LadyBernkastel

Done.

I actually completely forgot DualJay used that name. I came up with it myself. But yeah, tell me if you think of something better and I'll go back and edit it.

This is why I shouldn't spell check at night.

You know, I should probably take more time in between writing these. Probably best not to rush it. At the same time, I've always enjoyed writing fiction. Also, since I feel bad for my lack of ability to write stories like this with loads and loads of characters, I may follow this story up with a less serious one, possibly a shipfic. The lack of constraint to a plot like this one would possibly make it easier. In any case, new chapter. [spoiler2]Chapter 4 Rammite kept his face hidden with the hood of his cloak. He kept watch on all sides, making sure he didn't see any mods. At last, his destination was illuminated by the moonlight. He took a look at the mailbox. He was right; this is the residence of Alezander Buddha. Rammite rang the doorbell. Alezander opened the door just wide enough to see Rammite. "What are you doing here? Curfew was over an hour ago." "I need to speak with you now." Rammite opened the door and walked in. "It's urgent. If we don't reorganize our militias soon, we may be wiped out." "What are you talking about?" Alezander walked to his kitchen and began pouring Rammite some tea. "We've prepared in every way for the mods to strike. There's nothing we could do to make our defense more efficient." "That's the thing. When was the last time you saw a mod?" "At the banishing of Dr. Evil Brain." "Alezander, that was twenty-eight hours ago. When's the last time you went an hour without seeing a single mod?" Alezander brought Rammite some tea and sat down on a couch. Rammite sat on the opposite end. "I don't know. Aren't you thinking too much about this? They could just be preparing their attack." "A few hours ago, a group of rebels found a message spray painted on a wall. It said 'Raise your dongers, before I raise them for you.'" Rammite set his tea down. "No one saw the person who spray painted this. But there is one thing we know: Not a single person asked has stated seeing a mod in the last twenty-eight hours. I think this is a citizen attempting to threaten us." "You're looking into it too much. It's just a prank. People try to mess with rebel leaders all the time." Alezander started walking toward the back of the house. "By the way, I asked Jay to pick up some extra weapons from the Binocrat. A number of our weapons ended up breaking this morning." Rammite stared out the window, not even noticing Alezander said anything to him. After a few moments, he stood up and walked towards the window. "I have the strangest feeling . . . that the mods are in just as much danger as we are." ------------------- The Binocrat sat in his office, towering above the city. He kept his gaze on the mod tower on the other side of the city. After a few minutes, Moby entered his office. "Sir, I've brought Bowie and Doopliss." The Binocrat turned to face them. "Good. Please, come in and have a seat." Binocrat then noticed Bernkastel was with them. "Oh, Miss Bernkastel. I wasn't expecting you. Please, have a seat as well." "Why wouldn't I show up when you ask to speak with my Archmage and Archmaid?" The Binocrat chuckled. "Of course, I should have thought of that. I'd like to speak with you three, but it's getting late now. I'll provide lodging for all of you in this building. Follow me, I'll show you to your rooms." The three followed the Binocrat out of the room. They walked down a long hallway and stopped in front of a room. "Miss Bernkastel, this will be your room." "Thank you, Binocrat." Bernkastel entered the room and shut the door. Bowie put his arms around Doopliss' and Moby's shoulders. "Isn't this great? We're gonna be roommates again!" The Binocrat and Moby grinned to each other. "Bowie, Moby and I were talking and we think you should share a room with Bernkastel tonight." Bowie took a minute to take in what he heard. "Wait what?! Why do I have to share a room with her?! Why can't Moby do it?!" "Bowie, we all know you'd be the most cut out for it. Go in there and fight the good fight." Moby started laughing, followed by the Binocrat and Doopliss. "I hate you guys." ------------------- "There's only one bed here." Bernkastel and Bowie stared in disbelief. "Those bastards . . ." Bowie sat down on the bed and stared blankly at the floor. "I guess it can't be helped." Bernkastel started walking toward the bathroom with a night gown in hand. "Tomorrow we need to get a bunch of booze and have a party." "Yeah . . . right." [/spoiler2]

The monarch, Archmaid, and Archmage cannot be wrong.

Man finds pie. It explodes.

The Maidsassins in this story aren't the same as the BfNY Maidsassins. I already cemented the details about them before thinking to check BfNY. Smart, eh?

There are so many possibilities to how Evil Brain still could have done that. But I'll name just one: Maybe Evil Brain is a 1337 haxor.

An interesting concept. I'll consider it. I just need to think of places where rep could be added to the scene.

