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John Caveson

If we only had three weapons per class....

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....which ones would you choose?

 

This has been on my mind for a while, and I thought it would be fun to ask. Here's the scenario:

 

Valve snorts more portal conversion gel than usual and decides to delete all cosmetics and all but three weapons per class, which would become the new achievement rewards for each class, of which would be the only way to get them (so no more crafting, trading, or store). They ask you, (hallucinating you're GabeN himself) what weapons to keep for each class and what order you can unlock them. Which ones would you keep? Keep in mind, these will be the only weapons you and everyone else will keep forever and ever. So choose wisely.

 

Three rules:

 

1.) Only three weapons per class.

 

2.) Only the current pool of weapons available can be chosen, no custom weapons.

 

3.) The weapons will be in their current balance states, no re-balancing.

 

Self-impose other restrictions at your own peril.

 

 

As for myself, I'm self-imposing the rules:

 

 - Only one weapon per slot (Primary, Secondary, Melee)

 

- No re-skins

 

- No multi-class weapons

 

 

Additionally, my picks will be based on several factors (of varying priority):

 

Aesthetics: Does the weapon looks like it belongs in the world of TF2? No? Auto-banned. So the Deus Ex and Gordbort weapons would be a definite no. Additionally, if a weapon has a model entirely based on a previously released weapon ( e.g. Soda Popper to FaN) then that has less of a chance.

 

Balance: Pretty self explanatory, too powerful (which is actually pretty rare these days) or too useless (*cough*volcanofragment*cough*) will probably not be chosen. Exceptions being weapons that bring good buffs to a class that makes them better but not broken, e.g. most alternatives to most stock melees, and certain secondaries.

 

Playstyle & Fun Factor: How does this weapon change how you play the class? Weapons that fundamentally change your playstyle and are fun to use, (e.g. Gunboats) will be prioritized over boring +/- stat weapons (e.g. Family Business).

 

Synergy: How well does this weapon synergize with the other slots? Some weapons simply do better with other weapon slots? Is it entirely dependent on another weapon to be viable? e.g. Big Earner synergizes well with the DR, as they negate each other's weaknesses, however it still is a solid choice with the stock watch. Meanwhile, the Buffalo Steak, goes great with the KGB, but doesn't really stand up on its own very well in any other context.

 

Overall Game Flow: Finally, how does this weapons affect the game overall? In other words, how fun is it to fight against? The Rescue Ranger is a fantastic sidegrade to the shotgun, however, a skilled Engie can use it to really slow the game down by negating the risk of having to be by his sentry to fix it during an Uber push, combine this with the Wrangler/SC and the support of his team, it'll be stalemate city. As expected, Engineer's and Medic's picks will be the most scrutinized in this category.

 

And with that, here are my picks both TL;DR version and a spoilered detailed breakdown* of each weapon's acceptance/denial.

 

Offence:

 

Scout:

 

Primary: Force-A-Nature

Secondary: Bonk! Atomic Punch

Melee: Sandman

Order: FaN>Sandman>Bonk!

 

 

Soldier:

 

Primary: Original lol Direct Hit

Secondary: Gunboats

Melee: Escape Plan

Order: EP>Gunboats>Direct Hit

 

 

Pyro:

 

Primary: Dragon's Fury/Backburner

Secondary: Flare Gun/Thermal Thruster

Melee: Axtinguisher/Back Scratcher

Order: Axtinguisher>Flare Gun>Dragon's Fury/Backburner>Back Scratcher>Thermal Thruster

 

 

Defence:

 

Demoman:

 

Primary: Loose Cannon/Bootlegger

Secondary: Scottish Resistance/Chargin' Targe

Melee: Ullapool Caber/Eyelander

Order: Caber>ScotRes>LC/Eyelander>Targe>Bootlegger

 

 

Heavy:

 

Primary: Brass Beast

Secondary: Sandvich

Melee: Fists of Steel

Order: Sandvich/Brass Beast/FoS

 

