Jump to content

Leaderboard


Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation since 02/02/12 in all areas

  1. 42 points
    Binary

    Welcome to SPUFPowered.

     
  2. 25 points
    Just a Gigolo

    DualJay's Double Dong Destiny

    Dualjay sat alone on the pier of a lake. The cold February winds coming off of the lake chilled him to the bone, but he was too sad to care. A single tear slowly rolled down his cheek and fell into his open palm. His tear-soaked palm held several small stones which he had spent the last half-hour plopping into the lake one by one. The stones caused his reflection to ripple, but even with his distorted reflection, Dualjay was able to make out that Skye standing behind him. Skye sat down next to Dualjay, carefully wiping a tear away from his cheek with his finger. "Why the tears, Dualjay?" Skye asked giving Dualjay a concerned look. "Ever since the >Rocky Mountain Man Quest 2012 no man has been able to satisfy me in bed. Rammite came back so pumped up with manliness from all the goat headbutting and air band rocking that he wore me out like a cheap pair of shoes." Dualjay answered, now even more tears rolling down his cheeks. Skye sighed and put an arm around Dualjay. He then said with his most comforting voice. "We've all been there my friend. One day you're on the top of the world. The next, not even the biggest bad dragon dildo can satisfy you. Have you tried paying a visit to Tyrone?" Dualjay nodded lightly and then looked away from Skye before quietly saying. "Not even Tyrone could do it for me, and you know how awesome of a bro he is." Skye looked at Dualjay with a shocked expression on his face. Thankfully, Dualjay was still too busy looking deeply into his own reflection in the water to notice. Skye didn't say anything to Dualjay, he just sat there and thought to himself. "If Tyrone couldn't satisfy him, then no mere mortal can." Huff slowly approached the two from behind, not sure if he was interrupting anything serious. "What has you two looking so gloom?" Huff asked, still a ways down the pier from them. Skye rubbed Dualjay's back and replied. "Dualjay can't find any man that can satisfy him, not even Tyrone with all his bro powers could." Dualjay grew more sad hearing this, and curled forward, barely able to keep himself from falling off of the pier. "Tisk tisk tisk." Huff said wiggling his finger at the two before continuing. "You should have came to me first with this problem. I could have saved you a lot of tears." Dualjay turned around almost instantly with a gleam of hope in his eyes. "It's simple, you just have to step up to double dongs." Huff said walking closer to the two. "Double dongs?" Dualjay and Skye said together with confused looks on their face. Huff gave them a sagely nod before answering. "It's simple, you just to have them use a strap-on too. It's twice the man, for half the price." Dualjay leapt to his feet and ran up to Huff, planting a man kiss on his lips. "Why don't they teach about double dongs in school? It could save so many lives." Dualjay declared walking past Huff with a skip in his step. Huff shed a tear of pride as he said. "They say I teach them... about double penitration, but it's really they who teach me... about double penetration." Dualjay didn't get two steps past Huff before a 1964 Buick Skylark Sport Wagon pulled onto the pier. It recklessly sped towards them, and then came to a screeching halt inches from hitting Dualjay. Skye quickly rose to his feet and raced towards Dualjay screaming. "That 1964 Buick Skylark Sport Wagon can only belong to one man... Tyrone!" They all gasped in unison as the door of the 1964 Buick Skylark SportWagon opened revealing an afro. "My Tyrone senses done been tinglin' all day. Who be talking smack about mah dick?" Tyrone shouted getting out of the car and walking towards the group. Dualjay pointed a shaking finger at Skye to try and frame him. Tyrone stared Skye down, removed the rings from his right hand, and then plunged his right fist right into his chest. "Skye!" Dualjay and Huff screamed out while watching Tyrone pull Skye's still beating heart out of his chest. "Messin' with Tyrone ain't fo the faint of heart." Tyrone said before swallowing Skye's heart whole. Huff shaking with anger shouted at Tyrone. "Tyrone is a real bro, he would never eat another bro's heart!" Tyrone started laughing. Then Tyrone's laugh started to change into a laugh Huff and Dualjay haven't heard in a long time. With a completely different voice Tyrone said. "It's true, Tyrone is a real bro. That's why he let me hollow out his stomach and turn him into my robot slave." Tyrone then took off his shirt and pulled back the skin on his stomach to reveal that Binary, the angry midget, was controlling Tyrone. "Binary! I was told you were killed with a bad dragon dildo on top of the rocky mountains." Dualjay screamed hiding behind Huff. "And why are you naked?" Huff questioned while forcing Dualjay out from behind him. Binary laughed before replying "The rocky mountains were only a setback, and do you have any idea how hot it gets in here? I'd sweat to death if I was wearing clothes." This gave Huff an idea to save the day. Huff leapt at Tyrone and pulled his already sagging pants down. "Dualjay look! DOUBLE DONGS!!!" Huff screamed falling at Tyrone's feet. Dualjay looked at Tyrone and Binary and saw it was true. With Binary hanging out of Tyrone's torso, there was indeed double the dong. "I must embrace my double dong destiny" Dualjay screamed while leaping to save the day. Then everyone remembered that Dualjay died at the end of the Rocky Mountain Man Quest 2012, so he was a ghost the whole time. The end.
