FrozenFirebug

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On 1/18/2016 at 11:41 AM, Piyopiyo Procession said:

one day doomguy was on UAC mars base and his balls hurt so he say "i need succ" and went to go rent a robot hooker machine from the cafeteria vending. machine. but he was quick to realize that the power was out and the people who were in there eating were now zombie and eating eachother. 

"my money that i use to buy sex hooker has no value in zombie society" said doomguy with accent of anger and determination as he threw the coins at a zombie colleague. this made the zombie angry and it charged at doomguy so he grabbed his shotgun and shot it with his shotgun. "i cannot get succ from zombie because they bite my penis" said doomguy with defeated tone in his voice. he shooted the other zombie in the mess hall and set out to find succ.

doomguy when he exited the zombie room say "d*mn it to hell there's more zombie" and then the marine base was damned to hell. doomguy saw lots of demon and he knew did not have enough bullets for all of them. "i must act fast or die without getting my nut" he said with vigor. doomguy ran in a beeline while dodging cyberdemon rockets and fireballs and those very scary skulls on fire. he did not know what to do at first but he felt that he was getting closer to his goal. suddenly a cacodemon appeared in the distance. "i am going to fuck that" said doomguy in a monotone and matter-of-fact voice as he ran faster toward it. it tried to spit lightning at him but he jumped over it and on top of it and rode it like a flying horse and guided it out of hell back to the marine base.

it was screaming and begging for mercy from doomguy but he had gone so far and he was going to get succ. he knocked it upside the head with his shotgun and dragged it to the medical bay and got a scalpel and removed its teeth and the gland that produced plasma. "i am sorry little one but i cannot masturbate anymore because of my calloused hands that i use to kill demon with" he said with genuine pity and remorse. after a few hours the cacodemon woke up and did not know what was going on but was scared. doomguy was not in the room because he had to take a poop. cacodemon try to escape but doomguy came back.

"do not be scared friend i will only get succ from you if consensual" said doomguy with honesty. he give cacodemon a menu and ask it out to date at the cafeteria. cacodemon didn't really know what to say because it was a cacodemon but it did not want to fight anymore so it just rocked back and forth trying to do a nod but it was a little hard because the entirety of its body was just a head. they went to restaurant and ordered spaghetti from the zombie waiter. they ated the spaghetti and it was good spaghetti because the marine base had transferred a 5-star chef to their outpost. the chef was a zombie now but she was still a good chef. over the course of the meal the cacodemon had begun swooning over doomguy. nobody had ever loved it enough to give it italian food before because it was a demon and lived in hell. it began to cry and doomguy wipe its tears off and say "shh bby is ok" and then hugged it.

doomguy put his hand in pocket and pulled out small box. he get on knees and say "cacodemon will you marry me" with happiness. cacodemon made a weird noise and smiled so he took that as a yes. they went back to the part of the base that doomguy lived in and tried to go to sleep together but cacodemon kept floating out of bed and hitting the roof like a balloon so they slept separate for the time being because they were very tired and had to get married tomorrow. he had discussed this with the zombie waiter and it turns out he was an ordained minister so they could get married legally and it was very important because this is a big day even if you're only one of four sapient beings on a mars base.

they woked up in the morning and were happy. zombie chef lady had given cacodemon a pink wedding dress to wear. cacodemon did not know how to wear it because it was designed for a person but still wore it anyway as a hat. doomguy wore his green armor and helmet to the ceremony to capture the magic of when they first met. he walked down to the aisle down the aisle with cacodemon who was floating. doomguy say his vowels. "caco, when we first met i just wanted to get succ, but i have seen that you are wonderful woman who is misunderstood because you demon." cacodemon cry again. and then the zombie guy did some grunts that vaguely sounded like "doomguy do you take this cacodemon to be your lawfully wedded wife" and doomguy said "yes" and cacodemon said "gughuuuuuuuhuguh". zombie minister grunt "you may now kiss the bride" and then doomguy and cacodemon kissed really really intensely like something out of a mexican soap opera not a wedding.

