LordCOVID Monkey

I've got some actual spoilers to spout out now, so back off unless you want me to ruin everything!

45 minutes ago, Veez said:

I can't believe that Valve's most prolific development team member is going to be in Smash.

I haven't seen the Direct yet, so I don't get it. But does that mean that TF2's very own The Scout made it in?! (Actually, don't answer that because I already know. I am the best leaker in the world and I know everything.)

So, we've got ourselves another Smash Direct tomorrow, supposedly clocking in at 40 minutes! But why waste 40 minutes of your life tomorrow, when you can waste 5 minutes of your life right now?! That's right folks, LeakerAIDS Monkey is back, bringing you the most accurate and reliable Smash Bros leaks of all time! So, warning! There's gonna be some HUGE SPOILERS for Smash Ultimate! (I was gonna include some sweet pictures like I have in the past, but my undercover guy died out of delight while taking them. So I don't have any this time.)

11 hours ago, Expresate said:

Better bring a paddle!

heh

hehehe

hah

hahahahaha

HAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHSHAHAHAHAHAHSJAKAKA

AHAJAKAMSMALSJSWAKLDKKLADKASLMXZ>(*

No. It's better this way 

Shit. Guess I'll be in denial 'till the bitter end, then!

10 hours ago, Gyokuyoutama said:

Theory: Everyone still around on SPUF is secretly a furry.  (OK, sometimes not so secretly).

 

EDIT: For clarification, like the good type that realizes the fandom is shit but has been drawn in against involuntarily anyway, or the type that isn't aware of the fandom but is "just really into werewolf pictures, come on guys that's something different."

That's quite a bold claim, my friend! (Please don't give me any more reasons to hate myself!) Anywho, I don't think Monster Girls count as furries. Unless they're werewolves, but werewolves are low-tier anyway.

After completing a bunch of Merasmissions, I've come to realize that this snake collecting gamemode is basically the exact same thing as the Player Destruction gamemode. (Which means that Valve / the TF2 Community totally stole the idea from me, but that's beside the point.) So I guess that means that this would play exactly like maps such as Watergate, Pit of Death, Monster Bash, and Cursed Cove. Which means that all in all, the Snake Update would have been pretty terrible. These silly snakes deserve better than this... Snake Update sequel when?! (FYI the original Snake Update was posted in March of 2015, while Watergate came out in October of 2015!)

So I've been collecting my Merasmission goodies, and I've found that some of them can be used when rebuilding headgear, while others can't! (Cranial Conspiracy, Vampiric Vesture, Grand Duchesse Tiara, and Supernatural Stalker are ones that I've found.) Does anyone know what's up with this? Because I thought they were all supposed to be uncraftable.

2 minutes ago, Gyokuyoutama said:

The only reason that Valve released it today was because they saw this poll and wanted to spite us.

I still beat 'em to the punch, barely. Eat it, Valve!

It's here. And it's... kinda lame. (It should have been a surfing vampire!)

Heya there, my SPUFFriend! Remember back during my last post, where I cheated you out of a new Scream Fortress Idea by re-hashing an oldie from dead-SPUF? Well, I don’t. But I do remember that I promised that I’d bring some new and original TF2 Halloween content your way, so that’s what I’m here to do today! I’m gonna jump right into it, so get cozy in your little chair as I’ve got a lotta stuff to cover! (But a little less stuff than usual because no one actually reads this stuff, right?)

tl:dr version: The mercs confront a surfing vampire that has sent the moon on a crash curse with the Earth.

Yikes! Looks like the planet is in grave danger thanks to Rad Vlad’s carelessness! How are the mercenaries gonna be able to stop him? Glad you asked! So, the update will be split into 3 Days, much like past updates such as Love and War, each bringing all sorts of fun stuff! And UNLIKE Love and War, you’ll actually get to face off against the menacing monster on the last day!

^{Three days remain!}

Day 1 will bring the stuff that no one cares about, such as hats and crates! The new hats will include all sorts of fun beach gear, as well as all sorts of spooky, community-made Halloween costumes for Pyro and nobody else. In the crates you can expect find one good (and rare) item, along with multiple low-tier trash hats, so you’ll have to spend lotsa money to get what you’re looking for. (Probably some kind of animal companion that'll become the most expensive item in the game.)

