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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My75o38w8Ys Holy shit I never noticied the resemblance

Was like, he had a microwave oven on his torso or he was a giant mustached microwave he said something like "jacob i hurts me to say this so late in your life but i'm actually a microwave" and then just turned into a microwave with no human features I guess the microwave is your dad's spirit animal

evilbrain is this u

Had a dream last night where I discovered that my dad (in-dream only) had mapped out some kind of important genome before his death. As I was going to tell someone, my music director came and held everyone hostage because he wanted the research.

"Hey Carl, what are you doing?" "Nothing much bro, just stabbing you in the head." "Neat."

jesus christ how horrifying

There are 3 Spies that get captured. One spy is French, one is German and the other is Italian. Their captors come into the cell and grab the French spy and tie his hands behind a chair in the next room. They torture him for 2 hours before he answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets. The captors throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair as well and torture him for 4 hours before he tells them what they want to know. They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. They tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing. 4 hours go by and the spy isn't talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they finally give up and throw him back into the cell. The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk. The Italian spy responds, " I wanted to!, but I couldn't move my hands!".

why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is. Why do orphans play tennis? It's the only time they get love What is worse than getting your keys stuck inside your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger. A woman is having a baby in a hospital, when there is suddenly complications. As soon as the baby us out, the doctors rush it down the hall. Hours later, a doctor comes walking back into the room, with the baby in arms. "Congratulations, it's a beatifuWOOAH.." and slips on some water, flinging the baby out the 4th floor window. "YOU'VE KILLED MY BABY!!!" the mother screamed. "Ahh April Fools!" he laughed, "It was dead already."

Another of these comics that add women in underwear because the joke isnt good enough.

www.spufpowered.com is a really good forum

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General. As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America." The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?" The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called 'Star Trek' and in it there is... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on 'Star Trek'. The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered in his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future..."