Because the goal is to move the ball down the field in units measured in yards, which is part of the greatest measuring system in the world, the Imperial unit system that includes feet.
So I guess for people like you living in that indiscernible blob of continents and islands known as "Not America" it would be called Meterball. Oh wait, I forgot you're all illitarite commies so you'd probably spell it "Metreball" or something gay like that.
I mean... Welcome! the kool aid is 100% safe. I promise.
Excuse me, she is neither cardboard nor kardashian. If I were to have an unhealthy relationship with a paper woman it wouldn't be one that awful. No I'd go with someone who had a little more class, like Betty White.
So I found an app for the ipod that lets you make your own Pokemon, and then upload them to your DS.
BRB, making a shiny Magikarp with Judgment, Sacred Fire, Giga Impact and Hyper Beam.
Gather round children. I'm here to share with you messed up stories about my life because I'm bored, everyone seemed to like that bit about me puking on the bus, and feel like getting these written down somewhere. I'll post more after this one if anyone wants but for right now how about a short one.
That one time I made a celebrity hate me on a personal level:
Once upon a time in the mystical city of Atlanta, I was attending Dragoncon. Dragoncon is a special time of year when tens of thousands of nerds pack themselves into Atlanta's most expensive hotels for a 4 day long party that ends in a week regretting it. Now Dragoncon is not the stereotypical Sci-Fi convention the media shows you, in fact if you were passing it on the street, you'd swear it was the world's largest Halloween frat party.
Saturday night of the convention things were beginning to wind down (or the closest thing to "winding down" the convention offers) and I felt the need for a nap before more party hopping, having already been to about 12 that night and consuming close to my weight in booze. I stumbled my way to the Mariott hotel where some friends were staying to grab some floor space to sleep off my 27th drink. It was about 4 AM at the time so the wait for an elevator was fairly quick (Only 15 minutes!) and as it arrived to the lobby floor I was amazed to see only one other person on the elevator someone who looked very familiar but I couldn't place why, being incredibly drunk wasn't helping this either.
Now where have I seen this guy before?
That's right, I had stumbled upon Eric Estrada. While riding the elevator from the lobby to the 46th floor I started staring at him trying to place where I knew him from and then it hit me "OMG are you Eric Estrada!?".
You cannot imagine the amount of smugness that wiped across this mans face, as if I was about to beg for an autograph that could be sold on Ebay for thousands of dollars. "Yes I am." he replied. Then there was a moment of silence as I continued awkwardly staring at him, after realizing I was just standing there staring like some creepy stalker the first thought I had fell out of my mouth...
"That sucks..." I replied
Another awkward moment of silence as I see he is getting offended. After realizing what I had said I broke into hysterical laughter then after realizing how horrible the fact that I was laughing at how much it sucks to be him was I instantly felt terrible and stared at the floor for the remainder of our 50 story elevator ride while desperately trying to avoid eye contact.
In the next adventures of Splosion:
Doc Hammer: Why you should hate him as a human being!
Voltaire: You're career is dead, accept it already. (AKA that other time I made a celebrity hate me on a personal level)
That one time my best friend got hit on by a 90 year old woman.
The fridge is for beer, Lettuce goes in the sock drawer.
And more!
Part 2
No amount of struggling was going counter the effects of the tofu. The pussy virus was already flowing through our veins. Corvette even started to grow miniature vaginas all over his face, since he just had to have a second steak, and the extra tofu was turning him into a literal pussy. We were stuck just laying there with no hope in sight, then Corvette said something we should have thought of instantly "What would Bruce Campbell do?" That was it, the answer was before us the whole time. Then in unison, we yell out "A training montage with lots of close ups and jump cuts followed by an awesome catch-phrase at the end!!!"
*Cue training montage music*
We did thirty solid minutes of training montages, and we slowly but surely got our strength back each time the imaginary camera cut back to us. After we spouted off our manly catch-phrases, we were fully healed of the pussy virus. I went for the classic "Groovy," while Corvette, Rammite, and Magickus went for an "All for one and one for all" type deal, but with dragon dildos instead of swords. Thanks to the power of training montages, when we were done, we were even more buff and manly than we were before Guy had poisoned us.
