Medic

Instead of slapping Demoman on the wrist, they kick them in the bollocks.

All I got was a bunch of old news articles saying "They're bringing the start menu back!"

I thought Miss Pauling seemed a tad too young, but oh well.

I want the old start menu though. Then again, not my laptop. I'll just install ClassicShell on my brother's new laptop.

Hiya! I call dibs on the uterus.

Yeah, these people may be mentally ill, but let's point fingers at a website that thousands and thousands of people visit daily and haven't had any incidents of this sort of thing until now. Never mind that Hollywood and TV shows are generally just as violent and all that. Then again, that'd be reasonable. Who the fuck is reasonable these days?

Perhaps Valve should just be stricter with their quality control then rather than going backwards about it. Early Access is one thing, but there needs to be more quality control when it reaches the point that unfinished games are being marketed as finished ones.

Thing is, it needs to be made CRYSTAL CLEAR that products are no longer receiving updates and have been abandoned or unupdated for over a year, with an option to get your money back if the game becomes unplayable or something like that. Currently, there's no such thing, and it allows people to just throw half-finished ideas up, make some money out of it and then disappear without a trace.

Apparently these are good enough for a random LoL player to beg me to write a third 'Voidlings' story. ... The closet doors burst open, revealing a long row of suits in a large variety of colours. One would expect that the owner of these suits would be a charming young man, looking to impress, trying to decide what to wear for the huge Institute of War's Royal Gala. But closer inspection hinted that the being to whom these suits belonged to may have been a bit too big for them. “It's no use!” Cho'Gath slammed the closet doors shut, before getting angry at himself and opening them again. He had a lot of suits. A lot. Last year, Cho'Gath was winner of the Monster Who Owns The Most Fancy Clothes award, narrowly beating Elise and her vast wardrobe of hastily spun dresses made out of spider webs. He also came second in the Best Dressed Monstrous Being award. Stupid Mundo. With a growl, Cho'Gath started pulling out a few suits. He was annoyed with himself as he hadn't kept up with human fashion this year and he had no idea what was in and what was out. He pulled out a bright gold and grey suit and gazed at it. It was wonderfu-oh. The bottom was disintegrating. Kog'Maw had been eating his damn clothes again! He pulled out another, similar suit. This one had big bite marks in the bottom. Kha'Zix had been eating his clothes too. “Gah! I give up. Guess I'll just go bare...” “Bare?” Cho'Gath sighed. It was Vel'Koz. Vel'Koz had been asking constantly about this royal ball and Cho'Gath really didn't want to be accompanied this time. He remembered what happened at the pool party. The only well-behaved Voidling there had been Kog'Maw, and he carried Yordles on his back in order to combat Ziggs. “Everyone else will be wearing their very best!” Cho'Gath explained. “But I have no idea what to wear, and I don't want to look like a fool! The Institute of War's Royal Gala is THE place to be seen. I have gone every year, in a futile attempt to show that we're not monsters...” Vel'Koz shrugged, scratching his carapace. “You go to prove we're not monsters? That makes no sense. We're beings of the Void...” “THAT'S THE POINT THOUGH!” Cho'Gath roared. “I don't want to seem like a monster. At least, not until we rise up and take over this pathetic world, killing and enslaving any being that dares to face us. That won't be for a long, long time though. As far as I am concerned, we are stuck here, and I want to make the most of it.” Cho'Gath placed the two ruined suits back in the closet and continued rummaging through it. Vel'Koz peered over his shoulder, wondering if now was a good time to ask if he could come. After a couple of moments of awkward silence, he decided to pop the question. “Can I come?” “We've been over this.” “I still don't understand your reasoning.” Cho'Gath grabbed both of Vel'Koz's forward tentacles with one claw. “If you can smarten yourself up, put on a suit and tie or something, and if you behave yourself, then I will consider it.” Vek'Koz would have smiled if he had a mouth. “And what about the others?” He didn't get the response he expected. No one could have expected his fellow voidling to throw him against the wall, then whack him repeatedly against the floor. Cho'Gath let him go after the fifth whack and sneered. “If Kha'Zix can clean himself up, same applies to him. Kog'Maw is staying here. I have read enough bad fan fiction to know that he'll only mess everything up, vomit all over