I left a towel outside to dry but I forgot it's January and now it's frozen. On the plus side a frozen towel looks really fucking cool, but on the downside I have a frozen towel
I left a towel outside to dry but I forgot it's January and now it's frozen. On the plus side a frozen towel looks really fucking cool, but on the downside I have a frozen towel
Black Mesa Disaster: A Blue Shift Story
the author – hi peoples! I don't own Half Life, but Valve does. Maybe I'll get a plumber job.
This is my first video game fanfic, I already wrote some comics fic, but, video game fics are cool too. You don't have a lot of plot to deal with, but you can put different things. Half life is my favorite game, after deus ex heheh! Maybe I do some Deus ex fanfic in the future, but, for now, have a good HALF LIFE! ;)
Barney Calhoun's frind John Nalicious was patrolling Black Mesa's Scientific lab when it all happened. Monster invaded the complex and started to eat all of his colleagues. John didn't know what to do, 'cause he was just a guard and had no training battling aliens.
"Barney oh my god, there are monster everywhere!"
"Calm down John, we will get out of here"
Them John walked on a elevator but when Barney were coming in, it started to movu upwards.
"BARNEY!"
"JOHN! BE calm, will catch you up thre"
John didn't knew but monsters activated the elevator to eat him. Barney them started to run stairs up to catch John and don't let him die. But headcrabbs were on the way.
"Shit, what are these things?!" Barney shoot them with his handgun and theirs inners organs exploded like a meat pie. "You monster!"
Johns elevator was reaching the to end of the facility and he could hear monsters groulling for his fleash.
"Ahhhh, they gonna kill, I must do something!" cried John. He look to the ground of the elevator and started to shoot his gun, opening a hole. "This is my escapeway!" so John entered the hole. But there was nowhere to jump, only the elevator shaft.
The elevator them reached the last floor. "I'm fucked!" thought John. "Where the fuck is Barney?! That bastard!" John them saw some cables beneath the elevator, so he grabbed one of the cables and waited. The door opened.
"GGRRRUUHHAAAAAAA!" the monster entered and started to smell his scent. "What I'm going to do?". The monster them followed the smell. It was an alien slave. John saw his foot when it passed over the hole. "It's my time!" he grabbed the moster foot and pulled him on the hole
"UAAAARRRRGHHHHHH!" and John threw him on the hole, to his final fate. "I'm saved.", but when John got out of the hole, a headcrabb was there, and it jumped on his face "UUNNNNPPPHHHHH!" The headcrabb started to eat his nose, ejacullating acid on his eyes melting them in a mixture of blood, pus and rotten acid liquid. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH my eyes, I can't see!" The john picked his gun and shoot the headcrabb on the head. "BAM!"
He them started to touch the walls to guide himself thru the complex. He had no eyes anymore. But he was down on his luck, a barnacle was well over him and it's tongue caught John. "What's this crap?!" john started to shoot in every direction, but only when the barnacle caught his leg he knew where it was. Whit his leg on the barnacles mouth, John stated to fire his gun on it. The monster expeled toxic wate thru the bullet holes, and they caught on johns hair. "MY HAIR MY GOD I'm BALDING!" the John shoot the thing for good and felt on the grond. The barnacle had eaten his left leg, but luckly, his gastric juices stanched the blood loss.
John them started to drag himself, not knowing what was before him. He lost much bllod but he was strong, very strong. "What should I do?" John thought not know the zombie walking on his way. The Zombie started to pull its pants of, and his rotten penis was hangin' on his pelvis like a dead crow's corpse. The zombie them managed to pull his meber on John's ass. "AHHHH, MY BUTT!" John tried to fire, but had no more bullets. The zombie went on with his evil intent, juggling his dead rod inside's John now rolled up ass. Blood was sprailling al over the zombie rotten body, but John didn't knew that it was a zombie driling him. "Is it you Barney?" no response, but John tried to free himself from the monster shaking his body and his butt. That didn't quite work, because the monster got more excitted. After ten minuter of thrusting the moster reached his climax and them, ejaculated inside John.
"AHHHHHHHHH, my fucking ASS!" the cum inside John was pure cautic acid, and it started to consume him inside out, destroing his internal organs. But John was lucky that day, because the monster was too exausted and satisfied it fell dead aover John. This monster's cum isn't something normal because it's elastic. If he lived the cum would glue itself inside john and the two were destined to be glued forever. But the monster died with a lot of contractions on his penis, this caused the cum to turn back inseide the zombie's body.
John had no eyes, no leg, and no rectum anymore, but he managed to continue on his jorney towards salvation. The problem was that he coudln't keep his feces inside his body anymore, so they started to let and trail of shit where John has passed. He knew it was dangerous, but he wouldnt letany monsters track him.
