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Time for another LeakerAIDS Monkey exclusive! As anyone who cares about Pokemon knows, Sword and Shield have been pretty massively leaked. And as a result, everyone’s complaining. Which is probably totally justified. But what if I told you that the complaining ISN’T actually justified, and that the leaks are actually FAKE?! You’d probably think I was crazy, which I most definitely am not. I have secret sources that have given me REAL information about the upcoming games, and with only a few days left before the release of Pokemon Sword and Shield, there’s no better time to share this exclusive info with you! What I am about to show you are 10 new Pokemon that are sure to make a great addition to any team! Let’s go! (DISCLAIMER: I don't actually have any pictures or proof of these Pokemon, but it's ok, because using my excellent art talent, I have drawn them all from memory!)Spoiler
Our first leak is the ever so tall bird Pokemon, Flamingro. Flamingro is the tallest Pokemon to date, reaching heights of 10,000 ft! Woah! Let it be known that this is no Dynamax form, and that Flamingro is this tall in his base form. It’s a water and flying type, y’know, because it’s a flamingo. Someone tell this bird to get its head outta the clouds!
Complimenting the tall Flamingro, we have its version exclusive counterpart, Tigirth! Tigirth is the heaviest Pokemon known to man, weighing in at 5,000 pounds. Tigirth’s favorite food are donuts, specifically the glazed kind. In fact. Tigirth’s special move makes use of donuts, which heals him and raises his defenses through the roof! He’d be a normal type, because fat things are always normal types in Pokemon.
Next up is the all new ice-type Pokemon, Pigloo! Pigloo is quite the defensive juggernaut due to its hardened ice body! However, Pigloo possesses a very low speed stat, because as we all know, igloos don’t move. An interesting tidbit of information about Pigloo in the Pokedex would state that when a Pigloo dies, its body makes great shelter for other Pokemon who are out in the cold! So even in death, Pigloo would make a great partner!
Now here’s my personal favorite of the new additions this gen! Cobroth, the all new poison and fire type Pokemon! This danger noodle has taken shelter in a smokin’ hot bowl of soup, and will leap out at anyone who dare goes near it! Perfect camouflage! This little guy packs quite a venomous bite, making it a poison type. And it’s a fire type because THIS SOUP IS HOT!
This next Pokemon is named Scribbill, which is clearly a pun on the words “scribble” and “bill”. Duh. Anywho, it’s a piece of shit drawing of a duck, possessing the normal type. No one knows how it came to be, but legends say that it was a child’s drawing that came to life some day through some fantasy magic bullshit. Quite a well thought out origin story for a well thought out Pokemon design!
Our next Pokemon is Umbrawlla, the all new ghost and fighting type Pokemon based off of everyone’s favorite Japanese legend! This spooky guy has two forms. “Fold Up” is its first form, where it’d be simply a folded up umbrella dude. When it uses an attack, however, it activates its “Square Up” form, wherein its umbrella self opens up, revealing its two frightening fists! What a kooky and spooky new addition to the game!
This Pokemon is quite interesting indeed, named Kukucrock! Though it may be hard to tell based on my shitty drawings, its name is clearly derived from the fact that it is a crocodile and cuckoo clock hybrid! The little birdie and the croc have formed a symbiotic relationship wherein the birdie cleans the croc’s teeth, while also getting a free meal!
Busbee would be an all new ground and bug type Pokemon! Based on the somewhat-famous mining town of Bisbee, Arizona, this bee is sure to be a busy fella. It makes a living going into the honey mines, collecting tasty honey nuggets for its queen! It’s also worth mentioning that in Sword and Shield, there would be an all new honey mine location where you can capture this little rascal, as well as other bee pokemon.
Nearing the end of the list, we have the ice and grass type Pokemon, Sgnome! I really have no idea what the fuck this ugly-ass piece of shit is supposed to be, but judging by the name, its some kind of snow gnome. With its marvelous pine tree hat, it is granted a grass typing, and with its snowy beard, it has an ice type! Wow!
The final Pokemon that I have to leak is the all new and all cool electric type, Giraffro! This hilarious hooved hooligan is fittingly named due to its afro, that was a result of all the electricity traveling between its horns. Giraffro would make a good addition to any team, and hopefully, will become Generation 8’s most popular Pokemon! Afterall, we all know what happens to the most popular Pokemon… THEY MAKE IT INTO SMASH! And with a face like that, who wouldn’t want to see this guy in Smash Bros?
Well friends, that’s all for today’s leak! Unfortunately, the Pokemon community is pretty split right now due to all the information we’ve received about the game through leaks. But I’m here to bring the community back together with my real leaks! Now, will you support GameFreak or boycott them? Hopefully with this information, you good people of SPUF will make the right decision! (Hint: You’ll look like an idiot regardless of which side you pick!)
LordCOVID Monkey reacted to a reply to a status update: I feel personally attacked by California; they named the fire going on there after me
Time for a definitive list of the Top 10 Virtual Youtubers.
Hey howdy ho, SPUFFriends. Have I got a treat for you! Today I bring my most thrilling tier lists to the world of Virtual Youtubers! I’m a bit on the uncultured side, however, so extensive research was needed prior to the making of this list.
