Wow been a while since I posted here. With chattacon coming up I thought I'd share a few more stories to calm my excitement to get to the con.
All those times the Chattanooga choo Choo got horribly vandalized.
I love Chattacon. Big con experience with a little con atmosphere. Now absolutely mind blowing insanity is a bit of a rarer sight than it is as the bigger cons but there have been a few amusing days like last year.
Zakk, My girlfriend and myself were all sitting up in my hotel room one afternoon waiting for people to wake up and things to get going, this is one of the few cons that actually has "off hours" despite the 24/7 unlimited free beer in the Con suite. So to fight off the boredom I grabbed a bunch of tablets of alka seltzer (Which I bring to cons to fight off the hangovers) and a dollar.
I guess I don't have to mention that Zakk is one of these guys who will do anything for a dollar at this point, some of you may already see where this is going. I dared zakk to eat 2 of the large tablets then chug a soda as fast as he could (yes I am a 12 year old I know). This led to a few good hours of a jet stream of foam coming out of zakks face, insane laughter from myself and my girlfriend and a bucket full of foamy pink chunky puke. At around 3 we decided to go grab some food before the con got started again and I told zakk to bring the bag of puke with him to throw away outside so our room wouldn't stink.
We left the room and started down the hallway when we spotted an open door. An open door at a convention hotel almost always means "Party in here come in". Well at 3 pm at chattacon that normally isn't the case. So Zakk being Zakk decides to run into the room completely forgetting he's holding a bag of puke and starts talking to the guy setting up as if he wasn't holding a bag of puke. Thankfully Caroline, my girlfriend, managed to coax him out of the room with promise of a free drink at lunch and I apologized to the clearly disgusted man.
Once we got out of the hallway and onto the walkway leading to the elevator I knew exactly what was about to happen...
5th floor. Empty walkway. Zakk has ammo...
Zakk immediately flung the puke as far as he could into the parking lot and we heard a loud SPLAT but couldn't see what it had hit. I later found out that it was my friend Dory's car that had been the unfortunate target when she started describing this "filmy pink shit" that was all over her drivers side door. Bullseye...
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Now I might not need to tell you how odd my friend Jeremy is as many of you may have seen him a few times.
http-~~-//www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvjmgQuOQz4
I've seen him do that live and the sad thing is that's not even the grossest thing he does. I've seen Jeremy eat glass (real glass not sugar glass or stunt glass), Hammer nails into his nostrils, breath fire, juggle knives, and for the finale of each of his shows you may:
-Staple a $1 bill anywhere on his upper body (nipples and head excluded)
-Staple a $5 bill anywhere on his entire body (Genitals excluded)
-Staple a $20 bill ANYWHERE ON HIM
In case you can't guess, Jeremy is about as intelligent as Zakk at times. Well last year when Caroline and I were heading to eat we decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator and out of the maids closet popped jeremy. I held the door to the staircase and said hello to him and all he said back was, "Can I pee in your room?"
"Uumm... This is a staircase..." I replied.
"That works too!"
Caroline and I decided not to take the stairs after he dashed in there but as we walked away we heard a faint "WHAT THE FUCK IS DRIPPING ON ME!?" coming from the bottom of the staircase and turned around to see Jeremy sprinting down the hall at full speed laughing his ass off.
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My first year at chattacon was the year I witnessed the most destruction. I was in the same building pictured above on the second floor balcony having a ciggarette. I leaned over and saw this extremely drunk girl in this punk outfit and wearing a wooden katana slung over her back. She asked for a lighter and before I could toss down mine to the ground floor we were interrupted by hotel security.
The guard walked up, grabbed her shoulder, and informed her she needed to come to the front desk. This request was met by one of the best verbal onslaughts I've ever heard.
"I aint going nowhere you rentapig sack a shit! What'chu got on that fancy utility belt there!? YOU GOT NOTHING CAUSE YOU AINT NO REAL COP, AAAAAASSSSS HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *she runs out of breath and takes a deep gasp* Fuck youre ugly! Don't touch me I'm not your whore! Oh you gonna call for more fat useless bastards on your little walkie talkie there? *she grabs the guards walkie and turns it on* I HAVE A COMPLAINT FOR THE FRONT OFFICE! MY COMPLAINT IS....FUCK THE FRONT OFFICE!"
At this point he's had enough and grabs her wrist while informing her if she doesn't come with him he'll have to call the police. At this point she punches him in the nose and turns to head inside but when she realizes she can't get to her hotel key fast enough she resorted to opening the glass door with her steel toed boots. I her the glass shatter and the katana come out while the guard screamed into his walkie and I immediately bolted one floor down to the ground level to continue watching all this unfold.
In the staircase I heard glass repeatedly shattering and when I got into the hall I saw this girl was using her katana to shatter every single lamp sconce in the halls. I hung back and the guard (who looked like he had lost half his blood from his nose) ran past me and grabbed her katana. The girl kept her grip and the epic tug of war started. After a bit of struglling they started to spin around each other and the girl finally lost her grip and was flung into a wall from the centrifugal force and immediately rendered unconscious.
