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Gather round children. I'm here to share with you messed up stories about my life because I'm bored, everyone seemed to like that bit about me puking on the bus, and feel like getting these written down somewhere. I'll post more after this one if anyone wants but for right now how about a short one. That one time I made a celebrity hate me on a personal level: Once upon a time in the mystical city of Atlanta, I was attending Dragoncon. Dragoncon is a special time of year when tens of thousands of nerds pack themselves into Atlanta's most expensive hotels for a 4 day long party that ends in a week regretting it. Now Dragoncon is not the stereotypical Sci-Fi convention the media shows you, in fact if you were passing it on the street, you'd swear it was the world's largest Halloween frat party. Saturday night of the convention things were beginning to wind down (or the closest thing to "winding down" the convention offers) and I felt the need for a nap before more party hopping, having already been to about 12 that night and consuming close to my weight in booze. I stumbled my way to the Mariott hotel where some friends were staying to grab some floor space to sleep off my 27th drink. It was about 4 AM at the time so the wait for an elevator was fairly quick (Only 15 minutes!) and as it arrived to the lobby floor I was amazed to see only one other person on the elevator someone who looked very familiar but I couldn't place why, being incredibly drunk wasn't helping this either. Now where have I seen this guy before? That's right, I had stumbled upon Eric Estrada. While riding the elevator from the lobby to the 46th floor I started staring at him trying to place where I knew him from and then it hit me "OMG are you Eric Estrada!?". You cannot imagine the amount of smugness that wiped across this mans face, as if I was about to beg for an autograph that could be sold on Ebay for thousands of dollars. "Yes I am." he replied. Then there was a moment of silence as I continued awkwardly staring at him, after realizing I was just standing there staring like some creepy stalker the first thought I had fell out of my mouth... "That sucks..." I replied Another awkward moment of silence as I see he is getting offended. After realizing what I had said I broke into hysterical laughter then after realizing how horrible the fact that I was laughing at how much it sucks to be him was I instantly felt terrible and stared at the floor for the remainder of our 50 story elevator ride while desperately trying to avoid eye contact. In the next adventures of Splosion: Doc Hammer: Why you should hate him as a human being! Voltaire: You're career is dead, accept it already. (AKA that other time I made a celebrity hate me on a personal level) That one time my best friend got hit on by a 90 year old woman. The fridge is for beer, Lettuce goes in the sock drawer. And more!

Dueljay, that meme was so YES-terday. Find something new.

I'm picturing a scene where Fat Vriska is crying because there is no pair of pants in all of Alternia that fits her. Pantskat puts a comforting foot on her gelatinous shoulder, unsure of how he can help. But then he has an idea! He retrieves his EXTRA PAIR OF PANTS from his sylladex and asks her to try them on. Because of their infinite stretchiness (which allows them to cover Pantskat's entire body) they fit Vriska perfectly! Vriska beams and gives Pantskat a huge, squishy hug. And then the two of them share an ice cream sundae the size of a small house.

'unno. Got harder to write the further along it went. 'Twas the night before the update, when all through the forums Not a poster was stirring, not even the trolls; The regions were set to Paraguay with care, In hopes that the update soon would be there; The traders were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of craft-numbers danced in their heads; And ned in his keyboard, and the guys with a wiki cap, Had almost logged out for a long winter's nap, When out on the inbox there arose such a clatter, They sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window they opened in a flash, Tore open the homepage and forgot a backslash. The their error corrected, the web page now would show A sight as welcome as fresh fallen snow, When, what to their wondering eyes should appear, But a hlds email, and eight tiny patch notes, And then, so lively and quick, They knew at that moment the clock began to tick. More rapid than eagles these heralds they came, And they whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, Scout! now, Soldier! now, Pyro and Heavy! On, Medic! on Sniper! on, Demo, Spy, and Engineer! To the top of library! to the map of itemtest! Now test away! test away! test away all!" As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So to the Steam Library the coursers they flew, With the all programs closed, and other games too. And then, in a hour, they heard from the speaker The the final ding of every last byte. As they closed the window, and clicked “play now,” Op came the update with a sound. It was all shiny and new, from the items to the map, And its code was all tarnished with bugs and glitches; But a bundle of guns it had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. The items -- how they twinkled! their models how merry! There were hats like roses, and a bomb like a cherry! Each user would receive a gift with a bow, And our favorite maps have been covered with snow; The Medic got a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the Pyro got a hat like a wreath; The Heavy got a belt for his round belly, That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly. The Scout was elated, no longer an elf, But we still laughed when we saw him, in spite of ourselves; The Demo got an eye, that lit up in red. And of course the Soldier had nothing to dread; The Spy said not a word, but went straight to his work, And sapped all the sentries; then turned with a jerk, And turned as the Sniper doused his clothes, And giving a nod, the engineer rose; Repairing the new dispenser, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all ran down to cap the next point. And thus the threads began pouring in, stating "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."