 

Engineer:

 

Primary: Frontier Justice

Secondary: Wrangler

Melee: Gunslinger

PDA: N/A

Order: FJ>Wrangler>Gunslinger

 

 

Support:

 

Medic:

 

Primary: Crusader's Crossbow

Secondary: Kritzkrieg

Melee: Ubersaw

Order: Ubersaw>Kritz>Crossbow

 

 

Sniper:

 

Primary: Huntsman

Secondary: Jarate

Melee: Tribalman's Shiv

Order: Tribalmen's Shiv>Jarate>Huntsman

 

 

Spy:

 

Secondary: L'Etranger

Melee: Big Earner

PDA 2: Cloak and Dagger

Building: N/A

Order: L'Et>CnD>BE

 

 

*details tba

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I'll be honest with you I had two "scales of justice" on my mind rating these:
Do I have any positive memories of  me and/or my retard friends using these things?

Have I ever been pissed off by someone killing me with it? I don't need a good reason either.

 

Combine them and you get:

 

Scout:

Back Scatter

Boston Basher

Candy Cane

 

Note: Boston Basher becomes the new stock option.

 

Soldier:

Panic Attack

Equalizer

 

I don't know the third all the others don't stand out or they pissed me off in the past.

 

Pyro:

Backburner

Panic Attack

Third Degree (after all it is just a better fire axe).

 

Demoman:

Tide Turner

Chargin Targe

Splendid Screen

 

Heavy:
Brass Beast

Family Business

Panic Attack

 

Engineer:

Panic Attack

Jag

Southern Hospitality

 

Medic:

Blutsager

Solemn Vow

Overdose

 

Sniper:

Razorback
Tribalman's Shiv

Shahanshah

 

Spy:

Enforcer

L'etranger

Red-Tape Recorder

 

Looks good to me. Ship it.

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50 minutes ago, Raison d'être said:

I'll be honest with you I had two "scales of justice" on my mind rating these:
Do I have any positive memories of  me and/or my retard friends using these things?

Have I ever been pissed off by someone killing me with it? I don't need a good reason either.

 

Combine them and you get:

 

Scout:

Back Scatter

Boston Basher

Candy Cane

 

Note: Boston Basher becomes the new stock option.

 

Soldier:

Panic Attack

Equalizer

 

I don't know the third all the others don't stand out or they pissed me off in the past.

 

Pyro:

Backburner

Panic Attack

Third Degree (after all it is just a better fire axe).

 

Demoman:

Tide Turner

Chargin Targe

Splendid Screen

 

Heavy:
Brass Beast

Family Business

Panic Attack

 

Engineer:

Panic Attack

Jag

Southern Hospitality

 

Medic:

Blutsager

Solemn Vow

Overdose

 

Sniper:

Razorback
Tribalman's Shiv

Shahanshah

 

Spy:

Enforcer

L'etranger

Red-Tape Recorder

 

Looks good to me. Ship it.

Only one weapon per slot, criminal.

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I chose this way: Unlocks should enable new play styles.  Didn't consider balance at all; presumably if we only had one set of unlocks they'd be better balanced.

 

Scout:

Force-A-Nature/Bonk!/Boston Basher

 

Soldier:

Beggar's Bazooka/Buff Banner/Gunboats

 

Pyro:

Thruster/Flare Gun/Axestinguisher

 

Demoman:

Sticky Jumper/Splendid Screen/Eyelander

 

Heavy:

Honestly I dunno.  Sandvich is kind of essential for the class, but it would work better as a stock replacement.

 

Engineer:

Rescue Ranger/Widowmaker/Gunslinger

 

Medic:

Crossbow/Kritzkrieg/Quickfix

 

Sniper:

Huntsman/Razorback/Jarate

 

Spy:

Enforcer/Dead Ringer/Eternal Reward

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I chose on the basis of unlocks that stick to the core of the class while still creating new and interesting facets of play.

