Medic

I... I want to play on that map right now. So that's what I'm doing. Damn, not as easy as I thought.

I have a revolver...

You gotta give me a week's head start then.

I think I'm the only person who hates Minecraft PvP. And people who play on Minecraft Hunger Games servers are utter fucktards. Either way, I'd end up living alone on an island 20k away from the initial spawn area.

The cow was ages ago.

Because why not? And technically, she's not a lizard, she's some sort of messed up hybrid...

Have a bunch of characters from the wonderful messed up world of my imagination, and Medic.

Yay!

Oh god, that glitch is both funny and horrific at the same time. Funny how the kill icon always seems to be a shovel.

Too much Sherlock?

Here's the big secret. That story was actually chapter 3 of a shitty zombie story I wrote. It started off good then went shit. I also write my own stuff, with original characters, species and everything, but it's generally too complicated to understand. This is Multiversal Chat Time, in which I have a bunch of made up characters chatting about stuff. Each character is from a different species and that's what makes it fun. Well, apart from Yaksis and Kazix, they're both Ethravok.

I write stuff too. Like this story I wrote about zombies. I like to overuse dots. [spoiler2] "Hello and good morning. This is SSN - Southern States News, bringing you news as it comes..." The reporter twitched as she stared at the piles of bodies that littered the once beautiful town of Teufort. Everyone had known for years that funny things happened around here, but this was too much. The survivors were few and far between, and even now in the midday sun, she could still hear the clean-up crews killing the last few infected. Standing next to her was one of the survivors that she was about to interview, patiently waiting for the countdown until they hit the air. He wasn't that bad-looking. Probably in his mid to late thirties. His accent was heavy and foreign. No one here liked foreigners. But he was one of the few people not missing arms or being shot through the head because the had been bitten or something. He still had blood caked on his overalls. Why was she thinking like this? He was a doctor for heaven's sake. And chances are, he was thinking the same thing about her. Luckily, he was on the phone at the minute, so he hadn't noticed her gawking at him. Then again, he wasn't saying much... "Medic. I know you're traumatized and upset about the loss of your friends, but this is more important if you don't wish to join them so soon. You cannot let them know what we were doing here. Tell them all you want about BLU's plans to destroy the town and make it into a tire factory. Tell them whatever you want about BLU. Just don't..." "Half the BLU team escaped unhurt. My own team was decimated. What did they know?" "They just got lucky. As did you. Now do as I say and do that interview." "OK..." The camera man signaled the count down and the lights lit up. "Good morning, Studio. I have with me one of the few survivors of this horrific incident. He has asked us not to reveal his name in exchange for explaining what happened with this catastrophe. Doctor?" The Medic stared at the reporter, then closed his eyes. "Soldier!" "What is it, doc?" The Medic had been wondering all day why the Soldier had been gathering supplies and dumping them on the roof. Now he finally had a chance to ask. "You have been gathering materials all day... And yesterday too... What are you doing?" The Medic puffed and panted as he followed the Soldier up the stairs, his overalls tripping him with every step. "Aren't you supposed to be tending to Heavy?" the Soldier asked with a stern look on his face. The Medic rolled his eyes. "I hate that pathetic blob of a man. You could all be dying, and still he calls me to stick with him. He's a meat shield. You are our attack. It is as if he loves me almost as much as he loves that pathetic gun of his..." The Soldier patted the Medic on the shoulder. He smiled kindly, then signaled for the Medic to follow him. His voice dropped down to a whisper. "Something is coming. I can feel it. All this RED recruiting more maggots for BLU to kill... Spy sneaked out earlier with the Heavy Weapons Guy. I think he read a newspaper like I did... The science-y ones that the smart-ass Canadian reads..." The Soldier paused and looked around. The doctor looked around too, unsure what the Soldier was looking for. "There are... ZOMBIES... Coming our way... Apparently that new company, BM, or Black Mesa as they call themselves, have funkyed something up. Something BIG... So I'm being the smart one and gathering the supplies..." The Medic's eyes widened. "Nein... Really? Are you going to warn the others too?" "Of course, once I've gathered the supplies..." "Doctor, are you ok?" "Ja. Sorry. I was just thinking..." "So, tell us what happened?" The reporter was cute. "What is your name?" "Rochelle Aytes... Anyway... What happened?" "I apologize... It is very hard to think... There was a lot of blood and pain... My friends..." The reporter nodded. "I understand. It is clear that the whole town has been rocked by this