Comeau

SACRIFICE TO YOUR LOCAL TRASH DEITY TODAY

X: 97

Y: 60

Z: 146

OFFERINGS WILL BE BURNED EVERY NIGHT, ALL NIGHT  LONG;

OR ADDED TO THE HORDE.

Well, now that I finally have el dosh, I made a new account and bought a copy of Minecraft.

Username is "CanadianComeau". I dunno if there's a whitelist up or whatever, but if there is, put me on there.

Hey, anybody here familiar with 5e? I tried homebrewing a monster based off a figurine from those "Prehistoric Animal" toys which inspired the Rust Monster, Bullete and the Owlbear. Problem is, I'm not quite sure if it's balanced for a Challenge 5 monster (as I had intended it to be). Any advice would be appreciated (this is also but one out of three varieties of this monster - I'm thinking of a Red and Stone one next).

Fluffwise, they're bipedal dragon-crocodile things that are known for battering travelers unfortunate enough to walk by the banks of swamps and rivers where they bask upon. Some say they're the foul invention of hags or mad wizards - born from experimentation with powerful transmutation magic, and tossed away when their creator lost control of their creations; others believe they're a degenerative species of the half-dragons whom they somewhat resemble.

EDIT: Yeah, so I realized that this thing was a bit overpowered for CR 5. I reworked its Multiattack pattern (now two slam attacks for average 15 plus the tail which deals 7 but forces a DC15 Strength save now) and changed its damage dice so it was a little less lethal.

Final results:

Armor Class: CR 4

HD: CR 6 (immunity treats its effective h.p. as multiplied by 2 at an expected CR5, 3 times 2, etc.)

Attack Bonus: CR 5 (couldn't really decide b/c of Proficiency Bonus ambiguity (do I assign a rating based on my expectations, or do I wait til the final CR calc?) so I decided it'd be 6+ no matter what)

Damage/Round (oh lawdy): CR 11 (first three round method told me a lot; acid is doing 14 average; treat that as if two characters both failed their save. slam and tails do 22 average. finally, assuming the tail knocks a guy prone, two stomps deals 19 average. That's 23 damage/round, or one 2nd-level Con 10 fighter getting ruined per round. hey, a level 6 party going against it should be at least 4 people.)

Save DCs CR 5 (12+Con for the big brute. None bad a thought, actually.)

Final CR is 6. I've yet to decide whether to make some of the Basks tougher than the others (akin to dragons) or whether they should have some consistency to their difficulty. So is it balanced yet?

i feel like an asshole because I haven't been around the family (this one, not the real-life one) in a recent-enough time

and there's some feeling on my part that people have really stopped giving a shit about me but then again maybe that's because I am frequently in-and-out (no innuendo intend-o) with this forum thingie

with that, I have some more time this Christmas holiday to fuck around and not get schoolwork done and generally be a shit. yay for us?

So I think I've found a soundtrack for when I'm Scooting on pubs.

Hi. I need some help handling a player of mine.

In my prospective campaign group, there's a guy named Lyle whom I've both helped understand the system of AD&D 1e (he's more familiar with 4th edition) and sought out for advice on building the campaign (prior to him joining). So far I've seen a very strong interest on his part in developing a character with straits of Legend of Drizz't. Now, while this would be fine, he has asked me to put items in the campaign that would benefit his character.

I had helped him build his character: Charon Xiloscient, an elf Assassin/Illusionist. Used to be a circus acrobat before becoming a thief, killing his guild friends for a Ring of Invisibility, and joining the Laughing Coffin assassin's guild; he asked for a Ring of Invisibility in a campaign starting at 3rd-level. Now, I understand that I was the one who suggested an invisibility & wraithform combo - but there was no way that I'd let him slip by like that. I decided it was cursed to both cast dimensional lock on him while he was using it; and to give enemies on the Ethereal Plane a +2 "to-hit" when they were attacking him.

Following this discussion, Lyle became centered on the thought of obtaining a demonic pact during the finale of Module 3, "HEX IN THE CITY (Starring Seamus Sebben)"; as the party finally arrives on the roof of a magical skyscraper, they face off against the eponymous halfling crime lord (then freshly amalgamated with a Balor) in a battle to save the Planes of Existence from a Napoleonic rampage. Lyle has stated he wants Charon to ask Seamus to give him a pact in exchange for protection; ignoring the fact that Seamus had killed his former double-agent just prior, Charon has a Charisma of 14.