I think the hardest part in writing this is trying to include everyone. My feeble brain can only put so many characters in before I find that any additional characters would have little impact on the story. But anyway, new chapter. [spoiler2]Chapter 3 Bowie and Doopliss glanced at each other with exasperated faces. On the other side of their booth, Bernkastel was pigging out on ribs and greasy fries. Bowie tried to get Bernkastel’s attention. “Lady Bernkastel, do you really think it’s fitting for someone of your . . . status to be sitting in a cheap burger shop stuffing her face with greasy food? Don’t you need to see the Binocrat?” Bernkastel looked at Bowie and stopped eating long enough to respond. “Right now, I’m too hungry to continue walking. Hey, waitress! Can you bring me some more booze?” “The walk to see the Binocrat is only to the other side of the city. I’m sure the Binocrat would be willing to feed you when you got there.” “But that would take too long.” As Bernkastel said that, the waitress came back with a beer. Bernkastel grabbed it and immediately began drinking it. After taking a long sip, Bernkastel continued speaking. “But since we mentioned the Binocrat, I always meant to ask you two: What was it like working for the Binocrat? What kind of things did you do for him before you joined me?” Bowie and Doopliss hesitated to answer. After a couple of awkward seconds, Bowie finally spoke up. “I don’t know if we really should be speaking on that matter. Our jobs were rather . . . secret.” Bernkastel glared at Bowie. “Is that so? Why can’t you tell me? You wouldn’t be refusing to tell me because you still have loyalty to the Binocrat, would you?” Doopliss leaned over to Bowie and whispered in his ear. “Let’s just tell her. She’s going to suspect us if we don’t, and it’s not like the Binocrat would be stupid enough to try this again.” “Alright. We’ll tell you.” Bowie cleared his throat and began speaking quietly, so that only the three of them could hear what was being said. “Lady Bernkastel, do you remember the days when there was only one rebel faction?” “I do.” “At this time, the rebels were lead by both the Binocrat and the Commander, who were jokingly referred to as the Illumihatti. The Binocrat, who went by Binary at the time, hired three people to be assassins for him. That would be me, Doopliss, and a third person named Moby who didn’t defect with us. The Binocrat could get away with this because he and the Commander only operated in secret.” Doopliss picked up where Bowie ended. “We were known as the Maidsassins. But our existence caused tension between the Commander and the Binocrat. The Commander became increasingly paranoid; worried that he would be our next victim. Eventually, he broke off from the Illumihatti and started his own rebel army. The Commander threatened to reveal everything that went on in secret in the Illumihatti. As the tension grew, the rebels under Binary began to realize he had been hiding things from them. They demanded less secrecy, and as a result, the Maidsassins had to be disbanded to avoid further trouble.” Bernkastel had completely forgotten about the unfinished meal. “So, why do you have to be so secretive about it still?” Bowie looked around to check if anyone seemed to be giving them strange looks. “The citizens never really found out what our job was. To them, we were the Binocrat’s trusted advisers. And that didn’t change until we joined you. We still were three of the few that spoke to the Binocrat directly.” Bernkastel leapt up started for the door. “Alright, follow me. We’re going to see the Binocrat right now.” “Finally,” Bowie muttered under his breath as he and Doopliss followed Bernkastel out of the restaurant. Down the street, Bowie saw a familiar figure approaching them from afar. “Hey, Doopliss. Is that Moby?” ------------------ “So, you’re the new recruit, are ye?” Don Stamda sat at the head of the table. At the foot sat John Caveson, a recent addition to the family. To his left and right sat two other members of the family: Huff and Raison. “Well, I think the best job for you now is rep dealing. Think you can handle that, newbie?” John sat low in his chair, wondering what he had gotten himself into. “I . . . I don’t think I’m entirely sure what rep is. I only joined to help rebels get weapons for your cheap prices.” That statement caused everyone in the room to burst out in laughter. After everyone had calmed down, Stamda spoke again. “Don’t know what rep is? Well, get ready to learn. Any minute now, my boy Guy should be back with some rep.” Just as Stamda finished saying that, someone began knocking at the door. “That must be him. Just sit back and take notes.” Guy entered the room carrying a large box. He sat it on the center of the table. “Here’s the rep we got today. Almost had trouble getting it past the guards.” Stamda opened the box and took out a plastic bag containing a gray, powdery substance. “Take a close look, Caveson. This is rep. Whether you know it or not, this city lives and breathes on this stuff. Every single person in this room has smoked it more times than they can count.” Guy also picked up a bag and stared intently into it. “Everyone remembers their first rep. And any time a member of this family dies, they do it while trying to get more rep.” “Do you want to know why they call me Huff? Because I once smoked 2000 points of the stuff in one hour.” Huff also grabbed a bag from the box. He slid it across the table to John. “What do you think, Don? I think it’s about time he tried his first rep.” “I don’t know.” Raison walked over to John and started poking his shoulder. “I’ve seen people like him OD on the first rep they ever tried. Maybe we should wait and see if he experiments on his own.” “No, no. Huff is right. Caveson will try his first rep now. Raison, show him the proper method.” Stamda turned to Guy. “And speaking of rep, didn’t you say you had a strange deal recently? You never got around to telling me about it.” “Oh, right. We got a surprisingly large request for rep sent to outside the city. The amount of rep I’d say probably equated to enough for a small village maybe.” “Damn, we must have made a fortune on that. How much money did ya get?” “It was in the millions. However, that’s not all I was given.” Guy reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. “I was told to take this to you.” Stamda took the paper and unfolded it. The more he read it, the more confused he became. “Raise your dongers?” [/spoiler2]

One vote for "Rammire is the villain." going to liberate us all" definitely the villain." And I'm changing the story to make it that now. noimnot

Heimerdinger willed it.

