course!
 
These ingredients will spawn in a similar way to the way Halloween gifts used to spawn in years’ past. A notification will appear to the server, alerting that ingredients are about to spawn in a particular area of the map, such as in the witch’s kitchen or in her living room. For the next 30 seconds or so, a ghostly version of the ingredient will lay in wait, being unattainable. But after 30 seconds pass, the ingredient will become solid and can be grabbed by either team! Upon being grabbed, the ingredient will be magically transported to the cauldron, and a large sum of points will be given to the team who grabbed it. 
 
The whole server-wide present system may have been removed due to being unfun, but I’m sure that centering an entire update around it can only bring good things! But if you think I’m wrong, that’s ok because there’s even more to this gamemode than old bad mechanics! I’m also bringing in NEW bad mechanics! As we all know from the backstory, there isn’t any candy left in the whole-wide-world. So that means, there will be no health-kits in the map at all. But even more importantly, critical candy won’t spawn after defeating an enemy anymore! That’s fine though, because I have got an all new mechanic that’s sure to be a crowd pleaser!
 
 

Pictured: The general theming of the map. Not pictured: Scout's mutilated corpse, that would probably be lying somewhere.
 
In this gamemode, whenever you die, no candy will appear. Instead however, you will become a ghoooooost! As a ghost, you will only be visible to team mates and the person who killed you. When you are a ghost, it is your duty to avoid being grabbed by the enemy! If you get captured, a point will be added to the enemy team’s score! After your respawn timer ends, you will respawn as normal, and your ghostly self will disappear. So, points can be earned from collecting ingredients and gathering ghosts. Once a certain point cap is reached, the victory is given to that team! Woohoo!
 
The most important aspect of this map, however, would be the most exciting boss battle! In this map, the mercenaries must face off against the Bickering Bitch herself! Fed up with the mercs sabotaging her brew, she’s decided to take matters into her own witchy hands and give the mercs a real good ass-whoopin’. She’d spawn in periodically over her cauldron (which happens to be the centerpiece of the map), and fly around from place to place casting a wild assortment of enchanted spells! This would include magical blasts, magical pulses, magical bursts, magical beams, and tossing highly explosive and magical pumpkin bombs that’ll be sure to roast you! She'd also have plenty more tricks (no treats, though) up her sleeve!
 
But her most dangerous attack of all would be her magical lasers. These lasers will result in an instant KO if you get hit. But not only that, they would turn you into a pile of candy upon death! The candy can be picked up by any player for crits, but they could also be picked up by the Bickering Bitch herself! If she picks up the candy, you’ll be in for a world of trouble! When the witch picks up candy, she’ll add it to her cauldron, which will fill her POWER METER!! Once her power meter reaches full. Her cauldron will burst, killing all players in the map, resulting in an instant loss for everybody in the server!
 
If and when the witch is defeated, she will burst into flames and points will be awarded to teams based on their respective damage dealt to her. You will also be awarded the all new achievements, “Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead!”, granting you a new witch broom melee weapon! But don’t celebrate too soon! She’ll respawn back into the map, as always, in a matter of minutes!
 

"You meddling mercs call that a fight? I hope you didn't expect to make it through the night!" -Trixie O. Treats, a.k.a., The Bickering Bitch
 
Hooboy, with an exciting new map like that, we’d have ourselves a mighty satisfying TF2 Halloween Update! But satisfying isn’t enough in my eyes! We need a full fledged Halloween Spooktacular! So how’s about I bring to you all some terror-iffic cosmetic items!?
 
TERROR-IFFIC COSMETIC ITEMS!
 
 
There’d most definitely be plenty more shitty and spooky items in this update, but Halloween is drawing near, and I really felt the need to get this posted before it was too late! It’s already late as is, because Valve gave us their update first! Anyway, there’s your exciting Halloween Update for this year! I hope it gave you all the chills, and I hope you all have NIGHTMARES tonight about ghoulies and witches and twerking zombie Scouts. WooOOooOOoO scAAaaaAAry! Happy Halloween SPUFFriends! That's all for now, until next time, this is LordAIDS Monpkin, signing out!