So far, Lyle has tried to charm me into giving his PC magical items that would make him a combat master even though he's playing a character who would be the absolute worst at fighting things in the frontlines; telling me how to design the encounter between him and the Guild Master of the Assassin Guild which he expects me to design for him; and has been giving me more little details to write while HE has been the only player in my group telling me to hurry up with my work.

What am I doing wrong?

I'd like to present to all of the residents of this here forum a collected log of unexpected altercations between my boy-fists and my keyboard.

Do not be alarmed, my dearest friends; these horrendous collisions of plastic keys and perspiring digits did not come of some foul union between the Hells themselves and some higher literary power (perhaps a God?) - but from the abuse of an irreproachable keyboard by an inebriated, shitposting Canadian. While I cannot affirm that these tales are of any fine grade, I can assure you that you (all the while delving into the surreal tales of BURGER LOVE, fotantoes, and auto-valets) face no strong risk of the sudden development of transmissible spongiform encephalopathy; experiencing a series of psychosexual issues which each contradict the former's symptoms; and/or the desire to consume large quantities of tortilla chips and carbonated soda.

These stories contain no real connection or continuity; the characters have no solid backstory, the setting is never consistent, & the plot elements always change. I did it that way to minimize the focus of how realistic or genre-specific the works all were/would be; and to put the reader in a state of confusion where it was going to be necessary for them to define their understanding of the tale - and not to rely on the factual or opinionated evidence of other parties (isolationist fiction which functions easily as an over-extended allegory for growing up and developing your own self-image).

Please note that this is a continuing collection; there is not definitive limit to the list. With that in mind, updates will be sporadic and often inconsistently scheduled (expect the most input on the weekend). Submissions of your own to the Collection are welcome and appreciated. The original two stories come from Pastebin; links will be provided to preserve the quality of the originals.

tl;dr I write stories when I get high & drowsy off of my sleeping meds. Enjoy.

Part 1/12.5 billion

Part 7/011010000110000101101101011000100111010101

Spoiler

Bmufe Springsdeen was a man of profound BURGER LOVE; he would never be able to turn down a hawt, sensual burdger late and willing to engage in several kinky and DEFINITELY NOT PG-14 antics with him and that -worthy tongue/mouth of his ... sorr that was just some sauce running down my leg.

 

Monday morning at JOE'S JAMACAI STYLE DELI BOY, Bmufe's jungle of an upper lip twitched at the sight of the classic $5 blackboard menu that so eagerly spelt in flawed Jamaican-English "HOT SAUSY BURG! Megafoud fries wiat great salat"; apparently the entire thing "w/ BIG SHOPIN SODAA" was only $90.81 USD - a minor inconvenience for a BURGER LOVE Rwandan male like himself. For this, he wouldn't TUTSI-ROLL over, never - he would take that goddamned burg like a man and give him a hawt, sensual Dijon mustard sauna rub STRAIGHT IN THE FACE>

 

 Rolling out the Einstenian-geometries of that godawful Plymouth Superbird that his mother drove around, the saxophone-clad biker heartthrob known as "The Sauce Boss who's Talking' BURGER LOVE, Hoss" inched ever-closer to the beachside club that was known only as JOE'S JAMACAI STYLE DELI BOY - intent on getting his BURGER LOVE only with side-salad and Jamaican jerk spice rubbed all over it like COMMUNIST PROPOGANDA.

 

        There was no door to impede his facticious entrance into the fashionable beach-hut diner, only a rebellious and zealous youth whose aura of nauseating zeal and tits-awful acne situation defined him as the Pastafarian waiter snob whose sole existence would ruin the hedonistic garnishes and overall experience of Bmufe's all-too-real BURGER LOVE. This youth was to undergo the name "Cockdune Burgergobbels" and would never be able to achieve enough credibility in the eyes of the Sauce Boss who's Talking' BURGER LOVE, BOSS.

