Moby

Chapter 3 was very funny, Tenna was great and it has a lot of stuff to do. Maybe a bit too much distraction and too little of the real game outside some key points.
The Egg secret is way too hidden, there is no way people will find it without reading a guide.
Wish there was a way to save during the boards, because having to retry the entire thing + fights + minigame to try for the T-Rank is a pain.
That last boss makes Sans look like a joke. I did fine most of the attacks, but that hall of swords move is so blurry I couldn't dodge it. (This was before the patch)
I feel that Ch3 was bit short, apparently some stuff did get cut because they felt it was getting bloated with too much fluff, but it was a good lighthearted chapter with more comedy than seriousness, basically a second chapter based on Spamton. 
At least until the end.

 

Chapter 4 was amazing. Maybe it was TAKING TOO LONG to end with all the stuff that shows up, but I had fun the whole way.
Secret boss is great, glad to finally see him in action.

Opens a lot of questions.
Made me think about a bunch of theories of how the story will go.
- The first fountain made a Dark World where people worship the prophecy. Susie's fountain creates one where people question it.
- Something made Kris lose his soul? The player soul is a replacement. Probably the same thing that made Dess vanish.
- Vessel Kris is trying to do something. He could easily just create a bunch of Fountains, but doesn't. Likely doesn't means to do bad stuff.
- A small flavor text only shows if you no-hit the Knight. Pretty much confirms that Kris and the Knight know each other. (Aside the scene where he literally gets "knighted")
- Asriel stopped using the green dinosaur because it would remind him of the wild music videos Dess would show him with alligators in bikinis.
- The Knight isn't Carol (The Katana is a red herring), but Dess (the weapon it pulls is more of a bat, Dess has a broken wiffle bat that Kris mentions about it "hurting to remember about", along another cracked bat and several baseballs).
- The Knight might even not be Dess, but Rudy. Something had to happen for his health to degrade. Maybe something that is also affecting Kris.
- Asgore, Toriel and Ruddy/Carol did something related to the Shelter.
- Asgore has a shadow crystal.
- Ralsei isn't a darkener. Might be Asriel, but there are chances he is actually Kris' toy horns, or his knife. The ARG stuff mentions Vessel Kris, Asriel and Dess playing in the Dark World and how an Ice-e pizza box came alive.
- The number 1225 (Christmas) is often related to stuff vanishing in-game. Also one of the codes for the shelter door.
- The Prophecy ends with Noelle dying, which is why Susie gets pissed at it.
- Chapter 5 will be related to Asgore and a fire caused by "a burst of jealously".
- Some of the Spamton Sweepstakes files has a lot of Noelle lore. One that made more sense after playing the game, then rereading is the Dragon Blazers one. Gerson and Susie talk about how it was based on the profecy, Noelle says there is a door she couldn't open. You find said door on the secret route to the Shadow Mantle on chapter 3.
- Ralsei talks about how the prophecy is set in stone, but the prophecy where Tenna dies is changed by Susie, that fixes him with the other recruited Darkners. Susie is a key to changing the prophecy.
- Heard someone saying that the big twist might be that Susie isn't supposed to be a hero. Which is why she manages to fight against the prophecy. Noelle is supposed to be the "Girl" and the Snowgrave route is supposed to be the real route.

 

The Snowgrave route also opens a lot of questions and ramifications.
- Vessel Kris is more of a victim than the villain. 
- He also can't destroy or stop the soul as he needs it for something. Even after completely mindraping Noelle, all he can do is freak out and kick you for a while.
- Vessel Kris also can't control the body fully when the soul is there. He has bursts of control, but they are brief and the soul can overpower him.
- The more you play the Snowgrave route, stronger is the soul control? That scene right after Susie asks you a question and its just a blank screen, I wonder if its Kris or the Soul being silent.
- You implant a part of your soul on Noelle?
- Ralsei mentions that the prophecy might have a different ending, but that it might make things worse. But what if the REAL ending is the Snowgrave one?

 

My only complain so far is that these chapters have far more fandom referential humor.
Ralsei plush (it shows up like 5 times), "Weird route" namedropped, Amogus reference, "Who is Mike" theorycrafting, Woody, yellow/pink cat, Noelle with GIR outfit meme. Even on the preview of Chapter 5 he already added some fandom humor with Cat Mike being named Pluey.
Also that small controversy with the dying rose animation that those annoying people decided to interpret in the most wild way possible.

- 8 Doors: Arum's Afterlife Adventure:

A game so good I actually forgot to talk about it. Hollow Knight: Taoism Edition.

Actually a good game, a hidden gem on Steam.

A bit challeging, but nothing impossible.

There is a nice variation of weapons to collect, although you might not use most of them outside of places that force them.

 

A nice variation of enemies, no enemy reuses the same attacks or strategy, which I welcome.
Bosses can be a bit hard, but they have a lot of tells for the incoming attack, so it rewards patience and observation.

 

The game rewards exploration with a lot of hidden places, which is mainly how you get currency to get skills.

The only downside I can think of is that some exploration parts reward you with... lore books.

