TheOnlyGuyEver

Abraham Lincoln.

Abraham Lincoln.

Abraham Lincoln.

I wrote that article because I'm hoping to convince my professor to add Half-Life to the syllabus for the Critical Genre Analysis class' section on first-person shooters. I needed to show that everyone in the class could play it for free, hence why I'm covering really basic stuff y'all already know, like installing Steam accounts. You never know with grad students. 

A decade old today 

pwease no derail my thread!
 
I personally don't feel defined by my sexuality but it's okay to be proud of yours! And though I wasn't asking, it's good to hear you're comfortable enough with it!

Inspired by the rare event of below-freezing temperatures today, here is a new character: Siberian Patrol
 

 

 
^^^REALLY proud of this. Feel like I raised the bar for myself here! It's the first detailed drawing of a character I've done beyond doodles and concepts in a while, and FUCK it just looks SWEET! The posing and dimension is spot-on, I feel like! And look at the detail lines to show the curve of the puffy jacket parts! That shit makes it! Man I'm fuckin PSYCHED!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfsOgarSc-Q  youtube does not allow embedding, but fuck, this one is worth posting anyway
"it's fake, it's fake"
"oh well, mine's real"
my sides left the orbit

I swear this style is just like one I saw in some webcomic that I forgot.
 
What I'm saying is, if you wrote a webcomic TOGE, give us a link.

New character doodle: Claire
 

 
She rollerblades. Really proud about that hand holding the remote there. Didn't even take that long and it looks so good! Eat my fuckin improvement, fuckers.

Incase you didn't hear last month, this happened: 
 
 
Allow me to explain the significance of this if you don't understand. In 2002, Bryan Bosshardt, one of the OG gods of Goldeneye speedrunning, set 53 seconds as the world record for the first level of the game, Dam. Before this video happened, over 100 people had matched his world record, over the course of 15 years. It was no small feat, but became the "beginner" WR to aim for. 0:53 was the record for 15 years. People ran the level, no doubt thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of times, maybe even a million times, for 15 years, and could not get any lower than 53 seconds.
 
Eventually it became known that a 52 was theoretically possible through TAS, but because it was TAS, it was virtually impossible that a man could actually do it. But Karl Jobst is no man. He is a god.
 
In the above run, Karl Jobst, after 250 hours of playing Dam, has the fucking planets align under a blue moon on a white Christmas in July. So many things went right in this run. A boost is when a guard propels you forward by shooting you. On Dam, getting 1 boost is semi-rare. Getting 2 is rare. Getting 3 boosts is fucking mega-rare. Karl only had 3 runs throughout the entire 250 hours where he had 3 boosts. And in one of those 3 boost runs, the big metal gate, which still nobody knows what affects the speed of it opening, opened fast (the fastest gate that he had ever seen, he said), AND he got a perfect shot on the lock, which is often where people choke runs, AND the alarm went off late (after he shot the lock) which prevents soldiers from coming out and causing lag. All these things lining up ONCE in the course of 250 hours, combined with the razor-thin perfection of his strafing, finally got a time which was just BARELY a 52. Like if he were as little as 2 or 3 frames slower, it would have been a 53 instead, and Karl would've been in for another 250 hours of Dam. Karl basically human-TAS'd Dam in what was literally the perfect run, after 15 years of culminated attempts from the entire Goldeneye speedrunning community.
 
I absolutely do not think that anybody is ever going to get a Dam 52 anytime soon again. The chance of all the RNG lining up so perfectly combined with having perfect movement is so unbelievably fucking minuscule, I think it's going to be many years until a Dam run this perfect happens again to the right player. 15 years. 250 hours on a 53 second level. 1 Dam 52.

Incase you didn't hear last month, this happened: 
 
 
Allow me to explain the significance of this if you don't understand. In 2002, Bryan Bosshardt, one of the OG gods of Goldeneye speedrunning, set 53 seconds as the world record for the first level of the game, Dam. Before this video happened, over 100 people had matched his world record, over the course of 15 years. It was no small feat, but became the "beginner" WR to aim for. 0:53 was the record for 15 years. People ran the level, no doubt thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of times, maybe even a million times, for 15 years, and could not get any lower than 53 seconds.
 
Eventually it became known that a 52 was theoretically possible through TAS, but because it was TAS, it was virtually impossible that a man could actually do it. But Karl Jobst is no man. He is a god.
 
