LadyBernkastel

So I'm trying to make my chapters not be so short with little substance. I started reading a little bit of the stories that inspired me to get into writing again. It helps a little. Hopefully by the time this ends, my chapters won't be so short with almost nothing but dialogue. Anyway, nuu chapter. [spoiler2]Chapter 2 Rynjin and Stackbabbin' Bumscags sat across from each other at the table. They waited impatiently for the others to show up. "Why does it seem like we're the only people that enjoy playing these games anymore?" Bumscags started setting up the board for Pandemic. "You should start offering a cash reward if the players win. That will get them to join." "As if any of you deserve my hard earned cash." As Bumscags began shuffling the cards, Doopliss joined the table. "Sorry I'm late. I had some set up to do in my room this morning." Rynjin reached into a cooler at the side of the table and set it on the table. "Set up? Are you guys doing something special?" "We are but . . ." Doopliss looked out the door as if he were expecting to hear someone eavesdropping on him. "I probably shouldn't tell you. Corv and Bern don't think anyone else should hear about it." "Come on, Doop, you can tell us." Rynjin picked up the beer and held it just out of Doopliss's reach. "I'll let you have this beer if you tell us." "Ryn, I'm not falling for that." Doopliss took his class card and got ready to play. "We're not five anymore." "Well you're no fun." Rynjin set the beer back down beside Doopliss. Idiot Cube joined them and set some cubes down on the table. "Uh . . . why did you bring these cubes?" "I'm glad you asked. Watch this." Idiot Cube tapped the top of one of the cubes. It immediately sprouted arms and legs and started dancing around. It then sprouted a birthday hat with the word "unbirthday" on it. "I made these cubes for our unbirthday! There's one for each of you." Idiot Cube reached into the bag slung over his shoulder and took out a plate wrapped in tin foil. He took off the tin foil, revealing the most scrumptuous cookies any SPUFer had ever laid eyes on. "Thank you very much, Cube." All three of them spoke nearly in unison. They all took a cookie and started eating them. "Enjoy those, guys." Idiot Cube had the biggest grin on his face. He set his bag down beside the table. "Now, let's start this. What classes are you guys again?" Bumscags grabbed his notebook and started writing down some notes. "Doopliss is a generalist. Rynjin is a field operative. Rammire still hasn't shown up yet. While we wait for him, what will you choose, Idiot Cube?" "Um . . ." Idiots Cubes eyes moved back and forth as though he were reading the cards in his head. "I want to be a medic." "Alright." Bumscags took note. "Now, we just need to wait for Rammire to get here." Bynary passed by the room they were playing in. After seeing the four sitting there, he remembered that he had to deliver them a message. "Oh, guys, Rammire won't be able to make it tonight. He has important god duties that need to be finished now. He promised he'd be able to meet you guys tomorrow though." Bumscags closed his notebook and started putting the game away. "At this point, I've come to expect it. Thanks, Bynary." He finished putting the game back in its box and started to leave. "Lets meet again tomorrow at the same time then. See you gentlemanns tomorrow." Rynjin, Doopliss, and Idiot Cube waved goodbye. After Bumscags was gone, Rynjin and Doopliss went back to eating Idiot Cube's cookies. "How do you make these?!" Rynjin looked intently at one of the cookies. "I must know!" "A lot of love." After all the cookies were gone, Idiot Cube put the tin foil back on the plate and put the plate back in his bag. "Lots of love and lots of the butchered remains of Cub --" "What did you say?" Doopliss didn't seem to hear what he said. "Just lots of love." Idiot Cube had the most innocent smile on his face. ------------------ Bernkastel laid curled up on her bed. She lightly batted the air with her hand. The door slammed open, causing Bernkastel to perk up her ears and open her right eye. She saw Corvette and Doopliss returning with bags full of markers. "Corvette! Doopliss!" Bernkastel jumped to her feet and dashed at them, hugging them both as tightly as she could. "Hey, Bernk!" Corvette put an arm around her, before walking to his bed and setting down the bag of markers. Doopliss hugged Bernkastel back as well. "Sorry we took so long. We had trouble finding the room that Bynary keeps the markers in." Bernkastel grabbed a black marker and ran over to the poster. She began writing down the names of every SPUFer in the mansion. "Did I forget anyone?" Corvette took a long look over the list. He used his own black marker to write in the name of one more person. "Yes, XYTWO." "Oh, right. My mistaske, nya~" Doopliss sighed and rested his hand on Bernkastel's shoulder. "Bern, do you remember what we talked about regarding ending your sentences with 'nya~'?" Bernkastel