Razputin

I like how you made a screenshot

I THINK I just unlocked the Chest The Polariod is complee but I didn't get an achievement yet

I have to study for a a big test this Thursday, so naturally I am desperately trying to find excuses to postpone it. And thus, Razputin's Story of Excite was born! The first reply will decide who will be the protagonist of this Epic. A famous person? Yourself? Original character do not steal? The second reply will decide on the starting location of our hero. A country? An era? The middle of a heated war? The third reply will decide the final goal our hero thrives for. The love of his/her/its life? Fame and fortune? A hidden moral he/her/it does not even know at the start of the venture? The fourth reply will decide on the single item our hero will find next to him/her/it once the story starts. A mighty blade? A dangerous enemy? A helpful companion? The fifth reply will decide our hero's biggest obstacle in his/her/its Quest. A fortified castle? An evil mastermind? His own personal gripes? Obviously double posts don't count, but you're allowed to get more than one as long as there is at least one other person between your posts.

Caine got an idea. He remembered the orange-haired ninja yelling something about bandai and tamagotchi-powers, perhaps they could aid him in his quest. Carefully, he jabbed his blade into the sand, then stepped back and watched it fall down. To Cain's regret however, the blade fell perpendicular to the pyramids, and crushed a camel that was standing a a few dozen meters away. "Erg, what am I thinking. Ninja powers are way too girly for a manly man like me to use" he muttered to himself. He had to think of a plan B, or take a guess. Will Micheal Caine enter the Pyramid of Khufu, Khafra, or Menkaure, or does he come up with a clever plan?

Being the holly jolly joker he was, Micheal decided the rape yeti's name would be "Dinner". Cuckling, he mounted Dinner, and they sped off. A few hours later, Dinner stopped at the three Great Pyramids of Giza. Micheal jumped off, and thanked Bale for his bushy chesthair being able to protect his manhood during the rough ride on the yeti. But then he realized, that he had no idea which of the three pyramids was the one Sabaku no Kitsune was hiding in. Being a connoiseur of ancient art, he refused to damage the Pyramids, so he had to either come up with a clever plan, or guess. Will Micheal Caine enter the Pyramid of Khufu, Khafra, or Menkaure, or does he come up with a clever plan?

Caine could not simply swing away at this yeti, yet had no other means to defend himself than his mighty sword. Flexing his eyebrow, he used his ancient brain to calculate a plan. He quickly glanced at his shadow in the sand, then brew a plan with the power of Physics. Then he waited. Just at the right moment he swung his mighty sword at the rape yeti, the swing causing a small hurricane, and pimpslapped it right in the face with the broad end of the blade, knocking it down. Micheal ran towards the yeti, and manage to overpower it before it restored from the giant levered pimpslap. Improvising a saddle from his chesthair, he mesmerised about the name he would give his new companion. What willl Micheal Caine name his rape yeti?

There was only one creature powerful and fast enough to travel such a long distance in such a short amount of time, and Caine knew what to do. Without hesitation, he pulled down his pants, squatted down in the sand, and slapped his hairless flabby ballsack on the floor while yelling about female equality: as you obviously know, this is the mating cry of the rape yeti. In a matter of minutes, Caine could see a dustcloud at the horizon: without a doubt, it was a rape yeti closing in on its prey. When it came closer, Caine could see it was a fine specimen; 6 meters tall, heavily muscled, and an erection that would make even Graham Norton reconsider. Caine had to overpower it, but could obviously not use his sword as it would have killed the rape yeti. How will Micheal Caine battle the rape yeti, without killing it?

Clearly, it was Erwin Rommel, better known as Sabaku no Kitsune, who would know the hiding spot of the Sacred Donut. After seeing the dread of war, he faked his own death in 1944, and hid inside the darkness of the Ancient pyramids for nearly 70 years to meditate. But Caine was here, in Australia, miles away from Egypt. Clearly, he needed a vehicle. What will be Caine's vehicle of choice?