 

"Ey mon, and welcome to JOE'S JAMACAI STYLE DINER; may I talk your order?" Now, this reasonable response not only endangered the promise of a delicious BURGER LOVE experience; but dared to take the goddamned plate and swing for the moon like Pachino was playing you in a Sandlot movie SONN with it's bold misappropriation of "mon". This little trashhole was going to end up with his fist in the wrong side of the pelvis tonight. "Sir, I am BMUFE SPRINGSDEEn, and my burger is needed for the pleasureable of" oh jesus why Bmufe. You let the greasy sheen of this mentally challenged teeny-bopper poison your heart. Your HU-U-UNGRY HEAAAUUUAAAUUAAUAUAUARARARTT. This would only promote your policy of ethno-religious cleansing for your upcoming political platform, BURGER LOVE NEBRASKA FOR @)!33.

 

        Then came the sounds of the youngest member of JOE's frail bones being compacted between the gossamer-like spit and the balsa-thick central incisors, which glistened from sunlight hung by the thatch rooftop of the diner and dove into the bowels of Bmufe's freakishly large mouth. Muscles which rippled with vein and resilient tendon became thick, ground worms of flesh and blood-pulp; teeth and bone ground coarsely into filler between freshly formed slabs of Burgergobbels; and the fluid sacs of eyes and kidneys and the stomach were reduced to shredded, fatty herbs inbetween the layers of meat. A guttural roar like a low E major erupted from Springsdeen's daemonic maw, one of unrequited BURGER LOVE COMING TO PASS.

 

the salad that came after was okay i guess.

 

So after that, Bmufe decided to play his saxaphone for a bit and fucked off shortly afterwords.

 

everybody's got a h u n g r y  h e a r t,

everybody's got a hungry heart

 

you put your money down and play your part

 

everybody's got a HUHHUGH HAUNGARYHAAAAAURT

 

AH AH OUH OH A AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGH

 

hungryhearthungryhearthungryheartplayyourhungryheartplaypartplayhearthungryhurthungryheartplayparthungryhearthangryhurtpaurtpayhungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungryhearthungry HUNGRY

I've seen it about three times now, it's consistently been white and gold.

Spoiler

Y'know, for fun, why don't I pull up this thing's biography:

OHGODITWASWORSETHANITHOUGHT.

I'm down with the Facebook message thing more than a video - and I would gladly contribute to a donation fund.

Expect my donation sometime soon, Binary.

I didn't know XYTWO very well - Hell, I never got to interact with him much outside of here. From what I did get to see of him, the man was an invested member of our community who really did put his most forward in community projects (i.e. BfNY, etc.) - and who had the charm and love of people that I don't see a lot in my world. May he have peace and just  kindness in the afterlife; and may his family remember him like we have remembered him.

Rest in Peace,

oh splendid Moon

i don't understand why, but i've been really getting into a lot of B-musical scores lately

Man, I'd argue that being able to make humor out of things like culture; faith; and government keeps us attentive and more aware of the injustices of other places.

This whole thing was discussed just this Friday with my class in Social Studies - and I've done some research based on what was said by my teacher. French secularism (referred to as laïcité, or "layman-ism") has had a more culturally-diverse division of governance and politics from religious movements and beliefs than since the passing of the 1905 French law, the religion of Islam being apart of the rule and not the exception. French secularity was designed initially to prevent the Roman Catholic Church from enforcing their clericalism on France (i.e. taxing them for their place in the Church); and to quote the French Constitution of 1958 itself: "The Republic neither recognizes, nor salaries, nor subsidizes any religion".

Charlie Hebdo wasn't a specific fiend to any one religion (or even a magazine specifically targeting religion by itself); it openly recognized that there were bad things going on in the political and religious landscapes of places like Pakistan; Korea; and even America - and every pencil stroke was dedicated to pointing out and creating satire focusing on these wrongs. Sure, an opinion isn't harmful in and of itself - but our ability to voice our opinions and views by the merit of free speech allows us to communally operate and avoid becoming a biased, ethnocentric place. One may choose to be offended and upset by the violation of their faith's tenets; by an offensive statement regarding one's race or culture; or by any statement or interpretation of one's lifestyle or identity - but I personally disagree with an extremist reaction towards any party involved in such affairs. It's simply a violation of either side's right to express and be comfortable with their views (no matter how biased or toxic they may truly be towards others).

I don't mind that a film portraying negative action against a political figure or country is made.

I don't mind that such a film is made as that political figure is still alive.

What I do mind is that when that political figure runs a country that is still armed with nuclear weapons; has a massive following of people who revere them as a God; and has the communications channel within that country locked and oriented towards honoring and refuting their country and their leader's image.

