Britt

I told him I would get the rest of my psych class done, which is two units and a test. I'm just now starting to get shit done because I was asleep for most of the day. So, there's just another thing to piss him off. heh.

I actually brought that up to him. I was like "We can break up, I don't care. But, like.. This.. Doesn't have to stop." and then we both realized that we're both way too attached to each other to even attempt a physical relationship. Therefore, I can't see him until I change things. Although, I think I wanna see him sometime this week. I told him last night that I had to talk about a few things, and I don't even know how to say anything to him right now. I'm not even mad. I'm just REALLY confused.

He was frustrated because I didn't make an effort to look good, not because I didn't want to do it. My thought is, if you're dating me and you've seen me when I wake up, you really shouldn't care what I look like. But, because I just threw my hair up and didn't care.. He got irritated. The other night, we were talking about living together, just because I told him it's something I could see happening and he completely agreed with me. The next night, he breaks up with me. I'm just so confused over the whole thing, and I don't wanna talk to him about it because I don't wanna cry. I know I made him feel really bad the other night. We went to bed and he looked at me like he always does. He looked at me like he was into me and he wanted me. And i just looked at him and rolled over and he goes, "You're just gonna give me a sad look?" and I didn't say anything and he kinda knew i was crying, so he gave me a napkin and just told me I'd be okay and everything was gonna be alright. I just said, "it's a break up, not the end of the world." and he goes, "I know.. I know." like he didn't want to break up with me. I think when he gets back from RI either tomorrow or Monday, I'm gonna tell him that I need to talk to him about the whole thing. Like, he tells me that it's because he's not happy, but then he turns around and tells me that I make him happy. I don't know what it is and what it isnt. Like, what the fuck do you want from me, kid?

I talked to Noah about that the other day. He said we were together, but I wasn't his girlfriend. It's really confusing, especially where it's usually "You wanna date? Kay. Cool." But, either way. I don't want anyone else at the moment. I mean, Nick wants me back and I'm just brushing it off. I miss him and everything, but I'm really determined to get Noah back. And part of that is because Noah's VERY different than everybody else. He's not an asshole, and I can say that about more than one thing. Like I said. Not the end of the world. I can focus on school, and then get a job, and then eventually get a camera and go back to school.

OH MY GOD SIXTH GRADE MUSIC. I think. Maybe fifth grade? I know it was Mr. Cameron. Who, by the way, Ram - Michael Cameron is retiring. Besides the point - I'm not dating right now. Noah's the first person I have ever taken advice from in my life, and I continue to keep it that way right now. We're still friends. It's not that horrible of a break up, actually. I mean, it sucks. But, it's not the end of the world.

No, actually. At all. Either I've broken up with them, or they text me and say they're done.

Was someone counting how many days it's been since they started dating? Because I think I was right. Nineteen. I'm honestly not as upset about it as I was last night. I think I was more upset last night because no one has ever broken up with me in person. However, now I can focus on myself and focus on school. And when I'm ready, I'll let him know. Shit happens. You live, you learn, you grow.

No, Noah left me because I have a lot going on in my life and he doesn't want to have to deal with classes and worrying about me. There's also a few little things, like how I need to be more positive, and care about what I look like and stuff like that. He told me to put my hair a certain way, and I didn't. He got frustrated. We get along really well, and things are able to work. I just need to stop letting little things get to me. He's willing to give me another chance once things are better, though. Plus, we're not cutting each other off completely. So, it's a little bit easier for me. Also, this just happened. He's my old gamestop manager. The whole thing says "Dear teenage girls; this is a ratchet."

Pulling a britt? Is that because I double post? lmao

WHAT WAS THAT?! WAS THAT THE SOUND OF YET ANOTHER PERSON LEAVING AND GIVING UP ON BRITTANY?! You bet your ass it is. >.< Because, you know - I'm twenty years old and on a pretty short leash right now.

Ugh. no. It's like, as soon as she realizes I'm happy, she destroys it.

YES MOTHER, DESTROY MY LIFE BECAUSE YOURE MISERABLE.

Ah, fuck. Noah's roommate is home. Welp. No more sex for me tonight.

WHY SO MANY POSTS I THOUGHT WE COULDNT DOUBLE POST UNLESS IT WAS IMPORTANT. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

I got yelled at because Noah's trying to help me stay on track with school. WOMAN, DO YOU WANT ME TO FAIL?! I told her he was gonna be irritated if I didn't get atleast SOMETHING done in all of my classes, and she was like "Who does he think he is?" Okay, I get it. He can be really difficult sometimes. But, I've been telling him for the last week that I was going to get something done and I really haven't touched any of my school work. Yes, let me just lose the one boy in my life who actually wants to be with me for something other than my body because I didn't get anything done. She gets like this if I tell her I don't want her help calming down or something. Like, if I'm upset, I'll run off into the other room and call someone rather than going to my mom for it and more often than not, she's just like "YOU HAVE A MOTHER RIGHT HERE FOR A REASON YOU KNOW." ..I really wanna know what she's gonna be like when I move out.

Ram wasn't complaining about me in that post, by the way. So, please. Say something about Jeci. I have deleted her from facebook YET AGAIN

Got a 53 on one of my english tests. HOW. HOW THE FUCK. Excuse me while I ram my head against a wall.

SHOUT OUT TO NOAH FOR HELPING ME WITH WORK WHILE HES WITH HIS FRIEND. WOO. Are you talking to me about logical reasoning? Because like.. Wut.

Please rephrase this sentence. The show, guys. The show.

ALSO NEW TEEN MOM.

Noah came over and we watched Big Hero Six. I might be staying at his house Wednesday and Thursday. Guys, he makes me happier than I've ever been before. I smile almost every time I look at him.

DOUBLE POST. BUT IMPORTANT DOUBLE POST. So, sometimes Brittany does really good things for people. I'm not always a bitch. Although, being a bitch just happens to be my specialty. One of my teachers (I think her title is like, mental health rehabilitater or something like that. I don't even know) has gone through a ton of shit in her life. She's had one cancer after another, and yet she's still extremely positive. She does a TON for, not only the community, but the kids she works with. I definitely look up to her. THIS is her GoFundMe page. It also has her story on it. It would be incredibly amazing if you guys could even just donate five dollars to it. If not, I totally understand because you guys don't know her. I'm currently in the middle of handwriting her a letter to thank her for everything she's done for me, that I'm then going to fold into thirds so when she opens it, the money falls out. I'm extremely excited to give it to her. I can't wait to see her reaction. My goal is to make her cry out of happiness. Anyway, thanks in advance if you decide to donate anything. It means a lot to me.

If you did, I didn't read it. lol.

"Well Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die. I'm a little bit scared of what comes after. Do I get the gold chariot? Do I float through the ceiling? Or do I divide and fall apart? Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark. And this ship went down at the sight of land. And at the gate, does Thomas ask to see my hand?"

Dunno what an ASM is.