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sticking strange objects into your urethra is weird sounding

Hello and welcome to Wulff's guide to supporting in the 4k bracket! Chances are you've been forced into a support role during the draft of your game, because you didn't exactly know what core hero you wanted to play and were too late to lock in a core position. You're obviously not happy about this, but at least you're not fucking retarded enough to pick a jungling core like Lifestealer or Legion Commander instead, good on you! So now you have to pick a support, but you have no idea what support you should be picking, because you've literally never played anything other than mid or safelane in your last 1000 games. Ideally you want to pick something with a stun, because stuns are good. You also want to pick something with ranged auto-attacks because it makes winning your lane easier and gives you more room to harass the enemy laners. But who cares about that right? Dota 2 is about having fun and not about creating a well-rounded draft that can work cohesively to achieve victory. So you pick some shitty fucking support hero that barely synergizes at all with the carry in your lane. Think something dank as fuck like Zet support Xd Then you load in as your hero of choice and happily declare "me support ;:D" as you buy a courier and no wards, as you need that money for as many Gauntlets of Strength as possible. Besides you bought the courier, that's enough supporting for the first 10 minutes of the game! What you don't know is that your team is collectively wishing for you to suffer from a fucking stroke as they look at your 2x Gauntlets of Strength, 4x Tangos and 1x Salve inventory, but what do they know, they're probably <4.2k shitters lmao. You then proceed to wander into your lane, not bothering to assist your team in securing one of the two powered-up Bounty Runes that spawn at 00:00 and also not bothering to at least block your creepwave so you can have a more favourable laning experience when the two waves collide. No, you just stand yourself under the tower and alt-tab because you have to get your loud and obnoxious music playing. It's literally impossible to enjoy Dota 2 without it. Now comes the real bread and butter of supporting - The laning stage! A point in the game where supports are arguably the strongest heroes on the map. So do you want to know how to properly support your hardcarry in his lane? Of course you do! Here's the trick: You sit half a screen behind him, not bothering to use the regen you brought to lane in order to trade and harass the enemy laner(s). Instead you just let them walk all over your poor little carry as he burns through his regen in less than two minutes due to the heavy harass damage he is receiving. But that's fine, as long as you're not taking any damage and not feeding, you're doing your job! Bonus points for randomly casting your spells at the enemy without any warning to your lane partner(s) making it impossible to coordinate any sort of kill-setup because you're too busy bopping your head to the sick beatz yo! If you want to take it to the next level, you can also spend the laning stage aimlessly wandering between lanes looking to make yourself useful, despite the fact that all you're really doing is weakening the lane you were supposed to be supporting and also not getting any experience, leaving you terribly underlevelled and absolutely fucking worthless come the midgame. Finally the epitome of supporting is attaining the coveted 30-minute Hand of Midas meta timing. Screw wards, screw upgraded courier, screw boots - Hand of Midas is what it is all about baby. If you get this item before 30 minutes, you're absolutely fucking sorted, I promise. There's no way you can lose the game at that point.

Retaliation, against my Xcom? It's more likely than you think!

RIP guys your sacrifice will be forgotten after we clone you

So apparently Dressing Rynjin up like Leon the Professional gave him bonus aim or something. In other news, WE'VE FAILED MEN! Today we mourn the loss of Jordax, Moose, and Merso Oh my god, the ride back in an empty Skyranger, the sad music, the empty mission results screen, Tygan wishing he could have done more Anyway, in light of this. I will be doing my first ever clock rollback. Because holyshit new recruits are expensive to buy, I can't afford that shit. I will be replaying the mission and appending a 2 to the end of their names, so that we never forget their alternate timeline sacrifice. Also I'll make a running tally on the first post of everyone I got killed.

It begins

Finally got a steam controller when I bought XCOM 2. I am excite.

Resistance Boyz! The last batch of rookies execute a flawless mission, except for the part where Jordax missed the bus, but we came back for him. I'm not gonna abandon somebody who shoots aliens in the face when they panic. Highlights include, -Ayys making Jordax panic, who retaliates by moving up and shooting them in the goddamn face -Sweet flanking shots by everybody -Kay shooting a Pectoid in the ass Promotions for everybody! Should have known that Merso would be a sniper with that boonie hat of his. Jordax and Kay get robot buddies. And ICBMoose is still determined to prove we're not terrorists by wielding a bigger gun as our third Grenadier. Also, Spufcom executed a flawless Ambush for the first time! I'd make a webm, but I don't know how+they don't work here, so have a clip instead.

I killed Toriel THREE TIMES, JUST BECAUSE I CAN! And I had an honest to god smile on my face when I killed Papyrus! I'm sad I didn't do it several more times. Unfortunately, Monster Kid lives to see another day, but at least I get to have a rematch with Undyne, this time with actual fighting. I'm planning on attempting to save Asgore just so he can walk through his empty, pitiful underground kingdom for the rest of his days, although I don't think it'll turn out like that.

Just got a full ride through college. Yah boi