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Second dream started off in a coastal town. It was just a pleasant sunny day with a nice sea breeze and then my subconcious decided it would brighten the mood by having a maniac behind a sports car plough into the side of a bus, sending them both careening off the road and towards people on the pavement. Fortunately, the people got out of the way before they both ploughed half way through the wall of someone's house. Both instantly burst into flames, the bus passengers ran out of the bus, both drivers weren't so lucky. People began pouring out of the smashed buildings in a panic while I looked on in bewilderment at the hell around me and how fast it had appeared. There was a screech of tyres. I turned to look expecting police or ambulances but, naturally, it was U.S. soldiers... In the middle of the English countryside... They formed two columns and called for people to walk down the middle so they could be searched. One by one, people were escorted away from the danger. I was called, but as I stepped forwards the soldier on the verge of searching me flipped and raised his rifle so that I was looking down the barrel, yelling at me to back up. I did as I was told, hands raised, but that didn't stop someone kicking me in the back of the legs and forcing me flat against the road. Someone else joined the fray and pressed the side of my head into the road. As you can imagine, the panic of this attack made me attempt to break free which only served as an excuse for others to join in. Now I was completely restrained when someone grabbed my lower jaw and yanked it down almost to breaking point, they hooked their other hand under my front teeth and started pulling on the upper jaw. Although being aware I could try to clamp down on whoever was dumb enough to place their fingers in my mouth, I was also aware enough to realise I didn't want my jaw being snapped seconds later, so I froze. Fortunately, he then moved his hands to my chin and forehead instead, maintaining the pressure. I caught the glint of something metallic to my right, I couldn't make it out though since my eyesight was being obscured thanks to the hand pressing my eyelids upwards too. Suddenly, the metal was smashed against my teeth and began brutishly scraping. I then realised my teeth were being filed. I writhed as I attempted escape and then in agony as my teeth (and generally the inside of my mouth) were slowly destroyed. I kicked and screamed, spat blood onto the asphalt. But the onlookers didn't make a move or sound, just kept staring. The only people who kept yelling were the ones who kept my arms twisted behind my back and kept kneeing me in the ribs. A few moments later I was magically back home. In the mirror I could see the extent of the assault. My canine teeth were reduced to bloody stubs and everything else had been filed down to a bloody, uneven line. My mouth was so butchered and my tongue so swollen I was only capable of barely audible gurgles and growls. Fortunately, with the power of dream logic, the random person in my house who I've never met* was perfectly able to understand what I was saying. I can't remember what I said though. So yeah... Basically, I was tortured by being defanged. First thing I did when I bolted awake out of that dream sat upright in bed was roll my tongue around my teeth and sigh in relief. Hopefully my next dream isn't straight out of a body horror film. (*I've heard the theory where anyone you see in your dreams is actually someone you've seen in reality, as the brain isn't capable of creating faces. I'm doubtful of that... If the brain can create something as vivid as I just described, why would it struggle with making up a face?)

No, I'm not obsessed. I only went to my local Comic Con wearing this and having kids stare at me all day because they couldn't work out what I was. Also I never really showed off pictures when I wrote those Daily SPUF articles, and most of the costume (apart from the weapons, helmet, boots and lighting) went in the bin once Comic Con was over. It's made out of cardboard, foam and a shitty kids police helmet that I found in the back of my cupboard.

You seem to have a knack for catching dream wildlife... I had two bizarre dreams (or nightmares now that I think about it) recently. The first took place in a classroom, it was normal enough until I heard a rumble. I looked up to see the roof was collapsing, I tried to run but I was crushed and blacked out. I woke up later with the sky blinding me, I tried moving but I was paralysed. The only movement I had was the ability to turn my head an inch or two to the right. It was then I looked down at myself and realised I was strapped to some weird metal frame, like a stretcher that copied the patient's body posture. I glimpsed the teacher approaching from the corner of what remained of the room. I asked her if everyone was okay, she explained a few people had been killed before meddling with a tablet-sized monitor attatched to the frame above my left shoulder that I'd somehow failed to notice. I could see my vitals displayed on it, she tapped the screen showing another page of information on how my body was coping and the dosages of medicine that were keeping me alive. She went through a couple more screens before adjusting one of the many things being administered to me from yellow to green, so I guess I was low on whatever it was. Amusingly, I saw the abbreviation ATP adjacent to the one being adjusted and recognised it from high school biology lessons. Next thing I knew I was getting VERY tired, so I guess it was a sedative because I blacked out again shortly after and that was it. Why this teacher had knowledge on how to operate this state-of-the-art life support system is beyond me, but hey, dreams.