Fret not, Hertz old boy. I shall use my expertise in gentlemanly facial hair to provide you with a moustache, free of charge.
Let's see now...for someone of your rather...unique complexion...I believe a classic handlebar moustache would be most suitable. I shall affix it to your face, like so...oh, for goodness sake, please do try to hold still, mister Hertz! We're nearly finished.
And now the final touch: A simple, but dignified, top hat.
All done, mister Hertz! Behold your new, gentlemannly image!
What do you say, Hertz? Does this not capture the refined gentle mann you see inside yourself? Wear this avatar with pride, old chap.