 

Scout:

-Soda Popper, Bonk, Sandman

 

Soldier:

-Direct Hit, Gunboats, Market Gardener

 

Pyro:

-Backburner, Detonator Axtinguisher

 

Demoman:

-Loose Cannon, Sticky Jumper, Ullapool Caber

 

Heavy:

-Brass Beast, Dalokohs Bar, Fists of Steel

 

Engineer:

-Frontier Justice, Wrangler, Gunslinger

 

Medic:
-Crusader's Crossbow, Kritzkrieg, Amputator

 

Sniper:

-Sydney Sleeper, Jarate, Bushwacka

 

Spy:

-Diamondback, Your Eternal Reward, Dead Ringer (Red Tape Recorder too if we're allowed)

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Honestly it's been so long that I've played spy that I got the names for the enforcer and ambassador mixed up.

 

Yeah I'd include that one since it's the only gun that really adds a new playstyle, other than maybe the L'etranger.

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Been a long time but...

SCOUT
Soda Popper / Bonk! / Sandman


SOLDIER
Direct Hit / Buff Banner / Market Gardener


PYRO
Backburner / Flare Gun / Axtinguisher

DEMOMAN
Loose Cannon / Scottish Resistance / Eyelander

 

HEAVY

Brass Beast / Sandvich / Fists of Steel


ENGINEER
Rescue Ranger / Wrangler / Gunslinger

MEDIC
Crusader's Crossbow / Quick-Fix / Übersaw

SNIPER

Bazaar Bargain / Jarate / Bushwacka

SPY

Enforcer / Your Eternal Reward / Dead Ringer

Not to hijack the thread but here's a part two: combining all available weapons, stock included, what if each class only had three weapons to choose from? Your picks become the new stock with no alternative unlocks. 



 

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I'm gonna play kayogee's version of the game because it allows me to ruin the game for everyone.

 

 

 

Scout: Shortstop, Madmilk, Wrap Assassin

I hate the Scout, and because of this it is my firm belief that he shouldn't be allowed to do any meaningful damage because he's an annoying little shitter. And his play-style should reflect that.

 

Soldier: Liberty Launcher, Gunboats, Market Gardner

If I've learned anything in my days off TF2, it's that the Trolldier is the most popular loadout of all time. Well, what of we had a Soldier/Trolldier hybrid?! We can please all the Soldier mains!

 

Pyro: Dragon's Fury, Shotgun, Hothand

Afterburn has way too many counters so I say we cut Pyro's over-reliance on it. Only then can Pyro become the best class. Also, the Hothand because that's the best weapon in the game .

 

Demoman:

Bootlegger, Tide Turner, Persian Persuader

Demoman is pretty cool as is, but I was thinking it would be cooler if we turned him into Pirateman by default. If you must have your explosives, the Loosecannon can be interchanged with the Bootlegger.

 

Heavy: Brass Beast, Dalakohs Bar, Fists of Steel

Heavy is a tanky dude and therefore his only choice of weapons should reflect that.  With these, he could become the unstoppable Force he was always meant to be!

 

Engineer: Widowmaker, Short Circuit, Gunslinger

Let's also make it so ammo boxes don't give any metal, therefore making Engineer completely useless, as he should have been from the start.

 

Medic: Blutsauger, Quick-Fix, Solemn Vow

With this new change, the balance of TF2 will be flipped on its head! Certainly an exciting and welcome change to any game. Battle Medics, unite!

 

Sniper: Sniper Rifle, SMG, Kukri

Everybody already hates Sniper so I don't think I need to make any changes to his stock loadout to ruin the game.

 

Spy: L'Etranger, Big Earner, Cloak and Dagger, Red Tape Recorder

Let's just make it so Spy is invisible forever.

 

 

 

Valve, please hire me.

 

 

 

Edited by LordAIDS Grookey

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