the expensive food and eat the entire table or find himself in a small room with a semi-naked female human, unsure what he should be doing. Thankfully, this year, he has plans...” In the main living space of the Voidling Quarters, Kog'Maw was quite happy. With some help from Kha'Zix, he had managed to tape his mouth shut. Why? Well, Kog'Maw was going shopping. His shopping list contained all sorts of silly things, like paper napkins, plastic plates, fake champaign since the Yordles couldn't drink and, most importantly, lots and lots of food. Malzahar had agreed to take him for the things he needed. Speaking of Malzahar, there was a knock at the door, which just happened to be Malzahar. He was carrying a leash. “What isss that for?” Kha'Zix asked. “Institute of War laws. If we're going shopping, Kog'Maw needs a lead.” Kog'Maw muttered something and allowed Malzahar to tie the leash around his neck, before picking up a couple of carrier bags. Kog'Maw cared about the environment, even if his acid spit was probably the worst thing for it. Malzahar nodded, just as Vel'Koz appeared around the corner. “Oh, Malzy...” “Don't call me that.” “Can you get me some purple clothing dye while you're gone please?” “Alright. We'll be back for dinner.” The almost father-and-son-like pair left, closing the door behind them. With them gone, Vel'Koz quickly explained to Kha'Zix what Cho'Gath had said. One could tell that he was excited, tentacles were being waved around left right and center. Occasionally, a spark of purple lightning would zip by, leaving yet another magic stain on the stone walls. “Ssssoundsss like fun!” Kha'Zix gurgled. “Can I wear a top hat? And a ssssuit like Cho'Gath?” “As long as we look smart, Cho'Gath won't mind...” Cho'Gath on the other hand wasn't as excited as his fellow Voidlings. He knew who was going to be there. Mostly humans, but more importantly, the humans that were worth impressing. Important people like General Swain and General Garen and a bunch of military humans and King Jarvan. And all the pretty women too. Alright, Katarina was technically already taken, but there were many others. Even some of the more monstrous women were there, like Cassiopeia and Elise and... Cho'Gath shuddered at the thought of Nidalee. Last year, she was somehow worse than even Cho'Gath could imagine. Worse than the sort of stuff Kog'Maw would do if he ever got invited. But if Nidalee could be invited, why couldn't a male monster like Cho'Gath go and not be considered a monster? Maybe it was because Nidalee tried to sleep with Draven of all people. After a mental note of reminding himself that it wasn't Draven, it was Draaaaaaaven, Cho'Gath finally gave up. He closed his eyes, shoved his claws into the closet and grabbed the first thing he could feel. The first two attempts came up with a hideous, pink and purple polka dot suit with a matching pink skirt, but the third attempt brought out a simple, black suit with a red shirt and black tie. That would have to do. Cho'Gath put his chosen attire to one side and left the room. He needed to trim his talons. While the Terror of the Void worked on cutting his claws, Vel'Koz and Kha'Zix got to work. With a topsy turvy bit of stealth, Kha'Zix managed to steal a couple of suits from Cho'Gath's closet. He picked out a couple that he and Kog'Maw had nibbled on, then disappeared back into Vel'Koz's bedroom. Vel'Koz was waiting with needles, thread and a couple of pairs of scissors and other assorted cutting tools. “Are you sssssure he won't mind?” Kha'Zix pondered. “Yes, I'm sure. Now, let's get started. We haven't got long...” It was the day of the Royal Gala, and everything was ready. Cho'Gath inspected Vel'Koz and Kha'Zix top to bottom, nodding or tutting at every single detail. Kha'Zix was wearing a purple suit with a red tie, complete with a miniature top hat. The hat was held on with a piece of Velcro attached to his head. He'd also crammed his large, clawed feet into a pair of shiny black shoes, but his claws had come out the front. Vel'Koz's attire was slightly more simple. He too was wearing a top hat, but his wasn't actually connected to his head. He wore a small bow tie and was wearing a home-made shirt-jacket combo that covered his front tentacles, complete with cuffs and fancy purple cuff-links. The monocle was maybe a bit too much, but Cho'Gath couldn't complain, as he was wearing one too. “Is this sufficient?” Vel'Koz asked. “It will do...” Cho'Gath sighed, just as someone knocked on the door. Kha'Zix rushed over to answer it, expecting to find Malzahar there. Instead, he saw a Yordle. “Who ordered take away?” Kha'Zix shouted behind him. “Won't there be food at the party?” The Yordle was visibly shaking as the oversized bug loomed over him. Thankfully Kog'Maw arrived to save the terrified critter. “Is for