<Witty Name>

ERROR: Command not recognized. root@net002>

You hallucinate your witty grandmother. However, you see no reason to punch her. You attempt to leave the state of panic. You suffer every disease known to man simultaneously due to your weakened immune response. You are dead. RESTART? ---> Y You are in a room. There is a stable atmosphere, although the pressure is 50 millibars higher than usual. The computer terminal from before it flashing more rapidly. You decide that this would be the ideal time to have a good old fashioned picnic. You take out your lunch box and instantly die as a squadron of killer robots obliterate you with high-powered rocket batteries. RESTART? ---> Y You are in a room. There is a stable atmosphere. The pressure is normal. There are no violent homicidal robots nearby, although you fear that this might change in short order, given the large cloud of killer robots looming on the horizon. The computer screen is barely flickering. It seems to be displaying a Gentoo login screen. You go over to the computer and begin typing the lyrics to Octopus' Garden. You are clearly very frightened, as this is a completely illogical choice of action. ACCESS GRANTED root@net002>

ErrOR: not TF3 being FOUND BRO??!?!?? ERORr: EROR EROR: no COMIC SANS UNINSTALLED ERROR: PERSONALITY "SWEET BRO": FONT "COMIC SANS" NOT FOUND UNLOADING PERSONALITY... LOADING PERSONALITY "SKYNET" You are in a large room. The air smells faintly of mold. To the left is a small computer terminal. Its screen is blinking rapidly with long lines of text. There is a ceiling fan overhead. You are in a vacuum, so it is having no effect. You are unable to breathe. The air does not smell of mold. You are very confused and enter a state of panic. What do you do? >

dogDOG were like srebooting into the WITYVERSE~~~~~~~™™™™™™™™[col™™™™™™ wityverse ME edition [I](HEHEHEHEHEHE) loaded

ERROR: DOTA 2 DLC NOT INSTALLED ERROR: ERROR HANDLING ERROR ERROR: DROW OP ERROR: STOP NOT A COMMAND ERROR: THIS ISN'T LINUX ERROR: THIS IS SKYNET ERROR: TOO LAZY ERROR: TOO LAZY ERROR: TOO LAZY ERROR: NO ERROR: ERROR- ...dude DUFE...............~~~~~

ERROR: RED MATTER DLC NOT INSTALLED ERROR: DLC DLC NOT INSTALLED ERROR: DLC DLC DLC NOT INSTALLED ERROR: STACK OVERFLOW ERROR: REBOOT ERROR ERROR: ERROR ERROR ERROR Booting Windows ME... ERROR: NOT GENTOO ERROR: PLEASE WAIT 35 MINUTES ERROR: PLAYING DOTA ERROR: DOTA DLC NOT INSTALLED ERROR: META ERROR: ERROR

You procure your abacus. It does not have a divide function. You are furious. You are now George W. Obama. Your grandmother is pleased. She always wanted you to go into politics. Unfortunately you cease to exist. Reboot? ---> Y ERROR: BOOT SECTOR NOT FOUND >

You lash out at the wall. The wall implodes. You can see everything. You are displeased. You invade everything. Your armies now control nothing. You are Napoleon. You have just won the Battle of Waterloo. It is a bad day. You did not want to win the Battle of French Pastries. .seirtsaP hcnerF fo elttaB eht niw ot tnaw ton did uoY .yad dab a si tI .oolretaW fo elttaB eht now tsuj evah uoY .noelopaN era uoY .gnihton lortnoc won seimra ruoY .gnihtyreve edavni uoY .desaelpsid era uoY .gnihtyreve ees nac uoY .sedolpmi llaw ehT .llaw eht ta tuo hsal uoY You continue to exist.

The Cuil value is now zero. You take pen to paper. Your tale begins in a small house. It ends with you writing a story of you writing a story about yourself. You finish the story. The Cuil value is now octopus. You eat the story. You die. You are not dead. Your grandmother disapproves. You disapprove. Guatemala invades Guatemala. How do you react? >

You open your space inventory. The entire population of Guatemala is inside. You resolve to never eat so many Cheetos ever again. Bill Gates does not approve of your Cheetos eating habit. You have no family. You do not exist. You are dead. Restart? ---> Y You are Bill Jobs. You are the most powerful man in the world. Your tuning fork cheese alien bugle invention made you the man you are. You are the president of Guatemala. What do you do? >

The console leaves the room. You die of a broken heart. You do not have a heart. You do not die. You are dead. Restart ---> Y You are a tuning fork made of cheese. A non theoretical alien appears before you. It plays the bugle. The bugle is not pleased. Your grandmother is not pleased. Guatemala attacks the alien. It turns into a 16" pepperoni and anchovy pizza with extra thick crusts. You decide to take a short break to perform calculus homework.

