Single Status Update
Greetings once again, my friends! After re-reading the Original Definitive Monster Girl Tier List, I realized that it wasn’t quite as definitive as I had claimed! And if you know me, you know I’m not one to spread lies on the internet! So I have decided that a revision of the original Monster-Girl Tier List is the only way that I can redeem myself! So now, I, LordAIDS Monkey, bring to you the Definitive Monster-Girl Tier List: Revised Edition! This time around, I’ve included 30 of the little suckers, so you waifu chasers are in for a real treat! (Disclaimer: Years of studying went into the making of this list, as evidenced by my degree in Monstergirlology. Therefore, everything said in this list is indisputable! Also, I was gonna make my own illustrations for this list, but then I got too lazy. So instead I stole some clipart from the internet!)
The Definitive Monster-Girl Tier List: Revised Edition!
Kicking off the list we have Cat-Girl! Cat-Girl is, to my knowledge, one of the worst Girls out there. Though she isn’t without her fans! If you like her, good for you!
Pros: A lot of fun with a laser pointer!
Cons: Pees and poos in a box, that you have to clean.
I really wanted to like Alien-Girl. However, looking through pictures of her, I realized that she is always pretty disgusting to look at.
Pros: She comes in peace.
Cons: Doesn’t shut up about wanting to meet “your leader.”
Cyclops-Girl is another one who just isn’t pleasing to the eye. Get it? Jokes aside, she’s pretty sickening with her one big eyeball of hers.
Pros: Way better than Cat-Girl and Alien-Girl.
Cons: Two eyes are better than one.
Robot-Girl knows no emotions, and is cold both outside and in. However, due to modern science, she can be programmed to love you!
Pros: Totally customizable, can fulfill any kink!
Cons: Probably has to reboot after doing anything.
Fake-Girl may appear to be a Normal-Girl, but I assure you that Fake-Girl isn’t even a Girl! She, if you can call it that, is actually a MAN in disguise!
Pros: I’m not one to judge!
Cons: Traps are gay.
Horse-Girl’s anatomy really bothers me. She’s got, like, six limbs and two stomachs. What in the heck is going on with her!?
Pros: You don’t need a car with Horse-Girl around!
Cons: Don’t sneak up behind her. Unless you wanna get walloped!
Zombie-Girl, quite surprisingly, isn’t as disgusting as one would expect her to be! Despite her deceased status, she’s still full of life!
Pros: Detachable limbs, if you’re into that.
Cons: Won’t be so cute when her flesh rots off.
This one is quite an interesting Girl indeed! She’s somehow living and breathing, despite any vital organs! Slime-Girl is certainly a miracle of a Girl!
Pros: Can recover from any injury!
Cons: Will get sucked down the drain if you aren’t careful.
Bird-Girl is actually a nasty one when you think about it! She carries lots of diseases and also vomits into the mouths of her children. Yuck!
Pros: She flies.
Cons: Totally a bird-brain.
I didn’t even know this was a thing until I looked it up. So, I don’t really know what to say about Snail-Girl, other than she’s pretty cute!
Pros: Snails are super cute, one of the best animals around!
Cons: Can’t eat salty food.
Golem-Girl is a pretty cool Girl indeed. Of all the Girls, she’s probably one of the most loyal, and will be your friend to the very end!
Pros: Will rock your world.
Cons: Since she’s made with your own hands, she’s basically your child.
Did you know that Insect-Girl is actually the largest sub-class of Girl? There are over 91,000 species of Insect-Girl, which means there’s plenty to go around for everyone!
Pros: The most varied type of Girl, by far.
Cons: Most are pretty nasty little buggers.
I for one, am very afraid of doll of all shapes and sizes. They’re just a bit creepy for my liking, but Doll-Girl is still quite likable!
Pros: Comes with her own playset.
Cons: Only kids play with dolls!
Dracula-Girl is quite a menacing little demon indeed. She may be after your blood, but I’m sure she’s totally willing to be your buddy, or much more if you’d prefer!
Pros: Doesn’t age, she’ll outlive you!
Cons: Can’t show her off at the beach without the strongest of sunblock!
Succubus-Girl is a nasty little bitch. She will never truly love you as much as you love her. But, if I’m completely honest, there is no shame in loving her!
Pros: Always in the mood.
Cons: She says she loves you, but all she wants is your soul.
