<Witty Name>

You would do this if you were capable of movement.

You are not dead. This will quickly become apparent to you. You attempt to look at the chessboard, but there is no chessboard as the room is completely dark.

You are currently unable to move. You should probably attempt to determine where you are first.

It is too late to do that. You are now yourself again.

subSPUF is a normal place where normal things happen This statement may or not be accurate

THERE IS NO KNIGHT DRAGON. THERE IS ONLY A DRAGON KNIGHT. YOU WONDER WHAT KIND OF IDIOT WOULD MIX UP THOSE WORDS. YOU HURL THE WALRUS AT THE DRAGON KNIGHT. HE TAKES NO DAMAGE WHATSOEVER. A LARGE BOWLING BALL EXPLODES OUT OF THE WALL AND RUNS OVER THE DRAGON KNIGHT. HE IS COMPLETELY UNHARMED. THE WALRUS EXPLODES. You are now the Drow. You are so comically unbalanced that you can only speak in Comic Sans. You have already beaten Contra due to your massive AGI bonus. You do not have a nose. A large Russian man appears and demands a dispenser. You do not know what a dispenser is. You give him a hat. He seems pleased. Your grandmother is pleased. Zimbabwe is pleased.

HIGGS UPDATE CONFIRMED, then?

>Unreal Engine oh goodness, a game that my computer will probably run quite well

I tried random once and got a hero I'd already played. It traumatized me permanently. Anyhow, I tried Nyx a few minutes ago. He's incredibly fun (dagon level 5 + vendetta + mana burn is basically an instakill against lowered leveled enemies).

I still haven't even played 90% of the heroes in the game what are you kids whining about

I do enjoy games that project a sense of loneliness. Unsurprisingly, Lone Survivor has done an amazing job of this so far. Every time you think you've found someone to talk to, they get yanked away from you just as you start to think they're real.

As a DM, I can tell you than when people roll natural 20s, magic happens.

YOU ARE UNABLE TO COMPREHEND LOVE. YOU HATE ALL LIVING THINGS. HOWEVER, YOU BEGIN TO FANTASIZE ABOUT TWILIGHT SPARKLE. AT THIS POINT A LARGE BOWLING BALL CRASHES THROUGH THE WESTERN WALL AND RUNS OVER THE WALRUS. IT IS COMPLETELY UNHARMED. THE BOWLING BALL EXPLODES. YOU THINK THAT THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING UNUSUAL ABOUT THIS WALRUS. THE NOTION OF THIS "VIDEO GAME" THAT THE INTERNATIONAL 3 IS INVOLVED IN CONFUSES YOU. YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY ONE WOULD WANT TO PLAY AS HIMSELF IN A VIRTUAL REPRESENTATION OF REALITY.

YOU LOOK UP FROM THE COMPUTER, HAVING PUNCHED IT AGAIN EVEN THOUGH IT WAS ALREADY DESTROYED. YOU HAVE BEEN UNHAPPY FOR FIVE YEARS EVER SINCE YOU ACCIDENTALLY BLEW UP AN ANT WITH YOUR MIND. YOU ARE REGRETFUL OF THIS DECISION. YOU BLAME COMMUNISM FOR IT, ALTHOUGH IT IS DIFFICULT TO SHIFT BLAME WHEN YOU ARE SKELETON KING. OUTSIDE IS A KNIGHT DRAGON. YOU ARE VERY DISPLEASED WITH THE KNIGHT DRAGON. HE APPEARS SMUG IN HIMSELF. HE IS STANDING 15.2354 METERS AWAY. YOU JUMP THROUGH THE BROKEN WINDOW, WHICH WOULD HURT IF YOU WERE NOT A SKELETON. You are now the Knight Dragon. You have been pensive as of late. The poor weather has been getting on your mind. Suddenly, a SKELETON KING appears and tries to gank you. You BALL OUT OF CONTROL and kick him back into the house with your fist. He emits a loud noise and insults your mother. YOU ARE NOW THE SKELETON KING. YOU ARE INFURIATED. YOUR SKELULATOR 2000 SAYS YOU CAN'T DIVIDE BY ZERO. YOU HIT THE SKELULATOR WITH YOUR SWORD. IT EMITS A LOUD BANG AND DISINTEGRATES. THE WALRUS IS STILL DEAD YOUR ORIGINAL SELF IS NOW IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM PLAYING CONTRA. YOU DO NOT LIKE CONTRA. IT IS A VERY DIFFICULT GAME WHEN YOU HAVE NO PROPER HANDS. BONE HANDS ARE NO SUBSTITUTE FOR NORMAL HANDS. INFURIATED, YOU BEGIN PLAYING "SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS" WITH YOUR RIBCAGE. THIS IS VERY SILLY. YOU ATTEMPT TO CONTAIN THE SILLINESS, BUT IT IS SIMPLY EXCESSIVE. YOUR ORIGINAL SELF IS DISPLEASED. HE PUNCHES YOU WITH HIS FOOT. YOU FLY OUT THE WINDOW AND LAND ON THE KNIGHT DRAGON'S NOSE. HE IS DISPLEASED. THE KNIGHT DRAGON KICKS YOU BACK WITH HIS FIST. YOU ARE NOW A TENNIS BALL. THIS IS VERY EMBARRASSING.