I've been playing around with this game idea I've been having recently. It's a DKC-inspired 2D platformer and the main movement mechanics would be running and jumping of course, but also a slide which behaves similarly to DKC rolls, as well as walljumping. It's all just in my head for now, but I decided to spend the past couple weeks drawing some enemies; please note that they are not drawn to scale with each other. This is gonna be a long one- hope you like reference poses!
 
Knight:

Basic baddie who walks to and fro. A single jump or slide will defeat them.
 
Might:

A big round baddie who walks in a strut. He bounces the player off if they attempt to slide into him, following with a hearty laugh. During the laugh, a second slide into the him will catch him off guard and defeat him. You can also jump on his head to force him to turtle up into his armor for a moment, sliding him back.
 
Mightier:

A tougher variant of Might that cannot be defeated by sliding into him during the laugh. The only way to defeat a Mightier is to bounce on his head repeatedly, sliding him back into a pit or hazard.
 
Height:

 Knights equipped with springy shoes that allow them to jump high. They have many path variations, like jumping in place or along a set path, or doing a number of small jumps and then a big one.
 
Flight:

Knights that don helipacks to maintain flight. Like Heights, they have many path variations. A jump on them will destroy their helipack, causing them to activate their parachutes and to slowly descend. Another jump will defeat them, though if they reach the ground, they'll deactivate their parachutes and act like normal Knights. Sliding into a Flight will defeat it instantly. Parachuting Flights may appear in levels outright.
 
Helipack Orthographic Projection:

Busted out my old AutoCAD skills for this one. I imagine you'd tilt the stick to control direction, while the buttons would control height, with one being up and one being down. Once deactivated, the handles would retreat back into the sides, while the blades would fold up and the pole would retreat down into the top. Maybe I put a bit too much thought into the workings of this thing, but the one thing I didn't think of was how it sticks to your back! Lets just go with magnets.
 
Overlay:

The orthographic overlaid with the enemy reference. It disregards perspective, but you get the idea.
 
Bite:

A leaping lunatic with a chomping knight helmet. They take a track stance and then lunge at the player head-first, attempting to bite them. If they miss, they'll fall to the floor, take a moment to recover, and then resume their stance and lunge again.
 
Bight:

An aquatic version of the Bite, with its jaws more resembling a squid's sharp beak. Underwater they move in a silly squid-like fashion with their arms and legs, and corkscrew forward to bite the player. Also has a variant that leaps out of water to attempt to bite the player on land or in air. If a Bight leaps onto the land, it will not act like a Bite, rather, it will just flop off the side of the play area.
 
Airtight:

Mysterious aquatic knights that wield a trident. There are two variants: ones that swim along a set path, and ones that pursue the player.
 
Ignite:

I'm actually a bit hung-up on how exactly these guys should function, so I have two versions here:
 
VER1. A combustable combatant with a short fuse. Equipped with a bomb-helmet, they'll frantically chase the player as their fuse shortens, attempting to blow up on them. Any contact (save for a jump, which will defeat them) with an Ignite will cause them to detonate, instantly killing the player. In addition to exploding upon contact, they will also explode once their fuse runs out. Once detonated, they do a cartoon "explosion in my face" animation and flop off the side of the play area.
 
VER2. A combustable combatant with a short fuse. Equipped with a bomb-helmet, they'll frantically chase the player as their fuse shortens, attempting to blow up on them. They cannot be defeated by sliding on account of the large shield plate on their chests, but for that same reason, they do not harm the player on contact, and instead only bump the player around. In addition to waiting out the fuse, they can also be defeated with a jump on the head. Once detonated, they do a cartoon "explosion in my face" animation and flop off the side of the play area.
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CREATIVE NOTE: While running, their legs move in a cartoony blurry circular fashion, with a fast car noise playing. When they skid to turn around, a tire squeal sound is played.
 
Subnite:

An aquatic version of Ignite, with his helmet fashioned after a naval mine (and the fuse hence replaced with a chainlink). They swim after the player in quick bursts once they come within a certain range; any physical contact will detonate them and kill the player. You simply have to run away from them and avoid them, much like actual naval mines.
 
