FrozenFirebug

49 minutes ago, Moby said:

$20 already taking account on what you spent on the 3 cards?

ya i spent 6 dollars and won 26 dollars

i bought 3 scratch offs and won all 3 and am now 20 bucks richer

http://krbcnews.com/tx-gov-abbott-puts-foot-down-on-bathroom-issue-bans-trans-from-using-all-public-bathrooms/

hahahahahahahahahahaha

This reminds me of that time I was a long distance drug runner. I had just gotten an order to take 40 kilos of coke across the Mojave desert from LA to Phoenix. My buddies Jose and Xavier decided to make the pilgrimage with me, and everything was going smoothly up until a few dozen miles outside of Barstow. There was a barricade of broken down trucks blocking the road and crates to the side. Looters. They took it all. They took the coke, they took our clothes, they took our truck, and worst of all, they took our water.

I didn't know what the fuck to do. I was always confident in my abilities and took so much pride in my line of work that I had never expected to get robbed. I tried standing on the side of the road in an attempt to flag down help but only two cars came by and neither wanted anything to do with 3 naked and bloody mexican dudes. Eventually we got to sleep and I prayed that someone would find us in the morning. Sorta worked, except it wasn't a person. Jose died in his sleep from a snake bite. We had a little burial for him in the sand, but after some consideration decided to dig him up and drag him into the street to draw attention.

At this point I thought I had lost my shit, but then I was given a real reason to. A pack of hyenas was in the distance. I was in no condition to outrun or fight them, so I tried to lay low. Xavier had different plans and bolted with little success, they quickly caught up and shredded him. I began to bawl my fucking eyes out because I knew what would happen next. The alpha, she bent me over and forcefully penetrated me with her pseudopenis. A bitch made me her bitch. I passed out from the pain and the next thing I knew I was in a cave surrounded by the fuckers.

They wouldn't let me leave. I couldn't leave. I didn't have to. They led me to water and taught me how to hunt. It was the first time I ever had a real family since the cartels kidnapped my mother and executed my father in the streets. Months passed, maybe even years before I realized that I never made that delivery. I notified Rapey that I had to go now to serve my own kind. She didn't say anything because she was a hyena but licked my face so I left with a spear I had fashioned from Xavier's skull and walked.

In retrospect, I think I had become some type of phenomenon in the news. When I finally got reintegrated into society, I learned that over the past 18 months hundreds of onlookers in the area reported a short, hairy beast with a spear running throughout the Mojave. I was some kind of neo-El Chupacabra, except they called me El Chapo because of my obscenely small genitals which were largely obscured by my pubic hair. Anyway, I had learned to retain water pretty well so I didn't have to stop very often and the heat didn't bear down so much. After a while I made it to Phoenix and got captured by animal control, then released into rehab when I explained that I was a person. They gave me one of those "equal opportunity" positions at Burger King even though I had no formal education, identification or prior work experience. After about a decade I became the store manager, then the regional manager a year after that.

30 more years in that position and I had finally gotten enough money to repurchase 40 kilos of cocaine and complete my delivery. Turns out the would-be recipient died of lung cancer 17 years prior. In any case, that's my story and I still have the coke if anyone wants to buy it.

damn

reminder that this is how snopes and politifact gauge what's true or not

On 4/8/2016 at 6:49 PM, Dogoo said:

EDIT:

 

 

What a bitch

this is the GOP chairman of my county