-ALERT-
-IMAGINEER CODE 987-
-POWER LEVELS IN SECTOR "FRENCH QUARTER" DANGEROUSLY HIGH-
-OVERFLOW DETECTED, ENACTING SEQUENCE OSWALD-
...
-ALL DOORS AND GATES LOCKED-
-ALL RIDES AND ATTRACTIONS KEPT IN CURRENT SEQUENCE. GOD BE WITH THOSE RIDING THE BORING RIDES-
...
-POWER SURGE SUSPICIOUS. ENACTING SEQUENCE "HAPPIEST BASTION ON EARTH"-
-FOURTH WALL RAISED-
-ANAHEIM IS NOW SAFE FROM INTERNAL THREATS-
-DISNEYLAND IS NOW SAFE FROM EXTERNAL THREATS-
The Bandit worked in silence. Time was running out, and he was sure that someone would soon find the unconcsious cast member whose uniform he currently wore. His employer had also requested timeliness in the activation, but one always has took look out for number one first and foremost.
How long had it been since someone had taken it upon themselves to spelunk down here? Major attractions were hardly ever messed with, much less turned off. Even the entrance to the inner guts of the Haunted Mansion had been forgotten and covered in pounds of dust and cobwebs- the real kind, at that.
Finally the Bandit found what he was looking for. The Haunted Mansion's main breaker. Flipping this switch would send a surge of power into the Mansion's circuit, tapping it straight from Anaheim's major power lines. The Bandit silently wished that it would be enough to trigger the reaction.
He pulled the switch.
Almost instantly, the entirety of Anaheim suffered a blackout. Every part except for the large amusement park in the center. With the entriety of the city's power directed towards it, Disneyland glowed bright as the sun.
haha implying im good at keeping up with creative endeavors
"You are a tremendous faggot. How can you not like log rides?"
"You know this ride is based off of Song of the South, right? There's probably twenty ways the Imagineers can kill black people in the line area alone."
"Shush, boys, we only have time for this last ride if we hurry."
Disney, as you may know, has always been full of a sickly saccharine atmosphere of cheerfulness, inspiring happiness and love everywhere. These three were the exact opposite, and were vitriolic towards each other enough to put Mickey and Pete to shame.
"See that barrel? It probably has some Israeli soldier in it, ready to shoot at the sight of dark skin," Guy grumbled as be conspicuously maneuvered himself so that the tall, handsome Dane was in its supposed line of fire instead of he.
"Of course there isn't, idiot," said Silent with a roll of his eyes. "There is absolutely no way that the Disney staff installed Israeli soldiers in the park for the sole purpose of shooting you."
Guy seemed to relax at the news and put on a cautious smile.
"Walt hated the Jews, so it's probably a German mercenary or something."
Guy shot Silent an angry look as Wulff chuckled. "Ok, guys, we're finally here." He motioned towards the empty log boats ahead.
---
"If you all found your laughing place, how come you aren't laughing?"
The query of the animatronic vultures went unheard beneath the hyperventilating of a certain Californian as the log began its slow ascent. Wulff and Silent's faces were beaming. They had never seen Guy so panicked. Nearly everything through the ride had spooked him- the drops, the surreal setting, the stereotypically southern animatronic animals. Pure. Horror.
"It's just a fifty foot drop, Guy," Silent said smugly. "The worst that'll happen is you'll get drenched."
Guy's eyes bugged at the thought. "I can't get water on me! Black people can't swim! I nearly drowned in a bowl of tomato soup last week!" His compatriots erupted in silent giggles and Guy shot them another of his (now nearly perfected) dirty looks. They neared the summit.
---
It's rather difficult to believe, but in this grand world, there are those who would prefer the more mundane options of entertainment offered to them, given a choice. These four friends were of that sad group of humans. Rynjin, Moby, Doopliss, and Bernkastel, fatuiged after a mere hour of wonder and merriment in Disneyland, had decided to spend the remainder of the day prowling Downtown Disney. Severely fatuiged and ready for sleep, the briefly stopped at their last store of the day.
"Seriously, Bern. There's better ice cream to be had than Häagen-Dazs, It's overpriced and I'm pretty sure that I read that they use human breast milk," grumbled the overtired Rynjin at Bernkastel, who was occupied in purchasing a cone from the automated store. The cast members seemed to have taken to staying out of sight recently.
"True," chimed in Doopliss, "Never trust food or drink with an umlaut in its name. I had an uncle who drank a mug of German wine one time. He woke up the next morning a fascist. No one likes a Fascist, Bern. Except maybe the Commander, but who cares about him?"
Bernkastel took a few licks of the gigantic ice cream in her hands before turning and grinning at his compatriots. "Sorry, I can't hear you over all this ice cream." She paused again to lick some hot fudge off of his finger. "We all know who the real winner is here, and it's the witch with 1,500 calories of heaven in their hands."
"Whatever, let's just get to the busses. I'm dead on my feet from all the browsing I did at the Disney Store. That place is friggin' huge," groaned Moby as he stretched his back and began to work on cracking his knuckles. "Ugh, I still have to clean the bowling alley when we get back."
Rynjin followed Moby's lead. "Yeah, let's get out of here. The exit's right over there and I really need to leave this place behind. I spent too much at the Rainforest Cafe'."
"Time or money?" Doopliss inquired.
"Both," replied Rynjin as the group approached the entry to the main courtyard, just past which the busses were lying in wait.