Alea iacta est intro's gonna be long as fuck, after that it'll be shorter passages Micheal Caine finally came to. Rubbing his head that felt like it was about to burst, he looked around him: he was lieing on a old wooden bridge, that cracked and cried under its own weight. In front and behind him, barely visible through the smoke, were the remains of two identical buildings, symmetrical even in their destruction. The water beneath the bridge seemed foul, and Micheal noticed the Geiger counter on his wristwarch was ticking like crazy - better to get out of here before the bridge collapsed beneath him. Coughing from the scent of burning hats, he crawled to the side of the bridge, barely grabbing the edge before it crumbled down into the toxic water. Now, being on the side, Micheal could identify a silhouette of another person through the smoke, lieing face down in a pool of blood, and next to him, a pillar that went high into the sky. Micheal got up on his feet, walked towards the man, and crouched next to him - he was still breathing. Micheal did not attempt to help him: as a matter of fact, he was the reason that man lay there. "I have studied under Christian Bale himself, did you really think your childish ninja kong-fu woulde stand a chance against me, you orange-haired freak?" he muttered. "..f-fuck you" the bleeding man managed to utter "..i-it's shinigami, n-not ninja". Caine smiled. He reached toward what at first glance had appeared to be a pillar, and pulled it out of the ground to reveal its true identity: a gigantic sword, so ridiculously large a normal person would never consider using it. But he was no regular person. He was motherfucking Micheal Caine. "Tell the devil about your tamagochi bullcrap" he laughed at the dieing man, before cutting him sagittaly in half. "and tell him to reserve a seat or four, because your master is next". Caine climbed over the fence and walked into the desert, leaving the deserted forts to explode behind him. This had all started a few months go, when Christian Bale had woken up one day to realize how retarded his voice had sounded in Christopher Nolan's Batman. Dreaded by the destruction of his career, he had started to smoke weed erriday, until he finally collapsed under a severe case of the munchies: a disease with the simple cure of saturated fats. However, just on that same fateful day, Gabe Newell had gotten the news that his affair with a teenage black boy had given him herpes, starting him on an eating binge so severe that he had devoured the world's supply of fast food. But there remained hope. There were myths of a single donut remaining, somewhere in our solar system, that had not succumbed to Gaben's mighty stomach. This last, sacred donut, was sought after by many people, most notably by Gaben and his mighty army of money golems, who had destroyed the world in their wicked search for the Last Donut. Caine had to beat him to the lunch, before his master Bale died of munchification. Luckily, he had connections; a single guru, who could no doubt aide him on his quest. Who is this mysterious guru, and where is his hiding place? Jesus Christ that got long

hopefully you know more commitment than Gigolo

You know I understand you people are joking when you say that but I am starting to see it as some seriously unhealthy denial You will one day die and forget everything you have ever done, witnessed or thought of, including yourself.

Disregarding Darwinian Suicide Day, would you guys want to live to see the end of mankind? I honestly would like to see a massive war start around the time I turn 70. Spend your last years on Earth seeing the final chapters of humanity, and at least you know that once you die to radiation poisoning you won't miss anything significant happening within a thousand-lightyear radius

Also known as backlog checker http://www.lambentstew.com/webblog/miniproject/steamanalysis fill in steam ID Post results

You don't know that she didn't sing for a single second

please I can take no more I have been exposed to a way too large dose of human stupidity this week Please let the 21st come soon I need some Darwinian suicides

I watched that episode and the very first thing I thought was "this is gonna be on subspuf" Well of course, yolo once

subspuf where the mods do the shitposting for you

We should watch Asian porn instead

Isn't it hilarious how we, collectively, are more horrified about the responses to the shooting than about the shooting itself?

Who learned you the Sacred Ritual?

Others can guess what game -A shameless cashcow F2P FPS of which even the devs make jokes about how many cosmetics it has, with one character being able to turn invisible and invincible on hit and the power to oneshot enemies -A dated, "wacky" adventure game with awfully floaty platforming, with half the game being tutorials while still having a rollercoaster skill-curve -An top-down dungeon crawler with grimdark edgy humour made in Flash, in which your success is mostly based on luck, created for the sole purpose of making fun of religion. -A classic handheld sidescroller made first-person 3D, with horrid platforming which lets you inspect every single thing in the room if you want a 100% completion, with some inspect targets randomly disappearing forever midgame forcing you to restart.

Guys this is all about story potential. A grieving psychic pig-lover would be a great sidekick > brohug him and give a speech about how there are more fish in the sea and the beauty of life

It counts as being unfunny