Just a Gigolo

You drag Idiot Cube's dead body back to the fire you cooked his girlfriend on. You shove a stick up his ass and through his mouth, and you start to slowly roast his body. After several hours, he is ready to eat, so you dig in and eat his entire body. You slowly feel yourself gaining his psychic powers, but before you can enjoy them, the Rape Yeti police show up. You're wanted in questioning about the Rape Yeti you killed with your homeless aids. Do you admit to your crime? Do you use your new powers to kill the police? Fuck da police :pinkiegasm:

You dance as Idiot Cube dies a painful and slow death on the ground. You watch as a single tear rolls down his cheek. Do you eat Idiot Cube to gain his psychic powers? Do you do bury him in a shallow grave? :pinkiegasm:

You keep running deeper into the forest before you start to get tired. Thankfully, all that bacon Idiot Cube ate makes him have a heart attack right then and there. Do you stop to help Idiot Cube? Do you dance as he slowly dies? :pinkiegasm:

You tell Idiot Cube that you knew the bacon came from his girlfriend, and that it was all your fault. Idiot Cube gained the psychic powers that let his dead girlfriend talk and spread pig propaganda on the internet, and begins to attack you with them. You run away from the psychic Cube as fast as you can, but he's right behind you. Do you go back to where the homeless men and the dead Rape Yeti are? Do you continue running down the path to places unknown? :pinkiegasm:

You offer some of the bacon to Idiot Cube, and he gladly joins you. You and Idiot Cube become slowly become friends while eating the manly bacon with each other. You both eat as much as you can, and it's not until you have finished off all of the bacon that Idiot Cube notices Razputin's necklace laying on the ground. He asks you if the pig you just ate was Raz, the magical talking pig, and you tell him it was. Idiot Cube then proceeds to vomit all over you before pulling out a knife. He says that he can't live with himself after eating his girlfriend, and the only way he can fix it is with the Japanese suicide ritual called seppuku. Do you stop Idiot Cube by telling him it was your fault? Do you stop Idiot Cube by giving him a bro-hug? :pinkiegasm:

You kill Raz, the magical talking pig, and turn him into manly bacon. Just as you finish cooking Raz, the magical talking pig, his boyfriend Idiot Cube shows up. He tells you that he was out looking for his girlfriend all day, and that he was tired and hungry from his search. Do you feed Idiot Cube the bacon made from his girlfriend? Do you tell Idiot Cube you killed and cooked his girlfriend? :pinkiegasm:

You decide to talk with the pig. He tells you that his name is Razputin and he got separated from boyfriend, Idiot Cube. He spends several hours telling you about pig rights, meat alternatives, and how he uses the internet to spread his beliefs. He offers you several packs of tofu bacon if you can help him find his boyfriend, Idiot Cube. Do you help the pig for tofu bacon? Do you kill the pig for manly bacon? :pinkiegasm:

You wait for the Rape Yeti to get tired, but it doesn't take long, since as we all know, aids kills yetis super fast. Pushing the dead Rape Yeti off of you and your two homeless lovers, you stand up remembering that you had to find a way out of the forest. You continue down the path some more until you come across a talking pig. Do you stop to talk with the talking pig? Do you kill it for bacon? :pinkiegasm:

You stop the three-way to alert your past sexual partners, but then you realize that it means you have to alert the Rape Yeti too. When all of a sudden the Rape Yeti shows up and starts raping you and the two homeless men. Do you wait for the Rape Yeti to get tired? Do you try and run hoping the Rape Yeti will just keep raping the two homeless men? :pinkiegasm:

You put the used condom on your penis, but you catch aids from the semen that was in there. Do you stop the three-way to alert your past sexual partners just in case? Do you finish the three-way? :pinkiegasm:

You hop in and make it a three-way. You look around for protection and see a used condom and a rubber glove. Do you use the used condom? Do you use the rubber glove? :pinkiegasm:

You walk along the path until you come across two homeless men having sex. Do you join in and make it a three way? Do you try and sneak past them? :pinkiegasm:

Get raped by the Rape Yeti, and he throws you back where you started. Do you take the left path? Do you take the right path? :pinkiegasm:

Fixed :pinkiegasm:

Oscar for best song, hands down. :pinkiegasm:

If there isn't something about Obama crying meaning he's evil, I'll seriously be disappointed in them. :pinkiegasm:

I died of laughter. :pinkiegasm:

No, but your thread derail is super respectful if you ask me. Indeed you are, Scampy. :pinkiegasm:

Is it bad that if I was in that situation, I would just be thinking about how much time I'd get off from school? :pinkiegasm:

You'll get bored with it after a couple of uses. :pinkiegasm:

:pinkiegasm:

:pinkiegasm:

He's a Tim and Eric fan, so that explains why he's literally worse than Hitler. :pinkiegasm:

Damn those rep hungry Russians, first our rep, now our accounts!!! :pinkiegasm:

It's fake rep. :pinkiegasm: