LordCOVID Monkey

120. Evil Eye Sigma

How the fuck did this Eldritch Abomination get in my Touhou!?

 

119. Reimu Hakurei

An absolutely despicable character. She goes around bullying innocent Toohoos, and doesn’t even apologize! She’s also a dirty cheater who rewrites the rules she can win. That’s not cool, Reimu!

 

118. Yatsuhashi Tsukumo

I finally figured out that she does, in fact, have a name! I still don’t like her, though.

 

117. Suika Ibuki

The pint-sized version of Yuugi. But unlike most pint-size things, Suika just doesn’t manage to be all that cute. I like to consider her the Scrappy Doo to Yuugi’s Scooby Doo.

 

116. Okina Matara

A pretty alright Toohoo, if I do say so myself! But then you realize that almost everything about her is a complete RIP-OFF of way cooler ones! Despicable!

 

115. Hatate Himekaidou

Basically Aya, but, like, a really lame version of Aya.

 

114. The Three Mischievous Fairies

These three can’t even manage to be memorable when they’re together in a group! Though, if I had to rate them individually, then I’d have to say that Sunny > Luna > Star.

113. Seija Kijin

Seija is one of those “love to hate” characters, so she deserves a really low place on this list. If it weren’t for her floppity powers, she’d probably be on top somewhere.

 

112. Cirno

I guess she’s kinda cute? I dunno, she’s kinda lackluster. But she sure tans nicely.

 

111. Iku Nagae

She’s got ribbons. But her theme song isn’t really all that great. One of the lamest around, I’d say!

 

110. Chiyuri Kitashirakawa

Her claim to fame? The dab. How pitiful!

 

109. Sakuya Izayoi

Totally a bad Touhou character. She’s awfully mean to Meiling (a far superior choice), and she also has a lame-ass meme relating to her. Get yourself a REAL meme, Sakuya!

 

108. Kogasa Tatara

Kogasa is truly a really great Toohoo, definitely one of my personal favorites. But... I put her here by mistake. I'm so sorry, Kogasa.

 

107. Ringo

I hate these damn rabbits.

 

106. Tewi Inaba

Seriously, I hate them.

 

105. Seiran

Why can’t these rabbits just go away?

 

104. Nazrin

She’s like Chen, if Chen were a dirty rat.

 

103. Medicine Melancholy

Still lives in her mother’s basement and plays with dolls. What a goddamn loser.

 

102. Alice Margatroid

Still lives in her mother’s basement and plays with herself. What a goddamn loser.

 

101. Jo’on Yorigami

The first time I saw her I thought she had a mole on her face, and I thought it was the most perfect thing. Needless to say, I was disappointed when I found out she didn’t have a mole.

 

100. Satono Nishida

I don’t even know what to say about her, that’s how little I care.

 

99. Ran Yakumo

If this were a hat tier list, she’d be high tier. But I don’t like cat girls, so she’s low a low tier.

 

98. Flandre Scarlet

Her theme isn’t even that great, guys! Plus, her fan-base is a rabid bunch of buffoons!

 

97. Shizuha Aki

I like her, I really do. The thing is, nobody else does.

 

96. Captain Murasa

Cruel, heartless bastard. Bullies nice Toohoos like Komachi and Futo.

95. The Watatsuki Sisters

Unaffectionately known as the Moonbitches.

 

94. Shion Yorigami

Her sister is a billion times better than her. However, Jo’on placed lower because I’m still mad at her for not having a mole on her face.

 

93. Sumireko Usami

Well, I really like her theme song, but she doesn’t really stand out outside of that.

 

92. Keine Kamishirawawa.

Keine is an awfully frightening Toohoo. She’s supposed to be a were-cow or something, and that’s probably one of the most terrifying thoughts of all time! I guess you could say that she dreads the full moooon! Huhuh!

91. Seiga Kaku

Seiga is pretty much a dastardly villain of a Toohoo, and Touhou is no place for dastardly villains!

