LordCOVID Monkey

Here's Day 6! Today, I have brought yet another TF2 update idea! It's in the OP if ya'll wanna have a look!

Day 5 is here, with 5 exciting taunts! Watch in awe as everyone in the server owning one spams it, and everyone not owning one worships the players who do! It's been added to the original post!

Ok, I managed to get out a Day 4 in spite of the Smash Bros. hype. It's three days late, so feel free to berate me. Today I bring the Gingerbread Update, a lackluster update about a lackluster holiday snack!

The secret to defeating Ho-Oh is to pick the fattest character you have (mine was Yoshi) and just run away until the fire eruptions appear, and smack him into them until he dies. It worked fine for me, after losing countless times with other stupid techniques.

But don't you see? That was all a part of my dastardly plan to take all the royalties from Valve!

Season's Greetings! I'm back for a very exciting Day 3! Today I bring to you a brand new bundle of Smissmas themed unusual effects! They've all been put into the OP, so you can check them out there.

Day 2 is out now! Today, we have a classic update from OldSPUF, the Candy Cane Update! It's been added to the OP, so read it and rejoice in the Smissmas Spirit!

MERRY FIRST DAY OF SMISSMAS! For today's present, I have brought you all a wonderful Smissmas story, known as Demoman Saves Smissmas, Again! It's up in the OP, so please have a look! See you all next time on Day 2! (Whenever that may fall, probably some time tomorrow but I dunno it depends.)

Valve? Announcement? That's much more than I'd expect from them! An announcement would be a pleasant surprise!

You all stupit. Drink water, you bunch of ninnies.

Heya there, SPUFFriends! It’s me, LordAIDS Monkey! I’m here once again to bring all you folks some quality TF2 content to make up for the major update drought we’ve been going through! (Scream Fortress 2018 doesn’t count as a major update, because it was a heaping pile of gargoyle shit.) So, I got to thinking… what better way to end an update drought, than with AN UPDATE ALL ABOUT WATER?? That’s right, boys and girls, today I’ll be rehashing yet another classic from Old SPUF! This time I bring to you all THE POOL UPDATE!! Which was my first TF2 Update I had ever posted back on the old forums! (But nobody really cares about that, now do they?) Now, usually I begin my TF2 Update posts with some kind of backstory, but as fate would have it, the original Pool Update didn’t have a backstory, because I was a lazy punk back in the day with no talent. (I’m less lazy today than I was then! Still talentless, though!) But now, I’ve decided to add a COMPLETELY ORIGINAL one! So sit back in your little chair as I detail the events that lead to the Pool Update! Tl:dr version: Hale opens up a swimming pool under attack by an evil pool toy. Alright, friends. So today we have learned that some things are better off without backstories. But that’s not all we’ll learn today! Because now I’m gonna tell you all about the content we can expect with the Pool Update! (I can almost guarantee you that it’s better than the backstory.) First things first, I’m gonna talk about the gameplay that’ll come with this update. The new gamemode will be called Attack of the Giant Inflatable Whale, and will take place in the all new map, Bubble Pond! In this game-mode, there is only one objective which is to defeat Shuma, the giant inflatable whale! Both RED and BLU must work together in order to accomplish this difficult task! RED and BLU both spawn on opposite sides of the pool, with the pool taking up a majority of the map in the middle. There'd also be little hills / sniper decks above the spawn rooms! The map would be fairly small, however, with the land around the pool not going very far, as seen in my drawing! (Just try to imagine that the drawing is evenly proportioned and isn't shit. I'm asking a lot of you, I know!) But how are the mercenaries gonna stop an evil pool toy? By shooting her until she dies, of course! You see, Shuma has a limited number of HP which is dependent of the number of players on the server. More players equates to Shuma having more health, meaning cooperation from the entire server is mandatory in order to bring her down! One would imagine that Shuma would basically be a non-threat, being an inflatable pool toy and all. But you couldn’t be any more wrong! Shockingly, Shuma isn’t just any ordinary pool toy, and is in fact imbued with a dark evil! As such, she’d have many powerful attacks to devastate the mercenaries with! Including but not limited to creating large splashes to wash you away, body slamming you, slamming you with her tail, and dragging you to a watery grave! Sounds dangerous, right? Indeed! And know this, you aren’t even safe if you camp on land, for Shuma has ways to deal with dirty land-lubbers. Such as launching aquatic bombs from her blow hole that’ll deal devastating amounts of damage. *Incoherent whale sounds.* Once Shuma is defeated, she will deflate and fly away, never be seen again. Until she returns for the sequel update, Monteshuma’s Revenge! Upon her defeat, you will be rewarded with a Shuma Hoodie and some achievement, but no one really cares about those anymore, do they? Of course, the Pool Update has much more to offer than just a silly new game-mode! You see, unlike most updates, this one would be shipped with all new (and completely unviable) pool themed weaponry for each and every class! So stay seated, ‘cause I’m gonna blabber about those now. Well, now that that’s all taken care of, I guess I should introduce some new cosmetic items. (Which I really don’t wanna do.) So, each and every class gets a pair of stylish swim trunks and maybe some cool sun hats. And that’s about it. And there we have it! The Original Pool Update, completely revived for your enjoyment! Now before I close this one, I’d like to take a look at the pros and cons of this update, just so our friends at Valve can see just how much we’d all love it if they added this update to TF2! Pros: A fun and new game mode! Lots of new weapons for us to enjoy! New cosmetic items for Valve to profit from! A new female character for the community to fap to! Cons: I can’t really think of any, other than too much water might be a bad thing? Wow! It looks to me like the pros heavily outweigh the cons, which means the Pool Update would be a rousing success, guaranteed! You hear that Valve? You best be getting to work! Alright friends, that’s all for today’s update, but I have a feeling I’ll be seeing you again real soon when I start posting Smissmas Shit! So I’ll see you all a little later down the road! But until then, this is LordAIDS Monkey, signing out!