"so how does sex work" say doomguy once they get back to their room. cacodemon open her mouth and wait for doomguy to put in penis. "okay but if we married then succ is not necessary" but cacodemon gestured to mouth again. doomguy shrug and put his masculine penis in cacodemon mouth and see what happen. it turns out cacodemons have mouth that serves as reproductive organs and everything else. cacodemon's vagina throat begin to attach around doomguy's penis and encompass it. doomguy was having the best nut of his life and cacodemon was moaning and roaring loudly. "cacodemon i am about to ejaculate my seeds into your pottery" said doomguy as his voice was straining from sex. he could not pull out because his penis was tied to cacodemon but she did not want him to anyway. "i love you" she said in a demonic voice as her jugular was being flogged by penis. "i love you too" said doomguy as he shot his love juice into her.

cacodemon and doomguy both fell backward and gasped for air because they had very passionate sexual intercourse and needed to rest. "what happens now" ask doomguy. cacodemon could only talk during sex because that's a thing they do but she coughed up an egg and went to sleep. doomguy did not know what he had just created but could not abandon his child so he put the egg in an incubator and went to sleep as well. when morning arrived he woke up and found cacodemon looking after egg. "when does baby born" ask doomguy. cacodemon look at him and blink four times. he took this as four months so during those four months they worked with the friendly zombies and tidied up the war-torn mars base, restored power and demon proofed it and started trying to get a tiny escape pod running so they could send baby back to earth because there was no future for baby here.

soon baby was hatched. the baby was a boy and looked almost entirely human but with some weird blotches on its skin that kinda glowed sometimes. doomguy say "i will name him john" so he named him john, put him in a tiny marine armor and send him to earth, one day planning to build another spaceship and meet him. then doomguy and cacodemon had sex again but with protection.

the end.

where the fuck did monday go

I used to be an ordinary koala, and indeed, the night that changed my life began as any other. My innocence was unscathed at first, but it was all about to change.

I had been spending the day sleeping. I belong, of course, to a nocturnal species, so this was not out of my nature.
At dusk, I awoke to find the sunset welcoming me into the world, and another night was to hold me in its embrace.

I climbed down the tree I had been sleeping in, slowly walking off to find some food.
My diet is not adventurous, but I do not fret. To me, eucalyptus is delicious, and who am I to argue with my most basic of cravings?

It was at this point, however, things started to seem different.
As the sun disappeared behind the crowns of the magnificent trees, I could still not find anything to eat.
The eucalyptus trees around me had all been stripped bare.
I marched nervously over the hill that denoted the end of my usual feeding grounds.
I was heading off into foreign territories.

Hours passed, and I was still no closer to stilling my unsettled stomach.
I was since long ago in an area unknown to me.
Anything could be lying over the next hill.

And as it turned out, I was about to encounter something unimaginable.
I carefully paced onto a rock formation, finding myself looking over a hidden waterfall.
It was incomprehensibly beautiful, especially incomprehensible since my mind was occupied with reminding me of how hungry I was.
Somebody else had had the sense to make the most of the view, however.
Camouflaged against the pleasantly dark wood of the trees in the forest, a cosy-looking cabin was settled at the edge of the other side of the crevasse, a balcony cropping out to let the residents bask in the presence of this natural wonder.
I nervously edged around the rock I was standing on. I wanted to reach the other side of the waterfall, but the gaping ravine the flowing water had shaped over thousands of years hindered my approach.

Musing over my problem, something unexpected happened in the house across the waterfall.
A man, dressed in robes of white and brilliant gold colour, emerged onto the balcony.
He casually took his robe of, showing the world all his glory down to his gold-coloured pants, a silvery cross emblazoned across the front of them.
After this relaxation of attire, he sat down in a reclining chair.

I was intrigued. This development spurred me to go on further, and to my delight I discovered that a tree had fallen, further down the ravine, making a bridge for me to utilise in my approach to the sunbathing man.
I carefully walked across the fallen trunk; the image of the cross-covered genital area of the strange man's underwear overcoming my fears.
This was no small feat; as my paws were made for climbing, not walking.
Still I managed, and I found my way to the cabin, were a second man had appeared onto the balcony.
I watched with caution, but approached the balcony nonetheless, overhearing the conversation being held.

"…aren't you glad I purchased this holiday home? I just can't stand spending all my days in the dusty old halls of the Vatican," the first man said.

"I couldn't agree more, your holiness. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Well, I guess I wouldn't mind a glass of red wine. Or, you know, the blood of Christ?" the man addressed as "your holiness" requested with a wink. "And could you get me a candle or something? It is getting quite dark."

"Certainly, I'll be right back, your holiness."

I was relieved. The other man was just a butler, and so my jealousy faded. I dared approach closer, but it was untimely. Just as I conceivably was in the peripheral of anyone on the balcony, the butler remerged with a glass of red wine and a purple candle.

"Oh look, your holiness! A koala!" the butler delightfully exclaimed, his finger rudely pointing at me.

I insecurely walked up to the balcony, and climbed a post of the railing, finding a comfortable position on top of it.
The butler slowly approached me, but the Pope stopped him.

"Would you care to leave us, Emanuel? Nothing personal, I assure you."

The butler was visibly hurt, but he did not let it show in his voice. "Certainly, your holiness. Just ring the bell if you want anything, I will now proceed to make supper. Would you care for a roast leg of lamb?"

"Oh, you are a genius, Emanuel. I will greatly appreciate that meal."

Emanuel's mood lightened and he walked back into the house with a smile on his face.

Now, the Pope turned his attention to me, staring into my eyes. His grey-brown eyes were tantalising, and I approached him.

"Oh what a delightful creature you are," he said with a smile. He sat up and spread his legs slightly, letting me admire the cross that adorned his crotch.
We were now in an arm's length from each other.
I could hear the desire on his breath, and I probably felt the same way he did as I watched his hairy chest heaving with anticipation.

He stretched his arm out and touched my furry ear gently. It was a delightful experience; his wrinkly skin was like velvet on my fur.

Suddenly, my stomach let out a far from sensual growl.

"Oh dear," the Pope exclaimed. "You must be hungry." He stroked my bare nose, running his fingers down my face and resting them under my chin, turning my face up to look at him. "Of course, you've had nothing but leaves to eat your entire life. Come, my child, and I will feed you some meat."

The Pope stood up, and placed his thumbs under the brim of his golden pants.
Tantalisingly slowly, he moved them down.
I shook with anticipation as I watched the show; first, his pubic hair, then, the shaft of his long, wrinkly, papal penis.
He pulled the pants down to his ankles and nonchalantly flicked them off, letting the waterfall carry them wherever it pleased.

I had never thought that I, a humble koala, would ever be this close to the penis of Pope Benedict XVI.

The Pope approached me, genitals first, and slowly caressed my rugged lips with the tip of his penis.
I opened my mouth ever so slightly, letting the papal penis reach in between my lips, but not much more.

The Pope withdrew his penis from my mouth, and I clutched the base of it with my furry, chubby fingers.
Next, I kissed his scrotum, working my way up to the tip of the penis.

Even though it was my first time with a human, I thought I was doing fairly well.

I decided to stop teasing the Pope and let him enter my mouth entirely.
As his penis hardened against the roof of my mouth, I could feel myself getting an erection as well.
Putting my other hand up to the Pope's penis as well, I balanced on my hind legs as I began vigorously jerking my head back and forth, rhythmically engulfing the Pope's penis all the way down to the base.

My mouth and throat were naturally numb from eating eucalyptus leaves, so; perhaps to the Pope's disappointment, I could easily perform my task without gagging.

The Pope now had a full erection, and I was getting hotter, physically hotter, as well, a problem accelerated by the fact that koalas don't sweat.
I ignored this, however, and continued rocking back and forth.