You attempt to type on the KEYBOARD, but you have no HANDS. root@net002>f4nio43n3q4gmoimkgoiemgagmreioG5IOGR Frustrated, you WALRUS PUNCH the TERMINAL with large amounts of LOVE. The TERMINAL explodes. Every window in the house shatters as the ROBOTS outside explode into SCRAP METAL. The spectacles depresses you. You are dead. YOU ARE NOW THE SKELETON KING YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT AND ALWAYS TYPE IN ALL-CAPS LETTERS EXCEPT FOR THE LETTER "z" YOU DECIDE THAT YOUR OLD SELF SHOULD BE A WALRUS, BUT YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE NOT A WALRUS. THIS MEANS THAT THERE CANNOT BE A DOUBLE WALRUS, SINCE THE SKELETON KING IS NOT A WALRUS.

Dazzle is pretty easy spam shadow wave use shallow grave if someone gets low use poison touch if your allies are chasing someone use weave if you get into a teamfight

except Drow Drow's only counter is the "disconnect" button

You do not understand what Zimbabwe is. Perhaps you should've paid attention in that History class back in high school. Oh well. You attempt to become the WALRUS. You are now the WALRUS. You enjoy referring to THINGS with all caps to point them out, although THIS can get annoying to other PEOPLE. Sometimes you wish you were alive. You are dead. Restart? ---> Y You are now the WALRUS. You enjoy not being DEAD. For this reason you are ALIVE. You are standing before a COMPUTER TERMINAL. You see your OLD SELF there. You are very CONFUSED.

issue a strongly worded letter from the UN

It is at this point that you realize there is no table. You imagine a sexual encounter with the table. The table- You realize how utterly silly this is and punch yourself in the face. Meanwhile, the robots draw closer. They are wielding frying pans made of frying pans made of Zimbabwe.

You attempt to CORE DUMP the computer. The computer is displeased. The computer is your grandmother. Your grandmother invades Guatemala. root@net002>setcuillevel 0 ERROR: INVALID UNPUT Setting cuillevel to default(3)... Before the computer can finish its output, it flashes brightly. You can perceive all of existence through the screen. The screen is staring back at you. The screen is displeased. You are infuriated by the screen. The screen unfurls into a majestic eagle. The eagle is displeased. You are displeased. Displeasure is displeased. You attempt to reach for the keyboard. The keyboard has melded with the table. The table has come into existence. The table is displeased. The table is writing a letter. You are trying to read it. Why is it written in Slavic? You cannot read Slavic. You ask the table to stop speaking Slavic. The table is still displeased. Language has ceased to exist. The table is writing in Nothing. You cannot read Nothing. You ask the table to stop speaking Nothing. The table is pleased.

You eat the burger. Nothing particularly interesting happens. This shocks you to the core.

You try typing the command again. root@net002> [ouo] A strange light fills the room. The notion of simply exiting the room crosses your mind, but you decide that would be rather silly. This is because the doors are currently turning into cows falling about into veggie burgers.

You attempt to eat the computer. However, due to a severe defect in your knowledge of vocabulary, you attempt to hack the computer instead. root@net002> rm * -r You pause. Doing this would be silly. There's no reason to delete all the files from the terminal. Meanwhile, the killer robot swarm grows closer.