thought for a second. Her ears perked up as the wheels started turning in her head. "Don't end your sentences with 'nya~' because the non-weeaboos think it's weird." Bernkastel's ears drooped down. She had a nervous smile on her face. "S-sorry." "Hey, guys, who should we ship Rynjin with?" Corvette stared at Rynjin's name, trying to make a connection between him and the other SPUFers. Bernkastel grabbed a red marker and started drawing a line. "Oh, Rynjin so has a thing for Idiot Cube!" "Do you guys not like Huff's shipping chart or something?" Doopliss picked up a purple marker and looked at the names. "Of course not." Bernkastel drew another red line from Silent to Razputin. "Huff's chart is based on that, oh what do they call it, ham steak?" She drew a third red line from Huff to Nitzan. "I'm not even in it." "Probably because he doesn't think it's acceptable to ship people with a cat." "Says the guy who runs around wearing nothing but a bedsheet and a party hat." Corvette put his hands over both of their mouths. "Guys. No bickering right now. Shipping." Bernkastel and Doopliss nodded back at him and focused their attention back on the shipping chart. Doopliss started to draw something until he noticed something odd about Verumae's name. "Corvette, why did you circle Verumae's name in green?" "A green circle around someone's name means narcisist. The only person who Verumae can be shipped with is Verumae." Bernkastel ran to the other end of the room. He started looking through the books on Doopliss's bookshelf. He picked up a book about using magic for cloning. "Doopliss, we should clone Verumae so that he can have someone to love." "I'll think about it." Doopliss didn't turn his attention away from the shipping chart. "By the way, what should we list the three of us as, Corv?" Bernkastel jumped back over to them and rest her head on Corvette's shoulder. "Yeah, Corv! What lines should we draw for us?" "Isn't it obvious?" Corvette grabbed a blue marker and drew lines connecting all three of them together. "We're the three amigos!" Both Bernkastel and Doopliss had depressed looks on their faces. "Oh. Yeah, you're right." They both said this as if they knew the other was about to say it too. Suddenly an alarm sounded. It was the familiar alarm of a group meeting. Everyone had to meet in the big living room on the bottom floor. "You guys go ahead to the meeting. I need to finish up a couple of things. I'll meet you there. Save me a seat." "Will do." Bernkastel and Doopliss walked out the door and headed for the meeting. Once they were gone, Corvette walked over to the door and locked it. He grabbed the red marker and pointed it towards his on name. He looked at the name he planned to draw the line to, but he hesistated. After a moment of waiting, he snapped the cap back on the marker and set the marker away. "Not today, but some day, 3fort, you'll be mine . . ." ------------------- The entirety of the mansion gathered in the giant living room. To their front was a large stage with three chairs. Bynary and Rammire were sitting in the chairs to the left and right of the stage, while Commander stood in front behind a podium, reading off of an attendance sheet. He had almost finished checking the attendance, but it seemed that one person was still missing. "Verumae . . . Verumae . . . does someone know if Verumae is here?" "Commander," Rammire called from behind him. "We spoke to Verumae earlier. He says that he refuses to come down from his level." "Well, fine. If he's going to miss this information, then so be it." Commander pounded his fist on the podium. "Alright, everyone, listen up. This mansion is going to be going through some changes here in the next few days. We're upgrading to a more useful and efficient mansion. Don't worry, you aren't being kicked out. The changes will happen around you as the days go by. You may not even notice they're there." From the crowd, Razputin shouted out. "If we won't even notice they're there, then why are we changing it?" "Well, trust me, it will make our mansion much more efficient. I mean, we have to get a leg up on the SPUD Mansion, right?" Dr. Evil Brain was the next one to protest. "We all chipped in to buy this stupid mansion, shouldn't we put it to a vote instead of letting you three make all the decisions." "What do you think this is, a democracy?" Bernkastel stood up in her chair. "Right, this is a monarchy! Bow before me, scrublords!" Commander pounded his fist on the podium again. "If you all don't shut the hell up right now, I'll banish all of you five ever!" The whole room became quiet. Commander waited to see if anyone dared to peep after that. He cleared his through and began speaking again. "In conclusion, if you see changes to the mansion over the next few days, do not be alarmed. Now, Buddha and Idiot Cube should almost be done making lunch. Everyone report to the dining hall."[/spoiler2]

There are many more chapters. Don't worry, you'll get your time in the spotlight.