disaster. Doctor, is this some sort of infection?" "Ja, I believe so. Also, there are not many people left..." "Indeed. Police forces are considering bringing in the Army to help deal with the crisis. So, sir, what happened?" "It started early in the evening. I was on the roof helping one of my friends when we heard a scream..." "THAT was the Engineer!" The Soldier's ears pricked up as he started leaping down the stairs. He skidded to a halt at the bottom of the stairs, holding his rocket launcher up close. The Medic quickly followed, holding his patented medigun. But the scene in front of him made him drop it. "Hey, you! New guy! Put our Engineer down! You're supposed to be killing THE OTHER TEAM!" the Soldier shouted, having not quite realized what was going on. The Medic said nothing and slowly backed away. The new soldier inched closer, with what looked like the Engineer's kidney in his mouth. "I'm warning you, Soldier! Back down!" the Soldier shouted. The other guy didn't listen. "Last war...... MEDIC!" The Medic had shot the other soldier dead with his syringe gun. The Soldier stared at him. "He... He killed Engineer... Wait! Look!" "There was blood everywhere. They could not infect him so they ate him... And we just stood there... It was like being frozen with fear..." "Uh-uh... So, doctor, have you looked into this yet? Do you know what has caused it?" He paused. "Nein... But I have been told that..." He hesitated. "That another company had created the illness to use as a weapon..." The reporter's eyes lit up. "Our background checks have discovered that you worked for Reliable Excavation Demolition. Do you believe your rival company Builders League United had anything to do with this?" "Nein... It had nothing to do with either of the companies..." The Sniper was lying on the ground, his hand torn and broken. He was moaning quietly to himself. The Medic was about to rush over, pulling bandages out of his pocket, when the Soldier stopped him. "I think he's one of them..." he whispered. "Sniper?" They stared at each other. Suddenly, the Sniper got up and disappeared into the shadows. Just as the power went out. "Quick, let's head back up to the roof..." the Soldier shouted as he too faded into the shadows. The Medic was about to follow when he felt an arm on his shoulder. "So, you care to join us, doctor? I think you'll enjoy being dead..." The Sniper was back. So was the other Soldier. "I don't think so..." the Medic smiled as he grabbed his bonesaw... He ran up the stairs like a mad man, the zombies in tow. Luckily, they couldn't run that fast. Unluckily, they were still catching up to the Medic. And he was battling his own mind, trying to get over the fact that HE KILLED HIS OWN TEAMMATES. The thoughts were screaming through his mind, slowing him down. Suddenly, he felt the ground behind him shake. "Medic!" "I'm SORRY!" he shouted as the Soldier started firing at the horde behind him. "Don't worry..." the Soldier replied as he barricaded the entrance shut. "I don't think this will hold those maggots for long, though..." The Medic wasn't listening. "Look over there! The BLU team! Some of them made it!" As the Medic spoke, the barricade exploded, sending rubble everywhere. "Dammit. They're not as stupid as I thought..." Without warning, the Soldier started firing not only at the rabble attacking them, but at the horde chasing after the BLU team. He then grabbed the Medic and headed for the very edge of the building. "Sorry, doc. But one of us has got to make it..." The Soldier then threw him off the edge of the building... "So, you survived because you landed in a large stack of hay?" the reporter asked, unsure what to think. "I felt bad... I thought that he was saving himself... I didn't think..." Once again, his voice trailed off. "We found a live one!" A group of policemen pulled someone out of the rubble. Covered in scratches and gashes, he was barely recognizable. The reporter tried to speak to the Medic, but he simply ignored her and rushed to the fallen man's side. "Don't worry, you'll be fine..." the Medic smiled as he tended to the Soldier's wounds...[/spoiler2]

Ah, I didn't know that Poker Night was all non-canon. Strong Bad is amusing though. When it comes to fucking annoying characters, I'd take him over Max any day. Ivan is a crap, stereotypical name for Heavy anyway.

Well, Dell is a canon name, but I do agree, 99% of non-canon names picked for Medic, Heavy and Spy are awful. And about 99.99% of all names for Heavy are Ivan. Although that might actually be canon due to Poker Night at the Inventory.

I've always liked your stories, but you do something that annoys me, only capitalizing names like Spy and Engineer some of the time. It's either always Engineer, as that's technically his name, or it's always the engineer, as that's his occupation and you'll call him Dell otherwise. I'm probably wrong on this, but I've always seen them as being called the Medic, the Engineer, the Spy, or Medic, Engineer, Spy. It's consistency.

You can. You just need to have lucid dreams.

I've been having nightmares about gunslingers...

I can write up a blog post for your event, if you want.

Hai! *waves*