Demospam

Attack on Titan > Everything else

OMFG LOL https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrEIJeXgH6E

Infamous is da bomb I heard, I'd recommend both.

For fun we should refer to the areas we live in as: Land of X and Y Apparently I live in the Land of Bagels and Traffic.

This is a good game and you are a good person Raz.

Batty you are the Kolech idiot, you are the Kolech smell.

Illegal Phone One night, I am in bed, beating my wife, when phone ring. I beat phone, then pick it up. I hear voice. Voice says "What you do with my daughter?!" I turn to wife and demand to know why her father interrupt me beating her. But she say, her father is dead! Then, KGB break into house and arrest me for illegal possession of phone. Such is life in Moscow. Three Wheels One day, great Soviet commissar come to village to see tractor. "Tractor only 3 wheels, what happened?" inquires glorious leader. "Great Soviet tractor strong, only need 3 wheels!" replied peasant. "But comrade commissar, I cannot tell lie, I used unnecessary tire to make shoes for village children." Commissar purged peasant in the name of great Stalin. Village children were sent to gulag, Great Soviet Union don't need children with weak feet!

Holder of End In any city, in Motherland, go to any asylum you can get into. Go to the front desk and ask for man who calls himself "The Holder of the End". Should a look of puny fascist-like fear come over the strong communist worker, you will then be taken to a cell in the building. It will be in a deep hidden section of the building. The corridors will be silent like Spetsnaz killing a weak anti-communist soldier. You will begin to hear someone whispering to themselves, like brother Yuri after 3 bottles too much of glorious Russian vodka. It will be in a language you do not understand but even your courageous workers heart will know fear. Should the talking stop at any moment, stop walking and yell "GREEDY CAPITALIST PIG! I WILL RAPE YOU LIKE SMALL CHILD." If you hear nothing then remove your trousers and enter the cell. If the whispering resumes like Russian workers after loss of only son then you may choose whether or not to remove pants. When you enter the room you will see small weak man who has not had beets in some time. He will be speaking in a language not russian, beat him until he speaks the tongue of the motherland. When he learns the great language you will say the bloodied pile that was once a man "What happens when they go together?" The fragile man will look into your eyes and answer in great detail. Some have gone mad and lost hope in this great land, do not worry they are in gulag now. After he finishes forget what he has told you for it is capitalist propaganda, kill him and feed him to your children in a beet stew.

Yevdokya Monkeypaw One day, Yevdokya is visit by traveller friend. Friend say, "Dunya, I find monkey paw, with power to grant three wishes. But I have all I want in communist utoptia, so give paw to you for keeping." When friend leave, Yevdokya, being enemy of people and anarchist, decide to make wish, testing paw. she say "Monkey paw, I wish for more food for myself" as she selfish. The next day, KGB arrive to drag her son away, for enemy collaboration. Now Yevdokya have more bread ration for self. Anguished for her son, even though he betrayer of worker, she wish to paw again, "Monkey paw, I wish to have my son return to me." The next day, KGB arrive with her son. her son comply with KGB interrogation and return to implicate mother. As KGB knock on door, Yevdokya grab monkey paw again to make final wish, "Monkey paw, I make mistake in previous wish. please make them go away." KGB kick down door and destroy monkey paw. They say "Your son says you worship monkey god. Religion is enemy of worker. Atheism is only scientific truth." Yevdokya then sent to labor camps for where her dangerous superstitions could not infect loyal soviet worker. She never see son or KGB again.

Too spooky for glorious motherland. Skeleton Is Appear Short time previous, man is walk down road because he not afford autocar when he sees top-notch soviet autocar approach from rear of him. He salute car to attract attention for transport, and autocar ceases moving. Man run to passanger side of vehicle and open door. When door opened, skeleton ejects from autocar! Body being dumped by KGB agent for insolence against great communist party! Lady Gorbochev In Russia, coffin has pipe for air, and bell with string. If man is true Soviet, he does not die. When buried, yells for undertaker and rings bell. Bell rings. Is no wind. Undertaker asks - "Are you lady Gorbochev?" Voice says "Da!" "Born winter of 1927?" "Da!" "Gravestone says 'Died 20 February, 1957" "Niet, am still living!" "Am sorry, but is August. In June, ground will thaw. You must wait for June." And woman is true Soviet, waits for June.

Do not insult Comrade Stalin, comrade. Cat is Hero of Motherland You come home from hard day of work at glorious Soviet tractor factory. Enter lounge and drink vodka. Cat sit on top of kitchen table, stare at you. “Stupid cat.” you say, “You look just like comrade Stalin fat ugly wife!”. Early next morning, KGB kick down front door and take you to Siberian gulag for outrageous slur against Comrade Stalin beautiful wife. In glorious Soviet motherland, even cat can be trained to report owner for spread discontent and tell lie about senior party members. Cat receive Order Of Lenin medal and senior position in KGB; you receive 30 year hard labour sentence at Soviet re-education camp. Life is just and fair under our beloved leader Stalin.

Tetris is best game but is now a symbol of capitalist pig. Mirror is Capitalist Legend is being going like this. You are entering bathroom and standing in front of mirror. Turning candles off and, while being in front of mirror, spinning rapidly, you chanting "Leon Trotsky" "Leon Trotsky" "Leon Trotsky" "Leon Trotsky", several times, while catching glimpses of self on mirror. It is said that eventually you be seeing image of Leon Trotsky on mirror. Upon exiting bathroom you are being arrested by KGB for believing in existence of Leon Trotsky, whom party has proven never existed.

Just for that I will give you more scary story, comrade. Cannibalist Stateworker Unpopular state worker becomes butt of many joke. Day after unfortunate tractor accident, comrades from her village place severed arm in unpopular state worker's bed, and wait for morning to laugh. Morning comes and they enter room to find her eating arm. Horror results, because arm is enough to feed three comrades, and she will not share!

Jew Is Sell Book Soviet peasant filled with burning desire to read for glory of Soviet Russia. One day peasant go to Soviet bookstore, and sees book with skull on cover. He asks owner how much is book, and owner responds 80 rubles. However, owner tell peasant never read last page, or else doom shall fall upon him! Peasant reads all book in one night, is dark book of capitalism about by evil man, John Deere, talking of automated machinery and air conditioned tractors, many horrors in book indeed! Yet peasant does not read last page, for he has fear in his heart! One night it storms however, and the man is bored. He finally gathers up enough Soviet courage to read last page, dispelling superstition, for he has faith in the Party. As soon as he reads last page, man gasps! Book originally 20 rubles! The owner was Jew!