The smooth skin of the Pope's penis reached my lips with a steady rhythm, and I was sensing that he wouldn't hold out much longer.

Sure enough, the Pope soon pulled his penis out of my mouth and let his pearly white ejaculate dribble on to my face.

I was disappointed to know that the Pope's ejaculate did not rocket forth as I had dreamed it to; his old age seemed to have taken its toll there.
Nevertheless, the Pope knew of his sexual shortcomings, and was hovering closely above me as he came.
Not a drop of the papal cum missed my face, and I happily opened my mouth to receive.

After three bursts, the Pope was satisfied with himself, and sat down on his reclining chair, putting his wine glass to his lips.
"Thank you, my child. I feel now that my Australian holiday has had a purpose," he said with a sensual smile, and slowly lay down, exhausted from the vigorous oral sex he had just experienced.

I licked my face, catching the pearly white drops that were trailing down my fur, and wished that I could speak the human tongue so I could thank him.
But, I reminded myself, as I walked back across the balcony and climbed the railing again to begin my journey back to my nest; the tongue that I was born with seemed to fulfil the Pope's needs perfectly.

"Goodbye, my child," the Pope exclaimed as I walked out into the black night. "Maybe we will see each other again, and I can reimburse you for this."

And maybe we will see each other again. But that would be another story.

Black Mesa Disaster: A Blue Shift Story

the author – hi peoples! I don't own Half Life, but Valve does. Maybe I'll get a plumber job.

This is my first video game fanfic, I already wrote some comics fic, but, video game fics are cool too. You don't have a lot of plot to deal with, but you can put different things. Half life is my favorite game, after deus ex heheh! Maybe I do some Deus ex fanfic in the future, but, for now, have a good HALF LIFE! ;)

Barney Calhoun's frind John Nalicious was patrolling Black Mesa's Scientific lab when it all happened. Monster invaded the complex and started to eat all of his colleagues. John didn't know what to do, 'cause he was just a guard and had no training battling aliens.

"Barney oh my god, there are monster everywhere!"

"Calm down John, we will get out of here"

Them John walked on a elevator but when Barney were coming in, it started to movu upwards.

"BARNEY!"

"JOHN! BE calm, will catch you up thre"

John didn't knew but monsters activated the elevator to eat him. Barney them started to run stairs up to catch John and don't let him die. But headcrabbs were on the way.

"Shit, what are these things?!" Barney shoot them with his handgun and theirs inners organs exploded like a meat pie. "You monster!"

Johns elevator was reaching the to end of the facility and he could hear monsters groulling for his fleash.

"Ahhhh, they gonna kill, I must do something!" cried John. He look to the ground of the elevator and started to shoot his gun, opening a hole. "This is my escapeway!" so John entered the hole. But there was nowhere to jump, only the elevator shaft.

The elevator them reached the last floor. "I'm fucked!" thought John. "Where the fuck is Barney?! That bastard!" John them saw some cables beneath the elevator, so he grabbed one of the cables and waited. The door opened.

"GGRRRUUHHAAAAAAA!" the monster entered and started to smell his scent. "What I'm going to do?". The monster them followed the smell. It was an alien slave. John saw his foot when it passed over the hole. "It's my time!" he grabbed the moster foot and pulled him on the hole

"UAAAARRRRGHHHHHH!" and John threw him on the hole, to his final fate. "I'm saved.", but when John got out of the hole, a headcrabb was there, and it jumped on his face "UUNNNNPPPHHHHH!" The headcrabb started to eat his nose, ejacullating acid on his eyes melting them in a mixture of blood, pus and rotten acid liquid. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH my eyes, I can't see!" The john picked his gun and shoot the headcrabb on the head. "BAM!"

He them started to touch the walls to guide himself thru the complex. He had no eyes anymore. But he was down on his luck, a barnacle was well over him and it's tongue caught John. "What's this crap?!" john started to shoot in every direction, but only when the barnacle caught his leg he knew where it was. Whit his leg on the barnacles mouth, John stated to fire his gun on it. The monster expeled toxic wate thru the bullet holes, and they caught on johns hair. "MY HAIR MY GOD I'm BALDING!" the John shoot the thing for good and felt on the grond. The barnacle had eaten his left leg, but luckly, his gastric juices stanched the blood loss.