Oh, geez… I personally, think that spiders are one of the most terrifying things ever! Spider-Girl takes after her spider ancestors, and provides some real spine chilling scares!
Pros: Always willing to lend a hand.
Cons: Will probably bite your head off after getting intimate!
Big-Girl is just like a Regular-Girl, only she’s waaay bigger! Big-Girls can range from gentle giants to DESTRUCTIVE, so try to avoid the destructive ones!
Pros: More Girl to love.
Cons: More Girl to accidentally squash you.
It’s a well-known fact that dragons are cool, so it would only stand to reason that Dragon-Girl is pretty cool too. Dragon-Girls are also known for their amazing treasure collections!
Pros: She’s got tons of cash.
Cons: Probably won’t let you touch any of it.
Elf-Girl is basically just a smaller, Regular-Girl who has pointy ears and lives in the forest. Unless we’re dealing with the North Pole variant. (You should avoid those ones.)
Pros: Pointy ears.
Cons: Pointy ears.
Octopus-Girl is a bit on the wicked side of the Girl spectrum. Yes, she’s had the odd complaint, but on the whole she’s been a saint! Totally a Girl worth checking out!
Pros: Knows all sorts of zany spells!
Cons: Might try to steal your voice, amongst other things.
Milk-Girl’s main draw comes from her unique pair of assets. Outside of that, she doesn’t have a whole lot to offer. Except for milk.
Pros: Unlimited supply of milk, if you’re into that!
Cons: Might have an udder. Gross.
Were-Wolf-Girl is typically a very mysterious Girl! But once you get to know her, you’ll find out she has a lot going on behind her quiet facade. Including her BIGGEST SECRET!
Pros: Regular-Girl by day.
Cons: Furry-Girl by night.
This type of Girl is one who is not to be trifled with! An Evil-Ancient-Headless-Warrior-Girl who may or not wield an ax. Try to stay on this one’s good side!
Pros: Gives pretty good head.
Cons: Would lose her own head if it wasn’t atta-… Oh wait.
Fairy-Girl can grant all sorts of wishes! Could you wish for her to be your Girlfriend? You could try! Of course, I can’t guarantee that it’d work!
Pros: Way better than Pixie-Girls.
Cons: Not all variants of Fairy-Girl can grant wishes. Only the good ones can.
Witch-Girl is just a bundle of joy! She has a great hat, and an even greater broom so she can sweep your house! Being a bookworm, she also knows all sorts of magical enchantments!
Pros: You can make a bridge out of her!
In all my years of research, I have never come across something quite as bizarre as Plant-Girl. Is she a plant? Is she a Girl? Is she BOTH?! We may not ever know!
Pros: She photosynthesizes, meaning you don’t have to cook for her!
Cons: Wilts away during the cold months.
Ghost-Girl is like a Regular-Girl who died a horrible death, and must now forever walk the Earth. It sounds depressing, and it is. Fortunately, you can brighten Ghost-Girl's day with some love!
Pros: Will be with you even when you die.
Cons: Won’t shut up about her past life.
Holy-Girl is the sweetest Girl you will ever meet! Holy-Girl is pure of heart, and is totally a virgin. But she’d probably be willing to let that change if she met the right person! (No, it’s not you.)
Pros: The cutest little angel.
Cons: Probably a really boring person.
Fish-Girl is a fantastic choice due to her ability to befriend all aquatic life, including sharks! What a Good-Girl! She’s desperate to become a part of your world!
Pros: Will do anything to be with you, despite knowing nothing about you.
Cons: Pretty much limited to being in the water, always.
Once again, Snake-Girl sneaks herself onto the top of the Monster-Girl Tier List! This isn’t a surprise in the slightest, as Snake-Girl is simply the best!
Pros: I really like snakes, and you probably do too, right?
Cons: Snake vagina.
There it is, friends! Now you know, for certain, which Monster-Girls are acceptable to have the hots for! Just know that in getting the most perfect images, I stumbled across a lot of naughty pictures of Fetishized-Monster-Girl-Sluts, but it was well worth it in order to bring you all the facts that you so desperately needed to see! If you happen to disagree with this list, just know that you are arguing against scientific fact and are just making a fool of yourself! Anyways, that wraps up this exciting tier-list-revision. Until next time, this is LordAIDS Monkey, signing out!
(Goodness, I really need to get back to work on brewing up some exciting new TF2 Update Ideas, just like old times!! But I gotta say, these stupid lists are way easier!)