Fanaticism drives every maenad who follows to retaliate against offense with hatred.

Why do you need it? Flavor-wise, you can make an Ifrit or Suli with the same general theme.

 

So unless it's a game where everyone has templates, there's no reason to re-balance this. And even then, if everyone has a template you'll just be on par.

It's a situation of "everybody has templates" - and beyond that, I don't think an Ifrit could truly match up to the unrelenting murderstorm that is a fire elemental Goblin throwing bombs everywhere and turning people into meat-pies

would it be possible for somebody to re-balance this flame-spawned creature template for the purposes of making a PC, please

thank you in advance.

Bad-Pun Skeleton. Basically just a skeleton with bad puns about Halloween/skeletons/people's costumes.

Images will later.

Although subSPUF in Space did die, I can say that it was prominently due to:

- The end of summer holidays bridging into the schoolyear

- People like me being late with shit and going on trips

- A lack of a guiding chain for all members of the group.

This leads me to raise the points of:

- Needing a GM/Plot Master to start shit up once in a while

- Having freedom while requiring some boundaries

- Keeping a consistent and frequent interest within the community

. . . Speaking of which, I'm thinking of starting up something like the past two Interactive Tales/Adventures either for Halloween; or just in the name of something. Probably will have to do with some fantasy bullshit. I 'unno.

Having my first IRL game with a group of pals from high school (AD&D 1E, group consists of mostly Homestucks) - I'll be playing Problem Sleuth, a not-a-Thief sleuth whose hardboiled charm and grace land him into adventuring with a bunch of Homestuck characters.

It's this Friday - wish me luck.

 

Given the lack of sunlight, this would also solve any issues that vampires who plan to be in attendance might otherwise have.

 

Maybe. Do you guys think the ocean counts as running water?

 

Only if it's SCARED WATERS! HYEK-HYEK-HYEK-HYEK!

I'll be here all week - so be strong! HYEK-HYEK-HYEK-HYEK-HYEK!

You have all made the mistake of letting the Bad-Pun Ghoul out of its cage.

You have doomed yourselves - and you were totally OBLIVIOUS! HYEK-HYEK-HYEK-HYEK-HYEK-HYEKHYEK-HEE!

Com-Oh-No!

THANK YE VERY MUCH.

I HAVE MADE THE REVISIONARY MAGIC. There goes my chance at studying for my Julius Caesar quiz tomorrow - but I don't care.

I'm sorry for the delays; but hopefully, it's worth the weight.

I'm legitimately terrified by the thought of Microsoft abandoning the loving and connected fan community's suggestions and support in pursuit of their own filthy, money-grabbing ideas.

Minecraft was made (in part) by the ideas of the community - DON'T FUCK IT UP.

Okay-I need suggestions for monsters that could possibly be used as minions of Cthulhu-I'm talking like aberrations and monsters from pop culture that could be used as minor monsters for my PCs to fight.  The xenomorphs from Alien are already on the list (and I think I've found a few nice builds) and I was thinking of the necromorphs from Dead Space.  I'm working on how they'd be different than regular zombies with a friend who's in love with the series.  Any other famous monsters or aliens you think I can throw at my friends as the vanguard of the Great Old One?

Maaaaaaaybe some of those planet eating Bholes? They're basically giant worms who spit adhesive slime.

This week in "Should Have Read The Thread First", Comeau forgets to read my post and teleports me from one place to another.

oops

"Well SHIT. Guess I have to edit that shit - see you in 3 weeks, guys! "

To be a bit more serious:

Skye, I'm sorry. I busted that thing out way too quickly - shit, I didn't even give myself enough time to actually complete the information regarding those Ghigoids or whatever. I tend to do things in a hurry because I'm really, really afraid of disappointing or aggravating you all by being slow.

I'll probably get the break to work on editing and all that other stuff in the next couple of days. High school kills yer free time, and I need good marks (after all, I wanna become a weapons engineer) AND practice. If you don't hear from me in a month, SEND LINK I might be preparing stuff off on the side. I still care about this - even when I'm busy.

Thank you for being so patient with me this far - my self-loathing ass was afraid that you'd all be tired of my shit by now. But from what I can tell, you have averted yourselves from my inane black hole of bullshit and depressive behaviour. I hope to continue writing with you all in the future.