They are just there, sitting in the end of a difficult platforming section to explain some detail of the story, and nothing else.

 

The art style is very nice, with the parchment look and ink colors. Everything is hand drawn, and while a few animations or characters look funny, the game looks very pretty.
Characters have a cool design, even though they can be a bit random. (Crocodile gamer, seriously now?)
Just wish the game had went more into the "paintbrush" style, because the line art is a bit dull. Everything has these thick black outlines and lots of straight lines and that makes it look a bit amateur-ish.

 

Story is a bit confusing. Some plot points are thrown and never explained or returned to.
I dare say that the "normal" ending is the best one, although the "perfect" ending gives some context on why Arum is able to do what she does.
I have an issue with how you can get locked out of the normal ending if you collect a certain item.

But for what its worth, its a good metroidvania and I enjoyed my time with it.

 

- Cookie Cutter:
A typical metroidvania, takes some inspiration from Hollow Knight, but manages to create it's own identity.

Gameplay loop is fun enough, combat is satisfying, although repetitive.
The art style is very distinct and relies a lot on gore and edgyness.
Movement is fast and fluid, abilities are fun to use.

 

Cherry is one of the ugliest and most unappealing main characters I have ever seen.
Like, holy shit girl what is wrong with your EVERYTHING? Pudgy face, elephant legs without feet or knees, pencil thin neck, long spindly arms, triangle shaped body with the waist the size of a semi-truck.
Just why? Why is there a chastity belt attack? Why is there a diaper attack?? WHY THERE IS A VAGINA SHAPED ROBOT IN HER VAGINA, CALLED REGINA??? WHY IT TALKS? WHY IT HAS SCREW FOR A CLITORIS??? DUDE????

 

- CrossCode:

WHY THE HELL THIS GAME IS SO LONG?
An incredibly good game, but my god, it goes on forever.

Gameplay is very cool, story is nice and has some good twists, characters are fleshed out and the graphics have great pixel art.

 

I really liked the characters, Lea jumped in my top female leads.

I feel the game is a bit too bloated as the story and side quests go on for way too long, my 70 in game hours have almost no time spent on stuff like grinding or material farming.

 

You have to get the DLC to have some closure on the story, but hey, it was good.
Great game, was worth the $1 from the bundle I got years ago.

 

- ENDER LILIES: Quietus of the Knights:

Another good metroidvania.
Nothing much to talk about this one.

Good graphics, good gameplay. Story was weak and predictable. Corruption, blah blah blah, immunity, yadda yadda, experiments, yap yap, punch a demon really hard, you win.

Map is terrible, squares connected by lines, no stamp/marker system. Animations are bad.

 

- Batman Arkham Origins:

Decided to play this again on a whim.
It is still the weakest Arkham game, but its still pretty good.
Played on New Game+ that increases the difficulty massively, and it showcases how short this game is when you don't need to bother with all the side activities.

 

DLC is terrible, only the Mr Freeze is worth getting and even then its over in 30 minutes.

 

- Crash N.Sane Trilogy:

Its good, not as good as the originals, but still pretty good. Music could be better, or at least an option to have the old soundtrack.
Lost a bit of the charm with the HD models.

Movement feels a little off, I swear that I had a lot of jumps where I just lost all my momentum because I jumped too close to the ledge.
I heard that its due a change on the character's hitbox from a cube to a pill, which causes some physics problems.

 

- Gurumin:

Charming, to say the least.
A bit repetitive, but combat is fun. The dub is cheesy as hell, laugh worthy.
Reminds me a bit of the PS1 Megaman Legends.

Controls are weird, like it was supposed to be played with a mouse or a motion control like the Wii, but works kinda fine with a regular controller.

 

- Half-Life: Opposing Force:

After finishing Half-Life 1, might as well do the expansion packs.

Its more Half-Life. Way harder though?
Really had a hard time on some parts due the hitscan enemies being insane.
The way they spaz around, lock on you instantly, take several hits to die and rush to cover as soon they get grazed.

Other than that, yeah. Its Half-Life.

 

- ENA Dream BBQ Ep 1:

Just about what I expected.
Great characters and designs, excellent voice acting all around. 
Interesting places to see, weird things to learn. Jumpscared by Vinny and Sr Pelo (again)
Season 2 ENA is cool, I like the contrast between Meanie/Polite ENA as much as I liked the one between Sad/Happy ENA.

Just felt a bit short overall. I know its supposed to 1 of 3, but it feels like some bits of chapter 1 will be added later.
Makes me wonder if this will have some connection to the ENA animations and start some kind of lore, explaining just what is the ENA world, and/or what is an ENA exactly.

 

- Hylics:

What in the goddamn?
I didn't hate it or anything, but everything seems to be surreal for the sake of it, no meaning or depth.
Aside that, just a regular RPG Maker game with leveling disabled. 
Very short. No strategy needed, just equip best weapons and use group heal when needed.