John was dragging himself when he heard a sound. "It's people!" he went to help them. Them, the people started to scream "Oh my god, the zombies are rapping everyone!" cried a scientist. Them, this same scientist got penetrated by a headcrab, whom managed to enter his rectum and move inside his frail body. Them, it got out thru the mouth. He died.
John started to move faster and faster, but it was too late, everyone of the three hundread scientist hidding were rapped to death by the zombies. All of the zombies died, noted John. "Apparently they are weak against human's ass." John had an idea. He must find enough asses, so the monsters eat them all and die from extreme pleasure. But where he could find a lot of asses?
He them remembered a machine they were testing at a lab. He went there fighting monster allong the way. He got better at fighting, knowing where to shoot the monster right into the weak spot. He them found the lab. "This is the place they replicate organic matter."
John managed to pull the controlers and activated the machine. He must be quick, because all monsters are following his shit trail towards the lab. He had little time left. So he activated the machine and put the command: "Make two million copies."
John entered the machine. It started to make copies of himself! Them the monsters arrived and destroied the doors to the lab. But John was lucky, because his living copies where being ejected from the machine at an high rate per second. The monsters liked, and started making out with the Johns. The were all nude, because the machine only copied organic matter. But it doesn't matter, it worked. All the monsters started to die in pleasure and lust, and the johns too. But John knew he saved Black Mesa, because he had a physics degree, and his calculus were exact.
There was no monster anymore, John killed them all with his copies. He could even pick one leg and a pair of eyes from one of the john that were still alive. He would be a new man again. Barney them enterd the room.
"John, you're alive! Thank God"
"You're late Barney, I almost died!"
"Oh my god John a headcrab got you, don't it?"
"Yes but, why's that"
Barney shoot him in the head and killed John before he could turn into a zombie. But Barney knew he woudln't be arrest, there was a clone john left.
"Hey cloned John, wanna a job?"
"What kind partner?"
"Security guard"
"Well, this place is a mess. Okay, the janitors that are going to clean everything, don't they?"
"Yeah John, ha ha ha, you was born with a good sense of humor, just like John."
Them, they all lived happily ever after. Clone John got a job, Barney got a promotion, and Black Mesa cleaned the mess. The other suriving Johns got janitor jobs, but they were happy, they have clothes now.
Had a wild one a couple of nights ago.
I was on a plane watching Conan the Barbarian, except with Robert De Niro replacing Arnie. He wore a tuxedo throughout the film. But then I turned around and Arnie was on the plane as well, and it turned out I was in a film the whole time, and that the plot of the bigger film was that Arnie saw De Niro being Conan and had to go back in time to get it right. Arnie looked at the camera and said something like "we'll have to go... BACK IN TIME" and then I woke up
Do u know wot a thespian si? Would u say thespian or thesbian? wot kind of grudges do u ahve?
wot si nine times six?
To kill or not to kill a mockingbird? Tequila or not tequila mockingbird?
Which Impossible Quiz can help u find hidden meanings? Why did teh Mexican push his wife off of a cliff?
wot fi I nailed my finger to a birdhouse accidentally? wot fi I dropped my phone? Or encountered my clone? wot fi I get mononucleosis? wot fi my house got foreclosed? wot fi I had a cat, n it exploded? wot fi I woke up in a trunk? wot fi my best friend went steampunk? wot fi I met real pirates? wot fi there was an awkward silence? wot fi I say something unintentionally racist? wot fi I was an adult with braces? wot fi I can't swim? wot fi I am visited by Mr. Timn? wot fi I fed teh troll? wot fi I'm being attacked by a narwhal? wot fi teh apocalypse started? wot fi I ahve a recurring dream where teh world runs out of bacon?
Which person do u think will do teh next AMA?
r brains better than brawn? Bread, melons, or lemons?
Would u give Fimmian a sweet roll in exchange for calming pants in real life? Would u care to donate to Sheogorath's brain pie?
wot would happen fi Pinnochio said, "My nose si going to grow now."? fi Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, how did it fall off? fi teh opposite of sky si earth, n teh opposite of rim si middle, then si Middle Earth teh opposite of Skyrim? Do seagulls ahve better-looking legs than chickens? si Doctor Who better than Tony Stark?
Can u make a picture of a Toa in a toga getting towed by a toad in a toe themed tow truck?
Why don't people understand that I get more information from teh answers to these question than just teh answers? [/cspoiler]
how to turn off nudity? hello everyone,
today i was running around and i see jiggling wee wees everywhere. now i was showing grandfather this game and he think i homoman. how can i turn off nude picture in game?
your friend, waht16
I dreamt that we had four full gallons of milk in the fridge, then I woke up. I checked the fridge and found only a half gallon and for a split second I thought "Who drank all the fucking milk?"
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