  3. 20 points
    Part 1 Rammite was laying in his bed staring up at his ceiling fan. He had been severally depressed after breaking up with the >ghost of Dualjay. Ever since the >Rocky Mountain Man Quest 2012, Rammite's dong had grown so big from all the steak and goat head-butting that it'd quickly ruin all his relationships. "This dong is a curse, how did Guy ever live with such a problem?" Rammite said rolling over to his side. "If only Razputin hadn't destroyed Doopliss' gender bending machine, then maybe I could have used it to free myself of this manly curse." Rammite sighed and went back to sleep. Several hours later, Rammite was woken up be something. He had heard a muffled voice that seemed to come from under him. "Feed me." Rammite quickly sat up in his bed in a panic and started looking around for the source of the voice. "Was that coming from under the bed?" Rammite said before quickly hopping off and looking under his bed. "Feed me." this time the voice seemed to have came from behind him. Rammite quickly turned around, but no sign of the source. "Show yourself!" Rammite yelled. "Feed me." Was all he heard. Rammite was now shaking with fear. He slowly edged his way towards the box of stuff Dualjay had left in his house after the break up. Rammite opened the box and took out one of Dualjay's bad dragon dildos. Rammite held the dildo over his head ready to strike the first thing he saw. "Feed me." This time Rammite was able to pinpoint the source of the sound, and it was coming from inside his pants. Part 2 Rammite carefully unzipped his pants. "Feed me." The voice said no longer muffled. Rammite slowly looked down, and saw that his dong was looking back at him. Rammite took Dualjay's bad dragon dildo and started to flail himself in the crotch out of fear. He instantly regretted that descision as he dropped to his knees in pain. "Feed me" the voice said uninterrupted by the dildo attacks. "What do you want?!" Rammite screamed at his dong. "Feed me." His dong obviously replied. "Oh yeah... should have guessed." Rammite said getting up off the floor. Rammite scuttled to his kitchen with his pants around his feet. He opened his fridge and looked inside. As usual, there was plenty of steaks and eggs inside. "Feed me." The dong said lifting itself up towards the steak in the fridge. Rammite took a steak and fed it to his dong like you'd feed a dog table scraps. The dong quickly ate it up and slightly grew in size. Rammite kept feeding it steak and eggs, and each time the dong grew more and more. Rammite had emptied out his fridge, and his dong had grown quite a bit. The dong was now on the floor by several feet. "That's all the food I have, sorry." Rammite said looking at his dong. "Pa...papa." The dong said looking back at Rammite. "Did you just call me papa? Maybe all this steak is making my dong smarter." Rammite said struggling to walk over to his couch. Rammite plopped himself down in the couch. "You know, I should give you a name... How about... Douglas." Rammite said laying back and getting comfortable. Just as he got cozy, there was a knock at his door. Part 3 Rammite panicked and threw a blanket over Douglas. "Come in, it's open." Rammite said trying to act nonchalant. Idiot Cube walked in carrying a cardboard box that was dripping all over the carpet. "I brought you some steaks since I heard you were under the weather." Idiot Cube said setting the box down by Rammite's feet. "Why did you use a cardboard box to carry raw steaks?" Rammite asked looking at his carpet. "Don't judge me, it's my fetish." Idiot Cube replied looking offended. Douglas then raised his head and started sniffing at the air. "STEAK!!!" Douglas yelled before throwing off the blankets and diving head first into the steaks. "C-c-carnivorous dong! Screw this, I'm not going out like my dad." Idiot Cube screamed before running out of Rammite's house. Douglas quickly finished off the box of steaks before Rammite could do anything about it. The steaks in the box were enough to make Douglas even bigger than Rammite was. "MORE!!!" Douglas yelled before lunging forward and crawling across the ground like a snake. Rammite tried to stop Douglas, but Douglas' thrusts were too powerful. Douglas dragged Rammite to the neighbors house where he head-butted their door down. Douglas quickly slithered inside and emptied out their fridge of steaks. Douglas then went and did the same to all the the neighbor's houses. With each house Douglas grew bigger and bigger. It wasn't long before he couldn't use their doors anymore, and had