 

- Hylics 2:

What in the goddamn?
Definitely an evolution, at least.
Its still confusing, but now it makes sense?
The isometric platforming shouldn't exist though. Even with the landing mark, I can't tell where I can jump or where I can reach.
Had to play with a controller because I couldn't use some button combinations on the keyboard.

Harder than the first, some enemies are very annoying with constant counters or always using skills.

 

- SteamWorld Heist:

XCOM, but 2D. Actually very good, enjoyed it a lot.
Gameplay is very fun, characters are varied and enjoyable.
I'd say it has the perfect game length, but its also very repetitive.
Limited inventory space is lame and so is requiring to grind for money to get some weapons that I never got as a random drop.
Story is very basic and goes by rather fast, isn't as elaborate as SteamWorld Dig was.

Overall, recommended. Might have to get the sequel.

 

- Elder Scrolls 4 Oblivion:

Its one of my favorite games. Of course, I played the original, you think I have money to get the remake?
I actually was going to pirate it until I noticed the 130GB install size. Fuck that, the OG takes 5GB.

 

Lots of jank, crashes a lot even with mods to alleviate that. Still have fun.
Sometimes it crashes after a few minutes of fast travel, sometimes it takes 2 hours.

 

Of course, it has an abysmal level scaling, so enemies become damage sponges while your weapons barely do damage. Eventually you need to tone down the difficulty because even late game stuff stops doing damage.
Doesn't seems to be possible to play with a mage.

Rewards suck. Most quests just give gold or some potions. Chests are mostly 10 to 50 gold and potions. Was lucky on my old save where I found a ring that gives 10 in all stats, but most finds were plain garbage.
100% chameleon will always be funny and overpowered.

 

- Deltarune Ch 3 + 4 (P) (I know, bite me, Undertale was 1/4 the price so I could excuse buying it day 1):

It was very good.

Bangin' soundtrack, my man.

WELP SEE YOU IN 2026 - 2028 FOR THE LAST CHAPTERS.

 

- Bioprototype:

An interesting Survivors-like, but its main gimmick is the only unique stuff it does.
Goes for the Brotato approach, no pseudo progress, lots of unique characters to unlock.

The main gimmick is that weapons work with a linear programming logic.

Gets pretty crazy depending of what you link and the builds are pretty fun.

 

- Darksiders 2:

I first played this on the 360 and never got back to it after the big golem boss.
Collect 3 things to collect 3 things to collect 3 things to collect 3 things.

Cool hack and slash game, although very artificially inflated playtime and repetitive combat.

Its somewhat a good game, but it really should have been 1/3, maybe 1/2, the length.

 

- Kingdom Come: Deliverance:

Had fun, I guess?
A bit too long for my taste, and feels a bit unfinished.

Tries to be too realistic, gets rather annoying.

Saving is very limited, outside of autosaves you can only save if you have a special item. Quicksave mod is mandatory.

The combat system is weird.

I had to download several QOL mods to enjoy this game better. (STALKER flashbacks)

Overall, it was ok since I got it 90% off.

 

- Hiveswap Act 1:

Quite funny, good art, cool animations.
Gives you a bit of a look into the Homestuck universe, in what appears to be a future alt-timeline.
At least it doesn't seems to be related to the godawful ending from the webcomic.

...

Wait, what you mean its over? Its like 20 minutes long, maybe less?

 

- Axiom Verge:

Yep, its Metroid.

Interesting power-ups. Sound design is horrendous.
Loooooots of backtracking.

 

- Atari Vault:

Yep, its old Atari games.

Delisted collection because they released another collection, Atari 50.

 

- Grow Home:

Wew, remember when Ubisoft was a respected publisher with a few good indies under them?

I enjoyed it. Climbing is wonky, but works.
Monotonous, but doesn't overstays its welcome.
Completed the scans and got all star seeds just for the hell of it.
Basically the precursor to Zelda Breath of the Wild.

 

- Furi:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
FUCK I PARRIED THAT
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
HOW DO I BLOCK THAT ATTACK
SAMURAI YOU PIECE OF SHIT SHOOT WHERE I AIM
GOD
DAMNIT
Ok lets try it again.

Huff, I kneel.

 

- skate.:

A new Skate game? Man, I remember Skate. Tried to push itself like a more grounded game compared to Tony Hawk and became just as insane.
I liked playing it, finished all 3 games. That was what, 6-7 years ago? 2018 at most?
...
What do you mean Skate 3 was 15 years ago? Skate 1 released in 2007???

Well, its ok?
I had fun, but I have my problems.

 

- Tiny Terry's Turbo Trip:

A silly short game about a kid trying to drive to space. Hilarity ensues.

The story manages to be both funny and grounded, there is a tinge of insanity on the world, yet the characters manage to be "serious" about it.
The quests got me a couple of laughs.

 

- BALLxPIT (P):

I really didn't expect to get addicted on this.
Breakout roguelite. Manages to be incredibly deep and varieted with the fuse mechanic.

Starts slow, but there are so many progression and ingame upgrades that it eventually gets insane.
Eventually turns into a Vampire Survivors where you blast enemies with a million balls.
Then you unlock the upgrade that lets you bring two characters and fuse their skills and that is a massive game changer.