On my travels I learned two important things…
1. Virtual Youtubers are racist sons of bitches.
2. I don’t have the time to watch a bunch of 15+ minute videos.
That being said, I didn’t actually do any real research, and have instead opted to do what any reasonable person would do. Select a couple dudes and dudettes and base my list solely off of my own assumptions. So here goes.
The Definitive Virtual Youtuber Tier ListSpoiler
10. Kizuna Ai
She’s the most popular Virtual Youtuber by far. And just like all popular things, she’s terribly overrated and you’re all a bunch of band-wagoners if you like her.
9. Natsumi Moe
As someone who doesn’t know any Japanese, it’s nice to have one that speaks my language. However, after hearing her, I think that it’s for the best that I can’t understand what any of them are saying.
Why in God’s name does a loli-fox-girl thing have a man’s voice? I guess I’m not one to judge, so you’re cool in my book, Nekomasu. You do you.
7. Nora Cat
This one has a pretty interesting story, at least. Turns out this cat-girl was actually a man this whole time. That’s a pretty big upgrade if you ask me. I don’t like cat-girls.
I don’t even know what it even means to be a Virtual Youtuber, but ratboygenius qualifies. Probably. He’s cute, and he plays Minecraft? Kind of? I don’t know.
5. Omega Sisters
I really can’t stand the fucking blue one but the red one’s the best thing on the planet. Just kidding. I didn’t watch any of this, but trust me when I say the list is still definitive.
4. Kabocha no Unchi
Yeah, this one’s not real. I made her up. But I gotta say that now I’m a pretty big fan of the idea. Somebody buy me some VR shit so I can make this a reality and become a star!
This man is a goddamn horse and I can’t not respect him for that.
It’s really no secret that Gyokuyoutama is secretly a young and aspiring Virtual Youtuber. It's evident that he intends on overthrowing all the other ones so he and only he can be the greatest Virtual Youtuber of all time. But what he doesn't know is that one very powerful man stands in his way... and that man is...
1. Will Smith
A lot of people seemed confused when Will Smith kicked off the Youtube Rewind of 2018. "What does this man have to do with Youtube?!" Many wondered... But not me! You see, it’s because I know that Will Smith is actually a Virtual Youtuber, and is quite popular. Of course, you probably didn’t know that due to his awesome persona that he uses to disguise himself. I don’t want to give too much away, but here’s a hint: He’s big, blue, and uncanny as fuck.
And now you know who the best Virtual Youtubers are! If you think that I forgot anybody, then please tell me. (Not really though because I wouldn’t have any idea who the Hell you were talking about.) That’s all for this tier list. Goodbye for now.
I'm gonna play kayogee's version of the game because it allows me to ruin the game for everyone. Scout: Shortstop, Madmilk, Wrap Assassin I hate the Scout, and because of this it is my firm belief that he shouldn't be allowed to do any meaningful damage because he's an annoying little shitter. And his play-style should reflect that. Soldier: Liberty Launcher, Gunboats, Market Gardner If I've learned anything in my days off TF2, it's that the Trolldier is the most popular loadout of all time. Well, what of we had a Soldier/Trolldier hybrid?! We can please all the Soldier mains! Pyro: Dragon's Fury, Shotgun, Hothand Afterburn has way too many counters so I say we cut Pyro's over-reliance on it. Only then can Pyro become the best class. Also, the Hothand because that's the best weapon in the game . Demoman: Bootlegger, Tide Turner, Persian Persuader Demoman is pretty cool as is, but I was thinking it would be cooler if we turned him into Pirateman by default. If you must have your explosives, the Loosecannon can be interchanged with the Bootlegger. Heavy: Brass Beast, Dalakohs Bar, Fists of Steel Heavy is a tanky dude and therefore his only choice of weapons should reflect that. With these, he could become the unstoppable Force he was always meant to be! Engineer: Widowmaker, Short Circuit, Gunslinger Let's also make it so ammo boxes don't give any metal, therefore making Engineer completely useless, as he should have been from the start. Medic: Blutsauger, Quick-Fix, Solemn Vow With this new change, the balance of TF2 will be flipped on its head! Certainly an exciting and welcome change to any game. Battle Medics, unite! Sniper: Sniper Rifle, SMG, Kukri Everybody already hates Sniper so I don't think I need to make any changes to his stock loadout to ruin the game. Spy: L'Etranger, Big Earner, Cloak and Dagger, Red Tape Recorder Let's just make it so Spy is invisible forever. Valve, please hire me.
He has a cute nose. I should'a rubbed his instead.
So now I guess I'm stuck with this name for the next month. Luckily, I don't have any regrets.
LordCOVID Monkey replied to Stackbabbin' Bumscags's topic in Entertainment TheaterThat's nice and dandy, but with all these unnecessary Switch ports, when are we getting Toohoos in Smash Bros? Afterall, I would love me some more anime swordsmen!
Globglogabgalab is the best meme of 2018 and all time.
Day 12 is out, finally! Today I bring one final update for 2018, THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE SMISSMAS UPDATE! This time around, I tried to make the update as realistic to a Valve update as possible. That being said, it's shit. Day 12 is a disappointment. Sorry guys, merry Smissmas! (Or whatever holiday you celebrate!)
What the Hell? Is that Crazy Frog's dead brother? If so, that is the coolest thing ever.