Day 2 will bring other exciting goodies. We can expect to see a lot of new taunts based on the update, including an all-class taunt where your merc hops on a surfboard and is propelled around by a small wave. Whee! There'd also be a new taunt, Dancylvania, where the mercs to an awfully spooky dance. And maybe if we’re lucky, Day 2 will bring a few new weapons. Like a wooden stake for Spy.

Day 3 will be the BIG day of the update, and the final showdown against the gnarly vampire himself! The new map, titled Vlad’s Castle, will be a control point map that takes place in Rad Vlad’s seaside home. The BLU mercenaries have discovered that in order to stop the moon from colliding with Earth, they must capture all the control points in the castle in order to turn off Rad Vlad’s moon machine! But that’s not gonna be very easy at all, because the RED Team will play the role of Rad Vlad’s surfer friends who also want in on the waves!

^{A special look inside the all new map, Rad Vlad's Flooding Castle!}

But this control point map will be like no other! For you see, each time the BLU team captures a point, the water level will rise, causing Vlad’s Castle to flood bit by bit! This all new rising water mechanic will open up all sorts of new routes as the match progresses! The control points would be spread out across the multiple floors and rooms of Vlad's cool gothic castle, and would become accessible as water levels rise. But you must watch out for swarms of bats and other creepy creatures that may lurk within the walls of the castle, as they're always ready to pounce on you!

And beware, for once the second-to-last point is captured, Rad Vlad will take matters into his own hands and will materialize from a swarm of bats! That’s right, Rad Vlad will be making an appearance as the boss character of this update, what a surprise! Rad Vlad will attack both teams, and can be defeated like a normal boss. However, the final control point can still be captured even when Rad Vlad has spawned. But he’s still a major threat for everybody! He’d have many attacks at his disposal, such as charging you down on his coffin surfboard, sending massive waves your way, turning into a horde of bats, and tossing around highly dangerous and explosive BOMBS!

^{"Tonight I vill surf on a wave of blood! Ah-haha!" -Rad Vlad}

Once Vlad is defeated, he won’t respawn again for the rest of the match, so the last control point can be captured (or defended) with ease, which will hopefully put an end to this train-wreck of a map! If BLU wins, the moon is returned back into space where it belongs, but if RED wins, the moon collides with Earth, killing everybody. Also upon Vlad's defeat, you will be rewarded with some kind of achievement, and an all new surfer hat based off Rad Vlad’s! But that’s not the only new achievement that’ll come with this update. As always, Valve will end up deciding to make an achievement where you have to win on the map 666 times. Have fun grinding to get that one, friends!

So, I guess that all wraps up this year’s spine-chilling Halloween Update Idea. While it’d be quite nice to get something this big and scary for Scream Fortress this year, we better not get our hopes too high. Because as we all know, TF2 is dead... and that is quite fitting for this spooky season! So expect nothing this year. Anywho, I’ll see you all next time when I bring back yet another classic from Old-SPUF that I’m sure none of you will remember! But until then, this is LordAIDS Monkey, signing out!

Hopefully later rather than sooner, so I have time to finish my yearly Halloween Update Idea Thingy before Valve can do their thing. (Nothing.)

51 minutes ago, Gyokuyoutama said:

If they are going to release a major update at any point they will do it at Halloween, even if it isn't a Halloween update.  I mean, that's what happened with the pyro update last year.

 

At this point I just hope that they turn on the Halloween maps and revert back to the old style gift drops instead of the broken contracts.

I'm still waiting for the return of those spells. I don't care if it'll crash the market, I wanna slap some more useless effects on more useless hats and weapons!

24 minutes ago, TheOnlyGuyEver said:

Yesterday I played my first ever game of MvM. I beat Wave 666; it was very fun!

They really oughta give some sort of prizey thing for beating Wave 666. It's not particularly challenging or anything, but it kinda feels like a waste of time. Where's my cool Halloween Hat reward, Valve?

The list is pretty much perfect, but I've got a pretty major complaint, and that is that this list is a total pain to read on a mobile device 'cause of all the spoilers getting increasingly small. It's more of a nit-pick than anything, but bitches gotta bitch!

I respect yall's opinions, but I must inform you that you're ALL wrong. May I please redirect you to the Official Monster Girl Tier List?

(SNAKE GIRL? MID-TIER? THAT'S RIDICULOUS!)

25 minutes ago, Expresate said:

That actually wouldn't be bad.

 

In other news, you changed your profile pic again. Who even are you anymore?

At TF2's dying age, I don't think anything has the potential to be too bad. Except for Mannpower. And also the Matchmaking system.