Has a bit of a problem with weapon evolutions requiring specific items, but your rerolls and bans are very limited.
Good character variety, but FUCK the two characters that choose your upgrades.

- Fight'N Rage:

Average beat-em-up.
Good art, good controls. Kinda hard.
Honestly, that's all I can say about it.
That raft level can suck a dick.

- Dungeon Keeper Gold:

Tried it a bit on its own, way too crusty.
Downloaded the Keeper FX mod, and now I am liking it.

Dunno if you are supposed to wait forever until the enemies finally decide to break one of your walls, but I just break one open and throw my minions near them.

Other than that, classic game. Never had played it before.

Feels a bit repetitive though.
4 stages in and all I did was build a treasure room, lair, hatchery, training room.
Ends up feeling more of a puzzle game than strategy.

- Wildmender:

Survival crafting, base building, yadda yadda.
Saw the pictures, thought it was a bit more action oriented, but its a regular survival crafting.
Not bad, at least. Some cool mechanics, but it feels a bit too slow.

Water flow mechanics are finicky. Controlling the biome is a bit annoying.
But for some reason, I kept returning to it.

- River City Girls:

A very very good RPG Beat-em-up game.
I would say this was one of my favorites on Steam if it wasn't for a few problems I have with it.

 

Story is silly, the voice acting is cheesy and grating at times. It does add to the experience, but I do wish the dialogue was less quippy.

Gameplay is solid, but could be improved a lot.
What you see is what you get.

 

Minus a hundred points for an Egoraptor reference. Fuck that guy.

 

- Islets:

Charming hand drawn metroidvania.

Good length, finished 100% within 8 hours.
Difficulty is easy to medium, would recommend playing it on hard if you can handle your average platforming.

Story is simple and there isn't too much to talk about it.
Art is cute and nice to look at. The creatures are silly.

 

- Kero Blaster:

Diet Cave Story.
Rather short, a bit hard. Managed finish it with only one game over.
Not going to try hard or super hard mode though.

 

Simple story, simple weapons. But still pretty fun.
Amazed that this game is 5MB.

Makes me annoyed that Nicalis fucked over Pixel with Cave Story, we still didn't get the updated port and depend of mods for the good experience.

 

- Bejeweled 3:

DID YOU KNOW that I never had played this?
I played Hunie Pop before the original.

And yeah, its match 3. Quite a lot of variations of match 3.
What you do mean there is a zen mode with subliminal messaging and bianural beats to mess with your brain, what the actual fuck?

 

- Nail'd:

Yep, this is prime Xbox 360 era.
Really over the top, insane jumps, neckbreaking speeds on an ATV or MX.

 

A bit repetitive, to advance you need to complete the same tracks several times and it takes a while to unlock new parts.
I just equip the default ones to max acceleration and it plays just fine.

 

Nothing much to it. Just an insane MTX racing game from the brown era.
Drive like a maniac, jump through hoops, land high jumps, boost like there is no tomorrow.

- UFO 50 (P):

Heard a lot about it, lots of ironic praise.
Downloaded it to see what its all about. Its ok.
Some games are fun. Some games are absolute ass.
Most games feel to be "game X, but with game Y mechanics!"
Still weirded how this became such a fever when other similar games like Game Center DX never took off.

 

- Windowkill:

Interesting roguelite, but gets old very fast.
The gimmick is cool, but destroys performance after a while, so you need to play with the "emulated windows" mode.
Gets very hectic as the game goes one, eventually you get overwhelmed, doesn't matters the upgrade you get.

Ok for a quick game, but I wouldn't spend too much time on it if I can just play Vampire Survivors.

 

- Digimon Cyber Sleuth:

Decided to play this because I liked Digimon World 1 to 3.
My GOD, why is this game so SLOW??
Its like everything takes 3x as long as it should. Animations are slow, walking is slow, quests are repetitive, battles are repetitive.

The story unironically takes 20 HOURS to pick up the pace. Up until then, its just 20 hours of nothing! Walk around, get flowers for a friend, eat in a restaurant, talk to some people. While your character is in a COMA AND THE WORLD IS ENDING!
Even when the world is ending and there is a KAIJU SIZED DIGIMON ATTACKING, you have to waste time by helping a school club.

 

- Pacific Drive:

You drive, you avoid anomalies, then you break down items so you can drive some more and avoid different anomalies.
Not bad, but it never evolves past that.

The more I played, less invested I was. I really couldn't care about the 3 nerds plot or what they were talking about.
Then you drive in a circle, walk a bit, listen to some exposition, drive in a straight line and the game says you won. Ok?

 

- Scarlet Tower:

Doesn't do anything bad, but also doesn't do anything interesting. Just a bit boring.
You only need one look at the many unexplained systems to see this is a game that tried to copy everything other Survivor-like games were doing, but didn't find an indentity of its own.
Skills are weird, power ups have several use requirements, upgrades are few.
Glitches are common, items can't be grabbed, you get damaged/healed by no visible cause, sprites vanish.
Lots of currencies, lots of grinding required.
Levels are either boring or annoying. Shoot outs to the level that has a breath meter mechanic and the level that is a literal timed corridor (unless you abuse the shield mechanic to avoid the killwall, where then its just a corridor).