 

90. Kisume

She was cool until Shinmyoumaru came along. She stole her shtick of being a cute girl in a bowly thing, only Shinmyoumaru is waaaaay cooler!

 

89. Nitori Kawashiro

Fuck you, Nitori.

88. Kanako Yasaka

Not my snake god.

87: Kana Anaberal

She gives off creepy doll vibes, and I really don’t like creepy dolls. Probably the scariest thing ever next to spiders.

 

86: Louise

She looks kind of smug. Smugness is always a good thing to have, especially in the Land of Touhou!

 

85: Kikuri

Would have been a way better Toohoo if she was an Abraham Lincoln instead of... Whatever she’s supposed to be.

 

84. Trump King

Yikes.

 

83: Ellen

She’s kind of cute, I guess. It’s hard to tell because the PC-98 art is so bad. Even worse than the later art.

 

82: Kotohime

What a kooky and strange gal! She’s a-ok in my book!

 

81: Socrates

I may not like cat girls, but REGULAR cats are just fine!

 

80: Mimi-Chan

A rocket penis?! Sign me up!

 

79: Mai

What a strange Toohoo!

 

78: Gengetsu

A nasty gal.

 

77: Mugetsu

Another nasty gal.

 

76. Konngara

I don’t really know anything about these PC-98 fellas, but I do know that Konngara is a badass!

 

75. Orange

Damn. I wish my name was Orange.

 

74. Elly

I feel kind of bad for this little gal. Everyone knows her theme song, but no one stops to appreciate her. Well that’s all about to change, because I love Elly!

 

73. Genjii

Holy smokes! A turtle?!? Why did Reimu Bitch get rid of him?

 

?: Every other PC-98 Character (Who isn’t on this list)

I just realized that, while I may have remembered these Toohoos, I don’t actually care about any of them, and neither should you! Therefore, they rest of them shall all trapped in Touhou Tier List Limbo, FOREVER!

72. Daiyousei

Well, I guess she’s better than Cirno? Maybe?

 

71. Sagume Kishin

Of all the characters in this tier, she is by far the most deserving to be here. Other than her stage theme, she really has nothing special going for her!

 

70. Rin Kaenbyou

Subterranean Animism, by far the best Toohoo Adventure™  in both characters and music, throws this little curve-ball at us. Rin isn’t bad or anything, just severely outclassed by her peers!

 

69. Mai Teireida

Forget what I said about Sagume. This bitch is as forgettable as they come.

 

68. Suwako Moriya

This one is actually quite interesting. Suwako herself isn’t really a character, but rather an entity controlled by a mind-parasite hat that has plans of conquering Touhou-Land! So, yes, Suwako is forgettable, but her hat isn't so much.

 

67. Momiji Inubashiri

I say she’s forgettable, but she truly isn’t because she has a crazy high number of fans for some reason, despite her being some random idiot with no dialogue. So in reality, she should be forgettable.

 

66. Benben Tsukumo

I wish I could forget about her.

 

65. Chen

She’d be a lot lower if it weren’t for her wacky Chen memes.

 

64. Soga no Tojiko

Poor, poor Tojiko. Overshadowed by her way cooler Taoist buddies.

 

63. Shou Toramaru

I never understood why she was the Stage 5 boss of UFO, despite being probably the LAMEST of all the Buddhists’ scurvy crew. Also, what’s the point of her being a tiger if she isn’t really a tiger?

 

62. Kyouko Kasodani

She’s a better dog than Momiji could ever hope to be.

 

61. Koakuma

I don’t like Succubi anymore. Not since the last time I posted about them.

 

60. Wriggle Nightbug

One of the many variations of Insect-Girl. The male variant.

 

59. Renko Usami

Though she may be forgettable, she’s probably the most relateable Toohoo of all time! Some nerd with no talents or powers chasing some unobtainable fantasy? Sounds a lot like, well, everyone!

58. Heida no Akyuu

The most libelous Toohoo of all time. I’d hate her guts if she weren’t so cute.

 

57. Remilia Scarlet

While significantly better than her sister, she doesn’t quite hold up to the other Touhou characters!

 

56. Patchouli Knowledge

A sick nerd who reads books all day. It sounds lame on paper, but in practice she’s pretty badass!

 

55. Toyosatomimi no Miko

Miko used to be a totally awful character, sporting both a lame theme and lame design. But then… Hopeless Masquerade came along and gave her a BADASS remix and an even more BADASS cape. What’s not to love?

 

54. Maribel Hearn

Pros: Might be Yukari? Maybe? Cons: Totally a loser.

 

53. Shinki

She looks pretty evil, but she’s actually pretty nice, I guess. What a bizarre paradox of a Toohoo!

 

52. Komachi Onozuka

More like Komachichis.

 

51. Narumi Yatadera

She’s a RACIST STEREOTYPE of a Toohoo.

 

50. Sanae Kochiya

Green Reimu is best Reimu.

 

49. Mamizou Futatsuiwa

Dammit, Mamizou! You were so close to being acceptable, but your fighting game themes are pretty awful compared to your original theme!

48. Marisa Kirisame

Fifty Bajillion times better than Reimu, and she still holds up quite nicely even when compared to other characters.

 

47. Yuuka Kazami

Yuuka is just a poor, misunderstood Toohoo. Aside from a few genocide remarks, I’m sure she’s super nice!

 

46. Tokiko

She’s cute.

 

45. Eirin Yagokoro

You’re not gonna get any mercy from the nursie.

 

44. Eternity Larva

I prefer calling her Etanity or Etarnity, because it, surprisingly, sounds less stupid.

 

43. Reisen Udongein Inaba

Of the hundreds of rabbit Toohoos, Reisen is the only one who actually amounts to anything. She’s got guns, for goodness sake!

 

42. Nue Houjuu

She’s pretty cute for someone who’s supposed to be feared by all!

 

41. Aya Shameimaru

Basically just Hatate, but only if Hatate were actually a likable character.

 

40. Hata no Kokoro

The mask gimmick is pretty cool, but the REAL reason she’s here is because her ass is a Jack-o’-Lantern!

 

39. Aunn Komano

So nice that even Reimu Bitch apologized after beating her up. That must mean that Aunn is a pretty damn awesome Toohoo!

38. Nemuno Sakata

Nemuno is quite a history-maker of a Toohoo. Did you know that, at least according to my research, she is one of the first Toohoos to have CANON TITS? Gee whiz!

 

37. Youmu Konpaku

I like her pet spermy thing.

 

36. Rinnosuke Morichika

Some may argue that a man does not belong in Toohoo Land, but I disagree! He’s quite a handsome stud, and I’m sure that if every Toohoo ever wasn’t gay, they’d be all over him!

 

35. Mystia Lorelei

Mystia is a crafty little bird who sings songs to make you sick and sells you food promising it’ll cure you. A very wise business tactic indeed!

 

34. Fujiwara no Mokou

While Kaguya is miles better, Mokou is not without her strengths! For instance, she fights with FIRE! Which is way cooler than Kaguya’s lame powers.

 

33. Yuugi Hoshiguma

Yuugi isn’t all that cute, but she more than makes up for it with her BULGING MUSCLES! She can kick my ass anyday!

 

32. Alice’s Dolls

While Alice is busy playing with dolls/herself, these little dudes are actually getting shit done.

 

31. Minoriko Aki

While I like Shizuha, I must say that I love Minoriko! And if my calculations are correct, YOU love Minoriko too!

 

30. Junko

I don’t really know how Junko placed so high seeing as how she’s pretty mean. But she’s here, so I gotta think of something nice to say about her... I like Junko.

 

29.Raiko Horikawa

She was pretty much forgettable when it came to extra bosses, until this little gem came around! This solidified her as pretty much one of the best Toohoos around!

28. Rumia

Rumia’s special to me, and she SHOULD be special to you!

 

27. Yoshika Miyako

Rumia was lonely in her own tier, so now she has a friend. Yoshika’s pretty cute for a zombie.