John them started to drag himself, not knowing what was before him. He lost much bllod but he was strong, very strong. "What should I do?" John thought not know the zombie walking on his way. The Zombie started to pull its pants of, and his rotten penis was hangin' on his pelvis like a dead crow's corpse. The zombie them managed to pull his meber on John's ass. "AHHHH, MY BUTT!" John tried to fire, but had no more bullets. The zombie went on with his evil intent, juggling his dead rod inside's John now rolled up ass. Blood was sprailling al over the zombie rotten body, but John didn't knew that it was a zombie driling him. "Is it you Barney?" no response, but John tried to free himself from the monster shaking his body and his butt. That didn't quite work, because the monster got more excitted. After ten minuter of thrusting the moster reached his climax and them, ejaculated inside John.

"AHHHHHHHHH, my fucking ASS!" the cum inside John was pure cautic acid, and it started to consume him inside out, destroing his internal organs. But John was lucky that day, because the monster was too exausted and satisfied it fell dead aover John. This monster's cum isn't something normal because it's elastic. If he lived the cum would glue itself inside john and the two were destined to be glued forever. But the monster died with a lot of contractions on his penis, this caused the cum to turn back inseide the zombie's body.

John had no eyes, no leg, and no rectum anymore, but he managed to continue on his jorney towards salvation. The problem was that he coudln't keep his feces inside his body anymore, so they started to let and trail of shit where John has passed. He knew it was dangerous, but he wouldnt letany monsters track him.

John was dragging himself when he heard a sound. "It's people!" he went to help them. Them, the people started to scream "Oh my god, the zombies are rapping everyone!" cried a scientist. Them, this same scientist got penetrated by a headcrab, whom managed to enter his rectum and move inside his frail body. Them, it got out thru the mouth. He died.

John started to move faster and faster, but it was too late, everyone of the three hundread scientist hidding were rapped to death by the zombies. All of the zombies died, noted John. "Apparently they are weak against human's ass." John had an idea. He must find enough asses, so the monsters eat them all and die from extreme pleasure. But where he could find a lot of asses?

He them remembered a machine they were testing at a lab. He went there fighting monster allong the way. He got better at fighting, knowing where to shoot the monster right into the weak spot. He them found the lab. "This is the place they replicate organic matter."

John managed to pull the controlers and activated the machine. He must be quick, because all monsters are following his shit trail towards the lab. He had little time left. So he activated the machine and put the command: "Make two million copies."

John entered the machine. It started to make copies of himself! Them the monsters arrived and destroied the doors to the lab. But John was lucky, because his living copies where being ejected from the machine at an high rate per second. The monsters liked, and started making out with the Johns. The were all nude, because the machine only copied organic matter. But it doesn't matter, it worked. All the monsters started to die in pleasure and lust, and the johns too. But John knew he saved Black Mesa, because he had a physics degree, and his calculus were exact.

There was no monster anymore, John killed them all with his copies. He could even pick one leg and a pair of eyes from one of the john that were still alive. He would be a new man again. Barney them enterd the room.

"John, you're alive! Thank God"

"You're late Barney, I almost died!"

"Oh my god John a headcrab got you, don't it?"

"Yes but, why's that"

Barney shoot him in the head and killed John before he could turn into a zombie. But Barney knew he woudln't be arrest, there was a clone john left.

"Hey cloned John, wanna a job?"

"What kind partner?"

"Security guard"

"Well, this place is a mess. Okay, the janitors that are going to clean everything, don't they?"

"Yeah John, ha ha ha, you was born with a good sense of humor, just like John."

Them, they all lived happily ever after. Clone John got a job, Barney got a promotion, and Black Mesa cleaned the mess. The other suriving Johns got janitor jobs, but they were happy, they have clothes now.