 

- Inertial Drift:

Deja vu, etc.
Its ok.

Interesting steering mechanics.

Art could be better though. Every character has this androgenous design that feels like something you would see from a tumblr artist.
Every car is overdesigned, with bulky body kits, logos and what not.
Even the Trueno reference is barely regocnizable behind all the accessories.

And NO EUROBEAT? What the FUCK?

You make a game called Inertial Drift, add Initial D references but NO EUROBEAT??

 

- Oh sir: The Hollywood Roast:

Basically, an english lession.
String noums and insults together, get points. Drain the adversary life bar first, you win.

Funny, but rather repetitive. Might work better as a party game.

 

- Rollerdrome:

Tony Hawk, but you have guns and its a wave based third person shooter.
Kinda liked it, but became repetitive very fast.
After the third or fourth level, I already had no interest left.

 

- No Man's Sky:

Why do I even bother?
I played around some more, but its just more of the same.

Tried building a base, still too limited and glitchy. Returned several times to a mountain to be restored to the middle of my base.
Tried making a settlement, too much work, little payout.
Tried looking for a new ship, they are all worse than mine.
Tried looking for a new gun, they are all mostly the same.
Tried making a staff, had to spin around a machine for 10 minutes to get a S rank staff (long story).

 

The highlight of my playthrough was "accidentally" stream sniping someone I was watching.
I ended near their planet by sheer coincidence and did a silly dance on camera.

 

- Zwei: The Arges Adventure:

I tried really hard to play this, but the controls are soooo bad.
The same button sometimes is used to confirm, cancel, use item and activate the menu on different contexts.
Is this game supposed to be mouse and keyboard?

At first I thought the game was broken because I finished the level 00 map and nothing happened.
Then after walking around mindlessly for one hour, I used a guide to learn I had to go to a completely different place to reach level 01.
Likely my fault, if some character mentioned it and I didn't notice it.

 

- Megabonk (P):

Vampire Survivors meets Risk of Rain.
Starts fun, but gets really unfair and doesn't carries itself very far, loses steam pretty fast. 
These challenges are ridiculous. Some require way too much luck or insane precision to finish.
Survive 10 minutes without moving? Win without picking anything? Win without taking damage and without touching an enemy?
Relax a bit dude.

 

- LYCA:

A weird incremental/idle game that is a distiled version of Okami.
You are a dog, walk around and create flowers/grass.
Simple enough.

For the less of a dollar I paid, I had an ok time with it.
Could be lots better though.

 

- Defender's Quest: Valley of the Forgotten DX:

Replayed it because I wanted to play a tower defense game.

This is one of my, if not THE, favorite tower defense games on Steam, and I would really recommend a purchase.
...if it wasn't for one single MASSIVE problem.
It crashes. Frequently.
My God, it seems to crash as much as a Bethesda game.
The characters are lovable, the story is interesting, the gameplay is solid.
But it still crashes a lot.

 

- Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion:

A short and very simple Zelda-like.
For the sum of its parts, the game is serviceable, but still rather weak overall.
Finished 100% in 2 hours.

The plot is there. The game can't decide if it wants to be memes, anime or Adventure Time, which half the plot is based on.

The whole "tax evasion" thing is a throwaway line at the start of the game that is barely related to the overall plot.
Comedy is also there, sort of. Most of it is showing an image and going "funny, isn't it?".

Well, I had an ok time with it, but I wish this was more elaborate or at least longer.

 

- Incredicer (P):

You roll dice, you get money.
You buy more dice, you roll more dice.

Interesting incremental game, but it show its entire hand on the first 10 minutes.
Unless you have ADHD, I think it gets old fast.

 

- ABI-DOS:

Sorting algorithm puzzle. MATH algorithms? COLORING?? PIXEL SORTING???
CONVEYOR BELTSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Did you know that only 50% of people who played this finished the first 4 levels? These are the tutorial levels. 
I assume they died due their brains imploding once they read the tutorial.

 

- Atomicrops:

How the hell do you even play this?
Its a mix of farming and twin stick shooter roguelite.

No matter how hard I try, I don't get enough money to progress.
I managed to get to summer, which is basically level 2, and instantly died due my gun being useless.
I couldn't afford upgrades, or find enough stuff to plant.

Every try I managed to get LESS progress.
There are no permanent upgrades, so I am doing something wrong.
I checked some guides, yet I can't progress that fast.

 

- The Legend of Bum-Bo:

Conflicted about this one.
On one hand, I really like the way it looks and the flow of the puzzles.
On the other hand, its INCREDIBLY reliant on luck.

I finished it a few times, then learned that to progress further (that is, get more items), you depend on luck yet again!

There is a CHANCE you get the bad ending and don't unlock anything.