In the above run, Karl Jobst, after 250 hours of playing Dam, has the fucking planets align under a blue moon on a white Christmas in July. So many things went right in this run. A boost is when a guard propels you forward by shooting you. On Dam, getting 1 boost is semi-rare. Getting 2 is rare. Getting 3 boosts is fucking mega-rare. Karl only had 3 runs throughout the entire 250 hours where he had 3 boosts. And in one of those 3 boost runs, the big metal gate, which still nobody knows what affects the speed of it opening, opened fast (the fastest gate that he had ever seen, he said), AND he got a perfect shot on the lock, which is often where people choke runs, AND the alarm went off late (after he shot the lock) which prevents soldiers from coming out and causing lag. All these things lining up ONCE in the course of 250 hours, combined with the razor-thin perfection of his strafing, finally got a time which was just BARELY a 52. Like if he were as little as 2 or 3 frames slower, it would have been a 53 instead, and Karl would've been in for another 250 hours of Dam. Karl basically human-TAS'd Dam in what was literally the perfect run, after 15 years of culminated attempts from the entire Goldeneye speedrunning community.
 
I absolutely do not think that anybody is ever going to get a Dam 52 anytime soon again. The chance of all the RNG lining up so perfectly combined with having perfect movement is so unbelievably fucking minuscule, I think it's going to be many years until a Dam run this perfect happens again to the right player. 15 years. 250 hours on a 53 second level. 1 Dam 52.

Incase you didn't hear last month, this happened: 
 
 
Allow me to explain the significance of this if you don't understand. In 2002, Bryan Bosshardt, one of the OG gods of Goldeneye speedrunning, set 53 seconds as the world record for the first level of the game, Dam. Before this video happened, over 100 people had matched his world record, over the course of 15 years. It was no small feat, but became the "beginner" WR to aim for. 0:53 was the record for 15 years. People ran the level, no doubt thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of times, maybe even a million times, for 15 years, and could not get any lower than 53 seconds.
 
Eventually it became known that a 52 was theoretically possible through TAS, but because it was TAS, it was virtually impossible that a man could actually do it. But Karl Jobst is no man. He is a god.
 
In the above run, Karl Jobst, after 250 hours of playing Dam, has the fucking planets align under a blue moon on a white Christmas in July. So many things went right in this run. A boost is when a guard propels you forward by shooting you. On Dam, getting 1 boost is semi-rare. Getting 2 is rare. Getting 3 boosts is fucking mega-rare. Karl only had 3 runs throughout the entire 250 hours where he had 3 boosts. And in one of those 3 boost runs, the big metal gate, which still nobody knows what affects the speed of it opening, opened fast (the fastest gate that he had ever seen, he said), AND he got a perfect shot on the lock, which is often where people choke runs, AND the alarm went off late (after he shot the lock) which prevents soldiers from coming out and causing lag. All these things lining up ONCE in the course of 250 hours, combined with the razor-thin perfection of his strafing, finally got a time which was just BARELY a 52. Like if he were as little as 2 or 3 frames slower, it would have been a 53 instead, and Karl would've been in for another 250 hours of Dam. Karl basically human-TAS'd Dam in what was literally the perfect run, after 15 years of culminated attempts from the entire Goldeneye speedrunning community.
 
I absolutely do not think that anybody is ever going to get a Dam 52 anytime soon again. The chance of all the RNG lining up so perfectly combined with having perfect movement is so unbelievably fucking minuscule, I think it's going to be many years until a Dam run this perfect happens again to the right player. 15 years. 250 hours on a 53 second level. 1 Dam 52.

Incase you didn't hear last month, this happened: 
 
 
Allow me to explain the significance of this if you don't understand. In 2002, Bryan Bosshardt, one of the OG gods of Goldeneye speedrunning, set 53 seconds as the world record for the first level of the game, Dam. Before this video happened, over 100 people had matched his world record, over the course of 15 years. It was no small feat, but became the "beginner" WR to aim for. 0:53 was the record for 15 years. People ran the level, no doubt thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of times, maybe even a million times, for 15 years, and could not get any lower than 53 seconds.
 
Eventually it became known that a 52 was theoretically possible through TAS, but because it was TAS, it was virtually impossible that a man could actually do it. But Karl Jobst is no man. He is a god.
 
In the above run, Karl Jobst, after 250 hours of playing Dam, has the fucking planets align under a blue moon on a white Christmas in July. So many things went right in this run. A boost is when a guard propels you forward by shooting you. On Dam, getting 1 boost is semi-rare. Getting 2 is rare. Getting 3 boosts is fucking mega-rare. Karl only had 3 runs throughout the entire 250 hours where he had 3 boosts. And in one of those 3 boost runs, the big metal gate, which still nobody knows what affects the speed of it opening, opened fast (the fastest gate that he had ever seen, he said), AND he got a perfect shot on the lock, which is often where people choke runs, AND the alarm went off late (after he shot the lock) which prevents soldiers from coming out and causing lag. All these things lining up ONCE in the course of 250 hours, combined with the razor-thin perfection of his strafing, finally got a time which was just BARELY a 52. Like if he were as little as 2 or 3 frames slower, it would have been a 53 instead, and Karl would've been in for another 250 hours of Dam. Karl basically human-TAS'd Dam in what was literally the perfect run, after 15 years of culminated attempts from the entire Goldeneye speedrunning community.
 
