Single Status Update
Howdy my SPUF friends! As I’m sure you all know, something for Smash was announced. Now, I’m not sure if it’s a port or a new game altogether, but one thing’s for sure: we’re gettin’ new dudes! Now, some might say that based on the trailer, Squid Kid is the most likely candidate. HOWEVER, I, LordAIDS Monkey,disagree! I have found several, more likely candidates for this game, (using a scientific algorithm of my own design), which I am now about to share with you! Remember, this list is not an opinion and is in fact, fact. So no arguing with any of it! And now, without further ado, I present to you the Definitive Smash Switch Candidates Tier List!
The DEFINITIVE Smash Switch Candidates Tier List!Spoiler
10. Captain Toad (Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker)
Kicking off the list, we have Captain Toad, the famed treasure tracker of legend! You may wonder why this guy is so likely to be added, and I'm gonna tell you why! Good ol' Toad has been a Mario staple since day one, and now he's got his own game! That's a lot more than that Rosalina bitch can say! He'd all sorts of wacky attacks, like throwing stars at you and slapping you with a pick axe. He'd also REGULAR Toad powers, like being the best! His dangerous arsenal would be balanced by his lack of being able to jump. For you see, Toad's too fat to get off the ground! But he isn't too fat for Smash, unlike a certain someone...
9. Wolf (Star Fox 64)
Another character who is quite likely to be added is Star Fox's own Wolf O'Donnell! Now, if you know me, you know that I don't exactly approve of furries. But this furry is a-ok in my book, and is by far the coolest character in all of Star Fox! (Other than maybe Slippy.) I don't think I'd need to go into detail about what sorts of attacks he'd have, because he was in Brawl already, and was WAAAY cooler than Fox and Falco! Heck, I'd say it's quite likely that FALCO gets cut, and replaced with Wolf, as it should have been from the start!
8. Viridi (Kid Icarus: Uprising)
Personally, I find Viridi to be rather annoying. By golly, I just wanna punch her every time she opens her mouth. And, if she were to say, be put in Smash Bros., I'd FINALLY get a chance to do just that! But that doesn't mean I hate Viridi, in fact, I think she's kinda cute! I'm sure that with just the right amount of Sakurai Bias, Viridi has a highly likely chance of being in the next game! Being a Goddess, she can do all the things that Palutena does! But unlike Palutena, she'd hopefully be decent in battle, using all sorts of nature powers! (Maybe she can steal Dark Pit's spot?!)
7. Nintendog (Nintendogs)
Nintendog, as silly as it sounds, is actually very very likely to be upgraded from an assist trophy and made into a playable character! Now why do I think this? Remember, I used a scientific algorithm! It's gonna happen. Anywho, some non-believers may claim, "We can't have two dogs in Smash Bros! The Duck Hunt Dog is plenty!" You see, my friends, we all know that the Duck Hunt Dog is on the chopping block! With that spot freed, Nintendog would fit quite snugly in the game! Nintendog's arsenal would include all sorts of strange attacks, like flinging himself at you with a rope, and taking a shower!
6. Guzma (Pokemon Sun and Moon)
We have plenty of characters from Pokemon already, but we have yet to have a character who isn't actually a Pokemon! (Pokemon Trainer doesn't count!) So, it only comes to reason that Guzma is almost definitely going to become playable! Why Guzma over any other character? Well, because Guzma is by far the most popular character, and he isn't a slouch in battle, unlike a certain other wimp! Guzma would have many dangerous attacks to watch out for, using his street smarts and rough-and-tough attitude to stop anybody who gets in his way! His Final Smash would be unleashing his ultimate Z-Move upon anyone unfortunate enough to get hit by it!
5. Anna (Fire Emblem
I've never played a Fire Emblem game, but I do know that characters from it have a pretty good reputation for getting into Smash Bros. We've got, like, eight of them right now, and I really think that we'll be receiving a couple dozen more in the coming Switch Release. As for now, we can't be quite sure of which characters to expect, but my algorithm says that Anna is the most likely one by far. From what I can tell, she'd be another swordfighter, and like Marth and Roy, her blade would have a sweet-spot! Right smack dab in the center of it! Other than that, she'd be pretty much identical to them and Lucina, aside for a few other minor changes!
4. Car (Rally-X)
All evidence points to Namco receiving another rep. I mean, Namco pretty much made SSB4, so they really deserve another one! And what better representative for Namco than the car from Rally-X? This rad dude would be quite dangerous on the battlefield, being able to drive around at unrivaled speeds while also being capable of laying down some nasty smoke screens that will stun enemies. He'd have a unique gimmick where he requires gasoline to unleash his powerful attacks, and he must stop and refuel every now and then! His Final Smash would be summoning a swarm of the EVIL RED CAR who will track down any enemy and make sure they suffer!
3. Ralph (Wreck-It Ralph)
Now, we all know Bowser made an appearance in Wreck-It Ralph, so it only makes sense that Ralph would make an appearance in a game with Bowser in it! And what better game for that than Super Smash Bros.?! Ralph would be a very dangerous character in battle indeed, unleashing many quick and powerful punches! However, to balance this out he wouldn't be too quick on his big, stupid feet. Ralph would also be able to throw all sorts of projectiles based on the world of Sugar Rush, such as Cherry Bombs and Sweet Seekers! This silly dude would be a perfect fit for Smash Brothers, and it's a mystery why he wasn't in the game from the beginning!
2. Lanky Kong (Donkey Kong 64)
Donkey Kong is in some serious need of some more representatives, and unfortunately for all you King K. Rool Losers, Lanky Kong is by far the most likely one that'll make the cut! And you know what, I'm fine with that! He's already got a huge set of possibilities in his moveset, including the fact that he can handstand when he needs to, and stretch his arms out just for you. Along with those things, he can also inflate himself just like a balloon in order to reach new heights! He'd also be able to do a lot more than just those things. But I'm too lazy to think about it too much.
1. Minion (Despicable Me)
This is one that I'm not exactly thrilled to tell you about, but based on all the evidence, the chances of Minion being playable in Smash Bros. is overwhelmingly high. Let's look at the facts. In 2016, Nintendo and Universal became buddies, and Universal's theme parks are making a Nintendo Land. Obviously, the Nintendo Land is just a convenient side effect of Nintendo's REAL devilish plan, which is to get Minion in Smash Bros.! With this deal, Minion is a shoe-in to make it into the next game, bringing all sorts of gadgets with him like a Fart Gun, Freeze-Ray, and Lipstick Taser! As much as I hate to admit it, I look forward to Minion's inclusion!
So now we all know who to expect for this all new, mysterious Smash Switch game. Some of these may have been shocking to see, but now when the game comes out, you can tell all your friends about how YOU ALREADY KNEW about all the characters who'd be included. You'll become the coolest person on your street, that's for sure! Anyways, that's all for today, stay tuned for more wild and wacky stuff in the future, as well as more truly magical lists! But until then, this is LordAIDS Monkey, signing out!
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Rosalina ain't a goddess, silly! But Palutena sure is! Also, she doesn't take care of orphan baby stars! She sends them to fight to their death! If you wanna talk about characters who take care of their babies, look no further than the Duck Hunt Dog! If his baby dies, you can bet that he's gonna go down with it. But, in your defense, she's not as bad as Olimar! That heartless bastard's entire character gimmick is killing his little carrot babies and plucking out new ones!