I don't remember that thread, unless you're referring to the Pyro Party Taunt? As a disclaimer, the original Pool Update was posted long before the Pool Party Taunt was added to the game. Valve totally stole the idea, and they have full permission to steal the rest!!

Still a better addition than Isabelle. Though not by much!

Of all the (admittably terrible) things I've posted here, why choose to hate on poor Glover?!

Good news, SPUFFriends! Smash Bros is less than a month away! To celebrate this occasion, I have decided to let you guys in on a few more Smashy Leaky Secrets! Remember the DLC Sakurai talked about in the last direct? Of course you do! And that’s what I’m here to reveal to all of you! So here goes! So, as we all know, there will be five DLC packs, each with a fighter and stage. But what Sakurai didn’t mention is that there will also be an ASSIST TROPHY brought alongside each fighter! Pretty wild, huh? So now that that’s outta the way, I’m gonna leak some shit. Unlike past leaks I’ve done, all of these characters are actually from video games! I gotta go all out, considering this is my last chance to get something right! Just to prove how serious I am about this leak, I drew some more quality artwork for ya’ll, using my trusty canvas, Sketch Toy! (Which I haven’t done for a while.) Unfortunately, we cannot prove if my "guesses" are true or not until a while after the game has been released, but this bunch here are the safest choices for when you place bets with your friends. And I'll prove it with an ACTUAL LEAK OF THE FINAL SMASH BROS BANNER! (I did you all a great favor by circling all of the characters so you would be able to find them easier!) So there you have it folks! With this leak knowledge, now you guys can know if the DLC season pass will be worth the price, without any worry whatsoever. And you know what? With great characters like this, I’d say you should definitely buy the pass. In fact, you should buy the pass, and then buy each individual character pack just to show your support and approval to the developers! Well, this is the last Smash Bros. leak I could realistically do. How sad. At least I'll be getting them all right this time around.But now, this is LeakerAIDS Monkey signing out, forever. For real, this time. And remember, all leaks are fake unless they include stuff you want! (Which means that this one's totally real.)