"How are we going to catch up to Guy, he has a good thirty minutes on us?" Corvette asked stroking his chin. "Better yet, how are we going to find the legendary hooker tree without Joe Walsh's 'Rocky Mountain Way' to lead the... way" I asked before being interrupted by Magickus. "Air band." That was all Magickus had to say, because in that second we knew exactly what we had to do, and we all started air rocking as hard as humanly possible.
The power of the air band started making Joe Walsh's "Rocky Mountain Way" play all around us, and then we even started floating into the air. The harder we rocked, the faster we flew up into the sky. Soon we were flying faster than we could have ever climbed at even our fastest pace. "At this rate we'll catch up to Guy" Rammite said stopping his air rocking for a brief second. "Just keep your focus on playing those drums, Rammy baby." I said while doing my wicked awesome guitar solo.
It didn't take long before we saw the peak of the mountain grow closer and closer. Though, when we got to the top, we saw that we were in fact too late. The hooker tree had been cut down, and Binary was standing there with axe in hand. Before any of us could comment, Magickus pulled out that grape drink margarita he had brought with him. "Is that what I think it is" Guy said not breaking eye contact with the grape drink margarita. "Indeed it is, Guy. I knew your Mexican half was going to betray us, so I planned ahead." Magickus said throwing the grape drink margarita off the side of the mountain. Guy then jumped after the grape drink margarita yelling "GRAAAAPPPEEEE DRRRIIINNNKKK!!!"
Without Guy to protect him, Binary was defenseless. We all started to close in on Binary to get our revenge. "One step closer and I'll use this." Binary said revealing that he had a copy of Twilight. "No, not that, anything but that." I cried out in pure fear. Rammite did some quick thinking and pulled out a dragon dildo and threw it like a javelin into Binary's mouth. The dragon dildo blocked his airways, and Binary was soon choking to death. After a couple of minutes of spasming on the ground, Binary was dead. Corvette then kicked his body off of the mountain, and watched it vanish from sight.
After a while, the realization that the hooker tree had been cut down set in, and our feeling of victory turned into defeat. "Was this quest just a waste of time" Rammite said wiping a single manly tear from his eye. We just stood there in silence for at least a good minute until we heard a loud voice coming from down the mountain. "Who dares cut down my hooker tree." The voice said getting closer and louder. It wasn't long before the mystery voice revealed its self, because before us stood Joe Walsh.
"It wasn't us, it was an angry midget named Binary who cut down your tree." I said trying to reason with Joe Walsh. "Where is this angry midget then, all I see four buff dudes?" Joe Walsh questioned. "Dammit Corvette, why did you have to push his body off the mountain?" Magickus said punching Corvette in the shoulder. "You dare try and fool Joe Walsh? For that you'll die!" Joe Walsh said shooting lightning from his finger tips. We all fell to the ground in pain, and we were sure that we were going to die.
That was until Guy came out of nowhere, and jumped on Joe Walsh's back. "Guy, I thought you had betrayed us." Magickus said still paralyzed from the lightning. "You forget that I'm also half black, which means I have to sacrifice myself in the last moment to save a bunch of white people." Guy said forcing Joe Walsh closer to the edge of the mountain. Rammite using his last bit of strength threw his last remaining dragon dildo to Guy. "Dragon dildos, my only weakness" Joe Walsh cried out in fear. Guy then stabbed the dragon dildo into Joe Walsh's heart, and they both fell off the mountain.
We crawled our way over to the edge of the mountain, and there we saw the dead bodies of Guy and Joe Walsh smashed upon the rocks. "No hooker tree and three people died all because of this stupid man quest." Corvette said dropping to his knees. "No wait, we never needed the hooker tree in the first place. There are plenty of hookers for us to pay for sex that don't grow on trees." I said in a moment of clarity. "He's right, maybe it's more about the journey than the destination anyways." Rammite said slowly standing to his feet. We then held hands and skipped down the mountain together, and Binary, Guy, and Joe Walsh were never heard from again.
Then we all got laid, expect for Dualjay, who died in a semen lube based fire, since Rammite had tied him up in that bondage device, and he couldn't escape. THE END!!!
:pinkiegasm:
Magickus reacted to kayohgee in Superbowl XLVIII
Magickus got a reaction from Just a Gigolo in Stamda's art dump