- Nova Lands:

Decided to play this for some reason.
It sucks. Its a "exponential furnace" game.
Craft items to craft furnaces to craft items. The only utility of the items is to create other items.
Barely any gameplay other than watching timers, basically an idle game.
There is some VERY basic combat, and that's it.

Wouldn't recommend.

 

- Chrono Ark:

No idea why I even decided to play this, as I dislike roguelite deckbuilders.
And... yeah, its a roguelite deckbuilder, alright. Fancy one, at least.
Very average art, its like the kind of anime art you find in every gacha game these days, which makes me not be able to take the characters seriously.
You know, big boob priest, "old" hunter guy in his mid 20s, insane smiling guy with one red eye.

Gameplay is... the same as every fucking roguelite deckbuilder. The "twist" is that there is some JRPG mechanics, leveling, friendship.
Honestly couldn't handle playing it for very long. Got bored.

 

- Sonny Legacy Collection:

Wow this game is old. I remember playing this on Armor Games like 20 years ago, but never bothered with more than a few minutes, since it was a flash game.
Decided to finally give it a better try, but turns out to be very average and actually incomplete.

Very bland RPG system, lots of useless skills, every enemy feels the same because EVERYTHING has the same skill set (heal, damage reduction, damage increase, damage over time, shields).

Feels unfinished, the map clearly show more 3 zones, but you kill the mayor and the game ends, no questions answered.

 

- Void Bastards:

Ehhhh. Wanted to try this for a while, got it for free. Its average.
Looks cool, gets repetitive way too fast.
Go to same looking ship, open every container, try avoid most of the enemies, get shot by a turret that you didn't see, get swarmed by the floating heads, repeat.

Having to scavenge ammo is lame. Weapons having fixed slots is lame. Some enemies are very annoying to deal with.
You can upgrade your items somewhat, but it doesn't helps much with ammo being so rare. No melee attacks or anything, running out of ammo means you can only flee.
Your path sometimes forces you to lose all your food, get bad perks or just DIE. While you can avoid threats by using alternate paths, sometimes you have no choice or using the alternate path will make you lose an upgrade part and extend the game for more 10 ships.
Too much upkeep, too little fun.

 

- Ronin:

Its like Gunpoint (remember that game?), but far more frustrating.

It tries to be a turn based combat game, but every single fight consists of jumping up and down until the guys with guns stop to reload.

Controls are awful, half of the time the character jumps or grapples something you didn't want.
Once you start a jump, you have to press the right analog to cancel it, instead of ANY of the unused buttons.

Got to the second target, kept dying because every room was 3 guys with guns and 2 guys with teleporting swords.
Jumping up and down, jumping up and down... Oh the guy with the sword decided to stop right below you, game over.

 

- Desktop Dungeons:

Despite being addressed as a dungeon crawler, its actually a puzzle game.
Kill enemies and use skills in the right order, or you will fail.

That plus the random layouts after every reset means you need to pray for a good RNG to solve some puzzles.

Depending of luck to solve a puzzle you can't retry feels cheap.

 

- 12 is better than 6:

Texas/Mexico Hotline Miami.
A bit frustrating, the mechanic where you have to right click after every shot with the revolver or the rifle sometimes doesn't works, and it causes a death.
I do love having 4 guys coming for me, and even if I right click to ready a shot, the game goes "nuh uh, you gotta cock the hammer". HOW ABOUT I HAMMER YOUR ASS WITH THIS COCK???

 

- Relic Dudes:

Discount, incredibly basic Vampire Survivors with co-op.
Upgrades are limited, systems are few, map is small, enemies are many, no permanent upgrades.
Eventually it gets too hard to do solo.

 

- Bots Are Stupid:

Yes, they are. 
You have to code the bots to travel through the level, but its mostly trial and error due how basic some instructions are.
The tutorial bot tries to use the same mechanics to animate itself before the level, and on 3 out of 5 levels I had played, the bot couldn't jump to the right spot or stop in time and died, so I didn't had a tutorial on that level.
Reloading or restarting the cutscene didn't work.
Eventually it becomes micromanaging wait timers and rules to get precise jumps.

 

- Spin Hero:

Roguelite deck builder.
Pass.

 

- Necrosmith:

Create an undead, wait for it to stumble through the map, so you can build more undeads.
Die because all your undeads are incredibly far away and didn't destroy the enemy bases, letting a bunch of them spawn and rush your base.
I really don't get it. Every attempt to play went the same way, undeads go too far, enemies rush base.

 

- Slime 3K:

Vampire Survivors-like.
Leveling creates a shop instead of giving you a weapon choice. You only get money by opening said shops or from random drops.
Weapons feel very weak.

Eventually it just becomes very unfair, forcing you to play in very boring ways or get insanely lucky with shops to get a broken build.
Mid game levels are all "one million enemies" or "one million boss enemies".

 

- UnEpic:

Tried to return to this, but god damn.
I had forgotten how clunky the gameplay is.

It took me like 30 minutes to fix my controller because it wouldn't calibrate.
One button kept failing to assign. After 8 tries, it magically fixed itself.