I absolutely do not think that anybody is ever going to get a Dam 52 anytime soon again. The chance of all the RNG lining up so perfectly combined with having perfect movement is so unbelievably fucking minuscule, I think it's going to be many years until a Dam run this perfect happens again to the right player. 15 years. 250 hours on a 53 second level. 1 Dam 52.

I made an edit for the rocket to be closer to the point of origin, I think that makes it look slightly better:
 

Very nice! I did something similar once:
 

I actually dreamed I was a 40 year old-looking German doctor. My mercenary days were over and I had retired, living in a nice house, going to the beach regularly. I look pretty good despite actually being about 80 thanks to my awesome technology that I'm now vaguely famous for. I don't have kids or anything but I am friendly with my neighbours and their two kids. One day, I get a call from Spy. He's visiting someone or other and wants to visit me. I'm taking the kids down to the beach, and Spy decides he wants to visit me then.
 
Spy looks amazingly well, despite the fact that I know he's not been using my technology and all that. The weather is weird, oddly cloudy and windy, even though it's August. But the wind picks up and I think there's an earthquake and lightning too. Everyone on the rather packed beach runs into a bunch of shelters. The kids go with a younger friend of my neighbours, while I help someone who's got all tangled up in something. I find myself in an old storage room full of old arcade amusement thingies. Spy is there too.
 
Suddenly Spy stabs me and I find I can't move. He says he wants to take my body. Because somehow my body is nicer than his body. Keeping in mind that I'm an 80 year old who looks like a 40 year old. He sticks something in my neck and I start seeing his memories. Over the last 4 years, he has been using natural disasters as a cover for stealing people's bodies, transferring his mind into a new body then leaving his old body in the wreckage.
 
I fight back, as best I can. A door breaks down and Heavy comes rampaging in, and Spy somehow makes me attack him. Turns out Heavy is aware of the shit Spy has been up to. Heavy breaks my arms then knocks Spy out, pausing his mind transfer thingy.
 
Heavy then carries me to what looks like an old part of the map Koth_King, and Engineer and Demoman are there. Demo is more robot than human and he and Heavy beat the shit out of Spy while Engy fixes me up. Before long, I'm fine (apart from the broken arm), but Spy disappears, never to be seen again.

FBIce cream truck

Mannnn, fuckin shitty bullshit dream last night. So I was making a pizza, right? Some dude knocks on my door. I vaguely recognize him as one of my brother's old school friends, though I don't think he actually was. Dude whips out a switchblade and starts shanking me, piece a shit. Had to force the shank from his hand and drive him outta the house with it, then I called 911 and woke up. Guess dream-911 is just going back to the real world where you're not shanked.
 
Didn't even get to eat the pizza...

Ban Abbicus.

FBIce cream truck

Mannnn, fuckin shitty bullshit dream last night. So I was making a pizza, right? Some dude knocks on my door. I vaguely recognize him as one of my brother's old school friends, though I don't think he actually was. Dude whips out a switchblade and starts shanking me, piece a shit. Had to force the shank from his hand and drive him outta the house with it, then I called 911 and woke up. Guess dream-911 is just going back to the real world where you're not shanked.
 
Didn't even get to eat the pizza...

The Phoviverse is basically a stupid fictional universe with a bunch of non-human species. The stories are convoluted, the characters are bat shit insane, the locations are poorly fleshed out and Death has massive tits.
 
I've been wondering when to post this. I put off posting this last year because 1. I was mostly in a bad mood, and 2. a lot of my current story arcs were all kinda... deep? It was either tantrums between the three main deities, somewhat boring political banter or all the stupid deranged magic stuff that a certain someone was working on.
 
But now it's the new year and I've tied up most of the loose ends from 2017 and started with some much more down to earth story arcs, featuring nicer characters and shit that's easier to understand. The Happy Cold follows Psiksi, a former super-soldier sort of guy starting a new job as a gladiator fighter, while Gath and Retvik's Mini Adventure is basically me doing something I should have done for the couple ages ago. I also hope to flesh out some more species and locations in the near future.
 
It's worth mentioning that almost every story occurs on or around the day it was written, unless specified otherwise. So if you really wanted to, you could start on page 40 of my Stories section and read everything in chronological order from there. I wouldn't recommend it though.