 

26. Lily White

They needed a tasty snack, too.

25. The Prismriver Sisters

When they are alone, they’re totally trash tier toohoos. But together, they become an unstoppable force! Their individual rankings are as follows: Merlin > Lunasa > Lyrica.

 

24. Yamame Kurodani

Spiders are, without a doubt, the most terrifying thing in existence. But combined with a magical girl, suddenly they become one of the greatest things of all time! (24th greatest, to be exact!)

 

23. Hecatia Lapislazuli

She has the dumbest name and design ever but I can’t help but love her for it.

 

22. Kaguya Houraisan

Other than being an irredeemable asshole, I don’t think there’s anything bad about Kaguya! She’s miles better than Mokou!

 

21. Ichirin Kumoi

She’s only here because of that cloud genie guy. She isn’t all to special without him, even when you consider the fact that she’s a nun.

 

20. Shinmyoumaru Sukuna

Shinmyoumaru takes the term “badass adorable” to a new extreme! She’s just so gosh darn cute.

 

19. Shikieiki Yamaxanadu

Shikieiki is the fair judge of Toohoo Land. She gets a lot of flak from fanon, but let me be the first to tell you that she isn’t deserving of any hate whatsoever! In fact, she deserves LOVE!

 

18. Kagerou Imaizumi

If Twilight has taught us anything, werewolves are cooler than vampires. Fuck you, Scarlet Sisters…!

 

17. Sekibanki

...But nothing is cooler than a headless horseman…!

 

16. Wakasagihime

...Except maybe a cute mermaid.

 

15. Satori Komeiji

She’s pretty cute and all, but I don’t want her to assault my mind with her mind rape powers. Also, her extra eyeball is awfully creepy, especially when it watches you get off to her.

 

14. Hong Meiling

Please stop Hong Meiling abuse. She’s just overworked, she isn’t lazy at all!

 

13. Doremy Sweet

The master of being cool, hip, and smug. Also doubles as a Santa Claus.

 

12. Byakuren Hijiri

Jiggle physics.

 

11. Clownpiece

Any character who’s good enough to be Donald Trump’s waifu is good enough to be my waifu.

10. Tenshi Hinanawi

She has ten in her name, so she’s automatically ten. In fact, everything about her just screams "TEN!" Get it? Because she’s a loli now.

 

9. Mima

Maybe if she ranks highly she’ll come back some day.

 

8. Letty Whiterock

She’s fat, and that’s not a bad thing!

 

7. Utsuho Reiuji

She was a total team carry for me in Touhoumon. A real MVP of a Toohoo!

 

6. Yukari Yakumo

Yukari is basically the baddest bitch around, and she knows it! Way cooler than her stupid cats!

 

5. Koishi Komeiji

As the unofficial Koishi of SPUF, it’d be a shame if I put her any lower than this. But just believe me when I say that I wanted to put her lower than this.

 

4. Mononobe no Futo

The most radical Toohoo of them all. Probably likes pizza. Also has a disgusting amount of cute pictures of her on the internet, and I can’t seem to figure out why.

3. Yuyuko Saigyouji

This Toohoo is quite a cute example of Ghost-Girl. She’s also not one to be trifled with, as she has the ability to kill you with a single thought! Yikes, I wouldn’t wanna have a run-in with her when she’s in a bad mood! As an added bonus, she has a nice pair of legs!

 

2. Parsee Mizuhashi

Guys, I am not kidding when I say that Parsee is the perfect Toohoo. She has two of the best songs in all of Touhou, and she has the silliest little scarf. And in spite of her grouchy attitude, her official art has the happiest face I ever did lay eyes on. She might have even been #1, but then she’d have no one to be jealous of. And being a creature of jealousy, she’d probably die.

 

1. Hina Kagiyama

Parsee may be perfect, but Hina is BEYOND perfect! Not only does she look stupid, but she also ACTS stupid with her constant spinning. Not to mention she has the cutest little face.