I apologize for that unrelated outburst. Your story reminded me of the video games episode of Bullshit.

Dr. Evil Brain, unintentionally making a case against video games as murder simulators. Back on topic, I've surprisingly never used a gun. I've lived in the deep South all my life and never once have I had the chance to go hunting.

And Corv didn't say it? Damn, how much better is Baccano?

I was going to post a pic of Bernkastel with cat ears and declare it canon, but for a character so associated with cats, you'd be amazed at how hard that is to find.

Your room is on the top level. No one else is there.

Another one of those I need to finish watching . . . except I only have one episode left, so I don't know what's taking me so long.

I wasn't even thinking of that Doop, but now that you mention it . . .

What about the off-handed Fallout comment in SPUF City? Does that count?

1) The ending to SPUF City was perfect. 2) Thank ya. 3) Spoilers, man.

I appear to be in the same place as Corv. I have all these anime I want to watch but I never get around to it. Mostly the rather famous ones.

As with SPUF City, I do not actually base the characters on the people they represent. I write them based on what I think would help the story or would be funny. Examples, I've never had a drop of alcohol in my life, Dr. Evil Brain isn't a psychopath, and Huff may or may not think gentlemannely girls are hot. I may make various injokes or references to things we're known for: Bern's unknown gender, Grobag's sloths, Dr. Evil Brain's dongers, but I intentionally avoid writing the characters based on what little I know of you all. It might not be obvious, but whether or not the stupid jokes I make offends someone does matter to me. In other words, nothing in this story should be read as a critique on any of you. exceptladybernkastel ladybernkastelsucks

