Idiot Cube

Maybe this makes me a filthy traitor, but I predict that Team Japan is gonna wipe the floor with us. Like, humiliatingly so. Our guy will slowly plod out onto the battlefield and put up its robot fists, then the other guy will use its rocket boosters to dash forward at Mach 2 and impale him with a gigantic laser drill.

Apparently not. But that didn't prevent me from fighting Nashandra!

Uh so apparently I skipped over a whole part of the game? It seems there's more to the spooky foggy part of Shaded Woods than a talking head and some annoying ghosts. There is in fact, another area connected to it. With curse urns, and a scorpion dude, and MORE FUCKING GHOSTS AAAAAGH WHY CAN'T YOU LOCK ON TO THEM? It makes them ten times more difficult to fight than they need to be! The combat doesn't fucking work without being able to lock on, Zelda figured that shit out 20 years ago! OH AND YOU BROKE THAT CHEST, THANKS ASSHOLE, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ANYWAY WHY DO YOU CARE IF I GET WHATEVER'S IN IT? Aaaah whatever, wood chests never have anything good. Where the FUCK is this scorpion lady boss, anyway? Is she behind one of these Alien statues? Because I'm fresh out of Fragrant Branches right now. Which means I'll have to go somewhere else, only to forget about this area again.

It's fine. It's fine! That last guy, the guy that made it all the way up to the final boss but didn't beat it, the guy I spent about SIXTY HOURS OF MY LIFE ON, he was just a practice run! Actually I'm not all that devastated, surprisingly. I was always a little dissatisfied with the way he was shaping up, and was planning to start a new, more magic-focused character. This only forced the issue.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Dragon Place, I forget what it's called, GO! Man, these mountains are a fucking maze. And how am I supposed to get the shiny beetle guys if they're hiding underneath a bunch of dragons? Guess I'll come back for them. Maybe. Ok, now I'm at yet another fucking castle. There's all these guys standing around...not attacking me...the messages say "friend but very tough" and that sort of thing...goddammit, it's the Heide Knights all over again, isn't it? At least they're bowing to me right now. 'Bout time these enemies started showing some respect. These guys are alright. And there he is, the biggest dragon of them all. This shall be my most legendary battle yet! HAVE AT- oh, wait, you're just sitting there? Just wanna talk in a weird voice and give me a little thingy? Ok...that works too...I guess. See ya. Probably gonna grab some bros and kill you later, though. Surprisingly, the dudes DIDN'T start attacking me the moment I walked out of Boss Dragon's arena. Maybe they're waiting for me to actually kill it. Oh well. Let's see what this thingy unlocks!

You guys do realize we can mouse over the links, right?

what the fuck I heard about this months ago and thought it was a joke

Undead Crypt, here we go. Ok, so if the bells gets rung (either by the skellytons and zambos running around, or me by accident), those blue robed fire-shooting ghost guys show up. But they're pretty squishy so it's not a big deal...right? I drop into this big pit, and there are three (I think?) doorways leading out. Let's see what's aaaaaaaaand there goes a bell. Suddenly FOUR ghosts show up and burn me to a crisp. Fuck. Round two, I immediately run for one of the exits. Maybe they'll just give up if I get far enough away, it's worked before. But NOPE, it's a dead end with a ghost's coffin! He has me flanked with his four buddies and they burn me to a crisp. Round three, I try another exit. It's ANOTHER dead end, with a zombie sitting in front of a bell! So I guess I need to grab a bow or throwing knife and shoot him before he can ring it? Lame. Alright, well I might as well go down fighting as long as I'm down here...oh, hey! I killed all four of them! Lemme just Estus up and maybe I can move forward a li-OH GOD THEY'RE RESPAWNING?! *gets burned to a crisp* And then I failed to retrieve my 16k souls because some dude invaded me. Also, the Ring of Not Losing All Your Shit When You Die now costs 14k to repair. Really doesn't feel like a worthwhile investment.

I prefer the Shakespeare version.

I'm not really in the habit of talking to internet friends with my actual voice, so probably not. I might hop in if there's some gaming event going on, but we hardly do that anymore.

thx 4 bird

pls gib green robo-bird

What was that noise? Oh shit, it's Corvo. And I'm just standing here with my dick out. I'd better back away so he can't get a good look at it.

Its zombie body twitches and spasms with a little less energy every day.

The fact that they're Roxy and Kanaya?

​"COME BACK HERE! IT'S GOOD THERAPY! 50,000 VOLTS' WORTH OF IT!"

Fuckin' finally. Also, d'aw.

Inside Out was pretty good. All the visual symbolism for brain-stuff made me giddy.

I figured out pretty quickly to run the fuck away when he sticks his sword in the ground. (And by "pretty quickly" I mean "after dying to it once".) The damage over time from being close to him was annoying, but most of his attacks were focused on my BFF Lucatiel, who did an awesome job tanking with her shield. So far I'd say the hardest boss for me has been the Ruin Sentinels. It seems like you need at least two buddies to engage them separately so they don't attack you at the same time. Also I'm rocking dual blacksteel katanas now. Pretty fun.

Lost Sinner and Old Iron King.

Ok I just beat him. Apparently the way for me to git gud at this game is to complain about it here.