And of course I changed my profile picture! I gotta keep things fresh somehow! Of course, I can usually be identified by the fact that my profile picture is usually a monkey. Except for that one time I was an anime girl, and that other time I was Poochy.

    Heya there, SPUFFriends! The spooky season is creeping up on us once again, which means I’m here to bring you all a scary Halloween TF2 Update! This time around, I’ve brought you all an old favorite of mine from Old Spuf. How fitting it is to be resurrecting a dead post from a dead forum during these (almost) Halloween times, am I right? Anywho, this Blast From The Past® is based on the hit Pinocchio Halloween Update! For those of you who are unaware, the original update was based upon this teaser image from Scream Fortress 2014, in which I posted my prediction on what I thought it could mean for the future of TF2!

_{Could it be... Pinocchio?}

And of course, like all my predictions, this one also turned out to be way wrong. But that’s okay, because maybe if I post it a second time, Valve will steal my idea and it’ll become a reality. But probably not, because Valve is a lazy bunch of shitters. But enough of my chattering! Let’s get down to business, as I present to you all this BONE RATTLING, AIDS MONKEY CLASSIC… THE PUPPET UPDATE!

tl:dr version: Pinocchio turns giant and hungers for flesh.

So, now the plan is to blast Pinocchio to bits. There is no mercy for the puppet boy, as his conscience is long gone by this point. (He smashed that with a hammer, too.) But how are the mercenaries gonna do that? Well, lucky for them, there just so happens to be a set of train tracks leading from their base directly to Gepetto’s Workshop. That means the plan is to push a giant bomb in there, thus ending the life of this eldritch abomination for good!

Going off that, we can assume that this new map is indeed a standard Payload map. But not just any standard Payload map! This year, the TF2 team will be taking the lazy route and will be overlaying a classic and fan-favorite map. FRONTIER!

One big difference in this version of Frontier is that the entirety of RED team has been transformed into Pinocchio’s undead puppet army! So that means that it is up to the folks on the RED team to defend their master, Pinocchio! An exciting and unique feature of this map will be that the announcer will be different depending on your team. BLU team will be treated to the friendly voice of Gepetto, while RED team will be forced to hear the ghastly and evil voice of Pinocchio.

Now let’s take a look at this little re-imagining of the map here…

_{It's just Frontier. But with puppets.}

As we can see, the cart (stylized after Monstro the Whale) will start in Pleasure Island! In this section of the map, you have to be on the lookout for donkeys that might attack you! It’s also advised that you avoid collecting any beer (or other temptations) scattered about this section of the map, or you might become a donkey yourself!

Once the point is captured at Pleasure Island, you will progress onto the Pinnochio Village segment of the map, also known as the infamous uphill climb of Frontier. Here, there aren’t many hazards, but try to stay away from the cliffs, for Pinocchio’s greatest rival, MONSTRO lurks in the water below!

After you’ve made it through the village, you will make your way into the heart of Gepetto’s workshop! However, it is much less happy and lively than usual because Pinocchio has unleashed his evil Pinocchio magic upon the place, making it much more scary! In here, you must look out for haunted clocks and creepy puppets that may attack you!

Now this is where things get real interesting! Once the third point is captured, the cart will automatically progress toward the green line, marked as the Giant Doors. During this time, the entirety of RED team will be forced to respawn, and upon respawning will be restricted to melee weapons only. Why? For beyond the doors lie the most terrifying monster of all! A 50 FOOT TALL, SKELETON PUPPET PINOCCHIO!

_{"THERE ARE NO STRINGS ON ME!" -Pinocchio}

That’s right! The little wooden head himself will be appearing as the boss battle in this update! Only BLU team gets the honor of battling him, though, as RED team will instead get to assist Pinocchio in the grand slaughter with their wimpy melee attacks! To defeat Pinocchio, you must shoot him with all the firepower you’ve got, which definitely will not be easy. Pinocchio will be standing inside the final bomb pit, and will have a wide variety of attacks to unleash upon the BLU heroes, including but not limited to… Launching Pinocchi-Nose lasers that will transform you into a puppet (that will attack your team!), launching marionette strings to tie you up, bashing things around with his mallet, and throwing highly explosive bombs that’ll be sure to blast you to smithereens!

Upon defeating Pinocchio, he will be magically transformed into a real boy as he had wanted from the start. He will plummet down onto the track below, admiring himself and saying such cool things as, “Boy oh boy, it sure is nice to be a real boy for once!”, and, “High diddle dee dee, a real boy’s life for me!”. Unbeknownst to RealBoy! Pinocchio, the bomb cart will automatically progress forward after his defeat, moving semi-rapidly to the bomb pit! Neither team is allowed to interfere at this point, so all you can really do at this point is sit and watch as the cart collides with the young boy, sending both the cart and Pinocchio down into the bomb pit. At this moment, a large explosion capable of killing anything in a five mile radius goes off, and the round ends. (Which of course, gives the victory to BLU, and both teams are treated to the excited cries of Gepetto announcing a successful mission.)

So that about sums up the gameplay portion of the update. But no update is acceptable without cosmetic stuff to clutter your backpack with. In this update, expect to see all new item sets based off of your favorite characters from Pinocchio! (But not Disney's version, because I'm not about to get my ass sued.)

And with this update, you can also expect to see millions of new, community created cosmetics for the Pyro!

And that about sums up this Halloween Classic that we can expect to see never. You may be thinking that I cheated ya’ll out of a good Halloween Update Post this year by re-using an old one, but stay tuned because I promise you all, good SPUFFriends, that I’ve got a nice and original Halloween Update coming up a little later down the line, so stay tuned for that! But until then, this is LordAIDS Monkey signing out!

1 hour ago, Idiot Cube said:

Well they did let Bayonetta join, so why not.

When you put it that way, I'd gladly remove Bayonetta from the game for Bowsette. Actually, I'd remove Bayonetta for most anybody come to think of it...

I have a brand new, not-at-all-fake-leak for ya'll.

Yikes... When I said I wanted more Monster Girls in Smash Bros., this is not what I meant.  

6 hours ago, Idiot Cube said:

I don't even think of Steve as an iconic "face" of Minecraft. He's just the default appearance for players who don't know/care about custom skins. It'd be like making a character out of the default Facebook profile pic.

 

In fact, is Steve even his official name?

I don't even think of Steve as a "face" at all, 'cause he's an ugly assortment of bricks that vaguely resembles a face. Lucky for entitled punks like myself, I don't think he's gonna get in because as we all know, all leaks are fake. (Except mine.)

Also, I'm no Minecraft wiz, but I'm pretty sure it's been confirmed Steve is his official name.

10 hours ago, Doopliss2008 said:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

someone/leaker on leddit is claiming Steve from minecraft is playable, along with an assist trophy and a stage.

 

I can already feel the rage from skull kid fans if he appears instead of skull kid.

 

I'm no Skull Kid fan, but everybody's gonna hear the rage from me if Steve gets in at all.

52 minutes ago, TheOnlyGuyEver said:

Isabelle just feels kinda cheap and uninspired. Like a good chuck of her moves are straight Villager shit, and the other moves are miscellaneous Animal Crossing things, because her character by itself has little moveset potential. It's not a fair comparison, but looking at the massive fucking pool that Simon/Richter and K. Rool had to draw their movesets from, cause there's so much shit that they actually DO in their games, it just feels kinda like "Okay, but why?"

I've learned to accept stupid shit characters like this. How else am I supposed to be able to root for my most wanteds, Poochy, Medusa, and Captain Toad without being a hypocrite?

9 minutes ago, Veez said:

I don't mind Isabelle in the slightest, but I'm looking forward to seeing Waluigi fans get annoyed that of all the assist trophies to get upgraded, it wasn't theirs.

It could always be a lot worse, for instance, we could have gotten Shadow the Hedgehog. And yes, the tears of the Waluigi and Ashley fans give me the energy needed to tackle a tough day! (Please don't hate on me Shadow, Waluigi, and Ashley fans!) Also I really don't want Geno or Goku. (Geno and Goku fans are free to hate on me as much as they please!)

20 minutes ago, Idiot Cube said:

Aw shit. How are we going to afford a Nintendo Online subscription now?!

We keep betting on outrageous characters to get in Smash till we get it right. Here's hoping that Tetris T-Block gets in!

18 minutes ago, TheOnlyGuyEver said:

Isabelle has like 2/3 Villager's moveset seemingly.

She's like the Roy to Marth's Marth. She's a true and blue clone, and not an Echo! So that means we should all hate her in the same way we hate Dr. Mario! Boo! Isabelle sucks!

7 minutes ago, Idiot Cube said:

I want my money back, you diseased chimp.

I don't have any more money, because I too bet it all on Captain N's reveal! All I can offer now is rep.