me! No eat, no eat!” Kog'Maw ran through Kha'Zix's legs, knocking him over. “Sorry, Tristana. Kha'Zix always hungry like me.” “What is the meaning of this?” Vel'Koz grumbled. “In exchange for Kog'Maw not coming, I said he could invite his friends round...” Cho'Gath replied as he picked Kha'Zix up and dusted him down. Kog'Maw spun around happily before leading Tristana into the kitchen. There was another knock at the door, and standing there was Malzahar, in a black suit with glowing purple edges, wearing a black headdress. “Are you ready?” Malzahar whispered. Cho'Gath rolled his eyes. He never understood Malzahar's constant dramatic whispering speech thing. “Let me just get the bottles of wine... Hey!” Kha'Zix pushed past Cho'Gath, rushing into the kitchen and quickly reappearing, handing the three bottles to Vel'Koz to place in his inter-dimensional purse. Vel'Koz loved his purse, as he could place literally anything in it, simply by making small portals to the Void. “Be good, Kog'Maw!” Malzahar almost smiled as he pushed the three other Void Beasts outside, slamming the door behind him. “We will!” Kog'Maw gurgled as he laid a blanket out in the middle of the living room floor. The trip to the Gala would have been much nicer if Cho'Gath hadn't constantly gone on and on about how to act and what not to do with glasses and everything. Malzahar didn't help matters at all, letting Cho'Gath ramble on without hesitation. By the time they arrived, Cho'Gath must have mentioned not eating the glasses at least twenty times. “So why did we arrive late?” Vel'Koz finally managed to say something. “It's fashionable...” Cho'Gath was about to explain, but realised that he didn't know the answer. Malzahar intervened, saying that's just what people do. The only person who ever arrived on time was Zilean, and no one liked Zilean. As they arrived at the Hall of Riches, the biggest and poshest venue in Noxus, servants were around to lead people up to the main area. Along the side of the steps were a large number of guards and soldiers, doing their best to look smart. Swain perched at the top of the steps, greeting everyone as they entered. “Good evening, gentlemen...” Swain hissed. “Good evening, Swain, it is a pleasure to be here!” Cho'Gath put on as posh a voice as possible. He handed the bottles of wine to Swain. “The finest Voidborn wine. Hope you enjoy it.” Swain nodded the monsters in, accepting the gift, his pet raven cawing as each of them passed by. Inside, many of the 'higher up' champions had already arrived. Jarvan could be seen wandering around, with Shyvana and Xin Zhao by his side, all of them looking uneasy. Garen and Katarina were purposefully avoiding one another. Maybe of the other champions though were quite happy chatting away, eating nibbles and drinking fine champaign. “Remember what I said!” Cho'Gath sneered. “If you mess up, I will make you suffer.” Vel'Koz did the giant floating eyeball's equivalent of a smile as he drifted off. “Don't fret. We'll be fine!” Kha'Zix though had suddenly become rather nervous. “Thossse drinksss, alcohol isss bad!” “Rengar isn't here. And you don't have to drink wine, although I would recommend you trying it. Noxus wine is particularly fresh and fruity, I think you'd like it,” Cho'Gath reassured his friend. “Nonetheless, as long as you don't maim anyone and be polite, you won't have a problem. Remember what I said on the way here.” Cho'Gath left Kha'Zix's side to mingle in the crowd, quickly making conversation with Cassiopeia and Taric, who were discussing dresses. Kha'Zix quickly noticed that Malzahar had quickly disappeared too. He could be seen wooing Diana and Syndra with Voidlings he had conjured up, all wearing matching bow ties. After a few moments of standing around on his own, the giant insect decided to try some of the snacks that were going around. But just as he was about to take a bite out of what was either fish eggs or bird droppings on a biscuit, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Everything had been set up. Tristana had arrived early, but now Kog'Maw's other friends were arriving too. First came Veigar and Lulu, then came Teemo, then Ziggs and finally Rumble and Poppy. Kog'Maw had done a spiffing job laying out a blanket and covering it with various plates of food. The only problem was that he couldn't open the drinks he'd bought when he went shopping. Currently he was just making do with the fizzy drinks he'd bought. “Hey, Void Guy, these sausage rolls are great!” Ziggs had eaten about half the plate. “Did ya put Tabasco sauce on them?” Kog'Maw nodded, carrying a plate of small, toffee sweets and passing them around. Lulu took three, gulped them down then took even more. Veigar gave her a funny look. “Maybe you should cool down on those?” Lulu just grinned, showing her teeth, which