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TIAM IV: Guydiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Cockmongler

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I have joined the century. I now have a cellular telephone. My very first. I'm charging it up now.

And then you show that video. I only saw the first three minutes so far, but I'm starting to feel ever so slightly worse about this.

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hold on, are you trying to say you didn't have cell phone ever before?

how did you even live

​By making sure that I never needed a phone. Until recently, I had done a very good job of that.

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Well, at least none of the victims died and are expected to make a full recovery.
Quality reporting on the whole situation, though. Another article title reads five stabbed, article contents only mention 4 (2 students, one staff member, and a vendor), goes on to state 5 (2 Airlifted to a hospital, 3 treated locally) again.

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