That's what you think

Yes, I'm writing a SPUF fanfiction. Very original idea. I had some ideas pop in my head the last few days, so I went ahead and wrote down an intro chapter. I’m still working on the plot, but I plan to keep this story updated regularly. Also, don't expect accurate portrayals of yourself. Crappy story comes first. [spoiler2]Chapter 1 “Doopliss . . . Doopliss . . . Doopliss . . .” Doopliss slowly shifted until he was facing Bernkastel, refusing to get up from the couch he was laying on. Bernkastel’s head was laying face down on a small table. “What do you want now, Bern?” “Can you go get me a beer?” Bernkastel’s head turned slightly to face Doopliss. Doopliss turned his back to Bernkastel. “Go get your own damn beer! You haven’t left that spot for hou –“ Their conversation was cut short by the sound of rioting outside the little shack they called a house. “I wonder what happened that caused everyone to get so upset.” “Probably the mods again.” Bernkastel’s fist slammed against the table. “Who do those bastards think they are anyway? Undermining my authority. I’m the monarch here!” Doopliss quietly ignored him. He walked over to the window and began searching for what could be the cause of it. It wasn’t long before the door to the shack was thrust open. Bowie rushed through the doorway, out of breath. “Guys! H-huge riot! A large group of us were hanging out in an alleyway, not talking about hats. But the mods found us. They tried to get rid of us, but most of us escaped.” Bernkastel finally sat up, intrigued by the news. “Why the rioting then? Can’t you just regroup elsewhere?” “Not all of us got away.” Bowie handed Doopliss a photo. “Do you remember him? Dr. Evil Brain? He’s been banished from the city!” “He what?!” Doopliss stared dumbfounded at the picture. “Th – They actually banished him?” “Yes! I think they’re planning to stamp out any competition for power. Lady Bernkastel isn’t safe here. We must seek the assistance of other supporters of the resistance.” “I’m the monarch, so it shouldn’t be too hard for me to speak with other resistance leaders.” Bernkastel walked over to the hat rack and started picking through hats. “Who do you think we should go to first? The Commander or the Binocrat?” “The Commander is not easy to convince. If one leader were to plead with him alone, he’d probably shrug it off.” Doopliss pointed out the window, towards a skyscraper on the other side of the city. “Our best chance is trying to plead with the Binocrat.” “Alright.” Bernkastel turned to the others with a smirk. “Archmaid. Archmage. Let’s go. We’re going to go see the Binocrat.” Bernkastel began walking out the door. “Give us one minute, Lady Bernkastel.” After he was sure Bernkastel wasn’t able to hear them, he turned to Doopliss. “How much longer are we going to do this? It feels like it’s been months. Bern isn’t in any position of authority and we both know it.” “Until we find out what Bern’s gender is. Trust me, I’m getting as fed up as you are, but our mission for the Binocrat comes first.” “What does the Binocrat even need this information for anyway? Who cares what gender Bern is?” Doopliss shrugged. “If I had to guess, I’d say it’s because he wants an advantage over the Commander. Both are trying their best to keep important information on the entire city. I’ll bet theour mission is an attempt at this. Imagine getting information on the most elusive resident in the whole city.” “And what information on Bernkastel would be important to the Binocrat? That she’s an alcoholic and sleeps all the time?” Bowie sighed and walked back to the door. “Come on. Bern will get impatient if we don’t hurry, and we really need to speak with the Binocrat.” “You’re right.” Doopliss joined Bowie by the door. “Make sure Bern doesn’t do anything to irritate the Binocrat.” “You have my word.” ------------------------------ “Sir, an uprising has slowly begun in the city.” A man in a black suit slowly walked into a large throne room. He bowed before the throne as it slowly turned to reveal an older man in a similar suit upon the throne. “We believe the uprising to have started over the banishment of a rebel.” “This was guaranteed to happen. I was planning it. Have you collected the information on the rebel forces I requested?” “I have sir. Please turn you attention to the screen.” A large screen came down from the ceiling. It displayed the image of two men. On the left was a shorter man with blonde hair in a rather expensive looking suit. To the right was a man dressed entirely in a military uniform. “To your left is the Binocrat. He’s a wealthy tycoon that runs most of the financial operations of both sides of the rebellion. He seeks to take control of the city through clever tactics and deceit. To your right is the Commander. He’s a hardened warlord with enough men and firepower on his side to demolish armies. He seeks to gain control over the city through brute force. However, the two don’t get along well. Neither of them agrees with the other’s tactics which causes a lot of in fighting. We’re doing our best to make them fight each other until they’re both weak and easy to kill.” “Are these the only rebel leaders?” “Um . . . well, there is one other that we found a following for, but . . . it’s really nothing to be worried with.” “Tell me about this leader.” The man hesitated, but press the button anyway, revealing the third leader. The person had long, waist length hair and wore a frilly dress, but had the build of a man. “This is Lady Bernkastel. No one knows who this is, what gender it is, or where it came from. All we know is, it lives in a very small house all by its lonesome on the other side of the city. It has two loyal followers, the ‘Archmaid’ Bowie and the ‘Archmage’ Doopliss. Bernkastel has repeatedly stated it’s the true monarch over the city.” “This one is not to be worried with. This lady can do us no harm. But keep an eye on the Binocrat and the Commander and give me information on some of their important underlings.” “Yes sir.” The man pressed a button and the giant screen returned to the ceiling. He quietly left the room to fulfill his duty. The older man returned his throne to its original position, facing a giant window overlooking the city before him. He saw the rioting crowd below and smiled. “Go on. Continue rioting, little ants. I’ll have break your spirits until you’re nothing but walking husks.”[/spoiler2] I plan for subsequent chapters to focus more on all factions. I just wrote this as a jumping off point. The next chapter will be from the Binocrat's POV.

YOU FOOL

Bitch, my next story is going to blow SPUF/Zero out the water.

Time paradoxes work like that in my imagination.

Well, don't get too close to him. It'll create a time paradox.

Everyone died because Evil Brain blew up the city. Fourth Wall antics just consisted of Bowie gaining a free will. Which actually happened by the way. Can you help me find "figment of my imagination" Bowie? Before real Bowie finds him?

I diddled you by having a story where everyone dies?

Not a single diddle in this thread.

I assure you, there has been no diddling.