Idiot Cube

Moderation is key. I only drink during dinner conversations with my parents, when I need it most.

You might end up gravitating towards the same drinks I do: Cocktails that smother the taste of the alcohol in sugar and other sweet ingredients.

You don't like stuffing?!?!?!?!?!

Dunno if I'll ever finish this, I just thought the idea was funny.

I'm only supposed to have breathing problems and watery eyes during allergy season. That was the deal!

Whatever man, I don't have to justify my choices to anyone. My original mosaic had Nintendo Land, for god's sake.

Who's laughing at me for being a Kirby main now, huh?! (Still everyone.)

Yeah, in retrospect, that one was a poor choice. At the time I was struggling to come up with a 9th game that really stuck with me, and I ended up going with the first thing I could think of that could be kinda-sorta wedged in to that contrived "faces" theme. You'll be happy to know that since yesterday, I have picked up a new game that I think is much more fitting, both for the mosaic's theme and for the game's impressions on me. With that in mind, here is my updated mosaic:

Oh boy, this thing again! The theme for my 2018 mosaic is Funny Faces! And since it might be hard to tell what some of these games are, here's a list: 1. A Hat in Time - just a nice little 3D-Platforming romp that reminds me why I loved games as a kid (even when they scared me a little!) 2. Team Fortress 2 - after all these years I still find myself getting pulled back in to it. That proves a lot, considering how quickly I get tired of most online multiplayer games. 3. Zelda Breath of the Wild - Trap Link best Link! (But Midna is still the best side character.) 4. Shovel Knight - It's too bad Shovel Knight and the boss knights don't have faces, because they would probably be more recognizable. Oh well! 5. Celeste - A game with simple but well-explored mechanics and a surprisingly heartfelt story. 6. DOOM 2016 - I think this game speaks for itself by now. Obviously I had to cheat for this funny face, because the demons' faces aren't particularly funny and Doomguy never takes off his helmet (and even if he did, I don't think he can make any expression besides an angry grimace) 7. Dark Souls 2 - Yeah, I know it's the much-hated middle child of the series, but it's the one that got me into the series. And furthermore: BOOOONNE FIIISSSSST! 8. Super Mario Odyssey - This is a game full of fun little moments, and gives you the freedom to make such moments for yourself. I think this in-game screenshot taken by yours truly really captures the whimsical nature of the game. 9. SUPERHOT - ...An exploding red glass head is kinda funny, right? I hope so, because you'll see a lot of that in this game!

Undertale 2: The Squeakquel is a fun, light-hearted comedy the whole family can enjoy! It has cute fuzzy critters, a great soundtrack, and the amazingly useful ability to make one of your party members unable to deal any damage! Can't wait to see how the story continues in Undertale 2.1: Revenge of the Porn Artists!

So close, and yet so far.

Are we gonna have to change our tagline to "the densest collection of sexual deviants on the internet"?

"Scream Fortress? Never heard of it. But here's some more medals!"

Don't worry guys, the monkeys are on their way!

You should have gone with the third option: Side with the Iron Giant and tell him that he is who he chooses to be.

Well they did let Bayonetta join, so why not.

I don't even think of Steve as an iconic "face" of Minecraft. He's just the default appearance for players who don't know/care about custom skins. It'd be like making a character out of the default Facebook profile pic. In fact, is Steve even his official name?

Every half a year or so I come back for a little bit, and it seems to perform worse each time. I'm not sure if that's a result of the game getting more sluggish with each update, my five-year-old PC showing its age, or both.

Have a strong sense of progression. I don't like having everything unlocked from the start - I usually get overwhelmed by the myriad of choices. I would rather steadily earn new abilities/weapons/spells/whatever, so I can take the time to get familiar with each one and incorporate it into my playstyle. Have satisfying music. I'll keep trying a bullshit-hard level or boss for hours if it comes with a headbanger that keeps me amped up. Don't make deaths/failures slow and frustrating. If you're going to kill me over and over again, don't add insult to injury by making me sit through a lengthy death animation, followed by a loading screen, and then getting kicked back to a checkpoint from 5 or more minutes ago. Make the stuff I'm doing feel cool and satisfying. This is combination of animation, sound, and flashy effects. When I hit a guy with a big hammer, I want to feel it. These can vary depending on the genre, but in general they are the things that really make me fall in love with a game.

By the way, I noticed that this shitpost educated speculation thread has become our general Smash discussion thread. You must be so proud, Monkey.

Aw shit. How are we going to afford a Nintendo Online subscription now?!

I want my money back, you diseased chimp.