New chapter [spoiler2]Chapter 2 Bzzt- The Binocrat took a quick turn from his paperwork as his phone began to buzz. “Binocrat answering.” He looked back down and continued filling out the paperwork. “Sir, Rin Jen would like to speak with you.” “Ah, yes. Send him in.” The Binocrat lifted his head from his paperwork again as Rin entered the room. “Have a seat, Rin. Tell me how those sales charts look.” “For the most part, they’re exactly how we predicted.” Rin sat down and handed the Binocrat a copy of the sales charts. “However, over the last few hours, we’ve seen a high spike in weapons sales.” “Really? Do you have any idea what caused it?” “At this moment, we can’t be one hundred percent certain. We have a feeling it has something to do with the recent banishment of Dr. Evil Brain. Some rebel groups have been spotted forming militias.” The Binocrat began jotting some notes down. “Interesting. Make sure you contact Moby. I think we may need to get the Maidsassins back together. Also, get the message to Doopliss and Bowie that information collecting is now of low priority.” “Will do, sir.” Rin handed the Binocrat a folder. “There’s something else I need to bring to your attention. Along with the increase in weapons sales, we also had another break in to one of our weapons shipments.” The Binocrat opened the folder. On the first page was a picture of the inside of a truck. A symbol was spray painted on every wall. “Don Stamda . . . Rin, find out where Moby is as soon as possible. Getting the Maidsassins back together is now top priority.” “Very well, sir.” ------------------- The Commander sat in a viewing booth over a field of soldiers in training. “They don’t make these soldiers like they used to. These pansies wouldn’t last three minutes on a battlefield.” The Commander turned his head slightly as Colonel Cuba approached him. “Calm your footsteps, son. The enemy will see you coming from a mile away if you come prancing up like that.” “Sir, I have important news from downtown. The citizens are rioting. One of the Binocrat’s men has been banished. If this rioting continues as it is, the mods may attempt to strike back. Should we prepare?” “Yes, get everyone prepared. If the mods are going to strike us, it will be full force. We cannot hold back.” “Sir, yes sir!” Colonel Cuba began leaving the booth. “Wait.” The Commander motioned for him to stay. “Before you go, make an announcement that if anyone finds the Binocrat or any of his cronies on our side of the city, they are not to fire. Instead, send them directly to my office. I suspect they’ll come seeking my assistance.” “Yes, sir!” Colonel Cuba left the booth. ------------------- “We’re getting the Maidsassins back together?” Moby hung his sunglasses by the collar of his shirt. “Sir, the days of the Illumihatti are over. You don’t really think the citizens are going to accept you having a team of assassins at your beck and call, do you?” “Times are desperate, Moby. We face threats from all angles. Would you rather we get trampled by the Mafia? Or the Commander? Or overzealous citizens? Or the mods?” The Binocrat slammed his fist on his desk. “No! I’ve spent too much time and money to get where I am! I’m protecting this at all costs! Get in contact with Doopliss and Bowie imme –“ He was interrupted by a loud beep coming from his computer. “That’s my email.” He quickly turned to his computer. “It’s . . . it’s from a mod’s email address. But the mods never email me.” “What does it say?” Binary looked over it for a moment. “Raise your . . . dongers?” [/spoiler2]

That cow looks hungry.

That's deep. But also wrong.

I'm not going to reveal any details yet as to how your character impacts the story. I will say this: I've had this plan for your character since before I posted the first chapter. Edit: Also, Bern is not the protagonist.

Then you'll be wrong when I finish it in a timely manner.

The contents of the first chapter consist of the various thoughts that popped in my head over the course of a few hours. I find I have an easy time picking a scenario I want to write about and writing the plot around it. That being said, the two rebel factions came from Bern asking who they should see first. Binocrat and Commander is not the only example of rebel infighting, and they're not the only leaders. They, along with Bern, are the only ones that openly claim it. Have you no faith in me?

There was a Rammilitary? I seem to have missed this.

Yes.

1.) Psychopathic Anarchists 2.) For the most part it's a more realistic approach, but there's a number of expections: Things people couldn't logically do, technology that likely couldn't exist. Think TF2.

How do you know that's not beer in fancy cups?

Aye 5aye

You could at lease wait until the story is over before saying you don't show up. :pyro:

Not too weird. I tend to find skilled players tend to gravitate toward Demoman, Soldier, and Scout. And since it's usually those classes that skilled players tend to play, less skilled players assume the problem must be with the classes rather than their own skill.