were full of bits of toffee. Veigar recoiled in disgust, but Teemo and Rumble both laughed, copying Lulu just to annoy him. Tristana and Poppy didn't seem to be very amused. The whole incident left Kog'Maw feeling rather confused, unsure how to feel, so he decided to try and work on that bottle of wine again. “Did you say wine?” Veigar asked. “Yes. Special. For us!” Kog'Maw wagged his tail and asked if Veigar could help. He didn't trust the others. Ziggs would probably try to blow it up. “Um, real wine?” “No! Special for us!” Kog'maw repeated. “Just can't open.” Cho'Gath was having fun. Granted, he normally had some fun during these big galas, but this time he was actually talking to someone. He never realised that Taric had similar interests as him. Maybe it was all the gems he had laced into his white and blue suit. His tie was literally made out of sky blue sapphires sewn onto silk. Cho'Gath envied that. He'd always had a thing for shiny things. Elise though had wondered off in search for meatier food and had been caught up in the female corner, where Miss Fortune, Jinx, Evelyn and Vi were all chatting away. Occasionally, he'd have a glance around to see if everyone else was okay but it'd been twenty minutes since he last checked and that worrying feeling in his stomach had finally dissipated. It was probably just the live chicken he'd eaten before they headed out. Nerves always made Cho'Gath hungry. Speaking of hungry, he hadn't had much to eat. A tray of olives, being carried by a rather worried waiter, drifted by and Cho'Gath grabbed a couple with one of his scythe claw things. “That's a wonderful trick, Cho!” Taric had spotted his antics and was grinning at him, almost like a lunatic. “Well, having four arms is dandy, but buying suits for them certainly isn't!” Cho'Gath joked. “I know a fabulous tailor who could help you out in that department...” “Oh really?” Taric pulled a notepad from his inside pocket. Just like everything else, it was covered in gems, in this case, blue and rose quartz. The pen that miraculously appeared was coated in diamonds. Even the handkerchief that fell out of Taric's pocket had various gems encrusted on it. Cho'Gath wondered if he ever blew his nose with it. On the notepad, Taric wrote down an address, then ripped the sheet off and handed it to Cho'Gath. “In Demacia? I can't go there. Not really allowed to leave the Insitute of War.” “What are you doing next week?” Taric's tone changed abruptly. “Um, nothing.” Taric wrote down another number and an address and handed that to Cho'Gath. “Give me a call when you're free. We'll have a fabulous time!” And with that final comment, Taric grinned and wandered off to greet Skarner, who had arrived rather late to the party. Kha'Zix was not having fun. He'd had several drinks and not eaten the glass, although he was unsure why Cho'Gath kept on insisting that he shouldn't eat the glasses. That was the sort of thing Kog'Maw would do and Kog'Maw wasn't here. There was a bigger problem at hand though. Well, claw, as he didn't really have hands. Kha'Zix had no idea how many glasses of unknown liquid he had drunk within the past hour or so and now he needed to use the little Voidling's room. Actually, he had needed to use the little Voidling's room since before they left, but with the arrival of that tasty, tasty yordle and Malzahar, he didn't have time to go. So what could he do now? The obvious thing to do would be to ask around, but who would he ask? It was embarrassing. Maybe one of the ladies would be a better choice. “Um, excusssse me, misssss, where would I find the bathroomssss?” Sona shrugged. She glanced across the room, seeming rather unsure herself. Lee Sin had suddenly arrived. “What are you up to, bug?” Lee Sin was rather annoyed but Kha'Zix couldn't understand why. “You looking at my girl?” “No!” “Good.” “Um... Ssssorry...” Kha'Zix backed away as quickly as he could. Vague, drunken memories of what had happened to Vel'Koz flooded his little insect mind. Lee Sin was not someone to mess with, despite being blind. “Do you know where the bathroomssss are?” Lee Sin didn't answer though. He'd already grabbed Sona and disappeared into the crowd. Kha'Zix wondered if all those summoners who complained about Lee Sin were right. With a sigh, Kha'Zix wondered who else he could ask. He spotted Vel'Koz, chatting with a load of women. Vel'Koz would know, he knew everything. “Vel'Koz!” “And then I said “that's no moon!” and I fired a laser at him and he exploded! Oh, hello, fellow Voidling...” Vel'Koz was bemused. Surrounding him were Diana, Morgana, Miss Fortune, Nami, Shyvana, Lux and Ezreal. Kha'Zix paused, realising that he'd just mistaken Ezreal for a woman and started stuttering, gibberish coming out of his mouth. Thankfully, Ezreal cleared things up, explaining that he was here