I got lost for a hour before I found where I had to go, but this part is basically impossible.
It spawns a lot of skeletons, and I can't kill them. While one or two at a time is fine, some rooms spawn 6 or more.
I can only hit one skeleton at a time (unless I use polearms, but those are weak against skeletons), but all 8 skeletons can hit me at once and trap me in a corner.
I managed to reach a far point of the map, but there is a long corridor with a mage skeleton that shoots fireballs.
Not only the fireballs are really hard to dodge because they fly almost at the middle of the corridor (you don't have dodge moves aside the ones that cost points, which take forever to fill and you can only hold 5), there are 5 skeletons attacking you.
Even after killing the skeletons, I can't reach the mage because I can't jump over or duck under the fireballs. And that shit kills me in 5 hits.
I can't even heal myself because everything has a 3 to 4 seconds animation.
Maybe I could use the pet that freezes, but skeletons are immune to freezing. Also the pet dies almost instantly because all the skeletons just destroy it.

 

- Bridge Constructor Stunts:

Played for 5 minutes, gave up on it.
Its more about driving than building bridges, the whole puzzle aspect gets clouded since not only you need to build, you also need to drive correctly.

The big problem here is that you can't know if you failed because of your bridge or because you should have speed up/slowed down.
And these are ramps, not even bridges. After the 10th time I missed the objective because I was just a tad too fast, I gave up.

While I was downloading some pirate games, I decided to try a few, uh, lewd games that I will probably never buy myself. 
Maybe, who knows. If they are good enough.
There are also some games I already owned or were free.

 

- FlipWitch (P):

Huff, I am sorry but this game sucks dick. Literally and metaphorically. Good music though.

Good art, some cute characters, but SOOOOO boring. Very bland and janky.
Physics are floaty and weird, powers kept glitching out, combat is repetitive and boring.

Not even the sex scenes can save this game, they have little to no variation. 
No interesting fetishes or anything. 
Man I ain't going to game over on every zone twice to see a 10 frame porn gif, do I look like I have time for that?
Feels like the male transformation is only there so this game wasn't called "FutaWitch".

You don't even get to fuck the bosses (save one, I guess), what is the point of giving you several 10 meter tall women and them just going "alright you hurt me enough, now leave".
Gotta admit that the Angel boss with the masochist phase gimmick was cool.

 

- SpunkStock: Music Festival (P):

Downloaded this when I was saw this as "related to another game you played" on Steam, and I got curious. (It was BPM, by the way)

Kinda weak. 
Has some nice girl designs, but they all clearly look made by different artists, so they have different art styles and proportions, which bothers me a bit since the quality changes so much.
Even the minigames, pin-ups and sometimes the girls are made by different artists. Some have flat colors and amateur animation, some have very nicely shaded drawings and hand made animations.

The menus, text font and overworld all scream "amateur" and "stock assets".

The gameplay is VERY basic for a "rhythm game". All you do is click the left or right mouse. 
You can't even look at the animations because you are busy looking at the metronome at the side of the screen.
Basically an excuse for stringing the porn animations in the gallery.

You repeat this a few times for each girl, do some special scenarios, fuck the ad for another game (real), fuck the trap, fuck some of the previous girls, then you win. 
There is a RPG-like exploration mode between some scenes and for a minigame before a girl, but its incredibly boring.

One of the weakest porn games I have tried, although its far above many others.

 

- Corruption of Champions:

Now here is a blast from the past. I actually never finished this until this year.
Every other time I played, the last dungeon wasn't implemented yet.

 

Well, I'd say its my favorite porn game. Its all text, but has interesting characters and quite a lot of content.
Early game is actually pretty hard (har har), requires quite a lot of grinding (har har) to get the right perks to make it easier.

Way too many transformations, way too many game overs, way too many perks. Hidden scenes everywhere, I remember laughing when I accidentally found the cum slime transformation scene.

Only finished the "good karma" playthrough, although I had to increase my character corruption to get some lust resistance perks (its a thing).

Not perfect, has a LOT of hidden pointers and stats that can ruin your game, like losing to a particular enemy 3 times locks you from attacking, or how fighting the bee girl 5 times locks you from getting an important item.

Lacks purely gay man/straight woman romance choices, if you fit in that demograph. Seems 90% of the characters are either bisexuals, women and/or futas.

Anyway, shoutouts to Amily, Kiha, Helia and Lottie.

 

- Cowgirl Sex Farm (P):

Why did I even download this? This is terrible.

Its a clicker game. That lasts 30 minutes.

Kinda obvious the art was made using AI.
Pictures are weak, animation is weak.

 

- Princess & Conquest (P):

Caught my attention due that old meme image with all the different princesses and how you had to choose one and fight the rest.
But I really couldn't play this for more than 30 minutes. Its way too slow.

 

The art is cute, but its an RPG Maker game using mostly stock assets with a few edited ones, trying to be both real time combat and an strategy game at same time, plus the porn.
It has way too many systems to keep track and some important stuff isn't tracked.
Just choosing a character shows you like 50 different knights with different stats or entirely new systems.
I got a quest and couldn't find where I had to go start it. Entered a town, it showed me yet another system to keep track.