to bust down the walls of their houses to get in. "I crave more steak!" Douglas yelled after finishing off the last house's steak. Douglas had now grown to the size of a van. Part 4 Rammite's feet no longer touched the ground, so he was completely under control of Douglas' whims. Douglas raised his head and sniffed at the air. "I smell steak to the north." Douglas said slithering towards the main part of town. "Douglas, there are innocent people there. They need steak to live too." Rammite shouted, pounding his fist into Douglas' back. Douglas just ignored Rammite's pleas and moved even faster. Rammite noticed a familiar face on the side of the road. "Oh look, it's Comeau." Rammite said waving at his friend. Comeau waved back, but soon was out of Rammite's sight. Douglas quickly reached the edge of town. The smell of steak was thick in the air. Douglas roared loudly, waving his head back and forth, and then charged at the first source of steak he could smell. The Steak and Steak was first to go, followed by the Steak-Fil-A, Jamba Steak, Steak Queen (and King), Steakway, Steak Hut, KFS, McSteaks, and Steak Bell. With every fast-food restaurant, Douglas grew bigger, and the bigger he grew the faster he was able to eat steak. It wasn't long before Douglas was able to finish off all the restaurants in town. After eating all that steak, Douglas had grown to the size of a small building. "The smell of steak is gone. Where did the steak go?" Douglas asked sniffing at the air. "You ate all the steak there was in town, Douglas. There is no more steak to be had." Rammite replied barely able to move on Douglas' back. "WHAT?! NO MORE STEAK!!!" Douglas screamed, looking around frantically for steak. Rammite thought of a plan at that moment. "I was wrong, there is more steak. It's just well hidden." Rammite said with a smirk on his face. "WHERE?!" Douglas shouted, still looking around in every direction. "To your left." Rammite said pointing at a coffee shop were Huff and Skye were drinking outside. Part 5 Huff and Skye had spent the entire afternoon gossiping and drinking coffee. They were so wrapped up in it, that they didn't even notice that a giant dong had been attacking and destroying all the fast-food restaurants around town. Skye had one of his scarves wrapped around his face, which made drinking coffee very difficult. Thankfully, there were plenty of napkins at their table. Douglas' approach had made the ground start to shake. "Is your stomach rumbling, Skye." Huff asked taking a long sip from his coffee. "That's not me, but I do need to go on a diet." Skye replied with a shirt covered in coffee. "Oh no you don't, Skye. You look fabulous. I need to go on a diet." Huff replied, obviously fishing for compliments. Before they could get locked in a never ending cycle of saying the other one looks skinny and that they need to go on a diet, Douglas had arrived and interrupted them with an earth-shattering roar. "Oh look, it's Tyrone." Skye said looking up at Douglas. "You slut." Huff scoffed at Skye. "STEAK!!!" Douglas roared at them. "There's no steak here. It's the Vegan Hippy Cafe." Huff replied taking another long sip of coffee. "That's perfect." Rammite thought to himself. "Huff, Skye, get as much tofu as you can and give it to the monster dong." Rammite screamed, barely able to be heard from behind Douglas. Huff and Skye didn't disagree with Rammite's plan, since they wanted Douglas to stop annoying them so they could go back to their coffee and girl talk. They looked at each other briefly before Skye said. "Well I bought the coffee today." Huff rolled his eyes and went inside the Vegan Hippy Cafe. He came out carrying a large armful of tofu, and placed it down on the table. Douglas sniffed at the tofu. "THAT'S NOT STEAK!" Douglas roared at them, covering the two in his spit. "You have to find some way to make him eat it!" Rammite screamed as loud as he could. "I got it!" Skye said wiping Douglas' spit off his face and taking off his scarf. Skye laid it flat on the table, and then loaded all the tofu onto his scarf, turning it into a makeshift sling. "What are you doing?" Huff asked. Skye didn't answer, he just started to spin the scarf sling as fast as he could. Douglas roared at the two loudly, opening his mouth up very wide. "Smile you son of a bitch." Skye yelled, flinging the tofu into Douglas' mouth. The tofu caused Douglas to start to flail around in pain. His entire body started to bubble and shake. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" Douglas screamed before exploding. "You did it." Rammite said running over to Huff and Skye. It then started to rain, but it was not raining water. Thousands of dongs rained down from the sky. "The dongpocalypse is upon us." Huff declared.
  4. 18 points
    Having just been invited to this place, what better thing to do than show off my creations? My deviantart: http://icbmoose.deviantart.com/ Feet are good. Wierdass landscapes are good. Clown heads are good. Pyros are good. I don't know what this is, but it's good.
  5. 18 points
    'Had me good eye on ye the whole tiem!'
  6. 17 points
    Cell