with Lux. “N-n-not d-d-drunk... W-w-where isssss t-the b-b-bathroom?” “I see you have your insipid hissing lisp even when drunk and confused...” Vel'Koz tutted. “You're asking the wrong person though. I don't use bathrooms.” The other women all laughed. Shyvana though somewhat uncharacteristically took pity on Kha'Zix. “The bathrooms are down the hallway, over there!” she hissed, pointing towards a corridor with few people nearby. “Try not to wet yourself, deary!” Morgana laughed, before turning back to Vel'Koz. “Now tell me, where were you?” Vel'Koz did that doesn't-actually-have-a-mouth-but-is-trying-to-smile look and continued his story. Taric and Cho'Gath kept on bumping into each other. They had an unusually large amount of things in common, and Taric was great at introducing Cho'Gath to the other large, scary monsters of the League. Thresh was rather relaxed when you got to know him, Anivia was wonderful, full of lovely stories with happy endings and Skarner was a fine, truly dapper fellow. Skarner in particular had also made the effort to look smart. “All thanks to Taric!” Skarner grinned. “That tailor of his... Amazing! And this food is amazing too. It's one of the finer things that us monsters don't always get to try. Humans can be so insensitive when I try to book a table at a restaurant and ask for plenty of space.” “Tell me about it!” Thresh growled, throwing his arms into the air in anger, very nearly knocking over Lucian, who had been stalking him all evening. “I wanted to invite my fellow undead to a night out and no one would serve us! They all apologise and say they don't serve zombies. We're not even zombies! Karthus is a damn lich and I'm a reaeper. Poor Hecarim can't even get a taxi these days.” Cho'gath added his two gold pieces. “I understand completely. I'm barely allowed to leave the Institute. It's only been recently that I've been allowed to come to these events. We could have all been friends ages ago and I wasn't allowed to come and join in. Goodness knows how bad it is for you guys. No one ever sees Fiddlesticks. The summoners do not know how to treat us and quite frankly, it's sickening. We're beings too!” Anivia blinked. “Surely you mean 'living beings'?” “No, just beings. Thresh here is undead. But really!” Cho'Gath continued. “I have been a champion for so long and I get very little respect. No one takes the time to look past our monstrous exteriors to see the soul within.” “I don't have a soul!” Thresh joked. “You know what I mean.” Taric, after much listening to what his monster friends had to say, raised his glass to speak. He had an idea. Elsewhere, other people were having ideas. Kog'Maw still hadn't managed to open that damn bottle. Teemo, Tristana, Lulu, Rumble, Poppy and Veigar had all had a go at trying to open it. No one wanted to let Ziggs try though, because they wanted to drink the wine, not pick shards of glass out of their faces. They'd tried all sorts, but the bottle was unyielding, slipping through hand and claw alike. “Hey guys!” Veigar finally popped up. “I have an idea!” “Are you going to use dark cosmic power or something again?” Teemo sighed. “Better than trying to open it with one of your damn toxic darts...” Veigar retorted. “But why don't we use Kog'Maw's acidic spit to open the bottle?” Kog'Maw scratched his head. He'd considered doing that earlier but he didn't want to get acid all over the drink. Should any of his saliva get swallowed, it'd dissolve the Yordles' stomachs, painfully killing them. Kog'Maw liked these Yordles, he didn't want to do that. Yet. “Sounds like it could work!” Tristana beamed, snatching the two bottles from Ziggs' reach. She held them at an angle, placing them under Kog'Maw's mouth, so only a tiny about of his spit would dribble out and fall onto the bottle. “Careful now!” Veigar hesitated as the drop of mucus fell, instantly eating through the bottle and the cork. Much to everyone's surprise, the champaign didn't pop. It didn't even fizz. But at this point, no one cared. Tristana handed the bottles back to Kog'Maw, who gently poured everyone a drink. “Cheers!” Taric's speech had really impressed the monsters. Cho'Gath in particular felt he could finally relate with the beings here. He'd also made more work at making friends. A shopping trip with Taric and Anivia was planned for next Thursday, cakes and tea with Skarner on Friday, a tour of the Shadow Isles over the weekend and a monsters-only meal at the Institute of Wine, one of the fanciest restaurants in the entirety of Valoran, courtesy of Taric. As everyone started to get tired and head off home, Cho'Gath wondered if his siblings had had a good time. “You alright, Kha'Zix?” Cho'Gath smiled as he finished his glass of bubbly. Kha'Zix blinked a couple of times. He was hiding his face with one of his scythe claws. He