I liked it for the Flipnote Hatena vibes it gave me. But then it made me sad, because Flipnote's dead. I mean, I was never any good at it, but shitposting was fun. Anywho, the animation was solid and I liked the goofy character voices! It looks like a lot of love went into this. I can't really give any real criticism, because I'm the worst at animating. It gets the LordAIDS Monkey Seal of Approval, indeed. But one question remains... Why is it called MARCH?

Uh, the 6. Because the angle it launches at is perfect for gimping people.

Using my secret sources, I have created some Smash Ultimate tier list predictions! Please, take a look! So now I guess I gotta explain what each tier means... Pay-To-Win: If Smash 4 has taught us anything, it's that DLC characters are always the most powerful. The Pokémon are just placeholders for the 5 upcoming DLC characters. My Personal Bias: These are the characters I like to play in 4. They're all probably really bad, but they're the best in my eyes. So they should be the best in Ultimate. The Best Ones: These ones are the top tiers. If you wanna be good at Smash Bros, you're probably gonna wanna know how to play as these guys. Total Chads: These fellas are the hunks of Smash Bros. Big Beefy Dudes whom I may or may not be attracted to, they're sure to be the powerhouses of Smash! Probably Really Good: These characters are probably gonna be the sleeper OP ones. So they'd probably be nice pockets for those difficult match-ups! Marth: Marth comes in many flavors. Classic, Fire, New, Girl, Dragon, Magic, Smol. They're basically the exact same character, though. And they're all top tier threats! The Fast and the Furryious: They're basically the middle tiers, and as such, there's no shame in playing them. Other than the fact they're furries. Use with caution. Everybody Else: Due to a slight lack of information, I didn't know where to put these guys. I'm sure some of them are pretty good. Others, not so much... *cough*lucas*cough* I Forgot This Character Was In: These characters are so bad that they never really left an impression on me, and therefore, I forgot they were in the game. Don't play as them. Haven't Been Good in Decades: These characters have had a trend where they've been bad the past couple of games. Why should that change now? Hopefully Shit: These guys have left a bad taste in my mouth after previous installments. I hope they're bad so I don't have to fight them. Also, Daisy is here. I hope she's bad too. Irredeemable Shit Tier: As a past Jr. Main, I'll be the first to tell you he was never good in Smash 4, and he's worse in Ultimate. I dropped this guy harder than my mom dropped me. So now you guys know who's top dog in Smash Ultimate, which means you all know who to play as! Keep in mind these three rules when you pick your mains: 1. You're a tier whore for picking good characters. 2. You're a dumbass for picking bad characters. 3. Never play as Bowser Jr. Pick a Koopaling instead. (They're still bad characters.) If ya'll have any questions about a character's placement, just let me know and I'll happily answer. (I probably won't, though.)

As long as everyone's critiquing Silent's critiques, I might as well complain too... Aw man, I can't complain because my mosiac was just too darn good that it didn't receive a criticism. Either that or my list was just so shit it wasn't worthy of acknowledgement... I'm kinda thinking it was the latter.

I've never been too much of a gamer, but here's a couple of neat games that probably changed the industry forever. I dunno, I'm just doing this 'cause everyone else is.

Just noticed this... HE DID IT! POOCHY IS IN! I am so happy right now.

I've got some actual spoilers to spout out now, so back off unless you want me to ruin everything!

I haven't seen the Direct yet, so I don't get it. But does that mean that TF2's very own The Scout made it in?! (Actually, don't answer that because I already know. I am the best leaker in the world and I know everything.)

So, we've got ourselves another Smash Direct tomorrow, supposedly clocking in at 40 minutes! But why waste 40 minutes of your life tomorrow, when you can waste 5 minutes of your life right now?! That's right folks, LeakerAIDS Monkey is back, bringing you the most accurate and reliable Smash Bros leaks of all time! So, warning! There's gonna be some HUGE SPOILERS for Smash Ultimate! (I was gonna include some sweet pictures like I have in the past, but my undercover guy died out of delight while taking them. So I don't have any this time.)

No. It's better this way