    Lizard Squad DDoS

  7. 16 points
    Commander, when has suddenly suddenly forcing changes on this community been a good idea? When has anyone on this forum been accepting of hard and fast, radical changes without their input, consent, or at the very least timely notification? Remember the April Fool's banning? Sure it was done with joking intentions, but a lot of us stayed up that night because we were scared o the radical change. The move to IPB was better since some of us had experience with the system, but it's just... as a leader you should know your constituents. And fuck, treat your constituents with respect. There are life really about 45 of us on here. You are missing out on one of the best advantages of such a small group- you can communicate very easily with all of us, graduall work through changes and gather input on what is wanted or desired. Instead, you just go ahead and make radical changes without informing anyone ahead o time! Not even the mods! We're staff- it'd be nice to know what kind of business we'll be expected to do in the future! Look, I know you have good intentions. I know you want this community to be good and to grow and be your baby. I know that in the end, it's YOU who calls the shots. But your leadership is terrible. A leader doesn't hide things or act so stiffly with their flock, especially with a group so small and tight-knit as this. Treat us as freinds and equals instead of just peasants who are subject to any change you will. (I say us instead of them because at this point I feel that we mods are basically regular members with a few extra tools- we aren't told about anything bit as I mentioned). Realize what this community is- a treehouse of friends here to have conversations about stuff and just shoot the shit in our off hours. We don't need to grow larger, we don't neccessarily want to become more streamlined. We're just a secret club, like it or not. Some things you want to introduce are good! The move to the current board was good- it has statuses, good themes, bigger avatars, and other things. Just run it by people well ahead of time and ask what people want. I understand that you want what's best for this community. I know you do. But you're blind to what his community is and you refuse to give any leeway or listen to your flock. This is bad leadership.
  8. 16 points
  9. 16 points
    Razputin

    PC mustard race

    it's called that because consoles need to ketchup
  10. 15 points
  11. 15 points
    Paero

    share your worst jokes

    An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says, ‘Sorry, lads, I can’t let you in without a Thai.’
  12. 15 points
  13. 15 points
    Razputin

    How into Excel the I do

    Huff may I remind you you are coming to Germany soon and therefore are within stabbing distance of me
  14. 15 points
    Dr. Rynjinstein, MD

    Banning the Word "Bossy"

    No! This! Is! Feminism!
  15. 15 points
    Binary

    I regret nothing.

    I apologize, but it had to be done.
  16. 15 points
    FreshHalibut

    PC mustard race

    PC Mustard Race?
  17. 14 points
  18. 14 points
    Veez

    Your 5 must-play games

  19. 14 points
  20. 14 points
  21. 13 points
    Moby

    TF2 general

    The comic had a page cut Spoiler
  22. 13 points
  23. 13 points
    So, Cmdr, did you learn anything from this? I'm asking you seriously. You propose a ridiculous, radical change to the forum's structure, a total move/re-model, with you doing nothing but spouting corporate speak and vague platitudes. Nobody finds this at all out of character for you. Do you fully understand the implications of that? Nobody was surprised by this. This parody of yourself is what everyone ACTUALLY SEES YOU AS. Because it's very similar to how you've acted in the past. This, this right here is, in a nutshell, why everyone is always so pissed at you. The fact that it was a "joke" this time is irrelevant. Well, no it's not. It's a joke in especially poor taste because you obviously KNOW that at least part of the community lives in fear of you one day deciding to make some sweeping change nobody asked for, that was discussed with no one that will alienate some or all of the people who frequent this forum. Enough is enough with this shit. You said a while back that you were willing to stand down from an administrative position if that was the community's will. Do you still stand by that? Because I personally have lost what little faith I had in you with this. I'm sure at least some of the people here agree. You're not a bad person, Cmdr, I like having you around...but you being in charge of things just makes me nervous.
  24. 13 points
  25. 13 points
×