was also cowering slightly, something that the normally rather proud predatory insect would never dream of doing. Cho'Gath repeated his question, hoping that Kha'Zix wasn't too drunk to speak. “Lee Ssssin...” he muttered. “What about him?” “Went into wrong bathroom...” Kha'Zix explained. “Girlssss bathroom. Sssona wasss there... Lee Sssin angry...” Cho'Gath picked Kha'Zix up by the scruff of his neck and dragged him over to where Sona and Lee Sin were. They appeared to be having a massive argument. It was a rather one-sided argument as Sona had to write down her argument on a piece of paper and show it to Lee Sin. Cho'Gath coughed to grab their attention. “Greetings, lady and gentleman. I'd like to apologise for Kha'Zix for the confusion earlier. You see, Kha'Zix is a giant, genderless insect and he doesn't understand the crudely drawn symbols that note as to what gendered human should go where. I apologise if he scared you.” Kha'Zix muttered a sorry, but it was barely audible. Sona scribbled furiously on a piece of paper and handed it to Cho'Gath. He read it and nodded, before turning to Lee Sin. “You owe Kha'Zix an apology, sir. Sona has accepted his apology and said she understands his confusion. Plus, this gala was supposed to be combat free. You attacked Kha'Zix.” Lee Sin crossed his arms in anger. “I am not apologising to that buffoon.” Cho'Gath just tutted. Sona on the other hand grew angry. She scribbled on her note pad and ripped it in half, handing one piece to Cho'Gath and another to Lee Sin. She then slapped Lee Sin around the face, kicked him in the groin and stormed off. “What was that about?” Vel'Koz appeared, making Kha'Zix jump. Cho'Gath glanced at the piece of paper in his claw and at Lee Sin, who was rolling around the floor in agony. He shook his head, smiling ever so slightly. “Nothing.” “Hmmph. Anyway, I won't be coming home with you two tonight, if that's okay. I'll see you on Monday!” Vel'Koz swung his tentacles around happily. “I've got other plans.” “That is fine!” Cho'Gath's smile turned into a full grin. “We'll see you on Monday.” He lifted Kha'Zix back to his feet and watched as Vel'Koz spun around and disappeared inside one of his little void portals. Once Vel'Koz's portal had faded away, he grabbed Kha'Zix, met up with Malzahar and headed off, giving their thanks to Swain for a pleasant evening. “Thankssss...” “Thank you, Swain. It was a wonderful evening.” “You're very welcome...” Swain may or may not have cracked a smile under that strange garb of his. The trip home was particularly quiet, but Malzahar and Cho'Gath were both happy. Malzahar congratulated Cho on finally making some friends, and Cho'Gath congratulated Malzahar for getting a couple of phone numbers. He was quite stern, telling Malzahar that he HAD to call Elise in the morning. Kha'Zix though just sat in silence, nursing his injured eye. Only as they arrived back at their apartment, Malzahar having dropped them off, did he say anything. “I wonder if Kog'Maw had a good time?” Cho'Gath didn't answer. He simply opened the door to the Voidborn living quarters. Scattered around the room were a bunch of Yordles and a rather dazed Kog'Maw, all unconscious. In Kog'Maw's claw was a half-empty bottle of find, Voidborn wine. “I think they did...” Cho'Gath snickered. “I think they did...” Sometimes, Kayle regretted signing up to the League of Legends. Now was one of those times. As part of a 'team exercise', she'd been forced to spend a month sharing an apartment with her sister, Morgana. She hated Morgana more than anything else on the planet apart from one thing: fancy gala parties. She went to one last night and left early, preferring to spend the night training and studying. Of course, Kayle had got carried away and had fallen asleep in her quarters at the Institute and she didn't get back home to the shared apartment until early that morning. The door to the apartment flew open, slamming against the wall then slamming shut in Kayle's face. A second, more gentle attempt to open the door meant that she could actually enter the damn place. She wished she hadn't. “Hey! Can't I be with a giant eyeball with tentacles in peace?” Morgana shouted as Kayle appeared in the doorway. “Yeah! You could have knocked!” Vel'Koz laughed. Kayle stood in silence for a few seconds, before spinning around, screaming and running away, leaving the door wide open. The giant eyeball chuckled, floating over and closing the door, the room going dark once more. He picked up a bottle of cream, rubbing some on his tentacles. “So, you want a foot massage or another back massage?” Vel'Koz smiled innocently, still wearing his little bow tie.

I bet all the other children of treasure-seeking parents who wander off into dangerous terrain and die are jealous of Nidalee and her stupid fucking spear.