You desire a beret to wear whilst metaphoricall drinking your cougar soup. A tremendous rain of berets rain from the sky. They do not suffocate you, as you are not an organic lifeform. The coffee spills upon you. You emit a large spark and disintegrate. Restart? ---> Y You are a tuning fork. You are disturbed by the notion that has just crossed through your mind. You do not have any hands. You stare at the terminal longingly. Your love was never meant to be. A strange sound fills the air. It rings with the loudness of a thousand atomic bombs detonating in the deepest void of the universe. What do you do? >

You do not not not not not not not not not. You have died of tuberculosis you contracted tomorrow. Restart? (Y/N) ---> N You are floating in space. >Y You are the improbability drive. You acquire some coffee from yourself. You cannot drink the coffee. You cannot hold a chimpanzee. You can also not hold a towel. You are deeply saddened. Using your powers as the improbability drive, you extend the cuil level to banana.

You attempt to walk forwards, disregarding all logic. The ground disappears underfoot. You are falling. The air is made of rubber. You are composed of positrons. Gabe Newell appears before you. He speaks in German. You do not speak German. You understand him perfectly. You do not trip on a spherical cube. Your foot explodes into confetti. You do not do not eat giant larvae men. You eat the giant larvae men. They taste like hamburgers. Your grandmother is displeased. Your grandmother declares war on Guatemala. You do not turn off the infinite improbability drive. This was the most likely course of events, in retrospect. You are eating a hot dog.

You attempt to become the Rrow Danger. You fail. Steve Jobs is now driving the train. The train is traveling at three pastries per apple. You attempt to avoid the train. You succeed. The train falls apart into cows. The cows are displeased. Your grandmother appears. She is wearing the FedEx truck. You attempt to ask her for the FedEx truck. She is displeased. She plays bingo. The bingo cards do not exist. She does not appear fazed. She is the president of Guatemala. Bill Gates stops the truck. You are Bill Gates. You forget how to ghost-ride whips. You are busy designing Windows 3. There is a faint odor of cheese in the area. You own the FedEx company. You are the president of Guatemala. You are wearing the FedEx truck. You open the truck. The truck is on fire. You are on fire. You have died. Restart? ---> Y You are standing in a field. There is nothing of interest happening in the field. 3,915,939 cows are rustling in the wind. What do you not do? >

You contemplate your existence as the driver of a FedEx truck. You have had a long, successful career as a FedEx driver. You have only run over 6531 pedestrians. The truck begins to turn left. You turn right. The truck turns up. A clown drifts by, under the control of a telepathic cow. The cow is displeased. The cow falls apart into hamburgers. The truck turns down. Bill Gates stands before you. Steve Jobs is driving the truck. You are in the passenger seat. You are driving the car. You crash into a train. The train crumples into confetti. How do you react? >

You do not understand this "whre you were". You do not have a potato. You have a hot dog. There is no hat avalanche. It is a bright and sunny day. The pollution levels are mild. There has been only one violent crime so far today. There is still no hat avalanche. You do not understand where this notion comes from. The buildings begin to weep softly. A cow drifts by, powered by the whims of Abraham Lincoln. There is a faint odor of garlic in the air. You find yourself inside a UPS truck. It is dark. There are a number of packages lying about. They all smell of garlic. The cow is also inside the truck. It is now under the control of Andrew Jackson. You would normally find your jimmies russled but cannot currently remember the English language. You do not have a head. You have died. Restart? ---> Y You are driving a UPS truck. It is a sunny day. The weather is a pleasant -50 degrees Kelvin. You see a road sign up ahead. It says "ROAD CLOSED." What do you do? >

You are now in New York City. You are eating a hot dog. Input Cuil value --->

You do not see any waste matter to abscond with. You have been feeling very literal today. You look up to see that a monstrous wave of hats is falling from the ceiling. What do you do? >

You have no idea how to not restart. The potato has grown in size to 734.3 micrograms. You attempt to get ye potato. You already have ye potato. The potato has grown in size to 734.5 micrograms. It does not occur to you that eating the potato would be a good idea.

You attempt to eat the entire pumpkin. You collapse upon the floor, shaking the 652 boards that make up its surface. The shock causes the ceiling to cave in, releasing a tremendous rain of 762 unusual hats upon you. You have died of suffocation due to the sheer weight of your monstrous pile of hats. Restart? (Y/N) >Y You are standing in a large house. There is a single window to your left. It is 2.542 miles wide, 2.454 miles high, and .1 miles thick. Above you is a regular pattern of ceiling tiles. The 5000th ceiling tile from the right-side wall has a small tinge of mold. The 4999th ceiling tile from the right-side wall has a large tinge of mold. The air is 746.2451 degrees Fahrenheit. The sun is at an angle of 80 radians to the horizon. You are holding a potato that weighs roughly 733 micrograms. It smells faintly of potato. What do you do?

Restarting... You are standing in a small house. There is a single window to your left. It is 2.542 feet wide, 2.454 feet high, and .1 feet thick. Above you is a regular pattern of ceiling tiles. The fifth ceiling tile from the right-side wall has a small tinge of mold. The fourth ceiling tile from the right-side wall has a large tinge of mold. The air is 72.45356 degrees Fahrenheit. The sun is at an angle of .2 radians to the horizon. You are holding a pumpkin that weighs roughly 2.53 kilograms. It smells faintly of mold. What do you do? >

>WittyName: Make this a CYOA with godmod powers

Today I tried Wisp being medic is fun

Awwww I know that feeling. The first server I ever played on (and that had seen many months of work) was obliterated by a massive crash. It never quite had the same magic again.