Fright:

Skittish enemies that pop out of the ground when the player gets near, proceeding to chase them. They cannot be harmed until they come out from their hiding spots, and their heads can actually be stood on, on account of the ground that sits on them, meaning that a jump will not defeat them. Their color palette changes to match the ground that they appear from.
 
Palette Change Example:

In this case, he's been hiding in dirt ground under a bush.
 
Sight:

A sharpshooting knight wielding a musket. They track the player's movement and fire periodically, making sure to keep the player on the move. Upon the player reaching a close enough distance, they will throw their guns up in fear and assume a cowardly bunched-up position with their hats pulled over their heads, and can be defeated safely.
 
Cannons:

Stationary cannons that fire periodically on a set path. The cannonballs move fast, but can be jumped on, though not slid into. There is however a variant that fires spiked cannonballs, which cannot be jumped on nor slid into.
 
Lord Valor:

These are more reposts than anything, because you've no doubt seen him around here before. The villain, the big boss, the head honcho. Is good-intentioned, but prideful and stubborn to a point of blindness. He likes to wear various costumes depending on the occasion; you've seen these before too:
 
Captain Valor:

My favorite of the costumes by far; the hat and collar look sick and the way the coat flares at the end because of the belt is cool. Very form-fitting coat, it is.
 
Big Baron Valor:

You may notice that Flight's outfit is borrowed directly from this drawing, which was done way before these enemies were even conceived. Anyhow, I really like the way the coat accentuates his barrel-chested-ness
 
Lord Valor the Dynamite King:

I love this one just because of how goofy the leotard looks stretched over his armor. It's completely intentional.

Fixed.

I recently got the game, and I gotta say that those are pretty impressive. The first one looks challenging without being total bullshit, like most of the "hard" levels I run into. The second one's got a good ambience and some clever use of effects, but I don't think Mario Maker is really suited for horror levels. I've gotta get around to playing these later.
 
As for me, I haven't really made anything in Mario Maker, but I suppose now's as good a time as ever to share my custom level stuff that I made over a year ago. A shitpost in LittleBigPlanet, of course.
 
 

I recently got the game, and I gotta say that those are pretty impressive. The first one looks challenging without being total bullshit, like most of the "hard" levels I run into. The second one's got a good ambience and some clever use of effects, but I don't think Mario Maker is really suited for horror levels. I've gotta get around to playing these later.
 
As for me, I haven't really made anything in Mario Maker, but I suppose now's as good a time as ever to share my custom level stuff that I made over a year ago. A shitpost in LittleBigPlanet, of course.
 
 

Rooty-toot toot, I like me some fruit.
 
 
As for now, I don't have a whole lot of plans in mind for SMM2. I've never been great at platforming design, which is why I stuck to boss battles in LBP. But we'll just have to see. I'll probably come up with something dumb eventually.

That's really impressive, and I'm excited to see what you do in SMM2, but I have a more pressing question.
 
Why is your channel banner a bountiful harvest of fruits and vegetables? What are you hiding?

It's definitely not suited for it, but it's not impossible. I played quite a few good ones in MM1, and with all the new sound effects and objects there's more potential for creepy scary stuff than ever. If you wanna check out my shit, my ID is WFX-PQ5-15G. I make many types of levels.
 
When you do get around to making something, I'd like to check it out! Also that boss fight is amazing and terrifying.

I recently got the game, and I gotta say that those are pretty impressive. The first one looks challenging without being total bullshit, like most of the "hard" levels I run into. The second one's got a good ambience and some clever use of effects, but I don't think Mario Maker is really suited for horror levels. I've gotta get around to playing these later.
 
As for me, I haven't really made anything in Mario Maker, but I suppose now's as good a time as ever to share my custom level stuff that I made over a year ago. A shitpost in LittleBigPlanet, of course.
 
 

The real highlight was the Duck Hunt Dog being a mega-faggot, as he does best. Oh, I guess Banjo and Dragon Quest Guy was cool, too.

Ehh, I don't think it meshes very well.