Goddamn dude, I just wanted to see some Kobold tits, not actually manage an empire on a tabletop game.

Maybe I will try playing it again in the future, but didn't impress me.

 

- Sapphire Safari:

Getting some errors trying to install this.
Installer fails part way. Hm, maybe I will just download a torrent.
...
Wait a minute, I OWN this game. On GOG! I really need to keep track of these other libraries.

 

Its Palworld + Pokemon Snap, but porn.
Uhhhhh. Very early access. Not much to do. Needs work.
The existing story ends in 5 minutes, then all you do is walk around, take pictures of the 10 or so mons and try not to get raped by an alligator.

No upgrades, no other mechanics. No way to lure Mons, or any other Pokemon Snap equivalents.
The rock does nothing other than stun them for a second, only useful if a predator is going for your hole.

 

Some confusing instructions.
I have no idea what the game identifies as a "pile" when taking photos.
Sometimes taking a photo of one Mon gets put on a pile with several other different photos, sometimes it doesn't.

 

Mon designs are ok, plain furry stuff. Some are cute, the Leggy Lamb design for the sheep made me chuckle.
Mal0 is there, I guess. Whats with furry games and Mal0? Is she the only SCP for them?
They even turned her into a marketable plushie, dear god. 

 

- Tropical Monster Girls (P):

Template survival crafting.
Generic gameplay, low walk speed, wonky animations and combat.
Played up to the second boss, nothing changed. Incomplete too, couldn't advance to the metal crafting.
Couldn't see any porn aside the slime girl having her tits out.
Characters have a generic model. In particular, the male player model has a forehead that puts Code Lyoko to shame.
Boring.

 

- Dragon Sleuth Brittany (P):

Average point and click, with some minigames now and then.
Cute art, ok scenes.
Minigames can be hard, the titty kaiju boss fight is kinda difficult. The wrestling minigame got me confused a few times due using both arrow keys and WASD.
Britanny's clothes look more funny than sexy.
...Some weird stuff too. Why is there a scene where Britanny eats like 12 hotdogs, then pats her stomach while moaning? What?

 

- Beat Banger (P):

Its a bit like SpunkStock, but has better quality.

The girls are all anthros and they all look cute, although their designs are a bit uninspired, lacks uniqueness.
The bunny girl looks like every other bunny girl, that is to say, Lola Bunny or Judy. There is a racoon girl that I only learned she was a racoon because she is called a tanuki in her bio, I thought she was a dog or something.
Cat girl is basically just Nicole from Gumball. The bird is your average punk girl and probably the most unique, but still rather cliche.
How does she even suck a dick, girl you have no lips. (This is actually mentioned in a cutscene, right before she rapes you in a fit of rage)

 

Music is good, scenes have pretty good art. Voice acting is ok, the VAs did a good job, but the moans get very repetitive.
Far more challeging than SpunkStock, as the controls uses all 4 directions instead of just clicking a metronome.

 

Sadly not finished yet, only 6 levels done and it seems like it will take a few years before the other 11 get done.

 

- Bullet Girls Phantasia:

I started this game expecting nothing but low quality anime garbage.
Instead I was actually surprised its rather competent.

 

Its D3, so a budget game. 
Plays a bit like a very cheap EDF, but instead of ants, aliens and finding new guns, its an isekai with orcs and you buy tube shaped foods to make the girls suck on them.
Shooting is rather good, movement works nicely.

 

Of course, the main point of the game is raping, uh I mean, "Intensive Drilling" the girls.
You just poke, grope, slap and shove stuff into them. And you get money for doing so.

 

As a man of class, of course I downloaded the uncensoring mod.
I ain't settling for "smoke", "dark matter" or "light beams" blocking the tits. Let them dangle free!
The main problem with removing the censoring is, that while they do have textured tits under the censoring, the crotch is Barbie anatomy, so you need a retexture mod to fix that.
There are mods that change the models for more details, but they conflict with existing clothes and the mod scene is very small.
I settled with just nude textures for regular game + a nude toggle for the Drilling mode.

 

To be fair, there is a whole mechanic about removing clothes.
You take clothing damage and eventually lose the clothes and underwear and the protection they offer.
You can use screen clearing special attacks, but stripping first makes them stronger.
Yes, fighting orcs with your tits and asshole showing makes you summon a stronger tank and makes that totally older than 18 girl still in middle school with access to heavy weaponery summon more floating rifles like she is Xaku from Warframe.

I'd say the only problem I have with this game is that the loading times are quite long, even on a SSD.

Another Crab's Treasure
Batman: Arkham Knight DLC
Bioshock Infinite DLC
Bomb Rush Cyberfunk
Bug Fables
Celeste
Death Stranding
Destroy All Humans
Devil May Cry (1 at least)
Ghost Song
Ghost Trick (replay)
Hades
Half-Life 2 (maybe)
Hi-Fi Rush
NieR: Automata
Nine Sols

I Wani Hug That Gator

Shovel Knight

START AGAIN/IN STARS AND TIME